It’s all too common for married men to have complaints along the lines of: “my wife yells at me”. This guide features 19 tips for how to best respond to a yelling wife.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients learn how to develop stronger relationships with those closest to them.
That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you.
So, let’s dive in.
Is It Okay To Yell In A Relationship?
Many people resort to yelling when they lose control of their temper.
Oftentimes, this is a reactive and unconscious response and the perpetrator will apologize after they have calmed down.
This doesn’t make it acceptable behavior in any situation, especially a romantic relationship.
Yelling is an aggressive method of striking fear into your partner. You should never want to do that.
In a healthy relationship, it’s best to solve disagreements by reaching a compromise. Yelling won’t achieve this.
Yelling is simply a tactic to make the other person back down. And not a productive one.
If you or your partner frequently resort to yelling (unconscious or not), you should take steps to learn how to stop. There will be tips peppered throughout this guide to help you.
Is Yelling OK In A Marriage?
You might have taken vows to love each other in sickness and health, but that doesn’t make it OK for your spouse to yell at you.
Whether you’ve been dating for two weeks or married for two decades, yelling should not be accepted in your relationship.
Is It Disrespectful To Yell At Your Spouse?
Yes, it’s disrespectful to resolve a disagreement with someone by trying to strike fear into them.
That’s what a person is essentially trying to do by yelling, whether it’s consciously or unconsciously.
That’s no way to reach a compromise.
By following the steps below, you can learn to resolve marital disputes in a calm and respectful manner.
IMPORTANT: Is Yelling Emotional Abuse?
If either of you are consciously yelling to try and get your own way, that’s a huge red flag indicating emotional abuse in your relationship.
If this yelling is coupled with verbal abuse, there’s no doubt that you’re in an abusive relationship. You need to put a stop to this abusive behavior immediately.
In such a case, you might want to skip all the steps mentioned below and go straight to seeking professional help from a counsellor or therapist.
Related Content: I Hate My Wife: Steps Out Of Misery
What To Do If Wife Yells At Me?
This guide will assume that your wife is yelling at you as an unconscious response, rather than a premeditated abuse tactic.
Once again, if you believe your spouse is yelling deliberately to threaten and manipulate you, you might want to skip these steps and seek professional help immediately.
However, in most cases, it’s fair to assume that this woman has a good heart and doesn’t want to yell at you.
These steps will help you reach that goal as a couple.
1. Remain Calm
Stay in control of your emotions at all times. Losing your temper and yelling back won’t solve anything. It will just lead to more yelling.
2. Show Empathy And Compassion
Try to remember how much you love your wife in the heat of this moment. If she’s yelling, it’s because she’s upset. It’s your job as her husband to empathize and help fix the problem.
3. Ask Your Wife To Stop Yelling
If you respond while she’s yelling, that teaches her that yelling leads to favorable outcomes.
4. Walk Away If She Doesn’t Stop Yelling
Give each other space to rest and calm down. It’s no use discussing anything while one of you is fuelled by rage.
5. Once She’s Calm, Ask What Made Her Start Yelling
Listen to her carefully without interrupting. This can help you avoid arguments in the future.
6. Make Her Feel Heard Before You Attempt To Solve The Problem
People often resort to yelling when they don’t feel heard.
In many cases, your wife would prefer to feel heard than for the problem to be solved.
So, listen carefully and let her see you understand her feelings.
Related: Emotional Reactivity – 5 Ways To Be More Mature
7. Apologize For What You Did Wrong
This is a key step to make your wife feel heard.
8. Make It Clear That Yelling Isn’t Acceptable
Hopefully, she’ll make a point of apologizing for yelling without you prompting her.
If not, make it clear why yelling isn’t normal nor acceptable.
Once she apologizes, you can talk about how to reach a compromise in this situation.
9. Use “I Feel” Instead Of “You Are”
When talking about relationship problems, focus on your feelings, rather than making blanket statements about her.
This simple change in wording can stop your wife feeling like a bad person. More importantly, you’ll stop her feeling like she needs to defend herself.
You’ll reach a conflict-free resolution faster that way.
10. Discuss Your Marriage Frequently
Your wife’s anger issues might be caused by pent up marriage frustrations. When one keeps their anger bottled up, it can build and eventually explode over a meaningless disagreement.
