11 Ways To Heal – My Ex Is Dating Someone Else Already And It Hurts (2021)

11 min read

It can be hard to heal from the reality of “my ex is dating someone else already and it hurts”.

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients heal and move on from unfortunate situations. Indeed, your ex-partner dating a new person can be one of the most difficult.  

That’s why I’m excited to share this list of 11 ways to heal when your ex is dating someone else already. 

Let’s dive right into it.

My Ex Is Dating Someone Else Already And It Hurts
Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

How Do I Deal With My Ex Dating Someone New? 

Here are 11 ideas to help you heal from the pain of a failed relationship when your ex is dating someone else.

This list includes actions you can take and mindsets to adopt. Consider following as many of these tips as you can, as this will help you to get over your ex’s new relationship as fast as possible. 

1. Burn The Boats

 

After a breakup, it’s common to wonder Does My Ex Miss Me? and to look for DEFINITE Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back To You.

But this does nothing to help you heal from the breakup. These thoughts can dominate your mind and destroy your mental health.

They can convince you to call your ex and beg them to come back, which is rarely the best move, especially if they’ve started dating someone else already.

It’s far better to take as many steps as you can to remove this person from your life. Delete their phone number, unfollow them on social media, get rid of all photos you have of them.

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Some people take this boat-burning process one step further by engaging in a petty act of revenge on their ex to ensure there’s no chance of ever getting back together, but that’s not necessary nor is it good for your karma. 

However, it is recommended to make it as difficult as possible to contact them. If they’re dating someone else, you may want to do the same for your ex’s new partner. 

The quickest way to heal from a breakup is to completely remove all traces of your ex and disappear from their life. This could also be the most effective way to make your ex want to return, but we’ll get into that more later. 

2. Accept The Pain, Don’t Resist It

There’s no denying the pain that can arise after a partner leaves you and quickly starts dating someone else.

You may decide to resist this pain and tell yourself it’s not a big deal, but this is rarely helpful in the long-term. 

If you resist the emotional pain inside you, it remains there. You carry it around as trauma energy. It weighs you down and will be likely to accept your future relationships.

So, it’s better to accept that you’re hurt. 

Give yourself a day or two to process your emotions. Cry, scream and shout if you feel like it. This is how you let go of these negative emotions.

Don’t spend more than a couple of days on this process though. Embracing your sad feelings is an important step on the journey to healing, but it’s not the only step.

You also need to move on from this failed relationship, so let’s now focus on how to do that.   

3. Use The Pain As Leverage To Improve Yourself

When you were in your relationship, you probably had daydreams of various awesome things you wanted to achieve ‘one day’. We all do.

However, it’s uncommon for a person to actually take the giant leap to make significant improvements to their life, especially when things are going relatively well. 

When you have a partner who loves you just the way you are, why would you put yourself through the pain of changing? You’re far more likely to remain in the comfort zone of staying exactly how you are.

It’s only really when someone is extremely dissatisfied with their life that they find the emotional leverage to improve themselves.

So, rather than seeing your breakup as a terrible tragedy, how about you see it as an opportunity to make your life better than ever before?

You have more time on your hands now you’re single. Perhaps the split makes you feel an (admittedly somewhat toxic) desire to prove that your ex-partner was wrong to leave you.

The best thing you can do is to make the most of this new-found time and motivation. 

Start that new hobby. Set up that business. Get into the best shape of your life. Travel the world. Whatever desires have been festering in your mind, it’s time to launch yourself head-first into them. You may never have motivation like this again.  

A new project will keep your mind occupied and prevent you from dwelling on your old relationship. Then, once you start to make progress with it, you might start to feel as if this breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you. 

Maybe you’ve always had a desire to move to an exciting new city. A breakup could free you up to do that too. For sure, this could help you heal from your breakup. Plus, you’ll significantly reduce the chances of ever having to see your ex with their new partner. 

