After a relationship turns sour with a guy you’re dating, it can be painful to watch him go. But it also gives you closure.
But what if he suddenly comes back, when he was the one who left in the first place? Here are 21 reasons why men come back months later after a break up.
He Disappeared And Came Back Months Later – Why?
A guy can leave you, and then disappear off the face of the earth. It hurts, but the distance definitely helps in getting over the relationship.
You spend time with friends, get in better shape, even meet a new guy. Suddenly, he’s back on your doorstep.
Are you wondering why men come back months later, when you’re getting over them?
The reasons why men come back months later really depends on the type of guy, relationship, and breakup you’ve had.
1. He’s Not Sure What He Wants
You’ve been having a great relationship with a guy: you start to call him your boyfriend, and dating him makes you happy.
Suddenly he starts getting busy, and not answering your texts and calls for three weeks. Then it turns into a few months.
Once you get over the shock, and accept it, he pops up again, as if you guys are still dating. So why did he leave in the first place?
In a lot of cases, the reason why men come back months later after ghosting is because they got scared of how fast the relationship was moving.
He’s not yet sure whether you’re the one, or if you’re just meant to be friends.
2. He Hasn’t Processed The Breakup
You’ve ended the relationship, and it seems like you’ve both moved on. Then your ex boyfriend comes back after spending so much time away.
It could be because he is still confused over the breakup.
Guys often take a much longer time to process their emotions than women do.
That’s why men come back months later after a breakup. Especially if they realize a mistake they may have made while dating you, and want to make it right.
You’re not obligated to indulge in his closure, especially if you don’t want anything to do with him anymore. This is something he may have to face alone.
3. He Just Wants To Hook Up
Another reason why men come back months later is that they miss the sex.
Even though you’ve been apart, there are likely many nights he spent alone, thinking about how much fun he had with you between the sheets.
After a few months, he might come back to see if he can hook up with you again to recapture that feeling.
It’s likely that he’s not interested in rekindling the relationship, but will just try to get the one thing.
He’ll still try to hook up even if you’re dating a new guy, and will play on your emotions and nostalgia in order to get that quick fix.
If he gets what he wants, he likely will leave again for another few months.
4. He’s Been Working On Himself
After a breakup, many men use the pain of the relationship ending as a signal to improve themselves.
Your ex may be working on becoming a better person, especially if the breakup made him realize that it was a mistake to leave you or break your heart.
Many healthy relationships go through ups and downs, and the next up after a down is why men come back months later, after they start focusing on themselves.
If you’re ready to set some boundaries and accept him back into your life, it could be a beautiful thing.
Every person makes mistakes: it’s what they do after their mistakes that define their character.
5. He Feels Lonely
A long term relationship may feel stifling, and boring, to a guy, but on the other hand, he always has someone there for him.
He may have left because things were too stable and unexciting for him, but after living the single life for a long time, your ex boyfriend will realize that he’s lonely.
He’ll come back, hoping that you’ll provide the comfort and stability of a relationship again.
Maybe it’s not actually about you, and just about how he doesn’t want to be alone, and if you said no, he’ll search for another ex girlfriend.
After some time apart, you’ll hopefully have figured out the pros and cons of dating him, and make a wise decision when he comes back again.
6. He Needs An Ego Boost
A quick ego boost is another possible reason why men come back months later after leaving. He misses how you made him feel in the relationship, how his friends envied him, or even just the high he got from having sex with you.
When he comes back, try to think about what the ratio was of ‘give’ and ‘take’ when you were dating. Was he a boyfriend that just accepted your love in all forms, but didn’t reciprocate?
If he shows no signs of self-awareness or improvement, it’s better to let him go.
Related Article: Emotionally Unavailable Man Keeps Coming Back
7. Pressure From Family And Friends
Did you get along really well with each other’s families while you were in the relationship?
Then a likely reason he comes back after time apart is because his family misses you, and they might be pushing him to make a commitment to you.
In many cultures, the opinion of his family is sacred to a man, so decisions like which person to marry will depend on their blessing.
This is possibly why men come back months later, especially if they are on the older side, and their family pressures them for grandkids.
