It really hurts to be love bombed then ghosted. It not only leaves you disoriented but also makes it challenging to trust yourself and others.
So let’s talk about:
- The why behind love bombing then ghosting
- What you can do if it happened to you
- The love bombing signs you can notice and flee
- How it all adds up with narcissism, and more!
Let’s start with why.
Why Do People Love Bomb Then Ghost
Here we go!
1. They Thought Grass Was Greener On Another Side
Some people get into relationships underestimating how much human nature is flawed. So when challenges come, it’s easy for such a person to see a more appealing partner out there.
This might be what happened with your love bomber.
They won’t tell you about it because they’re feeling guilty. So they decide to simply leave.
Never allow such a ghoster back into your life. You deserve someone willing to love you and work on a relationship with you no matter what – not someone who expects you to be perfect and runs away at the slightest hint of a more alluring partner.
2. They Want To Assess The Relationship More Objectively
Love bombing goes really fast and with feelings running all over the place, anyone can feel overwhelmed especially if they want a healthy relationship.
So your ghoster might have felt the need to pause everything and take a step away from the relationship to view it more clearly.
They chose to not tell you about it probably thinking you wouldn’t be open to such a transition given how you’ve deeply fallen in love with them.
No matter how pure the ghoster’s intentions may be, they lack communication integrity. Their fears of losing you blind them to the fact that you too deserve to be part of the decision making process of the relationship.
If such a ghoster comes back, you’ll have to choose whether you’ll have them back and show them how to communicate – or not.
3. They Were On A Break With Their Partner
Sometimes people fall in love short-term with someone else while on a break with their long-term partner.
But whether or not the love bomber’s feelings were true, you don’t wanna trust anybody who isn’t honest enough to tell you that they’re on a break and not completely single. Even worse, you shouldn’t trust anyone who would walk out of your life leaving you confused only to get back with their real partner as if nothing happened.
You deserve more respect than a love bombing ghoster can give.
4. They’re Done Getting What They Wanted From You
You’ve seen it in the movies. I mean, what better way to take advantage of someone than to make them fall in love with you?
But one thing is for sure, as soon as they get what they want, they’ll ghost you.
You know what you need to do is simple: never let such a person fool you into loving them ever again.
5. They Just Realized You Won’t Be Offering What They Wanted From You
Maybe they realized you weren’t falling for their tricks. Or perhaps you don’t have what they needed as they mistakenly thought. So because nothing is there for them to stick around, they make a run for it.
The same as the above reason, make sure you’re alert and impenetrable in case they come back. As for now, it’s best to move on from such a heartbreaking experience.
6. They Spotted Some Dealbreakers
Love bombing happens for a very short period since it’s unrealistic for the most part. Soon enough, real colors start emerging and the love bomber might spot some dealbreakers.
This could have happened to your love bomber and that’s why they opted to take a run for it.
Whether your love bomber spotted reasonable dealbreakers or even harmless ones like you being vegan, it’s no ground to ghost you. Mature people communicate their dealbreakers before they leave. They don’t just vanish without explanation.
So before the ghoster even comes back (because they often do), it’s best to choose to move on from this connection.
7. They’re Scared Of Break Up Talk
“We need to talk” is the scariest sentence for people who dread conflict. And your love bomber could be that type.
Maybe they wanted a real relationship with you but along the way felt like you won’t work. Instead of explaining what they feel, they choose to leave without a word hoping you’d understand No Response Is A Response.
Well, it’s a response alright. Just a cowardly one.
If you still want closure, you can respond to them with something like, “Hey, I hope you’re doing alright. Just wanted you to know that I’ll understand your reasons for leaving if you tell me. I’m not looking to get back together. Communicate as soon as you can.”
Well, if they still aren’t brave enough to communicate, you better move on fast otherwise they’ll keep you living in the past.
8. They Love-Bombed You Out Of Insecurity
Many people try to cover up their feelings of insecurity by love bombing so they can feel good about themselves.
Such people will give you unproven and unrealistic compliments such as, “You seem to be really beautiful/kind) even before seeing or knowing you. All in an attempt to make you think they’re amazing.
So once you fall for them, they can at last feed their ego by telling themselves:
- “Oh someone thinks I’m awesome, so I probably I’m awesome.”
- “I can even make this attractive person fall in love with me.”
