Falling out of love after infidelity isn’t always easy, even if it’s something you want to do.
After you’ve been cheated on, you may experience a weird emotional cocktail of hatred combined with desperately wanting to patch things up.
Below, we’ll explore why these mixed feelings occur, what you should do after you’ve been cheated on and how to fall out of love if you decide to walk away after infidelity.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients understand their emotions and improve their mental health so they can live more fulfilling lives.
That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you.
So, let’s dive in.
What Are Normal Feelings After Infidelity?
Infidelity can feel like being kicked in the head by a horse.
You’ve not only been betrayed by an unfaithful spouse or partner, but your whole future has been thrown up in the air.
This uncertainty coupled with the emotions of the betrayal can be incredibly overwhelming.
Perhaps you’ll want to do anything to stop feeling this way, including convincing yourself that you’re still in love with your partner and that it’s OK to stay with them.
The tips in this guide will help you to calm yourself from this tragic scenario, so you can make smart decisions about your relationship and move on with your life in the most suitable way for you.
How Infidelity Changes You
You may decide to forgive a cheating spouse or partner, but you’ll never forget.
Infidelity can ruin the trust between two people – and a relationship is doomed once the trust disappears. This is why so few couples survive infidelity, even if the betrayed person gives everything to make the relationship work.
The sad reality is that infidelity can ruin the betrayed person’s ability to trust other partners in the future. The pain of being cheated on can be so painful that one becomes overly cautious not to experience it again.
Related: What Does Cheating Say About A Person?
What Percentage Of Marriages Work Out After Infidelity?
A study by the American Psychological Association suggested around 53% of married couples who experienced infidelity were divorced within five years, even after relationship counseling.
This figure gives an accurate impression of how difficult it is to reconcile with an unfaithful spouse.
When To Walk Away After Infidelity
It is possible to repair your relationship after infidelity. Maybe you’re wondering whether it’s worth attempting to rebuild trust with your partner and move on together.
If so, I created a guide to help you discover whether your relationship is worth trying to save. It lists the Signs To Know When To Walk Away After Infidelity.
Falling Out Of Love After Infidelity: 21 Ideas To Help You
This guide is for those who logically understand they should walk away from their marriage or long-term relationship, but still have strong emotions for their cheating spouse or partner.
It features 21 tips to help you fall out of love after a partner cheated on you.
1. Accept That It’s Over
Accept your feelings. Read my list of signs it’s time to walk away. Understand the odds are against you.
2. Gather Information About The Affair
This might be a painful exercise, but it’ll help you realize how deeply this person did you wrong.
When and how did it happen? Was it an emotional affair or purely physical? How long has it been going on? What lies did they tell to cover their tracks? Are they still emotionally involved with the affair partner? These details matter.
When people cheat, they’re unlikely to admit the full truth about what happened, so you might need to dive deeper, perhaps by speaking to the affair partner.
3. Realize They Can’t Really Love You
There are plenty of excuses for infidelity, but none of them justify cheating while you’re still in a relationship. No man or woman would do that to someone they truly loved.
4. Don’t Blame Yourself
It’s common for a cheat to blame their partner for pushing them into an affair. Still, even if you were going through a rocky relationship, that’s no excuse for what they did. Don’t let your partner make you take the blame or feel guilty for what happened.
Related article: 31 Best Ways – How To Stop Him From Cheating
5. Cut Them Off Completely
You need time away from your partner to begin healing. So, cut them off completely. If you co-parent, limit yourself to essential communication only.
6. Unfollow Them On Social Media
The last thing you need right now is photos and videos of them popping up on your smartphone.
7. Don’t Suppress Your Emotions
Give yourself time to process the pain. Cry into your pillow for a day or two if you need to. This is part of the healing process. You’ll feel better afterwards. Suppressing your emotions will only hurt you more in the long run.
8. Forget About Revenge
Perhaps your mind is swirling with ideas for how to get revenge on this dirty cheat or their affair partner. Forget about this.
This only serves to cause more trouble in your life and leave these painful feelings lingering within you.
Your goal is to leave this person in the past. Seeking revenge keeps the affair in your mind.
9. Quit Your Overthinking Habit
Overthinking is an unhelpful habit at the best of times.
If you’re constantly thinking about getting cheated on, this is akin to self-torture.
My list of proven ways to empty your mind can help you get this overthinking habit under control.
10. Understand That This Wasn’t Meant To Be
Trust the universe. It has a better plan for you.
11. Take Some Time To Relax
The stress and negative emotions of this situation can be exhausting. Take some time to relax. Focus on yourself for a few days. You won’t be able to make any smart decisions while you’re feeling so stressed and emotional.
12. Spend More Time With Your Best Friends And Family
This will remind you how you’re supposed to be treated by a person who loves you.
Journaling is a highly-recommended practice for processing your feelings. Include a logical list of reasons why you still love this person, if that’s how you think you feel. Add a logical list of pros and cons for staying in this toxic relationship.
Read this list back in a calm moment if you’re still unsure whether you want to give your relationship another shot.
14. Start Dating Again When You’re Ready
Once you start meeting other people who treat you with respect, your process of falling out of love will begin to speed up. Maybe your friends can set you up with someone they know is trustworthy.