4. Let Go Of Feeling Betrayed

feeling betrayed
Photo by Rendy Novantino on Unsplash

When an ex-partner starts dating someone else quickly, it’s common to wonder if the seeds of their new relationship had been sown while you were still together. Often, these thoughts will lead you to feel betrayed by your partner, which can really hurt. 

However, there is no benefit in dwelling on whether this did or didn’t happen. At this point, you probably have no way of knowing whether your partner was cheating on you. How will it help you to discover that they were, other than bruising your ego even further? 

It is not betrayal should your ex move on quickly after you’ve split up, so you have no reason to resent them for that either.

If you do discover that you were cheated on, the same tips from this guide will still apply. You need to try and let go, forgive them and not blame yourself. 

The worst thing you can do is let that experience ruin your trust of future partners in future relationships.  

5. Don’t Compare Yourself

 

Perhaps you feel an unbearable urge to compare yourself unfavorably to your ex’s new partner. This exercise really hurts your ego. You may feel objectively worse than them in every way. After all, your former lover picked this new person after leaving you. 

But, it’s not so black and white. 

This new person may have certain traits that are more suitable for your ex – but doesn’t make them objectively better than you.

It will probably emerge that they have several traits that make them unsuitable for your ex too.  The majority of relationships have struggles and ultimately fail, although we don’t see this in real life, nor on social media. Most couples only present their best selves in the public eye, even if things are falling apart behind closed doors.  

You should also avoid comparing who is moving on better from the breakup. There is little way to know for sure. 

Just because your ex found a new relationship first, it doesn’t mean they’re coping better.

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In fact, it’s often the opposite. People tend to jump into rebound relationships because they’re insecure, afraid to be alone and need the validation of a partner. People like this jump into relationships with the first half-decent man or woman they find, rather than someone who is completely suitable for them.  

Ultimately though, it makes no difference to your life whether you’re better than your ex’s new partner, nor whether you’re moving on faster than your ex. 

All that matters is how you’re doing. So, focus on that. Are you moving forward? Are you doing better than yesterday? These are the most important questions. 

6. Make More Time For Your Friends And Family

When you’re in a relationship, it’s common that you don’t spend as much time with your friends and family as you would have liked.

Indeed, a relationship takes a lot of time and you may have been regularly putting your partner first.

You should absolutely use this extra free time to hang out and strengthen relationships with friends and family. 

These are the people who are best placed to boost your self-esteem and make you feel better about yourself. 

They can be your support network when you’re feeling low, and help you start mingling with other singles again.  

7. Get Some Perspective

A breakup sometimes makes you feel as if your love life is over, especially if you lost your first love, but that’s rarely actually true.

The truth is: you have time to recover and find a new boyfriend or girlfriend.  

Perhaps you broke up with your first love in the past and have since recovered. Most people do. You can do the same again. 

There’s nothing wrong with feeling hurt for a while, but time will heal these sad feelings. If you can learn from this relationship, you’ll most likely find someone even better for you in the future. 

8. Don’t Fall For The Nostalgia Trap

 

It is common for people to look back on the past with rose-tinted glasses. This is a phenomenon we call nostalgia.

The problem is: nostalgic thinking tends to disregard the struggles and difficulties we were facing at that particular time. Nostalgia doesn’t remind us that we broke up with that person for a reason. We forget the frustration and sad feelings. We only tend to remember the good times, especially if we’re feeling low in the present moment.

During these nostalgia trips, it’s tempting to think that things would be better if we took backward steps, perhaps towards our home town or an old relationship.

But, in doing so, we’d only be reminded of the reasons we moved on in the first place. 

Sure, you can look back at old photos on social media, remember the good times and smile. If you’re seeing your ex in these photos without experiencing resentment or other negative feelings, that’s a good sign.   

But, don’t trust your desire to go back to these old times. Instead, have faith in the universe for moving you past this era into something new. 

9. Develop Presence

Do you feel plagued by thoughts of your ex randomly popping into your head? Perhaps, when you’re daydreaming you begin seeing your ex with someone new, having a way better time with this guy or girl than they ever did with you. 

