23 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You (2024)

Do you regret breaking up with your ex? You maybe want your ex back?

Or maybe you’re still holding out hope the one who dumped you will change their mind?

You toss and turn at night, wondering if you still have a chance or whether you can get your ex back.

Either way, you need closure so you can move on with your life.

This article will reveal 23 clear signs that your ex is pretending to be over you so you can know once and for all.

Signs Your Ex Is Pretending to Be Over You

These following signs will tell you if your ex is pretending to be over you but is clearly not. You will also find some useful tips on what to do in these situations, especially if you want your ex back.

#1: They Make a Big Show of Being Over You

If your ex is constantly posting memes and inspirational quotes about how happy they are alone, then it’s a sure sign they’re not over you.

They’re trying to convince you and the world — but, most of all, they’re trying to convince themselves.

Think about it — if they really were over you, they wouldn’t make such a big deal of it.

They would just get on with their life and accept that your relationship ended.

So if he or she is making a big show of being over you, you can be sure it’s just that — a show. This hot and cold behavior is a pretty clear sign you’re ex might still not be over you. Some people will act like this even if you broke up just days ago. It’s just how people are sometimes.

#2: They Won’t Leave You Alone

If your ex doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of “giving each other space,” then it means they’re not over you.

Whether they’re constantly texting you, showing up when you’re hanging out with your friends, or liking all your TikTok videos, this ex isn’t even pretending to be over you.

Even though they might seem okay on the outside, they can’t bear the thought of their life without you and want to find any excuse possible to contact you or be around you. They crave constant communication. They still have strong feelings for you and probably a broken heart.

And, when they can’t do that, they turn to social media for another hit of the drug that is you.

#3: They “Happen” to Keep Bumping Into You

Let’s face it — your ex knows exactly where you’re likely to be and when.

If you start bumping into her at the same time every morning in your favorite coffee house, it’s not a coincidence. This is a big sign they’re not over you.

Likewise if he suddenly appears in your Thursday night swing dance class or the same bar and acts all surprised to see you there.

If they keep bumping into you, these “accidental” run-ins are one of the most obvious signs that your ex is pretending to be over you. Their body language and non verbal communication are another way to see through them.

They might be desperate to make some physical contact with you so they try to express it through non verbal gestures. But they should have thought about that in first place when you were still together.

#4: They Find Silly Excuses to See You

Another sure sign your ex partner is pretending to be over you is if they start making up excuses to see you even for just a few minutes or go the extra mile to run into you.

Your ex may be obvious about this — like bringing you a coffee at your office, attending your yoga class, or showing up at your kid brother’s music recital.

But even though they find an excuse to see you in a “negative” context — such as telling you their uncle’s dog died — it’s still a sign they still have feelings for you.

You see, it doesn’t matter what the excuse is, just that they get to spend time with you.

#5: They Give You Longing Looks

If during one of these coincidental or not-so-coincidental meetings, you catch them giving you eye contact and lingering looks, it’s a sign that your ex is trying to get back together with you.

Your ex wants you back — and they’re trying to seduce you with their eyes. Now the question is, do you want your ex back?

#6: They’re Suddenly BFF With Your Friends

One of the most obvious signs your ex still has positive feelings for you is if they start stealing your friends.

This could be a way to get information about you by getting them to dish the dirt. 

Or, it might be a subtle sign their goal is getting back together with you.

They may think that if they can convince your friends how great they are, word will get back to you, and you might even take them back. Trying to be friends with an ex’s friends is never without a reason, don’t forget that. So your ex is doing it on purpose.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

#7: They Want to Help You

If your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend can’t stop themselves from leaping to your rescue, it’s a good sign they might want you back. 

This is because men have a built-in “hero instinct” that makes them want to protect their partner.

And, if he’s trying to protect you, it means he still has feelings for you. He doesn’t want other guys to help you; he wants to be the one to save you.

But it’s not just men who do this. 

Women have an instinct to nurture, so if your ex is bringing you chicken soup when you’re sick, you can be sure she’s not over you.