- “Oh, now I can feel good about myself at last. Someone thinks I’m good!”
Once their need is fed (at least in the meantime), they vanish without care for your feelings.
If someone love bombs then ghosts you like that, start seeing them for who they truly are, and move on.
9. They’re Working On A Deadline
Perhaps the love bomber’s friends are all dating. Maybe they’re getting married and having children. So the love bomber feels left out and the clock is ticking too fast.
The fix they seek? You.
They come with compliments, promises, lovely gestures, and then nothing. Once they find out that you’re not a good enough target for their manipulation, they run to the next target.
And you better be thankful they skipped you because you wouldn’t have been settling for a healthy relationship.
Instead, you’d have been a pawn in the love bomber’s game of time.
What to do now? The same old solution: move on with your life until you get someone who truly wants to settle with you.
10. They Have No Reason
Many people are living on autopilot. So they see someone as attractive as you and they start dating not knowing why they’re doing it and where they’re going with it.
They make you fall in love with them only to leave as fast as they came.
Such people will answer you stuff like “I really don’t know” when you ask them what the love bombing then ghosting was all about or simply why they suddenly stopped texting.
You don’t need such an intentionless, immature person for a partner if you’re looking for a long-term healthy relationship. Delete and move on.
11. They’re Caught Up With Something In Their Lives
Some people treat their love life as an irrelevant part of their lives.
If you got love bombed by such a person, they might just forget to communicate whenever life gets busy.
You’ll know this is the reason in your case if the person comes back into your life as if nothing happened and when you ask them, you realize they don’t think it’s a big deal.
In this case, you might choose to communicate healthy relationship boundaries with the person and see if they’re responsive to your feelings. If they’re not, then they’re not ready to be a partner.
12. There Was Some Bet Going On
This is especially common with people suffering from low self-esteem. The love bomber’s friends might have made a bet on whether they’ll win you or not.
That’s why the love bomber came and succeeded in sweeping you off your feet only to leave you without notice. He possibly won the bet and found no reason to stick around.
If that’s your case, it’s best to not tolerate the love bomber in your life again. Take your time and heal so you can move on to find the one who’ll truly love you enough to want to spend their entire life with you.
13. They Wanted To Try “Your Type”
You might have qualities the love bomber was interested in. So they chose to date you and find out what it’s like.
They had no thoughts of keeping you so after a few weeks or months of showering you with affection, they get their fill and vanish.
No matter how much you fall in love with such a person, you better not try dating them again. If trying you out(which was insulting enough) wasn’t satisfying to them, they’re not worth your time.
Related: Best Ghosting Responses & Guide
14. They Were Trying To Get Over Someone
In rebound relationship stages, there’s the honeymoon phase which lasts a short period before flaws and cracks start showing up. This honeymoon stage is what you can call love bombing.
But the rebounder realizes that you’re not going to work out early enough due to their unresolved issues. For the fear of their true intentions coming out, they might ditch you without explaining a thing.
This again is someone you can’t count on to love you the way you deserve to be loved. So you better forgive and forget them before grief consumes your life.
15. They’re A Player
We all know a player is someone who fakes a deep romantic interest in several different people. They’re used to love bombing that they might seem like a soul mate to everyone who dates them.
Players do this to conceal their consuming feelings of low self-worth and psychological disorder, especially in the online dating world.
Players are usually not ready for long-term relationships so as soon as you found out you were love bombed by such, work on getting back your life and never look back again.
16. They Were Done Feeling The “High”
Starting at love at first sight, fuzzy feelings, fast speeds, fun activities, extravagant gifts, and passionate sex collectively bring an addictive high.
But soon enough challenges come around. That’s when the high drops and the love bomber runs.
If your ex-love bomber only wanted excitement instead of experiencing real stuff with you, then they’re emotionally immature. Take their leave as a blessing and move on to your future.
17. .They Want To Control You
Some love bombers genuinely have feelings for you. But they have a controlling problem.
They want to pull back from you so that out of frustration they can elicit all the attention they can get from you. But that’s if you take the bait.
If you don’t fall for their games and set boundaries on how you want to be treated, you take control out of their grasp. This scares them and hence they may leave without a word – a final attempt to see how you react.
And if you continue with your life making their presence in your life history, they learn to never mess with you ever again.
