13 Tips: Letter To Boyfriend Expressing Hurt Feelings (2024)

Want to know how to write a letter to boyfriend expressing hurt feelings? This guide will give you tips on how to make an impact with your writing. 

In my role as a life coach, I am helping clients connect better with those closest to them all the time.  

That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you.  

Let’s dive in.

How Do You Write A Letter To Your Boyfriend Explaining How You Feel?

Below, you’ll find 13 tips to help you write an impactful letter to your boyfriend expressing hurt feelings

1. Why Write A Letter?

A letter is tangible. It is more permanent than fleeting spoken words. It also gives you the opportunity to describe exactly how you’re feeling.

The fact you’ve taken the time to write a letter can leave an impact on the recipient, especially in this modern era.

2. How To Write The Letter

If you’re going to write a letter to your boyfriend telling him how you feel, write it by hand. This takes more effort and gives the letter a more personal touch. It can therefore make more of an impact on the recipient than a formal-looking typed letter that could easily have been copy and pasted.  

It’s clear that a hand-written letter is from your heart. You may also find writing a letter by hand to be more therapeutic to your feelings.   

3. How To Give Him A Letter

If possible, make the effort to hand-deliver the letter. This extra effort can inspire him to actually read it. It’s your choice whether to watch him reading it or not.

Some people make the choice to publish an open letter to their boyfriend on social media. I’d recommend weighing up the pros and cons of publishing your feelings to the whole world like this. What are you hoping to achieve by doing that? Everything uploaded to the internet can potentially follow you around forever. 

Some people make the choice to hand write the letter then burn it. This is a therapeutic method of getting your feelings out of your body and into the world. It can do a lot of good for your mental health, if you ultimately decide you don’t need your boyfriend to read the letter.

Perhaps you’ll give yourself a day – or even a few days – for your emotions to calm down before you decide what to do with it.      

How To Express Hurt Feelings In Words

The rest of this guide will focus on how to craft the most impactful letter to your boyfriend expressing hurt feelings. 

4. Focus On Your Emotions

The most impactful letter will focus on your emotions. So, don’t hold back. Be as descriptive as possible. Metaphors can be particularly moving.

This is true whether you’re writing a love letter, a movie script or a fantasy novel. The more deeply you focus on emotions, the more of an impact you’ll make on the reader.

Related Content: BEST Love Letters for Him That Make Him Cry

5. Mention How You Never Expected Him To Hurt You So Badly

In your letter, explain why you never expected your boyfriend to hurt you so badly. 

Here, you can go deep into all the good times you shared and how you used to feel about him. Was he your best friend, your one true love, the man you trusted above all else? Tell him – and don’t hold back about your past feelings.

6. How Do You Feel About Him Now?    

It can be tempting to fall into the trap of trying to make him feel offended by writing generic insults. It’s better to be more descriptive about what type of person you think he is now, avoiding curse words. This will create more of an impact, especially when contrasted with your previous words about how you used to feel. 

Related article: 21 CLEAR Signs You Really Hurt Him

7. How Do You Feel In General Now? 

Explain how you’re feeling about life in general after what he did. 

Can you not stop thinking about what happened? Are you struggling to handle all the pain? Are you crying every day? Do you feel unworthy of finding happiness with a better person? Do you wish you never began dating this guy? Are you waiting for the day you don’t feel bad anymore? Are you afraid you’ll never trust someone in a relationship again? Let it all out.

Letter To Boyfriend Expressing Hurt Feelings

8. Focus On Your Sadness

Make a point of focusing on your own feelings, not what an ass he is. If you focus on insulting this guy, he’s unlikely to take it to heart. If he doesn’t see himself as a bad person, your words are unlikely to change that.

If he sees himself as a good person, he’s more likely to feel awful, once he has heard how badly his actions have hurt you.

9. Apologize For Anything You Did Wrong  

This makes for a more balanced letter and will therefore make more of an impact.

