21 Reasons – Why Does He Keep Coming Back (2023)

Even though he says he doesn’t want a relationship, why does he keep coming back? 

You might be desperately seeking answers to this. You’ve gone to friends and have gotten confusing and mixed relationship advice.

In this article, we’ll explore the 21 reasons why a guy keeps coming back into your life!

1. He’s Lonely

So why does he keep coming back? He needs someone to hold for the moment, and guys get lonely too. 

It doesn’t matter if he says he doesn’t want a relationship. He craves the companionship of another person, and you happen to be that person.

Once he’s fulfilled his need for companionship, he’ll dip out of your life again, in a frustrating cycle.

It’s selfish, because he’s not worrying about your loneliness, but only his own needs. If you’re trying to progress this relationship, think carefully. No woman deserves a selfish partner.

2. He Doesn’t Know What He Wants

Another reason that he always leaves, but keeps coming back, is that he doesn’t have a clue about whether he wants a relationship or not.

This is especially true if your guy is on the younger side, in his twenties or early thirties.

He’s sending mixed signals and swaying your feelings because he’s not sure yet of what place he wants you in his life.

Try talking to him and getting a sense of his goals and where that places you in his life. A lot of women make the mistake of not speaking their needs and hoping that he’ll eventually make a place for you.

This lack of communication is not how you start relationships, and it’s certainly not great for the well being of any person involved.

Related Article: Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back And How To React

3. He Doesn’t Want To Commit

Another reason he goes and comes back frequently is that he simply doesn’t want a serious relationship.

Some guys choose not to commit, and explore their options with women without developing feelings. This could simply be his lifestyle, and it may be hard to change him.

Try to find out whether he is actually interested in staying with you long-term, and then decide how you want to proceed.

This is much better than keeping it to yourself, and possibly going through over a decade of this back-and-forth type of relationship(it has happened!).

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4. He’s Doesn’t Want Anyone Else To Have You

Why Does He Keep Coming Back
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When your guy goes and comes back into your life constantly, try to examine the pattern. Does he come back just as you’re about to explore relationships with other guys?

He might figure that you’re not the one for him, but the minute you start to look over the horizon at all your love possibilities, here he comes again.

He does this to prevent you from making a genuine connection with another person.

Don’t get the wrong idea. This man doesn’t want to be with you, but he doesn’t want anyone else to take you away and actually treasure who you are as a woman and what you have to offer.

Related Article: Why Do Exes Come Back When You Moved On

5. He’s Seeing Other People

If your guy keeps coming back, but shows no sign of wanting to commit to you, it could be that he is seeing other women as well.

If he was not being honest about his intentions, and if you’re not okay with this arrangement, don’t allow him to treat you like an option.

6. He’s Been Hurt Before

He likes your companionship but doesn’t want a relationship. It may be because he hasn’t dealt with past traumas from his last relationship.

Something terrible, like infidelity, abuse or even death, may have happened with the last woman he was seeing. And thus he shies away from giving his all to just one person (you), in case he experiences the same thing.

If you feel he’s worth the wait, then comfort him and encourage him to seek professional help. 

Otherwise, let him go, because you don’t know how long you’ll have to wait for him to finally stay with you, and not a ghost of his past.

Related Article: Emotionally Unavailable Man Keeps Coming Back

7. He’s Not Infatuated With You

You may spend time together as if you were in a relationship, but it’s on and off, and doesn’t seem to get to a deeper level.

This may be hard to admit to yourself, but it could be that he’s interested in you, but not head over heels.

The most important thing for women to truly attract a guy, is to incite his primal desires.

If you can make a man feel strong emotions and bond to you, it’s only a matter of time before he will treat you as you deserve, and give his full commitment to you.

But until then, he’s simply sniffing you out, undecided about whether you’re truly the woman of his dreams.

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8. You Make It Easy For Him

Due to a lack of self esteem or perceived lack of options, many women allow a subpar relationship with a man, where he goes out often and keeps coming back.

So why does he keep coming back, even when he doesn’t want to commit? The hard truth is that you’re letting him.

Of course, most guys won’t say no to getting the benefits of a relationship without having to make the sacrifice of commitment. In fact, he’ll happily engage in this behavior as long as you continue to allow him.

If you want him to change, you have to assert your standards, and “punish” his bad behavior accordingly.

