How To Pull Away To Make Him Want You: 31 Do’s and Dont’s (2024)

Are you struggling to make your love interest commit to you? Are you wondering how to pull away to make him want you more?

How To Pull Away To Make Him Want You
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This guide features an extensive list of dos and don’ts when it comes to pulling away from a man to make him miss you and get him to commit.

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients better understand themselves and those closest to them.

That’s why I’m keen to share this article with you. 

So, let’s dive in.

How Do You Make Him Miss You And Commit?

Most women are aware that pulling away is supposed to make men miss you and want to commit to you. Any certified relationship coach would say the same things.  

But few women are aware of the correct way to start pulling away from a man when they want a relationship.

A lot of women pull away in a manner that inspires a man to move on completely, even when he previously really liked her. 

That’s not what I want for you. I want you to pull away in a manner where he’ll start chasing you. 

To make a man miss you and desire a relationship with you even more, it’s not enough to just pull away. 

First, you have to show him that you’re a woman worth pursuing a relationship with. You have to give him your best. That’s the most powerful thing you can do when you first meet a guy you like.

If he responds well to that, there’s no need to think about pulling away. You can keep enjoying each other’s company and you’ll most likely transition into a committed relationship with time.

If he begins to lose interest in you (after you’ve shown what you have to offer), that’s the best time to start pulling away.

That’s when he’ll feel the stark contrast between his life with you in it and his life without you. 

Pulling away before you spend quality time together doesn’t work, because he doesn’t know what he’s missing. You have to do what you can to make him at least slightly interested in a relationship with you first.

Related Content: Why Do Guys Pull Away Before They Commit 

What Happens To A Man When A Woman Pulls Away?

When a man has the attention of a good woman, it feels great.

He might not show it, but his dopamine receptors will be firing. He’ll have feel-good endorphins buzzing around his body whenever you two interact.

When you suddenly give him space, a man feels all these good emotions snatched away from him.  

There will often be a stark contrast between how amazing he used to feel and how he feels now. Often, he won’t be able to stand this huge shift in his mood. 

In this situation, it’s common that he’ll really miss you and start chasing your attention, so he can get back to feeling amazing having you as a promininent part of his life. 

Psychological Tricks To Make Him Miss You

Guys usually lose interest in women when they become too clingy.

When a girl becomes too desperate to spend time with a guy, he begins to wonder why. 

Does she not have other things going on in her life? Does she not have any other romantic options? Why not?

He may still like her at this moment, but he’ll also begin to wonder if he can find a woman who’s even more valuable. 

This clingy version of you will probably still be desperate to see him if he can’t, right? That’s what he’ll think anyway. 

The ‘psychological trick’ at play here is the fact human beings value what’s difficult to obtain. 

Essentially, by pulling away, you’re becoming a more valuable person in his mind. When you play ‘hard to get’, it’s common that a man feels you’re worth getting. It’s a simple step to help a man see a woman in the best light.

Will Pulling Away Bring Him Closer?

Pulling away doesn’t always work.

If this guy has some other girl in his love life that makes him feel amzing, your absence might not change his mood at all. 

That’s why it’s important to make an emotional impact on him before you even think about pulling away.

Also, if you turn cold in a manner that makes you look needy, desperate or a little bit mad, that’s going to make him even less interested in you. 

That’s why the steps in this guide are so important for women to understand.

You need to know how to pull away the right way, otherwise you’ll be even less likely than before to get him to commit.

Related Content: Helpful Strategies – When He Pulls Away Do Nothing!   

How Do I Make Him Just Want Me?

If you’re looking for more ideas on how to inspire a man to commit to you, see my guide on how to be a high-value woman

How To Back Off From Someone You Like

Now you understand the basics of successfully pulling away from a man, let’s explore my list of dos and don’ts to ensure you do it properly.

1. Don’t Pull Away Too Quick

You need to show him the reasons it would be good to commit to you first. 

2. Give Him Space

You can show him much fun you are to be around without smothering him.

3. Invest As Much As He Invests

This is a good rule of thumb to ensure you don’t come across as desperate or clingy.

If you put more effort into the relationship than him, text him more or invite him out more, you’ll usually end up pushing him further away. A man feels smothered when you do this. 

Overinvesting isn’t the way to get him to commit. In the early stages of your relationship. Put in only as much effort as he does. 

4. Tell Him What You Want  

If you want to spend time with him more often, talk to him about that. Maybe he doesn’t realize. 

5. Pull Away From Him To Get His Attention

If you’ve been talking about getting more serious, but he doesn’t seem to be into that, it’s no good putting more pressure on him. Now is the perfect time to start pulling away.

6. Sit Back And Let Him Come To You

Once you’ve decided to start pulling away, you need him to reach out next. 

Related: Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?

7. Hang Out With Your Friends And Have A Great Time

Now, it’s time to start living your best life without this guy. This will make pulling easier and more fun. It’ll also help to stop you from being too clingy once he comes back and in your future relationships.

8. Take A While To Respond To Him

Once this guy does reach out to talk to him, take your time before responding to him. In an ideal world, you’ll be living such an active social life that it naturally takes you a few hours to read his message and respond.