To stop this happening, encourage your wife to talk about her small little annoyances when they first arise.
11. Show Some Love
When an angry wife starts yelling, it’s common that she’s crying out for some affection.
Could it be that she’s feeling lonely or that you don’t accept her as she is?
Either way, take some time to plan something special for her. Better yet, help her with a stressful task that’s weighing her down.
A calm and relaxed wife may be less prone to sudden bursts of anger.
12. Discuss Your Wife’s Feelings Frequently
If a woman is suffering from low self-esteem, stress at work or troubles with the children, she can end up taking that frustration out in a fight with her husband.
Again, this is often a case of a straw that broke the camel’s back, which can be avoided when you take the time to talk about each other’s feelings.
In a calm and loving moment, ask if there’s anything else that’s bothering her, other than you not cleaning the house (or whatever it was that set her off before).
13. Don’t Make Assumptions About Your Wife’s Anger
While it may be true that she’s angry about a problem outside your marriage, don’t assume that’s the case.
By making such assumptions, you shirk responsibility and prevent her from feeling heard.
It’s better to ask if there’s anything else that’s wrong in a calm moment and let her decide that for herself.
Related Content: Worst Things A Husband Can Say To His Wife
14. Yelling Is Emotional Abuse. Never Accept It
This guide features tips to help your wife to stop yelling. Many of these involve looking for ways to comfort your wife and improve your relationship.
That doesn’t mean you should let your wife yell at you. No matter how your wife feels, this isn’t acceptable behavior.
You must always make the point that yelling is not OK. This guide simply suggests a way to do this without causing further conflict.
15. My Wife Yells At Me For Everything
If your wife continues to yell at you frequently, even after you’ve followed the aforementioned steps, there’s every chance you’ll need to take further steps to deal with this problem.
Will your wife agree to attend couples therapy or marriage counseling with you? That’s a good sign that you’re both still willing to work on your marriage.
Couples tend to move past their problems faster while talking with a certified relationship expert.
This person will act as a mediator to help you air out any unresolved issues and agree on a better pathmoving forward.
16. My Wife Yells At Me In Public
This is a stressful life situation, because you also have to deal with potential embarrassment of other people watching you fight.
Once again though, the key is to stay calm, ask her not to yell and walk away if she won’t stop.
17. My Wife Yells At Me When I Cry
It is particularly insensitive to yell at someone when they’re showing obvious signs of feeling bad.
Could this be a case of her trying to control and manipulate you? Does she have no empathy at all?
I hope not.
The answer would depend on what’s making your wife yell in the first place, what’s made you cry etc.
18. My Wife Yells At Me: Domestic Violence
Domestic violence specifically refers to physical violence within a household.
On its own, yelling doesn’t constitute domestic violence, but it is abusive behaviour and it needs to be addressed.
19. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Professional Help
Whether you’re looking to anger management, improve your marriage or spice up your sexual relationship, there are experts who can help. There’s nothing wrong with seeking relationship advice from a qualified professional.
In the case of dealing with an angry wife, it’s important the husband agrees to attend the sessions as well. Many women will accuse their husband of shirking responsibility if he doesn’t attend too.
A certified therapist will be able to trace the source of your wife’s yelling issue.
In many cases, they’ll recommend ways for you both to improve the emotional connection within your marriage.
But it’s also possible that they’ll trace her anger problems back to circumstances in her early life.
Perhaps your wife grew up with parents who yelled and still believes that’s normal. It is very difficult to shift from the attitudes instilled in us as children. Maybe her anger stems from fears you’re sleeping with other women, because she has been cheated on before. Perhaps she was a victim of sexual abuse or some other traumatic incident that she hasn’t processed yet.
These aren’t accusations for you to make, but a therapist can help unearth fears that your wife may have held for your entire relationship.
Related Content: Best Ways To Respect Your Wife’s Feelings
Thanks for reading my guide. I hope it helps to improve the situation with your wife.
For what it’s worth, this advice should prove helpful whether your spouse is male or female.
I also want you to know you’re not the only person going through this problem – and it’s definitely still possible to fix your marriage.
If you have any questions about dealing with an angry spouse, feel free to leave a comment below.
I’ll do my best to offer some advice – and it would be great to hear from you.