23 Clear Signs A Married Man Is Using You (2024) & How To Get Over It

If you’re here wondering if a married man is using you, he probably is. 

Signs A Married Man Is Using You
Photo by Ron Lach from Pexels

Women feel these things you know but for the sake of confirming your instincts, we bring you 

the most comprehensive list of signs a married man is using you plus tips on how to get over it, and how to distance yourself from such married men.

Let’s dig in!

Blatant Signs A Married Man Is Using You

Here we go —

1. He Keeps Secrets From You

A man who wishes to have a long-term relationship with you wouldn’t mind if you know him inside out. But if the married man you’re seeing doesn’t disclose some stuff you ask him, he’s probably using you.

He’ll only disclose what he thinks you can’t use to hurt him in the future. Even his family and friends might remain a secret to you.

2. He Keeps You A Secret

Apart from keeping secrets from you, a married man who’s using you would also keep you a secret from the world.

  • He wouldn’t want to be with you in public spaces where he’s known
  • He would hide you from his wife even though they’re separated or about to get a divorce
  • He won’t want his kids to know you even though he tells you that you’d be their stepmom
  • You’d be a secret even to his closest friends

If the above list resonates with you for the most part, then the married man is probably using you.

3. He Devotes Most Of His Resources To His Wife

While he promises you lifelong commitment, you can’t help but notice that he gives most of his money and time to his wife even though he claims that they’re filing a divorce.

All he gives you is what he considers as petty cash according to his earnings plus when it comes to time, you merely get a tiny fraction of it.

Most times, he’ll go to spend tons of time with the wife he claims to dislike. He’ll tell you that his wife doesn’t care where he sleeps and yet you can only sleep with him on a few nights.

These are definite signs a married man is using you.

4. He’s Only Willing To Spend Time With You When There’s Sex

You tell him you’re on your period, but he doesn’t come. You tell him you’re not in the mood, he suddenly seems cold or dismissive.

A man who loves you is willing to cuddle a couple of nights that you’re sick/in your periods or when moodless. He runs to be by your side even if all you’re going to do is talk and watch a movie.

But if the only time he longs to be around you is when sex is involved, he’s definitely using you for your body.

5. You Feel He’s Cheating On You

Instincts are scientifically proven you know. So if you suspect that the married man is seeing different women, he most usually is.

I mean, if the man can cheat on his wife with you, how certain are you that he isn’t doing it with other ladies?

No matter how much he assures you that you’re the only one, consider your gut feeling. It could be true that he’s using you and other females for the sex and satisfaction he wants.

6. You’ve Spotted Him Check Out  Women

While you might be wrong about your infidelity suspicions, one thing you can’t be wrong about is evidence that he’s attracted to other women.

If the man frequently checks out women while with you, he’s probably using you for sex or some other benefit.

7. He Has A History With A Couple Of Women

Let me get this straight. He’s married and within his married life, he has dated some other women. What else do you need to prove that he’s a woman-using cheater?

A man who claims to be seeking a new wife in several women while remaining with his existing one over and over again is using you.

8. He’s Only Willing To Tolerate You As Long As You Don’t Break His Rules

If you often feel as if you’re not in the relationship because he makes all the rules, he’s probably using you. He’s using these rules to protect himself and anytime you challenge them, it’s like you don’t matter to him anymore.

Here’s an example — he commands you not to visit his workplace or approach him in public and when you do, he gets angry and punishes you for it.

While boundaries are important, if his boundaries are closing you off from every part of his life without a say on your part as if you are some ominous puppet, he likely is using you.

9. He Doesn’t Seem Too Interested In Getting To Know You Deeply

If someone is promising forever or even simply says he cares for you, he can only prove it by desperately wanting to know you. I mean, you want to know who you’re committing to, right?

But this married guy you’re seeing doesn’t seem to want to know who you really are as a person. All you talk about are superficial things.

This is probably someone using you. And if you think you’re using him too so it’s a win-win, think again.

10. He Doesn’t Care About Your Emotions

He can come to you with complaints and frustrations about work and life but never can he offer the same emotional support to you. He treats you as a dumping site for his emotions and yet acts emotionally unavailable whenever it’s your turn to talk about your feelings.

If this is the case with your married guy, then he’s probably using you emotionally.