9. Turn Your Phone Off When You’re Busy

If you’re prone to waiting by the phone and wondering whether he’s messaged you, turn your phone off while you’re busy. This is a great productivity tip whether you’re in the middle of pulling away from a lover or not.

10. Don’t Accept His Invitations

Tell him that it sounds great, but you’re busy with other things in your life. In an ideal world, you will be busy with other things in your life. You don’t have to be spiteful about it, but you do need to make him realize you have a fun and active life without him.

11. Act Like It Doesn’t Matter 

When he reaches out and you reply, be somewhat apathetic. Respond the same way you would to a third cousin who you don’t really know that well. You don’t hate them, but you’re not going to cancel all the things you’ve already arranged in your life to hang out. You shouldn’t be arranging your whole life around some guy you like either. 

12. Relax 

You might feel a bit afraid of losing this guy when you turn him down. But, please realize, you have the whole of your lives to hang out if he’s the right man for you. If he really wants a relationship, he’ll try and invite you out again. After a week or two, feel free to accept his invitation.  

13. Make Use Of Social Media

You can use social media to take quick photos and videos of the awesome things you’re doing with your friends. Perhaps he’ll notice them and develop a soft case of FOMO (fear of missing out).

14. Time For A Glow Up

If you’re looking amazing in these social media posts and he happens to notice, it’s definitely not going to hurt the chances of you reuniting in each other’s lives. 

15. Start Dating Other Guys If You Want

This is up to you. In many cases, dating another person will help you realize that this original guy didn’t matter, which can stop you being so clingy.

16. Use This Time To Remind Yourself What’s Important

Use this time to reconnect with your friends, family, hobbies and passions. Focus on living such an awesome life that this man becomes an afterthought. 

17. Remind Yourself You Want A Guy Who Wants You

If he doesn’t reach out, he was never interested in a serious relationship. That means he wasn’t suitable for a serious relationship with you. Surely you only want a relationship with someone who wants you?

18. Texts To Make Him Miss You

Once he reaches out, send him messages showing how much fun you’ve been having. Pictures and videos really help here.

Miss You
Photo By diana.grytsku On freepik

19. Don’t Wait By The Phone

The idea is that you go out and live your best life without him. Staying inside to wait for him to call you is going to make you miss him more. It’s going to make you wish he’d commit to you more – and it’s going to make you even more desperate for his love when he comes back. 

20. Don’t Mention Why You’re Pulling Away 

Don’t point out that he’s been distant or that he hurt your feelings. Don’t make a point of mentioning how he won’t commit to you. That won’t make him want to commit to you more. In fact, it’ll probably do the exact opposite.   

Just tell him you’re busy with other things at the moment. That’s all he needs to know.

21. Don’t Be Spiteful

Do it in a friendly way, not a spiteful way where you’re seemingly trying to make him jealous. If you’re caught doing this, you’re still going to come across as desperate for his attention. 

22. Don’t Think About Him

The idea of pulling away isn’t just to make him think you’re not desperate to see him. It’s to help you actually find more balance in your life, so you can be less needy in your future relationships.

Keeping busy will help you stop thinking about this guy, but it will also stop you from overinvesting in him when you reconnect.

23. Don’t Do Things Just To Make Him Jealous 

That counts as thinking about him. Focus on doing things that you actually enjoy.

24. Don’t Block Him 

You’ll want to make it easy for him to reach out when he’s ready. Blocking him sends the message that you don’t want to talk to him ever again.

25. Don’t Ghost Him

Again, this sends out the message you don’t want anything to happen and you’ll end up pushing him away for good. 

26. Don’t Be Afraid

If this guy doesn’t reach out or you can’t get him to commit, there’s nothing to be afraid of. This practice of ‘pulling away’ should teach you there are many new things and many new people that can make you happy in this life.

27. Don’t Sub-Tweet

Sub-tweets are cryptic messages on social media meant for one person to see. This counts as reaching out to your special guy and it will usually make him less excited about dating you.

28. Don’t Flirt With His Friends

This is the wrong thing for any woman to do. Any man with self-respect would not want to talk to you again if you did that.

29. Don’t Drink And Dial 

If you’re prone to calling old flames when you’re intoxicated, consider downloading an app that makes this more difficult.

30. Don’t Do This When You’re In A Serious Relationship

You shouldn’t be pulling away to get more attention from a boyfriend or a husband. The pulling away strategy is only suitable to get him to commit in the first place.

If your man starts to become distant, you’re better off talking to him about it so you can overcome your relationship problems together.  

31. Don’t Blame Yourself If It Doesn’t Work

As I mentioned earlier, pulling away doesn’t always work. Sometimes, a man won’t share the same feelings as you. Sometimes, there will be no way to make him miss you or get him to commit.

This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It simply means you need to find someone who is more suitable for you. 

Any Questions?

I hope this advice helps you out with your dream man and that you can get him to commit to a serious relationship with you.

If you happen to have a question or would like me to explain a specific part of the article, please take a moment to write a comment in the box below. 

I’d like to keep talking about this topic and of course it would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.