For example, if he shows no signs of committing to you, stop giving him the benefits that you would give to someone who truly cherishes you.

Related: Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?

9. Your Vibes Send Mixed Messages

He Keeps Coming Back Vibes
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On the other hand, your self esteem might be excellent, so much so that you give off the vibe that you don’t want or need a relationship.

This is most evident when a woman has a fire-type zodiac sign (Aries, Leo Sagittarius). You seem dominant and in control of your life.

This is wildly attractive to a lot of guys, which is why he might keep coming back. But he disappears because he assumes you don’t need him as a man.

10. The Attraction Is Surface-Level

He feels a deep attraction to your looks, but that’s where it ends.

Beyond what’s on the surface, you might not have that much in common, or have poor compatibility.

And this surface-only level of attraction is why men pull away when the topic of a relationship comes up.

You may hope to make a satisfying love life on the foundation of physical attraction. But men need some connection beneath the surface to commit. If not, the relationship will run a very short course.

11. He Doesn’t Want To Lose His Freedom

He is simply playing the field, and is not invested into creating a healthy relationship based on commitment.

He thinks that his life would somehow be stifled if he chose only you. Instead, he entertains many relationships with various women.

But he’ll come back, because there is genuine attraction. He just associates commitment with a loss of freedom.

12. He Wants More But Doesn’t Know How To Ask

He might actually want a relationship with you, but doesn’t know how to broach the subject.

So he’ll accept this back-and-forth relationship, and hope that you realize his feelings, instead of communicating them himself.

To tell you what he wants would be too far out of his comfort zone, so he hovers and hopes.

It’s a popular belief, in relationship advice blogs, that men are bad at reading the subtle signs.

But sometimes it’s the woman that can’t read when a man wants her commitment. And that woman might be you.

Related Article: How To Get An Emotionally Unavailable Man To Chase You

13. He’s Not Over His Ex

He is hesitant to fall into a new relationship because he’s still reeling from his last one.

Whenever things start to feel too real for him, he disappears, and he might even be spending time with his ex, trying to win her back.

Getting over old relationships and feelings is tough, and you feel the need to support him when he’s available, but don’t do it at the expense of your own well being.

You deserve someone who focuses on you and not on the past.

14. He Doesn’t Want Something Serious

This reason may seem similar to wanting his freedom or playing the field. The difference is he actually wants to stay with you, but not in a serious way.

He likes the idea of being in a relationship and he does enjoy spending time with you, but doesn’t enjoy the serious parts of it.

So you’ll catch him slipping out of your life whenever reality sets in, such as when you have an argument or a serious discussion.

If you’re okay with spending the highs with him, and being alone for the lows, then it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Find out what your needs and wants are as a woman, and if he matches up, then it’s not a problem. But if not, you need to have a talk.

15. He’s Not Over You

He Keeps Coming Back Not Over You
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If he is an ex boyfriend that keeps popping up again, even if it’s been a long time since the break up, it means that a part of him is not over you.

Unfortunately this will keep happening until he moves on to a new girlfriend, or you set solid boundaries.

This period is a good time to think about whether it’s worth it to reunite, and have a serious talk about what you want to do from here on. 

Think about what you want for your own life, and if he’s not in the picture, then it’s time to break it off for good.

Related Article: DEFINITE Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back To You

16. He Could Be Your Soulmate

There are some times that you meet your true other half in this world, but due to life circumstances or lack of growth and maturity, you can’t seem to stay together.

You may agree to the split, but sometimes you sense yourself drawn to him as well. He might actually be your soulmate, but he’s not willing to admit it to himself and give you a commitment.

Give him space and time to figure himself out, and let him take the time to work on himself, to lift his vibrations to meet yours.

Be patient with him, but don’t be a doormat. Just because he’s your soulmate, doesn’t mean he can walk all over you.

17. He Wants Validation

For a woman, being complimented, by both women and men, is a norm in life, but for most guys, this is not a regular occurrence.

So when he hangs out with you, it could be that it gives him an ego boost. You make him feel good. But when the validation stops, and you get into real talk, he’ll leave.

Then he’ll realize that it’s a lot more lonely out there than with you, and he’ll come back into your life again, in order to feel good about himself with your attention.

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18. He’s Run Out Of Options

He escapes at the first sign of possible commitment, and then comes back into your life at his lowest.