11. He Tells You To Consider Abortion Of His Child

Of all the signs a married man is using you, this is perhaps one of the most obvious signs. I mean, if he really cares about you, why would he tell you to kill his child and even endanger your life? 

An accidental pregnancy is the hardest test of his commitment to you, and if he fails it whether he’s afraid of child support or shame, he’s not worth your time.

This warning sign he’s using you proves that he’s not willing to have an exclusive relationship with you and also doesn’t care about your life.

12. He Bribes You To Be Silent

Like the previous sign, paying you to be silent about your relationship is something a married man would do to a woman he’s using for sex or other reasons.

Whenever you hint to him that you’re tired of hiding and want a healthy relationship with the man you love, he’ll probably come up with distractions like lavish gifts or even money persuading you to keep your mouth shut.

13. He Isn’t There For You When It’s Inconvenient For Him

Whether it’s about time or money, a married man who’s using you won’t avail himself as long as the costs are too high for him.

Photo by cottonbro

He might seem amazing when you’re well because you offer him sex for instance but the moment you get sick and are calling for him to nurse you to health, he’s suddenly busy for the rest of the week.

When you need him most, a married man who’s using you is nowhere to be found.

14. He Isn’t Taking Steps To Leave His Wife For You

You might make plans with a married man that you’ll soon be his wife when the divorce is settled. Or that he’s evicting his wife so you can move in. Or whatever promises he might tell you so you can keep him around.

But that day won’t arrive ever if he’s using you.

He’ll say he’s leaving his wife but the next thing you’ll discover is that they’re buying a holiday home together. He’ll say he hates his wife and can’t wait to issue her divorce papers and yet you’d discover on his phone that they had steamy sex the previous week. You get the point.

If he isn’t taking provable progressive steps towards leaving his wife to be with you, this is a rather good sign he’s using you.

15. He’s Always Requesting Favors From You

If he frequently calls you for business advice or requests all kinds of sexual styles from you (some too disgusting if you were honest with yourself) among other favors, then he’s probably using you. 

16. He Is Cheating On His Wife With You Yet Doesn’t Want You With Other Men

Okay, perhaps you agreed you’re going to have fun with each other and are not looking to marry or anything. This expectation means you can explore relationships with other men since the man isn’t exclusive with you either.

But then along the way, the married man starts demanding that you be faithful to him alone. Yet he isn’t making any moves to be faithful to you alone – by leaving his wife.

If you’re dealing with such a man, he’s using you.

17. He Doesn’t Mind You Seeing Other Men

On the other end of the spectrum, if a married man falls for you and wants the future with you by his side, he wouldn’t want anyone to be with you. 

But if he claims to want an exclusive relationship yet doesn’t mind you crushing on other men, then he’s using you.

18. He Never Wants Your Friends To Know Him

A married man who’s using you wouldn’t want any of your loved ones to know about it since they’ll tell you the truth. Even if you have a close roommate, you have to sneak around to be with him.

And yet he promises that you’d go public very soon. That’s a lie because when you keep him a secret, he can as well vanish and no one would believe that you dated.

19. He Manipulates You Into Being With Him

“Without me you are nothing.” “If I don’t give you money to look good, who would love you?” “If you want to get better at business, you better stay with me.”

See? This married man is manipulating you by attacking your self-esteem and playing with your dreams. 

But do you really need his money or presence to get where you want to? No. There’s always a better way. You just have to realize this is one of the top signs a married man is using you.

20. You Don’t Do Real Dates

If a man really loves you and is seeing a future with you, he’ll take you out and do stuff with you outside the bed. He would want more than the physical and emotional satisfaction he gets from you in those few hours you spend indoors.

But if your dates with a married man are limited to secluded spaces such as your house or a hotel, you’re probably going nowhere with this relationship because he’s using you.

In his mind, you’re not a High-Value Woman let alone a human being he can respect and love. But you deserve better than that.

21. He’s Selfish During Sex

Let’s talk bedroom matters since right there lies blatant signs a married man is using you.

Selfish During Sex
Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

Does the married man care about your sexual satisfaction or does he merely wait to finish and leave? If the latter is your personal experience with a married man, then he’s probably using you for his sexual pleasure and that’s all.

22. Your Instincts Tell You He’s Using You

Women perceive it when they’re being used. Call it the woman’s instinct but as we mentioned earlier, if you’re feeling like the man is using you for something, it’s probably because he is.

