When most breakups happen, it is often considered to be the end of the relationship.
But does it really have to be so?
In today’s article, you will learn all there is to about multiple breakups. You will discover:
- The cause of multiple breakups
- How to know when the breakup is final
- And what to do to get your partner back once and for all.
Let’s dive right in!
Is It Normal To Break Up Multiple Times?
Breakups are nasty and can plunge a fully sane person into a range of difficult feelings like sadness, anger or guilt, feeling of rejection and sometimes relief, which can be just as confusing.
For someone to go through these emotions continually in the same relationship is not very pleasant. Nonetheless, multiple breakups are quite frequent.
People break up and get back together more often than you think, with some people breaking up with the same person for up to 8 times.
What Percentage Of Breakups Get Back Together?
While it may seem like a scary thing to decide hastily, statistics show that breakups might be quite impulsive.
According to research by Kansas University, one in three cohabiting couples got back together after a breakup. Even more interesting is that the chances of getting back together increased by 17% for younger people between the ages of 17 and 24.
No two relationships are the same, so no two breakups are the same; and while this data may not be definitive, it does help us get an insight into a wide scale of possibilities that surround breakups and getting back together.
Why Some Couples Are Stuck In A Cycle Of Breaking Up And Getting Back Together
Here are some of the major reasons why a relationship can go through several breakups:
● Lack Of Evaluation
People seem to not always evaluate the issues that bring an end to the relationship in the first place. They keep making the same mistakes over and over again and expecting different results.
At times, they know something is wrong but they just want to avoid those painful issues and hope for things to get better.
This may be because they’d rather focus more on the good things they want from the relationship rather than what they are willing to give to ensure they stay together.
● Level Of Passion
Lots of couples find themselves in these highly passionate relationships where it’s peaks and valleys.
Either they are riding high in love, do everything together, and are so compatible for some time(the peaks); or they break things up (the valleys).
This owes to the level of passion, attachments,and sometimes negative energy that stem from this level of passion and intimacy that they share.
Photo by Tumisu on Pixabay
● Breakup As A Tactic
People sometimes use breakups as a threat or technique to get a reaction out of a partner. much like a spouse may threaten their significant other with divorce.
It is used to make the other person take the relationship a little more seriously. It can be used to gain power and some leverage on a misbehaving partner.
The downside to this is, the partner on the receiving end (having experienced this same scenario enough times) is going to pick up on this tactic soon enough, and it will lose its effect.
Is It Possible To Get Back With An Ex After Multiple Breakups?
From a logical standpoint, to get back together with an ex does not seem like something that is impossible to achieve. Statistically speaking, it happens in about 50% of relationships, so you don’t have to be uptight about it (if you already are).
Whether it is possible, however, should not be that much of an issue.
The bigger issue is whether it is the right decision to make.
You see, you need to gain perspective and evaluate if the relationship is one that is worth fighting for so that you don’t waste time trying to make a relationship work only to break up later because it is not right for you.
How Do You Know A Breakup Is Final?
There are different problems for each relationship, but here are two clues that span the spectrum and can help one know that the relationship has come to an end (for reals!).
- The first sign a breakup is final is when either you or your partner (or both of you!) realize that the relationship is toxic.
It does not seem like things can get better now, there is lack of trust and respect, the good memories are all in the past etc.
At this point in relationships, nobody wants to give any chance for things to work.
- In situations where breaking up serves as a technique to get a reaction from the other person, a really crucial thing to watch out for is how your partner subsequently reacts to the “empty threats.”
Keep an eye out for a sense of peace in the way that your partner communicates with you.
If they are no longer fighting against you or for you, and they seem to be indifferent to the way you act, it can mean that they’ve already made peace with themselves from the relationship and have accepted that it’s time to move on.
The Concept Of Self-Respect And Self-Love
In the bid to save your relationship, it is really important that you don’t do the exact things that could lead you to lose it and with it, some self-worth.
If your ex keeps ending the relationship, and you feel like you need to always fight to make it work, or taking them right away when they come back into your life, you could be deceiving yourself and setting yourself up for another breakup.
How? Let me explain.
This action may come across as not valuing yourself. You are sending the message that no matter what happens, you are ready to take them back in because you need them to be happy.
It makes them feel you are willing to look over all of their toxic behavior because you are in fear of living without them. This could seem romantic, or could be you acting out of pity, but it is a bad long term strategy.
This is because by constantly going through a cycle of change in order to keep them, the less appealing you’d be to them, the less they’d want you, and the more inclined they’d be to break up with you again.
How To Maintain Your Self-Respect
It is important you know that you are complete and that you don’t need a relationship to be whole. Relationships are meant to complement you, not fulfill you.
The ignorance of this fact is why most people feel they are empty when they go through a breakup with someone they love so much.
Here’s how you can maintain your self-respect:
● Investing in healthy relationships and spending time with your loved ones, with your friends and family. More broadly, spend time with people that support you for all that you are.
Spending time with those won’t judge you, and those that you don’t have to act a certain way around.
They will remind you that you have a ton of quality traits and attributes that are worthy of being respected and loved.
● Face your life projects and make sure that you have a life independent of your ex. This will help increase your confidence, make you more attractive, and be someone worth fighting to get back.
- Also, try not to take an ex back immediately when they come back. Give them another chance and some space to change and earn your trust.
This is going to help the new relationship get better.
Photo by Takmeomeo on Pexels
Save Your Relationship
Having treated the other variations involved and what to avoid when dealing with multiple breakups, let us talk about how to get past the dilemma of constant breakup and how to make the relationship work this time.
Here are 3 steps to help rekindle the relationship slipping away:
- Understand The Distinctions
Before you get back together yet again, you need to know both what drives you to be together and what fuels the breakup. What is the fundamental issue preventing you from making each other happy? What makes the relationship work?
One of the fundamental principles that people find tough to grasp during this introspection is considering what both people want and need as even.
Stray away from this trap, and you will quickly be able to see the core issues in your relationship that constantly instigate the breakup.
At this stage you will already be one step closer towards getting back with your ex permanently after multiple breakups!
- Talk Things Over
The tension, frustration and built-up resentment always lead to problems in communication.
In order to truly break away from this vicious cycle and make the relationship permanent, you need to be a more mature communicator.
Try to always avoid arguments but instead think of new solutions that can bridge your differences before talking back to your significant other.
You will need to change your approach and your words, but also be conscious of your body language. Non-verbal communication is an underrated yet important aspect of communication as a whole.
The best way to quickly change your communication pattern is to focus on being an active listener; give more importance to your ex words and their meaning rather than your own thoughts, judgment or ideas.
If you and your ex have broken up many times already, the good news is that you are capable of winning them back for sure.
No matter how bad things have gotten, with this new-found perspective, you can still put yourself in a position to win them back by drastically shifting your behavior towards your ex.
Try to reflect on the ways that you both have tried to bridge those needs and compromise on the other person’s dreams and aspirations throughout the entire relationship.
If your ex tries to talk about your past wrongdoings or behavior, simply respond positively by pointing out actions that you are undertaking to change your ways and become a better person in that sense.
By combating negative emotions with positivism you will be able to also shift their outlook in time they’ll see you in a different light.
It is a myth that a good or “true love” relationship means that the relationship will not take work or always be “rosy”. The truth is, a lot of people who break up have absolutely amazing relationships to start with.
When then happens and causes things to fall apart? You have to personalize this question in your relationship.
Understanding this question and applying the actionable tips that have just been offered to you is the key to finding the secret to a long-lasting relationship that is healthy.
It is possible for a relationship to still work after several breakups, but it will take some work to make it stick.