Wondering how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you? In this guide, you’re going to learn everything you need to know about this topic.
We’ll start off by exploring what tends to be going on in an emotionally unavailable guy’s mind, what he’s looking for in a relationship and how to show him that you’re potential girlfriend material.
Then, we’ll dive into when to make him chase, why it’s important and how to do it. Finally, we’ll explore how you know this strategy is working and when it’s better to say goodbye.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping my clients make better connections with the important people in their life. That’s why I’m excited to share this guide with you.
So, let’s dive in.
To make an emotionally unavailable guy fall in love with you, it’s important to understand what makes him different from the other men you meet. So, let’s explore exactly what that is.
An emotionally unavailable man is someone who struggles to embrace or show their emotions. This is most common with a man falling in love. In most cases, he’ll fight those emotions, turn cold or pull away from the woman he likes, rather than embrace his genuine feelings.
The most common signs of emotional unavailability are:
- They don’t open up about how they are feeling;
- They rarely show genuine affection in their words or actions;
- Their mood is unpredictable;
- They are emotionally distant;
- They play silly mind games in a relationship;
Of course, this is relatively common on a first date and during the initial conversations beyond that. But, with an emotionally unavailable dude, it will continue on throughout the time you spend together.
You won’t feel stability in a relationship with this type of guy. That rollercoaster is often what draws many women towards them. However, a relationship like this quickly becomes exhausting and detrimental to a woman’s self-esteem.
The only long-term solutions are to make him chase your affection (and thus show some emotion towards you) or to walk away from the relationship entirely. We’ll explore when both options are suitable towards the end of this article.
There are many reasons why emotionally unavailable people become this way. However, the most common and broad answer is that they have been hurt by someone they loved in the past.
This could have been in a previous romantic relationship, or perhaps in their relationship with their parents.
Either way, the pain from being betrayed like this can be so traumatic that it makes men and women shut down when new people try to get close to them.
Often, this behavior is subconscious. Perhaps the emotionally available dude sees what he’s doing, but they don’t understand why. Maybe he knows exactly what he’s refusing to emotionally commit, but he won’t tell you.
Either way, while the trauma from past experiences is difficult to erase, it is possible. It might just take a little longer to completely trust you.
His behavior might lead you to ask yourself: “can this man fall in love?”
The answer is: Yes! Emotionally unavailable men fall in love a lot. However, they make a decision to supress these strong feelings to protect themselves.
Oftentimes, this prevents them from forming a loving relationship. In their minds, that’s OK. Because it prevents them from going through the pain of loving someone with all their heart and losing them.
In many ways, your pursuit of an emotionally unavailable dude will be similar to the pursuit of a shy squirrel. Go in too fast and they’ll run away. Here are some crucial steps to take.
4. Show That You’re His Friend
If you want someone to open up, you need to show that you’re a nice person who has their best interests at heart. You’re not some horrible scorpion woman who will laugh and abandon him, the moment he shows the first sign of vulnerability.
5. Don’t Pressure Him Too Much
A newbie horse rider doesn’t want to gallop, until he’s completely comfortable trotting. If the horse only gallops, he’ll stay well away for fear of falling hard and hurting himself. Similarly, if you’re pressuring this man to move forward too quickly in your relationship, he’s going to want to abandon the mission completely.
6. Don’t Talk About The Future
This is a form of putting pressure on him that’s particularly scary. To keep the horse-riding analogy, the idea of riding for hours and hours is terrifying, when a man doesn’t know if he wants to ride it all. For now, just focus on making him comfortable in the saddle now.
7. Open Up To Him
If you want a man to open up to you, go first. When you open up about your own emotions and your own secrets from your own life, that’s a great way to build trust.
8. Show You Can Live Without Him
That’s a great way to release the pressure from the situation. The nervous horse-rider is more likely to jump on the saddle when he knows he can get off, without anyone making a huge fuss about it.
Here are the two main things that this guy will need to make a relationship work.
It can get frustrating when a man is dilly-dallying over his emotional commitment to you. You may feel like you need to start pushing him to show his love to you more blatantly. But that’s likely to scare him away. This guy needs a woman who is patient enough to move forward at his pace.
Sometimes, this guy will need his own space to process his feelings, so he doesn’t get overwhelmed by the speed of the relationship. Don’t be the woman who clings to him and demands all of his attention.
Instead, give him space to live his own life and trust that he will come back to you when he’s ready.
We’ve explored how to act to make an emotionally unavailable man fall in love with you. Now, let’s add some practical tips on what to say to him.
12. Be Honest About What You Want
There’s nothing wrong with reassuring this guy about how much you like him. In fact, it’s always nice to hear.
It’s also great to tell him what you want in your future, whether that’s a long-term relationship or someone who’s happy to keep things casual and enjoy each other’s company on the weekends.
The important thing is: how you say it.
So many women talk about their desires in a tone that makes men feel pressured to conform to their expectations straight away.
It’s absolutely possible for you to do this, while making it clear that there’s no rush for any of those things that you want. When a man is emotionally unavailable, it’s crucial that you do this.
If you need your partner to be a consistent texting buddy, this isn’t the guy. You’re going to need to be especially patient when it comes to your digital communications.
This is the type of guy who feels the need to play games through texting, perhaps by waiting an especially long time to answer your messages.
Don’t panic. This is where you give him space. Don’t send him multiple messages demanding his attention. Don’t pry too deeply into what he’s up to. Don’t constantly mention his lack of speed at replying to your messages.
Be patient and let him get back to you when he’s ready.