10. Tell Him Why You’re Writing The Letter     

It makes for a powerful introduction for you to explain that you can’t bear to keep your feelings bottled up any longer.

11. Tell Him What You Want  

Do you want to repair the relationship? Do you want to explain why the relationship is definitely over? Do you want him to know how you feel as you say a final goodbye? Either way, tell him why you feel this way and what you want to happen next.

12. Include Your Lasting Memories Of Him

Will he always be the person who ripped your heart out of your chest, despite all the good times you had? Will you never forget the pain of this last few weeks? Will you never be able to see him as a friend? Is he the worst person you ever come across? Let him know!

13. You Are Hurt Forever

I have no doubt that you’ll recover from this heartbreak to find happiness with a great man who becomes your lover and your best friend. 

Still, you should mention in your letter that your soul has been bruised forever. After all, painful breakups do tend to leave permanent scars.

Related: Best Relationship Anger Quotes

Goodbye Letter To Boyfriend Who Hurt You

I wrote an example of a goodbye letter, which includes all of the tips I talked about in the last section of this guide.

Dear Jonathan,

I can’t stand keeping my feelings bottled up any longer. (10)

The way you treated me has bruised my soul forever. (13). My stomach is in knots. I’ve forgotten how to feel joy. 

I can’t sleep at night. Every day is a bad day. I walk through this world feeling lost, confused and pointless. (4)

You were my best friend. I trusted you with every inch of my heart. I thought I could rely on you, no matter what. You were my whole world. You could do no wrong in my eyes. We had such a beautiful thing. Every day, I would imagine our wedding. It would have been the happiest day of our lives. 

Do you realize how it feels to be betrayed by your true love? (5) I’m trying to get through every day without remembering what you did, but it feels impossible… 

In one moment I could be happily talking to my son. In the next, an image of you and her pops into my head. It makes me physically sick, my knees tremble and I have to hold back the tears. I can’t stand this feeling. (7)(8)  

I know I wasn’t perfect. I worked too much. I complained about your drinking. For that, I’m sorry (9). But I can’t help but wonder what I did to deserve this? Why did God allow me to fall for such a hurtful man? 

The worst thing of all is: I don’t know how to stop loving you. I can’t get the good times out of my head. I’m scared I’ll continue feeling this way. Perhaps this will be how my brain works forever… 

I know it doesn’t matter how I feel. There is no future for us. You’re with her and I’ve lost you forever. Even if you came back, I could never feel the same joy knowing what you did. (6) 

I want you to know that you’ll always be the coward that crushed my soul in the palm of your hand (12). I gave you all of me and you spat on it. I hope this letter does something to finally help me feel better.

More importantly, I hope you never forget the disgusting, selfish, evil thing you did, because it’ll stay with me for the rest of my life.  

Never contact me again (11).


Related article: How A Man Feels When He Hurts A Woman? 13 Regret Signs

Frequently Asked Questions

Finally, let’s round off this article with some answers to some frequently asked questions on this subject. 

What To Say To Someone Who Has Hurt You Deeply?

The same principles apply whether you talk to him or write a letter. Explain why they hurt you, how you feel, why you feel that way and what you want to happen now. 

How Can I Express My Sadness To My Boyfriend?

The key is to let him know you’re upset at the first available moment. Bottling up your feelings won’t do anything to improve your mood. In fact, when you do this, you could end up exploding with rage in the future.

You might decide to talk to him or to write a letter. If you talk, there is more urgency and room for a two-way conversation in that moment. With a letter, you have more time to choose the correct words to describe your feelings. Plus, he can re-read the letter multiple times.    

What To Say When Your Boyfriend Hurts Your Feelings?

It’s important to focus on the actions, why they hurt you and what you’d like to change in future. 

Any Questions?

Thanks for reading my guide on writing a letter expressing your hurt feelings. 

Whether or not you choose to write your own letter, I hope it helps you get through this tough moment in your life.

If you’d like to ask a question or share your own thoughts about writing this type of letter, feel free to leave a comment. I’ll make a point of responding quickly.

It would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.