21 Reasons – Why Does He Keep Coming Back (2024)

Even though he says he doesn’t want a relationship, why does he keep coming back? 

You might be desperately seeking answers to this. You’ve gone to friends and have gotten confusing and mixed relationship advice.

In this article, we’ll explore the 21 common reasons why a guy keeps coming back into your life!

Key Takeaways

  • Despite claiming not to want a relationship, he might be coming back to you due to some conflicting emotions or unresolved feelings toward you.
  • Everyone is different, so his reasons for coming back might vary. That’s why you need to communicate openly and directly to understand his specific situation.
  • Some of the reasons why he keeps on coming back to you are that he’s feeling lonely, he’s afraid of a serious relationship, or he has commitment issues.

1. He’s Lonely

So why does he keep coming back? He needs someone to hold for the moment, and guys get lonely too. 

It doesn’t matter if he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship. He craves the companionship of another person, and you happen to be that person.

Once he’s fulfilled his need for companionship, he’ll dip out of your life again in a frustrating cycle.

It’s selfish because he’s not worrying about your loneliness but only his own needs. If you’re trying to progress this relationship, think carefully. No woman deserves a selfish partner.

2. He Doesn’t Know What He Wants

Another reason that he always leaves, but keeps coming back, is that he doesn’t have a clue about whether he wants a relationship or not. He potentially feels guilty for hurting you, so he wants to make things work.

This is especially true if your guy is on the younger side, in his twenties or early thirties. Then it makes sense if he doesn’t want a serious relationship because it might be his first time in a committed relationship.

He’s sending mixed signals and mixed messages and swaying your feelings because he’s not sure yet of what place he wants you in his life.

Try having an honest conversation with him and getting a sense of his goals and where that places you in his life. A lot of other women make the mistake of not speaking about their needs and hoping that he’ll eventually make a place for them.

This lack of communication is not how you start relationships, and it’s certainly not great for the well-being of any person involved. And it’s certainly not a healthy relationship.

Related Article: Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back And How To React

3. He Doesn’t Want To Commit

Another reason he goes and comes back every time is that he simply doesn’t want a serious relationship.

Some guys choose not to commit and explore their options with women without developing feelings. This could simply be his lifestyle, and it may be hard to change him. Or he potentially has commitment issues and can’t handle other people’s feelings other than his own.

Try to find out whether he is actually interested in staying with you long-term, and then decide how you want to proceed.

This is much better than keeping it to yourself and possibly going through over a decade of this back-and-forth type of relationship (it has happened!). This is not a healthy relationship; remember that.

4. He Doesn’t Want Anyone Else To Have You

Why Does He Keep Coming Back
Photo by Courtney Kammers on Unsplash

When your guy goes and comes back into your life constantly, try to examine the pattern. Does he come back just as you’re about to explore relationships with other guys? Does he follow your social media, then reappears in your life when every time he sees you have good things going on?

He might be still trying to figure out if you’re the one for him, but the minute you start to look over the horizon at all your love possibilities, here he comes again. He seems like he can’t stay away.

He does this to prevent you from making a genuine connection with another person.

Don’t get the wrong idea. This man doesn’t want to be with you, but he doesn’t want anyone else to take you away and actually treasure who you are as a woman and what you have to offer. But one day, you will be able to move on and stay away from him for good.

Related Article: Why Do Exes Come Back When You Moved On

5. He’s Seeing Other People

If he keeps coming back but won’t commit, it could be that he is seeing multiple people at once.

If he was not being honest about his intentions or he doesn’t keep his intentions clear, and if you’re not okay with this arrangement, don’t allow him to treat you like an option.

6. He’s Been Hurt Before

He likes your companionship but doesn’t want a relationship. It may be because he hasn’t dealt with past relationship traumas, so he can’t stay away from you for very long.

Something terrible, like infidelity, abuse, or even death, may have happened with the last woman he was seeing. And thus, he shies away from giving his all to just one person (you) in case he experiences the same thing.

If you feel he’s worth the wait, then comfort him and encourage him to seek professional help. 

Otherwise, let him go because you don’t know how long you’ll have to wait for him to finally stay with you and not be a ghost of his past.

Related Article: Emotionally Unavailable Man Keeps Coming Back

7. He’s Not Infatuated With You

You may spend time together as if you were in a relationship, but it’s on and off and doesn’t seem to get to a deeper level.

This may be hard to admit to yourself, but it could be that he’s interested in you but not head over heels.

The most important thing for women to truly attract a guy is to incite his primal desires.

If you can make a man feel strong emotions and bond with you, it’s only a matter of time before he will treat you as you deserve and give his full commitment to you.

But until then, he’s simply sniffing you out, undecided about whether you’re truly the woman of his dreams.

8. You Make It Easy For Him

Due to a lack of self-esteem or perceived lack of options, some women allow a subpar relationship with a man, where he goes out often and keeps coming back.

So why does he keep coming back, even when he doesn’t want to commit? There might be a good chance that he’s doing this because you’re letting him.