18. They’re Looking For The One
The idea of “The One” is very common. Yet most people go about it the wrong way. They usually think that the expectations they have should all be met when they meet their soul mate.
At first, you might fit the expectations of such a love bomber, only to fall short one time and subsequently fall off their list. Such a person especially if they’re highly narcissistic, will leave you without notice.
You don’t need anyone to put you in a box of expectations. You are who you are and the right person will fall for you the way you are. Keep moving.
19. They’re Scared Of Commitment
According to many victims of love bombing, everything was fine until the love bomber was expected to meet their commitment promises.
If the same happened to you, the reason for their ghosting you is possibly the fear of commitment.
In such a case, you can only accept the love bomber back on the condition that they choose to commit if they want to get back with you. But more often than not, it’s best to wait for someone who’ll commit to you without being pushed.
20. They’re A Narcissist
Most love bombers are people with a narcissistic personality disorder. In fact, love bombing then ghosting is medically interpreted in narcissistic behavior relationship phases namely:
- Idealization (love bombing)
- Discarding (ghosting)
A medical professional aware of narcissistic tendencies would explain to you your experience in the above stages. And you too can notice how the stages manifested in your relationship.
If your ghoster was a narc, you definitely dodged a dreadful relationship. Don’t think you can get them back to you and change them. You’re better off moving on with your life.
21. They Have A Perfectionist Standard For Relationships
Some people expect relationships to be perfect. And since they’re not and will never be, they might leave unannounced.
If you think well enough, you’d notice red flags your love bomber was a perfectionist. And if you do, you better move on with your imperfect life in confidence. You’re better off anyway.
How Can You Tell If Someone Is Love Bombing Or Genuine?
In genuine relationships, dating is realistic and romantic gestures are reasonably proportional to how much your date has known you. But a love bomber will take things extremely fast, ignoring your pleas to slow down plus they’ll shower you with extravagant gifts and yet cross your boundaries to do whatever they want.
Love Bombing Signs & Examples
Here are love bombing signs and red flags to spot in your new relationship:
- They go overboard with compliments
- They belittle and dismiss your boundaries
- They commit to you scary fast
- They say “I love you” without getting to know you – like on the first date
- Too many lavish gifts too often is a major red flag
- They push to spend too much time together
- They decide to move in together too fast
- They build an image of who they think you want – their identity is too flexible
- They don’t hesitate to say how important you are to them – even though you just met on a dating app
- They put you on a pedestal and yet disrespect you at the same time
- Their affection is either too hot or too cold
How Long Does The Love Bombing Stage Usually Last?
According to most personal stories, love bombing can take anywhere between 3 weeks and 12 months. Generally, the love bombing goes on until a person is fully seduced or when the love bomber’s intentions are fulfilled.
Will A Love Bomber Come Back?
A love bomber can come back anytime since they think they still have control of their victim. They often use ghosting so they can have an opportunity to explain their way back to their ex’s life. It can be explained through Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back & How To React.
How To Deal With Being Love-Bombed Then Ghosted
Firstly, you need to stop blaming yourself for being love bombed and ghosted. Love bombing is psychological manipulation and anyone can fall victim to it. So let go of the shame and guilt knowing you’re not alone. Reeducate yourself on what a healthy relationship looks like and move on with your normal life.
Why Do I Love Bomb Then Ghost?
If you usually love bomb then ghost, then you likely have insecurity issues, a narcissistic disorder, or anxious attachment style plus problems with communication. You might have been in an abusive relationship yourself and are taking others through the same psychological abuse.
Why Do Narcissists Love Bomb And Then Ghost
Narcissists love bomb then ghost people because they think this means they have power over their victim. They feed on the attention of others because deep down they feel inadequate themselves. Yet this is at the expense of others’ suffering.
They’re known for:
- Love bombing then gaslighting
- Love bombing then breadcrumbing
- Love bombing then devaluing
- Love bombing then discarding
Related: How To Make A Guy Regret Ghosting You
Some love bombers have innocent reasons while others are doing it out of bad intentions and they know it.
Whichever the case, you need to know that you’re deserving of love and respect and you’re the one to decide whether you’d give your love bomber another chance or not depending on their reason for love bombing then ghosting.
Don’t forget to keep the love bombing signs in mind to avoid it in the future.
And before you go, kindly share this article with your friends to spread love bombing awareness.
Thanks for reading!