In some cases, it’s not just family, but mutual friends that really hope and push for you two being together.
8. He Misses The Friendship
Maybe it’s been over a year since you’ve last seen each other. If it’s been that long, and your ex comes back, it might not be because he wants a relationship with you.
Maybe he misses being friends with you, especially if your relationship was built on a solid and unique friendship.
We all need a good friend in life, and if it’s been a long enough time that both of you have moved on, and are dating other people, it shouldn’t be a problem to rekindle the friendship.
If you are dating someone new, make sure that the friendship with your ex doesn’t step on any toes.
9. He’s Realized What He’s Lost
Why men come back months later after a relationship ended is because they often realize what they lost.
He might have worked on himself, traveled and seen the whole world. But in the end, he finds that having you in his life is what made him truly happy.
When truly good men realize they made a mistake, they will make every effort to make it right. When he comes back, don’t just listen to his words, but watch his actions.
Do they reflect a man that is actually working on being a better partner to you? If so, you likely won’t have any regrets if you decide to take him back.
10. His New Relationship Is Not Working Out
Another reason why men come back months later is because their new relationship is not serving them the way their old relationships did.
Perhaps this other woman is wonderful and kind, and they love each other. But he doesn’t get quite the same feeling as he did when he was with you. So he comes to see you, to get back what he missed.
If he’s still dating this woman, and doesn’t want to break up with her, proceed with caution.
Always remind yourself about why he left in the first place, and whether it’s worth it to pursue something with him again.
11. You’re Unattainable, Which Is Very Attractive To Him
After he left, you may have decided to go off the grid, maybe accept a new job, go to a new city, and move on with your life.
You’ve blocked him on all social media profiles, and now he has no idea what is going on with you since he left.
A week ago, he knew your comings and goings, and suddenly he’s been cut off.
A perfectly executed no-contact rule is one of the most likely reasons why men come back months later to check up on a woman they left.
You leave him no messages or breadcrumbs, and that’s why he’ll be wondering what you’re up to, if you’ve moved on with a new guy, or whether you’re waiting for him to come back.
With no source of good intel on you, he’ll realize that in order to find out what’s happening in your life, he’ll have to come back into it.
12. The Bachelor Life Isn’t Working For Him Anymore
He felt trapped being in a monogamous relationship, and wanted a taste of the single life. So he left you in the dust.
But his bachelor lifestyle is not working for him as well as he thought. He’s either lost interest in chasing a new woman every night, or he’s discovered what a desert it is for dating as a man (especially if he uses dating apps).
So he thinks about how good he had it with you, and starts to wonder if he can come back for a second chance.
This insight is often why men come back months later to an old relationship.
13. He Feels Guilty About How He Treated You
Your ex may suddenly feel very guilty about how your relationship ended. He might have made a huge mistake that caused you to split up, and he was slow to realize it.
That’s why it takes him some time to come back and try to right his wrongs.
Are you ready to take him back? If you’ve moved on, just accept his apology and leave him be.
If you still have feelings for him, it might be good to allow him time to show you he’s changed.
He might say he’s sorry for his behavior, but actions speak louder than words.
14. He Genuinely Misses You
A possible reason why men come back months later to a relationship is simply because they miss the other person greatly.
You probably had good reasons to break up, and you don’t see yourselves dating again. Even so, it’s natural to miss someone when you were dating them for a long time.
Everyone moves differently, and they need their own time to process a break-up.
Perhaps you also had a period of missing him a lot, even if he wasn’t the greatest guy.
Accept him appearing again as a normal step in the process and let him go. If it was meant to be, who knows what the future holds.
15. He’s Feeling Nostalgic About The Relationship
While he’s living his everyday life, maybe he hears a song that you always used to sing. Then he gets nostalgic about the good memories of your relationship.
He thinks about how you used to laugh, the things you did together, or the time he met your family.
Time apart can make anyone see a past relationship with rose-tinted glasses.
Why men come back months later is because they often remember only the good things in a past relationship.
They are rarely thinking about what made it turn sour. Maybe reuniting will give you both a good dose of reality for why it didn’t work out in the first place.