Of course, most guys won’t say no to getting the benefits of a relationship without having to make the sacrifice of commitment. In fact, he’ll happily engage in this behavior as long as you continue to allow him.

If you want him to change, you have to assert your standards and “punish” his bad behavior accordingly.

For example, if he shows no signs of committing to you (because of commitment issues), stop giving him the benefits that you would give to someone who truly cherishes you. Try to stay away from him.

Related: Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?

9. Your Vibes Send Mixed Signals

He Keeps Coming Back Vibes
Photo by Karolina Zabrowska from Pexels

On the other hand, your self-esteem might be excellent, so much so that you give off the vibe that you don’t want or need a relationship.

This is most evident when a woman has a fire-type zodiac sign (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius). You seem dominant and in control of your life.

This is wildly attractive to a lot of guys, which is why he might keep coming back. But he disappears because he assumes you don’t need him as a man.

10. The Attraction Is Surface-Level

He feels a deep attraction to your looks, but that’s where it ends.

Beyond what’s on the surface, you might not have that much in common or have poor compatibility.

And this surface-only level of attraction is why men pull away when the topic of a relationship comes up.

You may hope to make a satisfying love life on the foundation of physical attraction. But men need some connection beneath the surface to commit. If not, the relationship will run a very short course.

11. He Doesn’t Want To Lose His Freedom

He is simply playing the field and is not invested in creating a healthy relationship based on commitment.

He thinks that his life would somehow be stifled if he chose only you. Instead, he entertains many relationships with various women.

But he’ll get back because there is genuine attraction, and he can’t stay away. He just associates commitment with a loss of freedom. One day, he might be ready, but today is not that day, so try to stay away.

12. He Wants More But Doesn’t Know How To Ask

He might actually want a relationship with you but doesn’t know how to broach the subject.

So he’ll accept this back-and-forth relationship and hope that you realize his feelings instead of communicating them himself.

To tell you what he wants would be too far out of his comfort zone, so he hovers and hopes.

It’s a popular belief in relationship advice blogs that men are bad at reading the subtle signs.

But sometimes it’s the woman that can’t read when a man wants her commitment. And that woman might be you.

Related Article: How To Get An Emotionally Unavailable Man To Chase You

13. He’s Not Over His Last Relationship

He is hesitant to fall into a new relationship because he’s still reeling from his last one. He might be only looking for rebound relationships right now.

Whenever it starts to feel like a real relationship, he disappears, and he might even be spending time with his ex, trying to win her back.

Getting over old relationships and feelings is tough, and you feel the need to support him when he’s available but don’t do it at the expense of your own well-being.

You deserve someone who focuses on you and not on the past. If you need help getting over him, it might be a good idea to consult a certified relationship coach who will provide you with tailor-made advice.

14. He Doesn’t Want Something Serious

This reason may seem similar to wanting his freedom or playing the field. The difference is he actually wants to stay with you, but not in a serious way. You probably don’t want the same things in life.

He likes the idea of being in a relationship, and he does enjoy spending time with you but doesn’t enjoy the serious parts of it.

So you’ll catch him slipping out of your life whenever reality sets in, such as when you have an argument or a serious discussion.

If you’re okay with spending the highs with him and being alone for the lows, then it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Find out what your needs and wants are as a woman, and if he matches up, then it’s not a problem. But if not, you need to have a talk. It’s important you get on the same page. Otherwise, stay away from him.

15. He’s Not Over You, And He Genuinely Misses You

He Keeps Coming Back Not Over You
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

If he is an ex-boyfriend that keeps popping up again and is not able to stay away, even if it’s been a long time since the breakup, it means that a part of him is not over you, and he might be making a real effort this time.

Unfortunately, this will keep happening until he moves on to a new girlfriend or you set boundaries.

This period is a good time to think about whether it’s worth it to reunite and have a serious talk about what you want to do from here on. Try to cut playing games with him.

Think about what you want for your own life, and if he’s not in the picture, then it’s time to break it off for good. You could also benefit from working with a relationship expert or a relationship coach, so consider that option too.

Related Article: DEFINITE Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back To You

16. He Could Be Your Soulmate

There are some times that you meet your true another half in this world, but due to life circumstances or lack of growth and maturity, you can’t seem to stay together.

You may agree to the split, but sometimes you sense yourself drawn to him as well, and it feels like he’s your relationship hero and that you’re best friends. He might actually be your twin flame, but he’s not willing to admit it to himself and give you a commitment.

Give him space and time to figure himself out, and let him take the time to work on himself, to lift his vibrations to meet yours. While he’s trying to figure out his life, you can try to move on.

Be patient with him, but don’t be a doormat and leave your options open. Just because he’s your soulmate doesn’t mean he can walk all over you.

17. He Wants Validation

For a woman, being complimented by both women and men is a norm in life, but for most guys, this is not a regular occurrence. Most people don’t get enough validation in their life.

