It’s commonly suggested that 3 types of men have affairs.
Below, we’ll explore these three archetypes of men who have affairs and how to spot them.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients to better understand themselves and those closest to them.
That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you.
Let’s dive in.
3 Types Of Men Have Affairs
Without wasting any more time, let’s explore the three most common archetypes of men who have affairs.
1. Mr. Frustrated
A lot of men cheat because they’re frustrated with their relationship.
There are two key types of relationship frustration which push men into an affair.
First, there’s the relationship where they feel unloved.
Perhaps it’s a sexless relationship. Maybe it’s one where he feels his efforts go unappreciated.
Either way, the perceived lack of emotional intimacy makes him more susceptible to seek or fall for the charms of some other woman.
However, it might be that this man is loved too much and feels smothered in his relationship.
In such a case, he may feel pressured and exhausted. He may feel his sense of individuality is threatened.
Sometimes, a married man may indulge in an affair to escape from these feelings.
While there is no reasonable excuse for an extramarital affair, it is useful for married women to understand that either situation can lead to an unhappy relationship.
In order for a married man and woman to thrive in a long-term relationship, they’ll need to find a balance between closeness and distance.
The video above explains this idea in more detail.
Related Content: BEST Ways – How To Stop Him From Cheating
2. Mr. Settled For Second-Best
It’s not just men who are unhappy in their relationship who indulge in affairs.
Some engage in casual and opportunistic cheating when the moment presents itself, even though their marriage is reasonably satisfying.
However, an opportunist cheat rarely acts out of random horniness. There’s usually something deeper going on psychologically.
A lot of spontaneous cheating occurs with guys who never fulfilled their romantic goals when they were single.
Perhaps they never randomly hooked-up with one of the hotties in college or at spring break. Maybe he was a shy guy who never had a passionate one-night stand in his whole life.
Now, of course, it can be argued that these types of meaningless experiences pale in comparison to the emotional attachment that comes with a loving committed relationship.
However, a lot of men retain a chip on their shoulder from the sexual frustrations of their younger years. These years might have a lasting effect on their self-esteem. They may be resentful at missing out on this type of casual sex life.
It sounds horrible, but if a guy like this doesn’t make an effort to become more attractive to women, he can end up marrying a woman out of fear of loneliness instead of true love.
The problem is: a married man with low self-esteem in this type of relationship may struggle to reject the sexual advances of other women.
As a woman, your best way to avoid such a scenario is to marry a man with good mental health, who loves you and is mature enough not to need his ego stroked with a sexual affair.
Related Content: Signs Your Husband Has A Crush On Another Woman
3. Mr. Thrill-Seeker
Is your partner a thrill-seeker? Is he always trying to live each day like it’s his last? Maybe that’s one of the things you love about him.
Well, be careful because this married man is the final type of man most likely to have an affair.
This is the type of guy to panic when the honeymoon phase of his relationship starts to fade, or when the sexual intimacy begins to decrease.
If he’s a good guy, he’ll respond to these fears by trying to spice up your relationship.
But if the relationship remains too timid in his mind, he may look for an affair partner to satisfy his need for excitement.
This isn’t just about the strength of your emotional connection, but the excitement and novelty in your relationship.
While this isn’t a valid or noble reason for a married man to indulge in sexual affairs, the fact is: it happens.
So, if you are married to a man like this, it’s in your best interests to make an effort to keep your relationship as exciting as possible.
Are you always spending your weekends in the same location? Are you always denying him sex for the same reason? These are the types of problems you should want to work on in a marriage, whether you’re worried about your husband cheating or not.
This will benefit your own life and keep your relationship exciting.
Related Content: What Does Cheating Say About A Person?
Mindset Of A Cheating Man
Some 90% of Americans believe that infidelity is unacceptable. Most will at least have moral qualms over cheating and maintain a desire to be completely faithful to their partner. So, why do so many men indulge in affairs?
Let’s find out.
Affairs With Married Men Psychology
We’ve explored reasons such as escapism, ego fulfilment and thrill-seeking.
However, the ultimate reasons are weakness and selfishness.
These are the only valid reasons why a man would indulge in the betrayal of someone they loved enough to marry.
If a married man was strong and selfless, he would first try to fix the flaws in his relationship. In extreme circumstances, he would end the marriage before forming a sexual or emotional connection with someone else.
Nearly all men who have affairs would agree that is the most noble course of action. Those who indulge in the temptation of an affair anyway lack the discipline and character required for a long-term relationship.
If you’re a man or a woman who is considering cheating on their spouse, I would highly recommend speaking to a counsellor, therapist or some other form of mental health expert. These professionals will help you to understand and fix the character flaws that would lead you to consider such an act.
Related: How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating: 21 Helpful Perspectives & Tools
When Affairs Turn To Love
Sometimes, a married man will cheat on their primary partner and conclude that his affair partner is a better long-term fit.
