When a relationship ends, it can be hard to let go.
Even if it ended badly, that person left a hole in your life.
You miss sharing the highs and lows with them. The bed feels big and empty.
They were your sounding board, your cheerleader, and your coach all rolled into one.
And without them, you feel lonely.
When you need someone to talk to, you find yourself reaching for your phone to contact your ex or check their social media to find out what they’re doing.
You know it’s not healthy, but you can’t help it. But there is a better way to deal with a breakup.
Let’s explore how the power of silence after a breakup can help you move on with your life.
How to Use the Power of Silence After a Breakup in 3 Steps
If you’re tempted to contact your ex, you’re not alone. It’s normal to feel lonely after a breakup.
But keeping in contact is a mistake that will prevent you from getting closure and moving on.
It will even damage your chances of getting your ex back (if that’s what you want).
So, if you’ve recently been through a breakup, use these three steps to harness the power of silence.
Step 1: Go No Contact
Breakups are always messy, no matter the context.
Even if the breakup was amicable, there are bound to be a few grudges rumbling beneath the surface.
That’s why the golden rule of breakups is to use the radio silence strategy for a while.
If you contact your ex, you run the risk of reopening your wounds — as well as theirs — and continuing the painful cycle that led to you breaking up in the first place.
That’s why during this phase, you must cut absolutely all contact with your ex.
Don’t call, text, or email them. Don’t comment on their recent posts on social media (and if possible, avoid looking at their social media at all).
Use the radio silence technique for a minimum of 30 days, and then see how you feel.
If you still have a lot of resentment and messy feelings toward your ex, it’s best to continue with no contact until you feel you can talk to them without getting triggered.
There is no defined amount of time for this. It could be a couple of months or a couple of years.
So be honest with yourself about your feelings and don’t rush back into contacting your ex.
Step 2: Resume Limited Contact
When you’re ready to move out of the no-contact period, it’s time to resume limited contact with your ex.
This is a delicate phase, so it’s important to tread carefully and respect your own boundaries as well as theirs.
When you start talking to your ex again, keep your emotions in check.
Don’t start begging them to get back together with you or blaming them for what went wrong.
Keep your communication with your ex neutral and save the emotional drama for your friends.
Explore this new relationship with your ex from a place of open curiosity.
Don’t have expectations about the outcomes, pressure them to get back with you, or drag up the reasons why you broke up.
Step 3: Communication and Withdrawal
Once you’ve both overcome the initial phases of the breakup, you may reach a place where you and your ex can communicate reasonably well without resorting to fights about the past.
But beware: too much contact with your ex can be a slippery slope back into messy feelings.
That’s why when there is communication between you, it must be followed by a period of withdrawal.
For example, if you have a long phone conversation that you both enjoy, avoid contacting your ex again for a while, as it can become addictive.
However, it’s important to note that in some cases the differences of opinion are too great.
Some exes never reach this point and continue with no or limited contact instead.
And that’s okay. It’s important to listen to your inner wisdom and decide what’s right for you.
6 Benefits of The Power of Silence After a Breakup
Now you know exactly how to harness the power of silence after a breakup.
Even so, you might not be convinced that the no-contact rule will work for you.
But maintaining radio silence after breakups is the best strategy to follow, whether you want to be friends with your ex or want them back.
Here are six reasons why.
1. It sends a clear message
Using the no-contact rule signals to your ex that you’re serious about the breakup.
If you’re the one that broke up with them, continuing to send them messages or call them on a regular basis gives out the wrong signal.
And if ending the relationship was your ex’s idea, maintaining contact with them is even worse.
Not only does it show a lack of respect for their wishes, but it also makes you look desperate.
If you hope to win your ex back, taking your distance from them for a few weeks will show them that you’re taking the breakup seriously.
This actually paints you in a positive light and will improve your chances of getting back together.
2. It empowers you
Disclaimer: I’m not an advocate of power games.
However, using the power of silence after a breakup can put you in an empowered position after a breakup.
It shows your ex how strong you are and will make them wonder if you really needed them in the first place.
Constantly texting and calling someone who doesn’t want to talk to you is disempowering.
So do yourself a favor: use the no-contact rule to stand in your power.
3. It gives you time to reflect
Maintaining regular contact with your ex puts the relationship into a gray area.
You’re not really together, but you’re not really apart, either.
This means you don’t have time to reflect on the relationship or breakup. You can’t see the wood for the trees.
But radio silence gives you the time you need to see things more clearly.
4. It helps you gain perspective
Time allows you to gain perspective.
Perhaps you’ll realize not being with that person is for the best.
Or maybe you’ll remember why you fell in love with them in the first place and realize that you do want to be with them.
Either way, you can’t gain this kind of insight if your ex’s words are ringing in your head.
The no-contact rule will help you stay true to yourself and make the right decisions for you and your life as you move forward.
5. It will make your ex miss you
If you want to get back together with your ex, you have to act like you don’t.
I know it sounds counterintuitive, but radio silence will make him or her wonder about you and what you’re doing. Your sudden disappearance from their life will make them miss you.
And when they start missing you, you can be sure they’ll get in touch.
Just don’t be tempted to fall back into old habits too easily. Keep the no-contact rule in place for at least 30 days, even if they reach out to you.
Related: Does My Ex Miss Me? 21 Clear Signs
6. It gives you time to heal
Maintaining contact with your ex after a breakup can cause conflict and prevent you both from healing and moving on with your lives.
Using the power of silence after a breakup gives you time to heal.
Eventually, you will reach a point where you will be able to see and have a conversation with your ex without bringing up all those painful post-breakup feelings.
You may never truly be comfortable around your ex, but at least you’ll be able to be polite if you happen to run into each other.
Power of Silence After a Breakup FAQs
Why does he go silent after a breakup?
There are a few reasons men go silent after a breakup.
If you did something to hurt him, like cheating, then he might be taking time to lick his wounds, and contact with you would be too painful.
Another possibility is that he has moved on and is with someone else. If that is the case, take the high road by wishing him the best and leaving him in peace.
It’s also possible that he is using the power of silence after a breakup to move on from you.
Whatever his reasons, it’s important that you respect his wishes.
What does silence mean from your ex?
Silence from your ex either means that he or she is moving on, or that they need space from you, or both.
Give them time. If it’s meant to be, they will come around. And if they don’t, it means there’s someone better out there for you.
Does silence make him miss you?
Silence after a breakup can help to make a man miss you, but it’s not always the case.
Use the power of silence after a breakup to focus on your own healing and growth rather than trying to make him miss you.
The funny thing about this technique is that it will make him miss you more, but by focusing on yourself, you will actually start to miss him less.
Is silence the best revenge after a breakup?
Ask yourself which is better: harassing your ex to get revenge, or leaving them alone to get on with their life — and doing the same with yours?
People often say the best way to get back at your ex is to show them how well you’re doing without them.
Instead of focusing on getting revenge on your ex, concentrate on becoming the best possible version of yourself you can be.
I hope you enjoyed these tips and that they help you navigate the stormy waters of your breakup.
Have you successfully used the power of silence after a breakup? Share your story in the comments.