16. He Has An Anxious Attachment Style
Another valid reason why men come back months later after leaving a relationship is because they have an anxious attachment style.
Anxious attachment in relationships is characterized by feeling insecure without your partner, and wanting to be around them constantly.
He may not know that he has this kind of attachment, and thinks it’s natural to feel possessive and jealous when you are not in his sight.
A truly healthy relationship has a sense of security and trust. If it’s hard for him to feel this, even when you’ve given him no reason to doubt, he might need professional help before you let him back into your life.
17. He Wants The ‘New You’
You may have been a wreck after the breakup (and maybe even during the relationship), but after some time, you decided to work on yourself, and broke off all contact with your ex.
Moving forward, you’re in a good place. You exude self-confidence, and you feel and look much better!
Suddenly, he comes back, wondering what happened to make you into a more desirable woman. And he wants this new, good woman back!
Following the no contact rule, and working hard on self-improvement is a great combination and often is why men come back months later to an old relationship.
Related Article: Why Do Exes Come Back When You Moved On
18. Being With You Is Comfortable
Another reason why men come back months later is because being in the relationship just makes sense to them.
Your ex realized that being single is scary and uncomfortable. Instead of trying to meet someone new, he goes back to you. Why is that?
Perhaps you are a very giving person, and he took advantage of it. Or maybe he thinks you are an easy target, someone that will take him back readily.
Whatever the case, he comes back months later to go back to a lifestyle of comfort that he had with you.
Look back on what happened to end the relationship, and stand your ground if he needs to back off.
19. He Needs A Favor
Instead of trying to win you back, your ex may come to you because he needs a favor, as friends.
Sometimes, our instincts can be dead wrong. Maybe you were really excited to see him again, and then realize that he’s broke and asking you for a small loan.
This can be disappointing if you expected that he came back to fix your relationship. Remember that you broke up, and you don’t owe him any favors.
And if he hasn’t seen or contacted you for months, can you truly call him a friend?
Unless you’re keen on being his go-to emergency contact, it’s better to cut ties completely.
20. It’s Been Too Long Since You Saw Each Other
He’s been scrolling through his phone, and came upon your number. And he realizes it’s been a long time since you went your separate ways.
He could just be calling you to check if you’re still alive, without any expectations for the relationship. A reason why men come back months later is simply just to check up on their ex lovers.
Or perhaps he’s following the no contact rule. He took some time to figure things out, while getting over you.
Then because he hasn’t seen you in a long time, he makes a point to contact you deliberately and see how you’re doing.
He either wants to prove to himself that he’s over you, or hint at possibly dating again.
21. He Wants To Get Back Together
Perhaps you two weren’t on the same page when you were together the first time. And you broke up for valid reasons.
When your ex partner comes back into your life, perhaps he wants another chance.
Feeling ready to take a real leap into a serious relationship is a reason why men come back months later to a woman they can’t forget.
If you’ve both grown since the breakup, and are ready to move forward together again, him coming back is a good sign that you are ready to rekindle the relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do guys pull away then come back?
Some guys act as if the world revolves around them, selfishly using you for comfort and sex. But then pull away when you want commitment.
Then he realizes what he misses and comes crawling back. There are many reasons why he comes back to you, and often it’s due to selfishness.
When a guy keeps coming back to you what does it mean?
If he has a habit of leaving you and coming back, like a boomerang, it could be for a number of different reasons.
The most important one is that you let him. Check out the article below, and perhaps you’ll find out the real reason.
What makes a man come back after a breakup ?
There are many possible reasons why men come back months later after a breakup. We’ve covered most of the reasons in the list above.
It could be many: he might miss you, or miss the relationship, or miss how you made him feel. Or perhaps the reason is completely platonic.
Why do men come back after no contact?
When you’ve spent time apart for at least 30 days, a man often realizes what he’s missing without you.
And he makes a decision about whether he wants to get back together and fix things, or move on. If he’s contacting you, it’s more likely the former reason.
In this article, we covered 21 possible reasons why men come back months later to their ex.
I hope it was enlightening and informative!
If you enjoyed it, please share it with a friend who needs it, and let me know your thoughts in the comments!