I Stopped Chasing Her Now She Wants Me – 23 Insights (2021)

12 min read

If you’ve spent any amount of time reading dating advice, you’ve probably seen stories of “I stopped chasing her, now she wants me”.

But I’d be willing to bet you’ve ignored that advice too…

“I stopped chasing her, now she wants me” is the easiest advice to understand, yet so tough for men to follow.

Hopefully, I can make it easier for you to stop chasing the women you want. 

In this guide, I’m going to explain the key reasons why “I stopped chasing her, now she wants me” works so consistently. 

With this logical understanding, you’ll hopefully gain the strength to walk away from a girl who isn’t showing enough interest in you. 

In my role as a life coach, I’m often helping guys and girls gain the confidence to see their problems from a different perspective. That’s my goal for this article too. 

So, let’s dive in. 

Stopped Chasing Her
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1. Guys Need To Understand The Principles Of Abundance And Scarcity 

If something is scarce, it’s valuable, because it’s more difficult to obtain. If something is abundant, it’s less valuable, because it’s easy to obtain.

This is one of the laws that govern the way that we all think.

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It’s why we value gold, but not dirt. 

It’s why the value of currency goes down, when the government prints more of it.

It’s also why an attractive woman wants you more when you stop chasing her.

You come across as more valuable when you’re less available. 

It will also help you to start believing that women like the one you’re chasing are abundant.

It sounds harsh, but she’s not that unique or special.

A guy who was successful with women in general would know that.

If she’s the only woman who pays you attention, she’ll come across as scarce to you and that’s why you want her so badly.  

The solution isn’t to chase her until she becomes your girlfriend. Because that probably won’t work.  

You’re better off learning how to become more successful with women in general. This will make it so much easier for you to stop chasing that one woman who doesn’t want you. 

Once you learn to do that, you may be able to attract this ‘one special girl’ or (more likely) an abundance of dates who are even better than her. 

2. Great Products Don’t Need Hard-Selling

Whenever a salesman is trying too hard to sell a product, we begin to put our guard up.

We start to wonder why he wants us to buy the product so badly. 

Is he not getting many sales? Is the product incredibly over-priced? Something feels off…

That’s exactly how you make a woman feel when you start pursuing her too aggressively.

 She begins to wonder why you want her so badly, especially if you barely even know her. 

Could it be because no-one else wants you? Is it because your life is miserable without her? 

She doesn’t need to know why you’re chasing so much. She just needs to realize it makes her feel uneasy, and that she doesn’t like it. At that point, you’re done.

So, don’t be the desperate salesman trying to offload the awful used car that no-one wants. 

Be the confident marketer who knows if he puts himself out there enough, someone will definitely want to buy.  

3. Women Love The Thrill Of The Chase

Women love to be taken on an emotional rollercoaster.

For them, a courtship should have emotional highs and lows just like a great romance movie.   

They want the ups and downs of wondering whether a man actually wants them. 

When they feel this mixed bag of emotions, they tell themselves they must really like this guy.

At this point, she will chase him because she wants to see how this movie ends. 

If you’re the one constantly chasing, she knows how the movie ends. That’s a boring movie. It doesn’t excite her. She doesn’t feel those tingles in her tummy. And that’s partly why she becomes less interested in texting you back. 

Also, when it’s undeniably obvious that a man wants to sleep with a woman, she tends to feel cheap and easy for doing it. 

If you can create that little bit of doubt in her mind throughout your dates, you keep that anticipation within her and it’s far more of a turn-on.  

4. Women Respect Guys Who Understand Their Value

Yes, it’s true that a woman wants a man who treats her like royalty. But, only after he’s taken the time to discover that she is actually worth it.

If you start supplicating to a woman on Tinder or Instagram before you’ve even met, that’s not endearing. It’s weird. 

You’re idolising a woman based purely on what she looks like. 

When you do this, that’s a surefire sign you’re not used to getting attention from beautiful girls. 

A man who has dated plenty of beautiful women won’t chase one he barely knows. He’ll be looking for more than a pretty face, and a woman will respect that.  

Yes, he might try and get to know her, but he won’t force the issue if a woman doesn’t invest back in the early conversation. He has no reason to do so yet.

5. When You Chase A Woman, It Indicates You Don’t Have Much Going On In Your Life

A typical girl wants to date men with an exciting life. They’d like him to have lots of friends, cool hobbies and big goals that he’s working towards.

If you’re constantly trying to get her out on a date, that’s a clear indicator that you might not have any of these things. 

Firstly, because of all the time you’re spending sending messages to her. Second, because you’re so desperate to spend time with a person you barely know. 

When you stop chasing so hard, it suggests that you have other important things to do with your time, which is far more attractive. A woman is far more likely to respect you if you appear to have other things going on.  

6. The Validation Paradox

Validation Paradox
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Women do love to be complimented and pursued by men. 

The thing is: when she is validated too often (as most beautiful women are) she begins to take it for granted.

It’s only when a man takes the validation away that a woman begins to realize how good it felt. She’ll miss it. She’ll crave it. And she’ll begin to chase you to get it back.