So when he hangs out with you, it could be that it gives him an ego boost and makes him feel like a god. You make him feel very good. But when the validation stops and you get into real talk, he’ll leave.

Then he’ll realize that it’s a lot more lonely out there than with you, and he’ll return to your life again in order to feel nice about himself with your attention. He won’t be able to let you go.

18. He’s Run Out Of Options

He escapes at the first sign of possible commitment and then comes back into your life at his lowest to ask for a second chance.

Here’s the bad news: the real reason may be that you’re a last resort for him.

He is dating or pursuing others, and he feels that they are worth his best, but when they reject him, he settles for you.

It may be a real disappointment to have to accept this possibility. But know that you don’t deserve to be treated as second best. Let the next time he leaves be the last.

19. He Wants To Feel In Control

Why Does He Keep Coming Back Control
Photo by Danik Prihodko from Pexels

The man that comes back into and then leaves your life may be doing so to play a mind game.

As long as you’re unsure about whether he will stay or come back at one point, he’s the one in charge of how your relationship goes.

Some men operate like this due to attachment issues. He won’t give you enough space to explore a new relationship, and he will feed you breadcrumbs to keep you hooked on him. He knows he can get you back in just a few minutes if he decides to pursue you again.

The moment you realize he’s playing games is when you should leave. You cannot change a man like this, especially if he doesn’t know what he wants or whether he wants a relationship at all. Anyone else would be lucky to have you; remember that.

At best, you may beat him at his own game, but it’s a false victory. He has deep-set issues that should be seen by a professional.

20. He Only Wants ‘One Thing’

Almost every moment that you spend together is filled with physical passion and intimacy, but don’t mistake the strong emotions you’re feeling for true romance.

The only connection you have is in bed, and that’s why he keeps coming back.

But just because you make him feel good physically doesn’t mean that he will want a relationship with you.

It may seem old-fashioned, but if you’re seeking a commitment, your love life will suffer by getting into bed with a man too soon.

21. He’s Just Not That Into You

We’ve rounded up all the possible reasons why he keeps coming back to you and leaving you with mixed emotions and mixed signals.

But whatever the real reason is, the one thing you should take away is this: he is not invested enough in you to make a commitment or change his ways.

In real life, we’ve seen countless times when men will cross mountains to get the women they desire. That’s just the way love and relationships work.

Let this article be your wake-up call. You may enjoy being with him, but if you want something more, he may not be the one.

Don’t let the fear of loneliness drive you to accept less than you want in life, and especially in love. It’s time to end things with him and move on. Someone else will be lucky to be with you.

Watch the video below to see how loneliness can lead to bad personal decisions.


Why Would A Man Keep Coming Back To You?

Men have a variety of possible reasons for coming in and out of your life constantly.

The main reason is that he is attracted to you partially, but there’s something pulling him back from staying with you.

It could be another woman, many women, or personal issues that he’s dealing with.

How do You Deal With A Guy Who Keeps Coming Back?

The first place to start with is yourself. What kind of relationship do you want? Be honest. Then communicate this with him.

Now that doesn’t mean you need to blurt it all out and possibly scare him off. There are strategic ways to communicate your needs without coming off as needy.

Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Love Me Or If He Doesn’t Want A relationship?

The simple reason for this is that he gets the benefits of a relationship (intimacy, comfort, fun dates, etc.) without being asked for a commitment.

He may also see you as a placeholder for when he eventually wants to settle down or finds another woman.

Why Does He Keep Coming Back But Won’t Commit?

Deep down, he craves your companionship but is afraid of settling down.

There are many reasons for having commitment issues. The main reasons usually involve past traumas or his attachment style.

Why Does He Keep Coming Back To Hurt Me?

A man that keeps coming back into your life to hurt you has severe personal issues. It’s not about you, but about him, and his relationship with women, and the idea of commitment.

Please avoid men that behave like this. Seek help from your friends and family, and professional help, for emotional support to sever your ties with him. A person who loves you won’t intentionally leave a gaping hole in your heart.

Why does he keep coming back when he has a girlfriend or is married?

Why does a guy want you in his life, even when he’s committed to someone else?

The answer is simple: he gets a feeling with you that he doesn’t experience with his wife or partner.

Maybe it’s the thrill of the secrecy with the other woman. Maybe it’s the space to explore a different side of himself.

Until he can see you fulfilling his life more so than his wife/girlfriend, he’ll keep you on the sidelines.

Why do we keep coming back to each other?

You could be an equal participant in the toxic on-and-off equation. You’re drawn to each other, and you’re just as guilty as him of coming and going when you please.

This may be because he’s thrilling and adds something to your life, and the relationship is 10% great, but you can’t stay because of the other 90% – a lack of compatibility or just being bad for each other.

Explore these reasons with a certified relationship coach or counselor, and uncover why you’re entangled in a relationship that doesn’t grow.


“Why does he keep coming back?” You’ve asked yourself countless times, and hopefully, you’ve found your answer in this article.

Thanks for stopping by. Share this piece with a friend to help them too!

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.