#8: They Want to Talk About What Went Wrong

You know that expression, “let sleeping dogs lie?”

Well, if your ex is acting like they’ve never heard it by constantly digging up the past, they are definitely not over you.

They’re trying to figure out what went wrong in the hope of making it better and getting back with you.

#9: They Want to Know Everything About Your Life

Is your ex constantly checking up on where you are and who you’re with — and getting jealous about it? They always play the relationship hero?

Their jealousy and controlling behavior is a huge sign they want to get back with you — or, at least, they don’t want anyone else to be with you.

#10: They Still Talk to You About Their Problems

You’re just falling asleep when your phone pings.

It’s your ex (again) with a mini-essay on all their life problems, asking for your help.

It might be okay to turn to you for advice occasionally and be genuinely helpful (depending on how you left things between you), but if your ex keeps on doing it every day, they might not be over you. Even if it feels good to be desired, you should think things through and see if your ex is worth your time.

#11: They Do Things To Annoy You

This is one of those weird signs your ex is still pretending to be over you. But it’s also one of the most obvious signs your ex is in love with you. Instead of doing things that may earn your respect, they try annoying you.

If they’re bugging you on purpose, it means they still care.

If they didn’t, why would they bother? On some level, they still want to be with you, and winding you up is their way of showing it.

#12: They Pick Fights With You

Similarly, if your ex keeps picking fights with you, it’s actually a way of trying to stay close to you. This could be a sign they want you back.

For your ex, any kind of emotional involvement with you is better than none, as it will keep you trapped in their vortex and stop you from moving on. That’s why they are sending you mixed signals by picking fights with you.

#13: They Try to Sabotage You

Whether it’s a new relationship or a new job, for some exes, revenge is a dish best served cold after break up.

They will wait until things seem to be going well for you, then spread a rumor about you to stop you from getting that promotion.

Or show up screaming like a crazy person when you’re out with your new fling.

Obviously, if this happens, they are not over you — this is a cry for your attention.

#14: They Block You

Blocking is another one of the biggest signs your ex isn’t over you.

Whether they need some time alone or are trying to punish you, they wouldn’t want to block you if they didn’t care about you.

In my personal experience as a relationship coach, this is an unwritten no-contact rule that most people apply immediately after they break up. It just helps move on with your life, especially if you don’t feel the same way about each other anymore.

So don’t think that them blocking you is a bad sign; they might still have feelings for you and are trying to move on more quickly this way. Not seeing your posts is better for their well-being.

#15: They Try to Make You Jealous

Whether it’s flaunting a new tattoo, hanging out at your favorite bar, or showing off their new squeeze — if your ex is trying to make you jealous or convince you they’re totally fine without you, they still have feelings for you.

That’s just human nature and innate need. They are just hiding their true feelings for you underneath all that jealousy. This is their subtle way of showing you they’re not over you, among the many things they also do to get you back.

#16: They Stalk You on Social Media

Photo by Kerde Severin from Pexels

When you catch your ex snooping around your socials, what does it look like? Do you suspect your ex is stalking you even after you went your separate ways?

If they view all your Instagram stories or like all your Facebook posts or TikTok videos, they might be.

We all use social media platforms to snoop from time to time, but if your ex is acting like your number one fan, it’s clear they have not moved on. One day, they may be snooping on old photos or even photos you took days ago or months ago.

Things like this show you how your ex is truly feeling. This is a sign they still have feelings for you, and is surely not their first time doing it. They maybe want to see if you’re dating someone else or having a good time without them. They want to see if they can come back to you and probably still love you.

#17: They Still Have Your Stuff

If your ex is hoarding your stuff and making excuses every time you try to pick it up, he or she is probably putting your old t-shirt on a pillow and snuggling up to it at night. They’re probably still in love with you.

Hanging on to your stuff is a sure sign they’re not ready to let you go and they don’t know how to show it in any other way than this. They probably don’t want to keep your stuff; they just want your attention.

This also gives them a chance to have something to talk about next time you see each other. If your ex wants to see you badly, they will be able to use your stuff as an excuse. So if you feel like they’ve moved on, consider looking for these signs your ex is clearly not over you.