That’s her thought process when you stop chasing. So, stop!

Instead of being the ‘next guy’ to validate her, you’ll be the ‘only guy’ who makes her work for validation. This is how you stand out.  

7. When You Stop Chasing, You’re Giving Her Dopamine Withdrawals

Ever wonder why you’re so addicted to checking your phone for notifications? It’s because your brain releases dopamine every time you do it.

A lot of people know dopamine as the “pleasure chemical”. 

But here are some more important and interesting facts about this neuro-transmitter.

  • We build up a ‘tolerance’ for dopamine. The more often we get that hit, the more of it we need to feel the same pleasure. 
  • Dopamine can be addictive. When dopamine spikes are taken away, we feel symptoms of withdrawal and want it more than ever.

So, when you’re constantly texting your crush, she gets bored and takes it for granted. When you stop, she wants the dopamine spikes back and she’ll begin to chase you. Another reason to stop chasing. 

8. Make Her Invest And Activate The Sunk Cost Fallacy 

We’ve investigated some strategies for how to make her chase, and the reasons why that’s more likely to make her develop feelings for you  

The ‘sunk cost fallacy’ is another one of those reasons.

The more time or effort we invest into a project, the more emotionally invested we become into actually reaching the end goal.

If she’s just been texting one-word answers, she’s less likely to care if you walk away. 

But, if she’s been putting time into chasing you, she’s more likely to want to actually get to the finish line of meeting you for a date. Neither a guy or girl wants to feel like the effort we put into a project has been wasted. 

A solid reason to hold back and create space for her to miss you from the very start of your interaction.  

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9. When You Stop Chasing, It Suggests You’ve Found Someone Better

When a guy chases one girl too aggressively, it can feel like she’s the only girl who’s even considering going on a date with him.

When it feels like that, she inevitably asks herself: what’s wrong with this guy?

When a guy stops chasing a girl, she may just as easily assume that he has found someone better to go out with. 

This will often make her feel more attracted to you for a few reasons. But the most powerful reason is: social proof.

This is the concept that if something is popular or unpopular, we tend to think there’s probably a good reason why. 

We use social proof to make quick decisions in many aspects of our lives, including dating.

If a woman sees evidence that you’ve dated other beautiful girls, she’ll be more open to going on a date with you too.

10. When You Stop Chasing, It Activates Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the most powerful negative spikes on an emotional rollercoaster.

This can drive girls and guys to take drastic action, including chasing someone that we weren’t even so interested in before.

If you’re constantly chasing a woman, it’s hard to make her jealous. You’re giving her all the validation she needs, and it would appear as if you have no other romantic options. 

If you stop chasing, now she begins to wonder who you’re giving your attention to instead of her.

11. Social Media Has Added A New Layer To Playing Hard To Get

Back even ten years ago, there was no guarantee that a woman would assume you’re not texting her because you’re doing something way better.

Now, with social media, you can prove you were. 

To drastically increase the odds of being able to make her chase you, swap social media contacts with a woman instead of phone numbers. . 

Then, make sure you’re posting snippets of an exciting and active lifestyle on your social media profile. Make sure to include female friends (or dates) in your content for extra effect. 

If you’ve been ignoring your crush, then she sees this, your social proof and her jealousy will multiply 10x.

12. How To Tell A Girl You’re Done Chasing Her

If you want a woman to pursue you, it can be effective to tell her you’re done chasing her.

The danger is: it can come across as too obvious that trying to use reverse psychology to try and win her attention. 

If you do decide to tell a woman you’re done chasing her, don’t make it a big deal. A short and simple text message works. 

“It seems like you’re not too interested in chatting, so I’ll stop pursuing this now. Good luck.”

You want to avoid mentioning finding someone else, or any subtle jabs to try and make her jealous. 

13. Why Some Women Are Attracted To Unavailable Men

There are plenty of guys and girls who are consistently attracted to people who aren’t ready for a relationship.

This isn’t just about playing hard to get. These guys and girls will pursue long-distance relationships, affairs with married people or flings with certified players, because (often subconsciously) they don’t want an actual relationship.

They’re often terrified of the vulnerability involved in a real loving relationship, often because they’ve been hurt in the past, or they’re simply too insecure for this form of commitment.

If you’re looking for a committed long-term relationship yourself, these types of emotionally damaged singletons aren’t always the easiest to get into healthy relationships with.   

14. Should I Stop Chasing My Ex-Girlfriend?

Whether you want to get her back or not, the best advice is usually to stop chasing your ex-girlfriend. The same psychology about chasing applies to a woman whether you’ve previously dated or not.

You’re far more likely to get her back if you give her the space to miss you. The tips above will help you to do that

The one exception to this rule might be if you dumped her, then decided you want her back. In this case, it’s best for you to make the first move to get her back. 

I’m not saying it’ll be easy to get her back, but you at least need to let know you’re interested in rekindling your relationship.   

15. When Should You Stop Chasing?

It could be argued that a man should never start chasing a girl, because ‘chasing’ implies she’s running away.