Want to prove your instincts wrong? Try not to give him what you think he’s using you for and see. He’ll probably prove your instincts right because more often than not, women can feel being played.

23. He Ghosts You Whenever He Wants To

Last but not least, this is one of the most blatant signs a married man is using you. 

Everything might be going well in your relationship only for the guy to drop off your radar for days even weeks. Then he might come back and explain his way back into your heart. After all, ghosters always come back.

But is this a person who truly cares for you? Is this a person you can count on in your personal life? And if he promises a future with you, are you the only woman in his heart, or are other women involved?

Married men who are ghosters are commonly users of women you want to steer clear of.

How Do You Know If A Married Man Is Unhappy In His Marriage?

Check out subtle signs a man is going through a tough patch in an unhappy marriage:

  1. He’s seeking relationship advice to make his marriage work
  2. He spends his free time away from his wife
  3. He complains about his wife a lot
  4. He pretends he’s joking about leaving his wife
  5. He advises single men to never marry
  6. He rarely goes home to his wife or goes late
  7. He behaves like a bachelor or already divorced man
  8. He’s pursuing a serious relationship with some other woman
  9. He talks of everything except his love life
  10. He has divorce proceedings going on
  11. He maintains cold body language around his wife
  12. His aura, as well as general well-being, is not as good as it used to be

Signs A Married Man Wants To Cheat With You

Here are signs most married men show when they want to cheat with you:

  • He keeps complaining about his wife to you
  • His body language tells it all
  • He makes flirty eye contact with you
  • He claims to check in on you through too many phone calls and text messages
  • He constantly checks you out
  • He’s now acting too friendly
  • He takes a keen interest in knowing you
  • He acts charming around you
  • He favors you
  • He gives you gifts
  • He compliments you often
  • He blushes when you’re around
  • He seems to enjoy time alone with you
  • He tries to be alone with you

Related: How To Seduce A Married Man: Proven Tips That Work 

How Do I Know A Married Man Using Me For Ego Boost?

If a married man is using you to boost his ego, he’ll flirt with you and even have sex with you but he won’t care about your feelings. He wants to feel attractive and wanted but he won’t be emotionally invested in you. He would especially want to dominate you.

He’ll probably show these signs:

  • He’ll exert dominance in your relationship
  • He’ll be eliciting praise from you 
  • He’s inconsistent with you, reaching out only when he needs you to stroke his ego
  • Conversations are mostly about him
  • He brags about his achievements to you

How Can I Know A Married Man Using Me Emotionally?

You’ll know a married man is emotionally using you if you spot these signs:

  • He runs to you to dump his stress
  • He complains about his wife to you
  • He acts distant when he’s not getting something from you
  • He reaches out frequently for advice
  • He doesn’t respond quickly or at all when it’s you reaching out
  • Emotional support isn’t reciprocated
  • He won’t feel guilty for not delivering his promises

How To Get Over Being Used By A Married Man

You let go of a married man you love by completely cutting him off from your life. There’s no way there can be two women in a married man’s life so understand that, cut him off from every area of your life and stay away and work on yourself so you can emotionally let go of him.

How Do You Distance Yourself From A Married Man?

If you want easy steps to follow, here they are:

  1. Work on building yourself
  2. Reject to “just be friends” with the married man
  3. Avoid texting or calling him by blocking his number
  4. Connect with new people
  5. Get away from his social media
  6. Learn that you deserve more than him – you deserve your own man whom you can work with to build a long-lasting relationship
  7. Choose to understand that your life is never going to get better because of the relationship you’re having with a married man so quit living a lie and embrace your truth to gain true happiness
  8. Imagine what you’d feel if you were his wife – no matter how bad you think the wife is
  9. Seek tailor-made advice (based on your core attachment style and other specific advice) for your situation from a certified relationship coach
  10. Remember you’re addicted to the charms of an unavailable person as explained in the video earlier – You’re not really into creating a solid relationship with an available gentleman out there for you

The Final Note

By now you’ve probably mastered these signs a married man is using you so you can run as soon as you can. Remember, many quality men are out there and one of them is single and searching for a woman like you.

You don’t need the benefits the married man is giving you because on your own, you can get them in a more peaceful and fulfilling manner.

I truly hope you found this article genuinely helpful so if you don’t mind, share it with others so they too can avoid being used by married men.

Thanks for reading!

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.