We’ve discussed what an emotionally unavailable man needs to make a relationship work, but what about what you need?
Boundaries are key to a healthy relationship. If you don’t set any, you’re going to end up so frustrated in your relationship. You’ll put yourself in danger of being used as a doormat. Plus, this guy will have no motive to ever chase your affection.
Essentially, without boundaries, it’s going to be difficult for you to ever have the loving and passionate relationship you desire with this guy.
The key to this lies in negotiation strategy more than relationship advice. A great tip is to ‘seek to understand before being understood’.
You might say: “I understand that you’re going through some emotional issues, but I need you to do THIS, so I don’t feel like THIS. Can you do that for me?”
Ultimatums are rarely a good negogation strategy for emotoinally unavailable people, but this guy does need to know the potential consequences of his actions.
“If you can’t do THIS or THIS, it’s going to be really difficult for me to want to be with you.”
The first step to making a man miss you is to be an awesome girlfriend and important person in his life. That’s why we spent time exploring all the things an emotionally unavailable man needs. He won’t miss or chase a woman who he’s not that excited about.
The second step is to give him space whenever he’s frustrating you with his emotional unavailability.
Most women push harder when their love interest isn’t giving them the emotional bond they crave. This pushes emotionally distant men further away.
He needs to fear losing you, more than he fears falling in love with you. That’s the only reason he’ll find the bravery to get over these insecurities.
But he’ll never fear losing you if you don’t give him the space to miss you. You need to be brave enough to give him that space and trust he’ll come back.
The no contact rule is most commonly mentioned as a method of getting your ex back. It’s a powerful way of making them miss you. It’s also great for helping women forget the exes they don’t want back.
On top of that, this strategy is highly recommended when an emotionally unavailable man isn’t giving you the emotional connection you need. Rather than chase his affection, wait for him to reach out to you. That creates the fear of loss he needs to start chasing you.
When you engage the no contact rule, this engages a man’s fear of losing you. However, it’s not recommended to ignore him once he does reach out, as this might re-ignite the fear of rejection responsible for his initial emotional withdrawal. In such a case, it’s unlikely he’ll reach out a second time, even if he wants to.
The problem with dating an emotionally unavailable dude is: it’s not always clear if he loves you or not.
This can really mess with your head, particularly if you already have low self-esteem. And so it should! There’s nothing wrong with desiring a visible emotional connection in your relationship.
Still, the reality is: you might have to be more patient for this type of guy to show it.
In the meantime, here are some of the more subtle signs that an emotionally unavailable male really does love you.
18. He Admits His Weaknesses
If this guy admits he struggles with emotional bonding, that’s a telltale sign that he wants you as a part of his life.
He’s bracing you to be patient with him – and is hoping you’ll be able to move forward at a pace he’s comfortable with.
This is an emotionally vulnerable move on his part, so praise him for being brave enough to admit it.
Sadly, a lot of guys who feel the same way aren’t self-aware enough to know why they’re pushing potential lovers away.
19. He’ll Slowly Open Up To You
Emotionally unavailable men want to open up to women they like; they’re just scared.
So, if he opens up to you even just a little, that’s a good sign that he wants to progress into a more stable relationship.
20. Your Opinion Matters To Him
Deep down, emotionally unavailable men don’t want to be this way. They’d much rather be comfortable with both themselves and you.
If a woman he likes suggests steps to help him overcome these fears, he will listen. If he doesn’t see you as an important part of his life, your advice will go in one ear and out the other.
Related: Why Does He Keep Coming Back
There is only so much you can do to help a person open up. Sometimes, an emotionally unavailable person isn’t ready to help themselves. And it’s unfair for you to wait forever.
At some point, it’s going to be best for both of you to cut him off. Here are some tips for how to do that.
21. Focus On What’s Best For Him
Tell him you feel like he needs to go away, be single and decide what he needs to do with his life. Make it clear you’ve made this decision because you want him to be happy.
This way you don’t come across as pushy, demanding or overly critical. Instead, you come across as loving, caring and selfless in your decision-making.
22. Keep The Door Open, While Introducing A Seed Of Doubt
Tell him that he’s welcome to come back if he decides he wants to make things official and commit to you. Add that you hope you’re still available if he does decide that.
Make it clear that it’s difficult for you to part ways, but that you deserve someone who is completely committed to a real relationship, not just a ‘friends with benefits’ situation.
That creates the fear of losing you, while giving him the space and the motive to chase. This is what he needs to break through his fear and go all-in on you.
23. Don’t Wait Up
Once you’ve said your goodbyes, you need to introduce a strict no contact rule. You’re not kidding around. You’re not playing games. You’re not waiting around for him to commit any longer.
During this period, it really is in your best interests to go out and search for someone who wants all of you. This guy had enough time. Now, it’s up to him to fight for you back. If he doesn’t, that’s his loss.
As tempting as it might be to keep him at arms length with the occasional text message, this doesn’t give him the space to miss you or chase you. What’s more, it doesn’t give you the closure to move on.
Ditch the negative mindset of believing he was the only one for you. Confident women are aware of their own value and only want a man who sees that too.
While it’s fine to be patient with emotionally unavailable partners, don’t ever settle for such a man who doesn’t see your true value.
Thanks for reading my guide on how to make an emotionally unavailable man fall in love with you. I hope it helps you understand this aspect of male psychology better.
If you have a question on this topic, feel free to ask it in the comments section. Don’t hesitate or think that your question is too silly. There might be other readers wanting to ask the same thing.
I will spend time answering as many comments as I can.
It will be great to hear from you.