Yes, a man should lead a romantic interaction and be the one who is responsible for organising  a date or pursuing a relationship.  

But, if a woman isn’t investing anywhere near as much as him into the interaction, that’s a good time to pull back.

Stop Chasing
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16. How Do You Know If She Wants You To Chase Her?

The idea that a woman wants to be chased is what leads so many desperate men to chase women who have no interest in them.

On one level, a woman does want to be chased because then she gets that validation she craves so deeply. 

The thing is: she becomes less attracted to men who chase them. 

So, on a deeper level, she’s waiting for that attractive man who gives her the space to miss him. 

As a general rule, you should be pursuing girls who show interest in your pursuit. If she’s always leaving you on read, it’s time to find someone else. 

17. What Happens When You Stop Chasing A Girl?

If she likes you, she’ll notice you stopped chasing, and will most likely begin pursuing you. That’s a win.

If she never really liked you, she might even notice you stopped chasing because she’s too busy messaging another guy. That’s still a win because you saved yourself time. There’s no more reason to contact this girl who was never going to date you anyway. 

18. How Does A Girl Feel When You Stop Talking To Her?

It all depends on her original feelings towards you.

At the bad end of the spectrum, this person might be thrilled you’re no longer a part of her life. If you were bugging her with endless text messages, she won’t miss it. In fact, she could be glad that you finally stopped. 

If she originally liked you, she might be curious about why you stopped texting back. At the great end of the spectrum, she could be upset you’re now choosing to ignore her and desperate to get your attention back.   

19. Will She Come Back If I Stop Chasing?

There’s no guarantee she’ll come back. It depends how much she liked you in the first place.

There are some girls who are never going to chase a guy, even if they like him. But these are the exceptions to the rule. 

Overall, you’re more likely to get an uninvested woman on a date if you give her the space to miss you.

20. Is There A Non-Needy Way To Pursue A Girl? 

Yes. If a woman hasn’t responded to your recent message(s), try taking a week-long break from getting in contact with her. 

If she still doesn’t contact you during this break, send some sort of amusing or interesting update from your life. Photos or videos work particularly well here. 

The golden rule here is to not ask her a question when you do this. If the message is engaging enough – or if she likes you enough – you’ll get a reply back anyway. 

This type of message doesn’t come across as needy – even if you send several without a text back – because it doesn’t need a response. You’re just sharing value without asking for anything back from her. 

Often, you’ll catch the attention of a girl who was previously uninterested or too busy to engage with you at a better time.

If they do message back, feel free to start a proper conversation with her, then lead it towards a date.

21. Is There A Particular Type Of Girl Who Responds To Being Ignored?

These types of mind games are most effective on women who struggle with self-esteem.

If someone needs to constantly get attention from other people, they’re more likely to respond when it’s taken away. 

Those who suffer from abandonment isses, after perhaps being deserted by a family member or ex-boyfriend, could be particularly susceptible. Some will even chase men who they already deemed as not good enough to date them, such is the strength of their insecurity.  

The question is: are these going to be the girls you want a relationship with? Most guys would rather attract a confident woman into their lives. 

22. How To Make My Wife Chase Me Again

This question is more common than you may think.

When men get into stable long-term relationships or marriages, it’s common that their partner stops showering them with constant gestures of lust or affection. 

And there’s not necessarily anything wrong with that. This rarely happens because one partner no longer thinks the other is attractive. More likely, they’re so confident in the stability of the relationship that they don’t feel the need to confirm their love so often. They get too comfortable.  

The problem is: a lot of men miss these romantic gestures that initially brought them so much happiness. 

So, what is the solution to get that type of attention back? 

Well, it’s certainly not to ignore your wife. At this point, that’s more likely to make her walk away than inspire her to chase you.  

Hopefully, you’re able to talk about your feelings and encourage her to show her love for you more often. 

It’s a great idea to take the lead, show your feelings and spoil her with romantic gestures just as often.

While you may have both stopped chasing, it’s still important to keep showing the other person your happiness at what you caught. 

23. What If I Want Someone To Talk To?

It’s understandable you want someone to talk to. We are all social creatures.

But if you’re constantly trying to be texting buddies with your crush, you’re harming your chances of being able to attract them. 

Hopefully you have a good friend to talk to instead. When you message a friend, you know they already like you as a person. You don’t have to worry about your text being ‘good enough’ to entertain a friend. Most likely, they’ll message you back either way. 

So, get talking with a friend when you’re feeling lonely and only message girls when you’re trying to get them on a date. 

You can get to know each other on the date itself. 

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Any More Questions About The Phenomenon Of “I Stopped Chasing Her Now She Wants Me”

Thanks for reading my article. I hope you were able to get some value from it.

My number one tip is to have the confidence in yourself to find a girl who is interested in you. Once you have this, you’ll find the self-control to stop chasing a girl when necessary.

If you’d like to ask a question, share an idea or make a point on this topic, feel free to leave it in the comments section. 

I love to get feedback on these articles, and hope you’re not going to hesitate in sharing your thoughts. 

It would be great to talk further.

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