What Is A Mommy Dom? 12 Things To Know 2024 & How To Overcome It

This guide will teach you the most important things you need to know about a mommy dom.

Mommy Dom
Photo By wayhomestudio On freepik

Whether you consider yourself a Mommy Dom, you’re dating one or you’re not sure what a mommy dom is, this is essential reading. 

We’ll dive deep into the psychological pattern of a mommy dom plus how to overcome it (if that’s what you want to do).

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients better understand themselves and those closest to them. 

That’s why I’m excited to share this guide with you. 

So, let’s dive in.

What Is A Mommy Dom?

‘Mommy dom’ is a term for a highly intuitive female who is the dominant partner in her relationship. This dominance is usually shown by her making the key decisions in her relationship. 

The term can also be used to describe a confident woman who provides both a  caregiver and a dominant role in the bedroom.

You don’t have to be a mother to take on a mommy-dom role in your relationship.   

12 Things To Know About Mommy Doms 

1. Is It Good Or Bad To Be A Mommy Dom?

This is down to one’s own personal opinion.

There are plenty of ‘independent women’ out there who champion mommy doming. They see it as a sign of strength and power. 

However, there are plenty of women out there who only take the mommy-dom role out of fear that their partner is unfit to lead them. 

A lot of these women are very unhappy deep down because it leaves them unable to embrace their femininity, even if they rationalize it to themselves.

What’s more, there are plenty of men who are unhappy in this type of relationship because they’d prefer a more feminine partner, even if they won’t admit it to themselves.   

2. Psychological Pattern Of A Mommy Dom

Both men and women have masculine and feminine energy.

Men typically have more masculine energy, which creates strong, brave, and confident leaders.

Women typically have more feminine energy, which allows them to be creative, emotional, and nurturing caregivers. 

Sometimes, women end up having more masculine energy though. It’s said this could be for genetic reasons. However, it’s often due to personal experiences that prevent them from ‘letting go’ and embracing their feminine side. 

Maybe she had to be strong and brave to protect herself from school bullies throughout her childhood. Perhaps her parents scolded her whenever she dared to be playful and emotional. She might have been hurt some other way, or could it be that pro-feminist influences have encouraged her to be an independent ‘boss-female’?   

If she had been (or currently is) in a relationship with an incompetent partner, this can lead women to take on a dominant role too. 

Masculine men will be unlikely to want to date a mommy dom for very long, so they typically seek out weak feminine men to date instead.

3. Mommy Doms Are Rarely Sweet, Caring, Or Feminine

Mommy doms often interpret the idea of being sweet, nurturing, supportive caregivers as a sign of weakness.

These naturally feminine traits – which masculine men really appreciate – aren’t part of the mommy dom archetype at all. 

Instead, a mommy dom is more likely to be logical, bossy, and demanding. 

4. Feminism Supports The Idea Of A Dommy Mommy

There’s a high chance that pro-feminist media encouraged many mommy doms to take on that role.

Pro-feminist media encourages women to be strong, powerful leaders in all areas of their life. Pro-feminist media hates the idea of women submitting to a man, even if she is naturally submissive and her partner is naturally dominant.

5. A Mommy Dom Takes The Lead In The Early Stages Of Dating

A common giveaway of a mommy dom is that they try to take the lead in the early stages of courtship.

Perhaps they’ll approach you at the bar or at a house party. Maybe they’ll be the ones to initiate swapping phone numbers. It could be that they message you first to suggest the time and venue of the first date. 

6. A Mommy Dom Makes The Rules And Won’t Compromise

The biggest giveaway of a mommy dom is that it’s her way or the highway.

She’ll make the rules in her relationship. She’ll be unwilling to compromise or even consider her partner’s requirements.  

She’ll also make it clear that she doesn’t need a relationship to be happy in her life. 

She’s the type of demanding person who will encourage you to leave if you’re not willing to do things her way.

Related Content: Traits Of Sigma Female

7. A Mommy Dom Isn’t Afraid To Criticise Or Complain

Mommy doms aren’t one to shy away from conflict, even if this leads to a very unpleasant situation.

They’re rarely the types to communicate with empathy, nor to take an interest in their partner’s requirements in a relationship.

It’s rarely fun to be in this type of relationship. If you mess up, you can expect to be criticized. 

A mommy dom isn’t abusive by definition*, but it’s certainly not beyond them to employ abuse tactics for their own benefit to get what they want from a relationship. 

Related Content: My Wife Yells At Me

*Urban Dictionary suggests mommy doming involves coercion, affection, and punishment, but that’s not always the case.