Related: How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating: 21 Helpful Perspectives & Tools
15. Ignore The Temptation Of Rebound Relationships
If you’re jumping into new relationships just to distract yourself from what happened in the past, that’s a dangerous game to play.
Focus on healing from your trauma first.
People tend to make bad decisions when they’re on the rebound. More often than not, it just leads to another break-up and more feelings being hurt.
16. Focus On Self-Improvement
A break-up can provide tremendous motivation to spark a long period of self-improvement in the life of a heartbroken man or woman.
Perhaps it’s because they want to attract a better partner, or to get revenge on their ex by becoming an improved version of themselves.
It doesn’t matter.
Whatever motive you have to improve yourself, it’s ultimately a positive step that skyrockets your self-esteem and increases your enjoyment of life. That’s ultimately the most important thing.
Once you have these new projects to focus on and begin attracting better new people into your life, it becomes far easier to move on after infidelity.
Related: Common Marriage Reconciliation Mistakes To Avoid After Infidelity
17. Boost Your Levels Of Self-Love
The truth is: people with high levels of self-love have no problem ending a relationship with massive red flags.
Most people who accept shabby treatment in a relationship do so because they don’t have the confidence to be single. They might say it’s because they still love their partner, but these are lies that insecure people tell themselves in codependent relationships.
That’s why I want to recommend my list of ultimate hacks to love yourself enough. Consider this a step-by-step guide to achieving self-love.
18. Try New Things
Is there some hobby or activity you always wanted to try? Make a point of starting it now. This will help you stop stressing about the affair and show you’re capable of enjoying life as a single person.
19. Seek Professional Help
A certified therapist can help you process and understand your emotions after an affair, so you get your head straight and make smart logical decisions moving forwards. Don’t hesitate to talk to one if you think it will help.
It’s never been easier to arrange. You can download one of the best therapy apps or visit their office and talk to them in real life.
20. Give Yourself Time
Maybe it’ll take a certain period of time for you to get your head straight and understand how you truly feel about this person who cheated on you. Give yourself that time.
You might feel like you’re still in love with this person in the immediate aftermath of this bombshell. It’s common you’ll feel differently after you’ve processed your emotions properly.
Related: Gut Feeling He’s Cheating No Proof: 31 Critical Signs
21. Your Love Story Isn’t Over!
We’re bombarded with romantic narratives about one true love and soulmates – and these are lovely to hear about.
However, the truth is: even if you truly loved this person, you can fall in love again with someone else.
There’s no reason to panic just because your girlfriend or boyfriend cheated on you. Your life isn’t over because your beloved wife will soon be your ex-wife.
Your love story will continue – and your happy ending can still happen.
It might be tough at this moment, but sometimes, you need to let go and trust the timing of your life.
Falling Out Of Love After Infidelity: Frequently Asked Questions
Let’s round off this article with the answers to some frequently asked questions about falling out of love after infidelity.
Can Cheating Make You Fall Out Of Love?
Yes, it’s common to fall out of love with an unfaithful partner, because your perspective of who they are changes dramatically.
How Long Do Couples Stay Together After Infidelity?
There is no data that gives an accurate figure about how long a marriage lasts after it’s rocked by an affair.
Many betrayed spouses will move to end the marriage immediately after discovering the infidelity.
Some will try for a short time to forgive their cheating husband or wife, before realizing it’s impossible for them.
Other couples might hire a marriage counselor to help fix their broken marriage after a marital infidelity.
However, this isn’t always a successful move either.
An American Psychological Association study reports that 53% of married couples divorce within five years of discovering an infidelity, even after seeking couples therapy.
Not Attracted To Husband After I Cheated
It is common for attraction to fade in a marriage after an infidelity.
The betrayed spouse may be so disgusted with the cheating partner that the thought of being intimate again is unbearable. Their mind may begin to focus on all of their spouses unattractive qualities after an affair rocks their marriage.
It’s also true that the cheating spouse may be less attracted to their husband or wife, after an affair with some other woman or man they deem to be more attractive.
It’s a sad but perfectly normal situation.
Related article: 21 Best Ways To Deal With Guilt Of Cheating
Marriage Never The Same After Infidelity
It’s common for men and women to report that their marriage was never the same after an affair.
This is because cheating can leave a lasting impact on our soul. Even if you choose to forgive a spouse, you’ll never forget the betrayal.
It changes the way you see your spouse and how you treat them. Your spouse will see and treat you differently too.
Your marriage will be completely changed forever. Your only hope is to try and find a way to make it work with this new dynamic.
Can You Fall Back In Love With Someone Who Cheated On You?
Yes, it’s possible.
However, it’s down to the cheating partner to make massive changes in their behavior after an affair.
They have to show that they have learned the lessons of their mistake. You should each use this affair as a catalyst to create a new-and-improved relationship.
If this ‘new relationship’ with a cheating partner excites you enough, it’s possible that you fall back in love with them.
Thanks for reading my guide. I hope it helps move forward with your life.
If you happen to have a question about this topic, feel free to leave it in the comments section below.
It would be great to hear from you.