#18: They Leave Their Stuff With You

Or maybe your ex is the one who left their stuff with you. 

It might seem weird that they don’t want their favorite book, jacket, or teddy back. But there’s a good reason for it.

That’s because they do want their stuff back — but leaving it with you gives them the perfect excuse to see you again, even if it’s one thing that they left behind. That’s how your ex tries to see you again, and they feel like they have a chance with you.

Related: Does My Ex Miss Me? 21 Clear Signs

#19: They Become a Party Animal

If your bookworm ex is suddenly doing body shots off bartenders, you can be sure she’s not over you.

When people break up, they do things that are out of character, and drowning their sorrows every weekend is a classic sign your ex is not over you. These are those difficult love situations when your ex is pretending to be over you, but their behavior speaks louder than words.

#20: They Drunk Dial You

If you’re on speed-dial during your ex’s drunken shenanigans, it means they’re thinking about you while they’re out getting crunk.

Being drunk and lonely is a dangerous combination that makes people act impulsively — and you are their first impulse. These phone calls only mean one important thing – your ex is pretending but they’re not over you.

#21: Their New Partner Hates You

It might sound strange, but if your ex were over you, they wouldn’t talk about you to their new partner.

If you see your ex out with someone new, and that person is giving you the stink-eye, it means your ex has been talking about you. A lot.

But stay true to yourself and always respond positively to potential provocations, especially if you want to stay on good terms with your ex.

#22: They Ask Around About You

Do they still ask your mutual friends or your family members about you to see if you are seeing someone else? They can’t stop checking up on you through your mutual acquaintances? They want to see if you left the door open for them or if you remember the good times you had together?

If they can’t seem to stop asking around about you, then that’s one of the most common signs your ex is pretending, they’re not over you, and you’re still probably the only person in their life. Your ex is pretending they’ve moved on and are probably going through a tough patch.

If you have an ex pretending to be over you, you know that this is one of the first things they’ll do – ask around about you.

#23: They Hate Your New Partner

Another obvious sign that your ex is not over you is when they hate your current partner. You have a new boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re done with your past relationship, and you’re finally happy again. You don’t want your ex back.

But that’s bad news for your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. They can’t seem to stand your new love interest, no matter how happy you are. This is the last thing they want to happen after your break up.

Instead of accepting this news in a positive manner, they act as if your new life is a bad sign. That clearly means they’re still not over you and are just pretending. Add all the other signs to the mix and you’ll suddenly realize your ex still has feelings for you.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Still Misses You?

If you want to get your ex girlfriend of boyfriend back, in the first place, you need to know if she or he still misses you before you make a move.

Observe your ex’s behavior — do they initiate contact, look for reasons to see you, and want to know about your life?

If so, it’s a good chance that they miss you. So if you want your ex back, first look for these signs before you do anything about it.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Still Cares About You?

Whether you want to get your ex back or not, it’s likely that you will still care about each other for a long time after your breakup.

But you will know your ex still cares about you if they are there when you need support. 

If they check in on days they know are important to you. 

If they still wish you a happy birthday and celebrate your wins.

Caring about someone doesn’t necessarily mean wanting to get back together, but on the other hand, it might. 

It’s up to you to read the situation if you want to get back with your ex to know for sure before you make your first move.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Is Really Over You?

It takes time to get over a breakup, even if it was the right decision.

So if you want your ex back or are still having second thoughts, you’ll need to give them time in order to know if they’re really over you. 

If you see them moving on with their life, meeting new people, and not showing any of the signs mentioned above, it’s safe to say they’re probably over you.

Wish them well, and move on with your life. If you need help, don’t hesitate to talk to highly trained relationship coaches, or a relationship expert to get some tailor made advice. You can even find some tips online, from people like James Bauer or Brad Browning, who is a relationship geek, also known as “The Ex Back Geek.”

Photo by Nina Uhlíková from Pexels

I hope after reading this list, you will have a better idea of where you stand with your ex.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my guide. Share this piece with a friend to help them too!

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About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.