8. They Hate To Be Ignored

If there’s one guaranteed way to rile up a mommy dom, it’s to ignore her. The whole purpose of the mommy dom personality is to be a dominant leader who aims to control their partner. They want control above everything else.

If you don’t listen to her, you’ll soon have to worry about her demanding personality becoming more intense.  

9. They Are Often Strict Parents

It’s rare that mommy doms can turn off this dominant personality. So, you can expect her to become the same demanding person who loves to take control of her children and the community at large. 

10. Mommy Doms Aren’t Always Dominant In The Bedroom

Although it’s not part of the ‘official’ mommy dom definition to want to take control in the bedroom, you’ll find that it’s often the case.

With that said, you’ll also find some who really love to be submissive in the most extreme manner. The reason some mommy dom archetypes love being dominated in intimacy is that it’s the only time they feel able to let out their feminine side.

11. Mommy Doms Have No Respect For Their Partners

A healthy relationship requires mutual respect. That’s not a controversial idea, is it?

But here lies the main problem with a dommy mommy relationship; mommy-doms rarely have any respect for their partners.

Deep down, she knows that a man who’s unable to lead her is weak.  Often, she resents this person for being unable to take charge and let her relax. 

In many cases, she wishes she could date someone who’d stand up to her, so she can embrace her feminine nature.

At the same time, she might feel unable to find or attract a partner like that, so she settles for dominating a partner she doesn’t respect.  

At least, he occasionally makes her feel respected…

12. They’ll Fall Back Into Their Feminine Role For The Right Man 

Here’s a secret that many mommy doms won’t admit; they’ll become submissive and obedient kittens for the right man.

As we explored, most mommy doms were nurtured to be that way. It went against their nature.

However, if they can get into a relationship with a strong, trustworthy, and unmoving masculine partner, they can be nurtured back into embracing their feminine energy.

It might take a powerful jolt of masculine presence to create that polarised relationship, but most mommy doms will be delighted they’ve found it.

A so-called mommy dom will happily take the supportive role of a man they can trust to take care of them. They’ll happily follow his guidance and play by his rules. This is what nature intended for them. 

Once it happens, they might have never experienced happiness like it. They’ll most likely never be interested in taking a masculine role again.   

How To Resolve Mommy Dom Pattern

The key to escaping your mommy-dom identity is to embrace your feminine energy. If you’re unsure how to do that, my feminine energy guide features dozens of activities you can do to connect with this fun and playful side of yourself.

Dommy Mommy
Photo by wayhomestudio On freepik

If you struggle to embrace your femininity, you might choose to figure out why this is the case, with the help of a therapist or life coach.  

However, the number one way to resolve your mom-dom pattern is to find a masculine partner who you trust enough to take care of you. When you feel able to let go of this need to lead and control everything in your life, you’ll naturally be able to start embracing your feminine side.

This might not come easily to you, especially if you’ve been hurt by a man and have developed trust issues. This is why men and women are encouraged to take things slowly in a relationship. 

Still, if things run smoothly, this masculine lover will naturally be able to nurture your femininity, and it’ll feel so perfect that you won’t want to stop.   

Mommy Dom Books

Suzanne Venker is an author best known for her no-nonsense dating advice for women. 

Her books explore how feminist propaganda has ruined the lives of so many naturally feminine women, plus how to stop that from happening for you. They’ve helped so many women figure out their romantic problems and create healthy relationships with their partners

Suzanne is not afraid to speak the truth about what masculine men really want from their partners, and why feminine women will be happier submitting to them. 

Her book The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works could be just the book you need to escape your mommy-dom trance.

Women should consider this essential reading if they’re interested in getting married and having children with a strong masculine man one day.

Mommy Dom Quotes

“I’ve always had a problem with authority. That’s why I had to be my own boss.” – Chelsea Handler

“The question isn’t who is going to let me. It’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

“Some women choose to follow men and some women choose to follow their dreams.” – Lady Gaga

“A man does what he can; a woman does what a man cannot.” – Isabel Allende

“There’s nothing a man can do, that I can’t do better and in heels.” – Ginger Rogers

Any More Questions?

Thanks for reading my guide on mommy doms.

This guide is based on my observations of human relationships, rather than what mainstream society is nurturing women to become.

If you’re unsure about whether you want to be a mommy dom, feel free to do more research. It’s always good to listen to both sides of the argument. I wish you good luck in your relationships either way!

If you need emotional support with regard to this matter, that’s fine too. 

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.