Perhaps he falls in love with his affair partner and sees her as his future wife!
In such a case, it’s better for all three parties that his primary relationship comes to an end.
But this doesn’t mean it was acceptable for him to indulge in any form of sexual or emotional affair while he was still in a relationship.
The noble thing to do would be to end his previous relationship first.
Related Article: Signs To Know When To Walk Away After Infidelity
Frequently Asked Questions
Let’s round off this guide with the answers to some frequently asked questions about sexual or emotional affairs.
What Are The 7 Types Of Affairs?
According to bonology.com, the seven types of affairs are:
- 1. A sexual affair. There’s sexual intimacy, but not necessarily an emotional connection.
- 2. An emotional affair. There’s an emotional connection, but not necessarily a sexual one yet.
- 3. A digital affair. An emotional connection is developing over texting or phone calls.
- 4. A one-night stand affair. An opportunist cheat sleeps with someone just once.
- 5. A distraction affair. The cheat indulges in an affair to distract themselves from trying times in their life.
- 6. A double life affair. The cheat has a full-on relationship outside their primary relationship.
- 7. A serial affair. The cheat indulges in sexual affairs with multiple people.
No matter which of these types of affairs someone chooses to indulge in, it’s only likely to be destructive to the mental health of their partner. There’s no noble reason to engage in any type of romantic affair.
When women or men cheat, it can do lasting emotional damage to their partner. You have your partner’s wellbeing in your own hands. Please take care of it.
Related Article: Falling Out Of Love After Infidelity
How Long Do Affairs Typically Last?
According to regain.us, around half of extramarital affairs last between a month and year, while roughly 30% of affairs last two years and beyond.
Warning Signs Cheating
Here is a short list of warning signs that might appear if your husband or wife cheated on you.
- Your partner smells of someone else. Or you find items that don’t belong to them in your home.
- There’s signs of a stranger’s hands on them. Maybe there’s scratches on their back, for example. Perhaps there’s a hint of lipstick on his clothes, and not from your own lips.
- A clear and suspicious change in their behavior. Have you noticed your partner stays out with a few drinks with ‘friends’ far more often? Maybe he’s showing more passive aggressive behaviour towards you or perhaps he’s even being overly nice!
- They have a cheating alibi but can’t get their story straight. If someone’s story doesn’t add up, it’s usually because they’re lying.
- They’ve had multiple affairs in the past. This is especially true if they’ve shown no remorse for their cheating ways. If this would be his second or third affair, you might want to take some accountability for your bad choice in a partner.
- Suspicious spending in their bank account. Perhaps there are money transactions for a hotel room or a long journey on public transport.
- They’ve received phone calls or text messages from unknown numbers. If they are cheating, your partner is likely to be more cautious about their phone usage around you.
- They’ve shown signs of being unable to control their sexual frustration. Does your partner have a sex-centric mindset or maybe even a sex addiction?
- They’re a horrible person or a very selfish one. Sufferers of narcissistic personality disorder are among the most likely to cheat, by the way.
- Some men admit they cheat. Usually, because they can’t take the guilt for any longer.
Related Article: Best Ways To Deal With Guilt Of Cheating
Can A Man Cheat And Still Love His Wife?
With all the motives and types of affairs mentioned in this article, a man can claim to still be in love with his wife.
Indeed, we haven’t mentioned a lack of love in this list of reasons why men cheat.
As we’ve explored, all sexual and emotional affairs are ultimately down to weakness or selfishness on the part of male cheats.
However, it’s also extremely difficult to justify being in love with someone when you perform such a tremendous emotional betrayal on them.
Ultimately, the answer to this question will depend on your definition of what true love is.
Affairs Over 50
Affairs happen with older couples as well as younger more sexually-motivated ones.
In fact, it could be argued that the three archetypes of men who have affairs are more likely to be older men.
- Mr Frustrated. Couples are arguably more likely to take each other for granted when they’ve been together for a long time. It’s also more common for a couple’s sex life to deteriorate as they get older.
- Mr Settled For Second-Best. An older gentleman may feel like it’s ‘now or never’ to indulge in his wildest dreams and fantasies.
- Mr Thrill-Seeker. Ever heard of the mid-life crisis? This is an older man engaging in uncharacteristically wild behavior, because he feels like time is running out to do so.
Related: 21 Common Marriage Reconciliation Mistakes To Avoid After Infidelity
It doesn’t require the LA Intelligence Detective Agency or week-long seminar to uncover the type of married man most likely to have an affair. The signs are available in plain sight.
Now you’ve read my list of the main reasons why guys cheat, I hope you can avoid marrying a man like this.
If you have any questions on this topic or you’d like to add to my points, feel free to leave a comment below.
I’d particularly like to hear from people who have been cheated on in the past, whether that was a week-and-a-half ago or several decades ago.
It would be great to hear from you.