Maybe you can’t stop these painful fantasies from arising. Indeed, trying harder to not think of something troubling often makes it more likely to pop into your head again. 

Meditation is a great practice to get over this. It can help you separate yourself from the negative thoughts that appear throughout the day.

In fact, a key part of the meditation practice is mastering the skill of witnessing a thought, acknowledging it, then letting it float away as you re-adjust your focus back onto the present moment. 

The mental health benefits of meditation are vast, which is why it’s so highly recommended. For more information, check out this list of 11 proven ways to empty your mind.

10. Are Rebound Relationships A Good Idea?

 

We’ve touched on the unhealthy reasons why people get into rebound relationships.

Indeed, if you are feeling insecure and in need of validation from a partner to feel complete, you should be avoiding relationships altogether.

It is more healthy for you to learn how to feel complete on your own, before you start dating.

When you’re in this place, it becomes far easier to choose a new man or woman that is actually right for you. That’s why it’s often said that youhave to love yourself before you can love someone else. 

With that said, it is possible that a great new guy or girl walks into your life immediately after a breakup. 

If you feel emotionally ready to start seeing someone new, feel free to dive in, no matter how quickly it happens.  

Just make sure to check in with your emotions and question your motives for wanting this new relationship. Is it this person that excites you, or is it just the idea of a new relationship in general?       

In many cases, if you’ve been hurt by a breakup, you’re going to want to ease back into the dating game.

You may initially feel resistance to meeting a new man or woman, but this will help you to heal. Eventually, you’ll realize there are plenty of fish in the sea, each with different strengths and weaknesses.

Yes, there will be some lousy fish. Dating can be frustrating at the best of times, but these negative experiences are necessary to eventually find the right person. Try and enjoy them as best you can… 

But please remember that enjoying singledom becomes far easier when you love yourself first. Before you go seeking a new relationship, focus on creating a single life you love too.  

11. Do Exes Get Back Together After Dating Someone Else?

Yes, it does happen. But not always for the healthiest reasons.

An ex will often come crawling back, because they feel lonely and unable to cope with singledom.

This is most likely to happen when one person completely ceases contact with the other, because the ignored lover doesn’t get the attention or the validation they once had, and begins to panic that they could lose their ex forever. 

Yet, a relationship repaired on these grounds is doomed to fail, if the couple does not address what caused the breakup in the first place.

These same problems will usually ruin the relationship again, unless addressed. If one partner started dating someone else only to run back to their ex, that will also need to be discussed at length. 

Should you accept this person if they come crawling back, after dating someone new?

For your relationship to be healthy, they would have to explain what made them leave and why this won’t happen again. You might also have to agree to some changes that prevent you from driving them away again. 

Should you beg for them to return to you? 

In most cases, absolutely not. Have some self-control and keep to your no-contact rule. Breaking it will harm your healing process, plus it’ll usually drive your ex further away.

However, there are some exceptions, such as when your ex hints that they want to return, but are too scared or proud to ask you. For tips on how to spot this situation, check out these 21 CLEAR Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You.

If you’ve been following these steps in this guide, they’re more likely to return without being begged to do so. At the same time, when they do, you may feel like you’ve already moved on – and that you don’t want your ex back. 

Ultimately, at this time, you need to focus on what’s best for you.

Any Questions About How To Cope When Your Ex Is Dating Someone Else Already? 

Thanks for reading my article! Seeing your ex with someone else – or even just hearing about it – can be tough, so I hope this guide can help to ease the pain. 

I know it hurts so much to see your ex moving on. It feels like hell sometimes, but you are strong enough to move past this.

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Want some more tips on what to do about your ex dating someone else? Check out this guide: Getting Over A Breakup Is A Chance – Get Over Your Ex Fast

If you have any questions about getting over a breakup or how to regain your self-confidence, feel free to leave them in the comments section below. 

I’d be happy to help.

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