Here’s the bad news: the real reason may be that you’re a last resort for him.

He is dating or pursuing others, and he feels that they are worth his best, but when they reject him, he settles for you.

It may be a real disappointment to have to accept this possibility. But know that you don’t deserve to be treated as second best. Let the next time he leaves be the last.

19. He Wants To Feel In Control

Why Does He Keep Coming Back Control
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The man that keeps coming into and then leaving your life may be doing so to play mind game

As long as you’re unsure about whether he will stay, or come back, he’s the one in charge of how your relationship goes.

Some men operate like this, due to attachment issues. He won’t give enough space to explore a new relationship, and he will feed you breadcrumbs to keep you hooked on him.

The moment you realize the mind games he’s playing is when you should leave. You cannot change a man like this.

At best, you may beat him at his own game, but it’s a false victory. He has deep set issues that should be seen to by a professional.

20. He’s Only Wants ‘One Thing’

Almost every moment that you spend together is filled with physical passion and intimacy, but don’t mistake the strong emotions you’re feeling for true romance.

The only connection you have is in bed, and that’s why he keeps coming back.

But just because you make him feel good physically, doesn’t mean that he will want a relationship with you.

It may seem old-fashioned, but if you’re seeking a commitment, your love life will suffer by getting into bed with a man too soon.

21. He’s Just Not That Into You

We’ve rounded up all the possible reasons why he keeps coming back to you and leaving you with mixed emotions.

But whatever the real reason is, the one thing you should take away is this: he is not invested enough in you to make a commitment or change his ways.

In real life we’ve seen countless times where men will cross mountains to get the women they desire. That’s just the way love and relationships work.

Let this article be your wake up call. You may enjoy spending time with him, but if you want something more, he may not be the one.

Don’t let the fear of loneliness drive you to accept less than you want in life, and especially in love.

Watch the video below to see how loneliness can lead to bad personal decisions.


Why would A Man Keep Coming Back To You?

Men have a variety of possible reasons for coming in and out of your life constantly.

The main reason is that he is attracted to you partially, but there’s something pulling him back from staying with you.

It could be another woman, many women, or personal issues that he’s dealing with.

How do You Deal With A Guy Who Keeps Coming Back?

The first place to start with is yourself. What kind of relationship do you want? Be honest. Then communicate this with him.

Now that doesn’t mean you need to blurt it all out and possibly scare him off. There are strategic ways to communicate your needs without coming off as needy.

Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Love Me Or If He Doesn’t Want A relationship?

The simple reason for this is that he gets the benefits of a relationship (intimacy, comfort, fun dates, etc.) without being asked for a commitment.

He may also see you as a placeholder, for when he eventually wants to settle down, or finds another woman.

Why Does He Keep Coming Back But Won’t Commit?

Deep down he craves your companionship, but is afraid of settling down.

There are many reasons for a fear of commitment. The main reasons usually involve past traumas, or his attachment style.

Why Does He Keep Coming Back To Hurt Me?

A man that keeps coming back into your life to hurt you, has severe personal issues. It’s not about you, but about him, and his relationship with women, and the idea of commitment.

Please avoid men that behave like this. Seek help from your friends and family, and professional help, for emotional support to sever your ties with him.

Why does he keep coming back when he has a girlfriend, or is married?

Why does a guy want you in his life, even though he’s committed to someone else?

The answer is simple: he gets a feeling with you that he doesn’t experience with his wife or partner.

Maybe it’s the thrill of the secrecy. Maybe it’s the space to explore a different side of himself.

Until he can see you fulfilling his life more so than his wife/girlfriend, he’ll keep you on the sidelines.

Why do we keep coming back to each other?

You could be an equal participant of the toxic on-and-off equation. You’re drawn to each other, and you’re just as guilty as him of coming and going when you please.

This may be because he’s thrilling and adds something to your life and the relationship is 10% great, but you can’t stay because of the other 90% – a lack of compatibility, or just being bad for each other.

Explore these reasons with a relationship coach or counselor, and uncover why you’re entangled in a relationship that doesn’t grow.


“Why does he keep coming back?” You’ve asked yourself countless times, and hopefully you’ve found your answer in this article.

Which of the 21 reasons do you think identifies the problem?

Let me know in the comments, and share this article to anyone who needs it!