Wondering how soon is too soon to move in with a romantic partner? This guide will help you see if you’re ready.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients better understand the important people in their lives and how to progress effectively in their relationships.
That’s why I’m excited to help you.
So, let’s dive in.
How Long Should You Be Dating Before You Move In Together?
There is no ideal amount of time that you should be dating before you decide to move in together, because relationships progress at different speeds. Some relationships will never progress to the point where living together is a good idea.
So, rather than measuring the amount of time you have been an item, you should be looking for the signs that you’re ready to take this next step in your relationship. Some of the most important signs are listed below.
Is 3 Months Too Soon To Move In Together?
It’s generally suggested that three months is not enough time for a couple to know if they’re ready to live together. However, it is possible that your relationship has progressed enough for this to be a good idea. As I said, it depends on the individual couple.
Is 8 Months Too Soon To Move In Together?
Some people might say eight months is a good amount of time to know if you’re ready to live with your partner, but again your relationship might not have progressed that far. To reiterate once more, it differs depending on the couple.
Red Flags Before Moving In Together
Below, you’ll discover the most important signs that you’re not ready to move in with your partner yet.
1. You’re Still In The Honeymoon Phase
The honeymoon phase, where you still feel butterflies whenever you see your significant other and your relationship is fueled with incredible lust, is a magical time. However, these feelings will fade eventually and hopefully develop into a deeper love for the rest of your lives together.
This deeper love isn’t about constant excitement and fireworks, but it’s more fulfilling. You might not have the butterflies of the first date, but this is what the strongest relationships look like.
With that said, if you haven’t reached this deeper stage of love yet, you shouldn’t count your chickens. Not everyone reaches it. It’s possible that the lust fades and you get bored with the relationship.
You shouldn’t move in with someone until you’ve passed the honeymoon stage and you’re still as excited as ever about being with your significant other.
Related: 13 Stages Of A Healthy Relationship
2. You Still Rely On Constant Stimulation
If you’re just started dating or you’re in the early stages of a new relationship, it’s normal that you’re always trying to excite each other with fancy dates, alcohol, parties and all that other fun stuff.
However, when you move in together, you’re not going to always have that constant stimulation. Sometimes, you’ll be alone together in the house, tired from work with nothing to stimulate you but talking to your partner.
Of course, you can rely on television to entertain you, but that’s not a long-term relationship strategy. Instead, it’s recommended that you wait until you’re comfortable in each other’s company without outside stimulation before you move in together.
3. You Haven’t Seen Each Other At Your Worst
When you’re living separately, your partner probably takes time to spruce themselves up and present their best self physically. Hopefully, they make an effort to be in a good mood and show you their best emotional self too. That’s great!
However, once you share a living space, it’s going to be near-on impossible to constantly put on this super-positive front. The mask will drop now and again. They’re going to get sick. They’re going to walk around the house in their pajamas. They’re going to be tired and moody.
So, before you agree on moving in together, it’s recommended that you’ve seen your partner at their worst and decided that you still love them.
Otherwise, you could be in for a real shock when your partner reveals a side of themselves you’ve never seen before.
4. You Don’t Know What To Expect
If you have no idea what it might be like to move in with someone, that suggests you haven’t spent enough time with them. Although you’ll never know for sure what it’s like to live with someone, you should have a solid idea from the time you’ve spent together previously.
5. You Haven’t Discussed Your Personal Expectations
Before you move in with someone, it’s recommended to discuss what you expect of anyone sharing your living space. You should set ground rules about cleaning, washing dishes, hygiene, inviting friends around, household chores, finances, all of these boring things. If you haven’t been talking about these things, it’s too soon to move in together.
6. You Haven’t Had A Trip Yet
A short holiday is widely considered a milestone that couples should reach before moving in together. It’s a nice litmus test for your compatibility with this person, giving you the opportunity to spend a reasonable amount of time in each other’s personal space without a break. You’ll share a living space for a short time and be able to get a better idea of their daily habits.
If you have a good time on your trip together without getting on each other’s nerves, that’s a good sign that you’ll enjoy moving in together.
If you haven’t had a trip together, you should try this before you move in together. At the very least, you should try living together at your own house for a week or so.
7. You Haven’t Had Your First Big Argument
This is a sign you’re still in the honeymoon stage. It’s risky moving in together without seeing how you both react to conflict. Sharing a living space is likely to cause disagreements at some point. So, it’s important to have proof you can overcome these and reach a compromise without causing too much drama. Otherwise, you could be in for a rude awakening in your own home.
8. You Have A Lot Of Arguments
If you’re already having a lot of conflict, drama and hurt feelings in your relationship, it’s worth considering whether it’s the right decision to move in together. After all, there are going to be a lot more opportunities for arguments when you live together. Perhaps it’s better to figure out how to reach compromises with less drama before you share a home.
9. They Have Bad Habits That Annoy You
If they have bad habits you don’t know about, it could be argued that you’re not ready to live with your significant other. If you know about their bad habits and they annoy you a lot, it’s probably too soon to move in together. First, you need to figure out how to deal with this bad habit or talk about how your partner could potentially stop doing it.
10. You Don’t Feel Comfortable Talking About Your Problems
Disagreements are going to pop up when you decide to move in with your significant other. If you’re not comfortable talking about things that annoy you, it’s time to learn how to have an honest conversation about these things. Keeping your pet peeves to yourself is only going to build resentment and drive you further apart from your partner once you move in together.
11. You Don’t Trust Them
Trust issues will only be exacerbated when you live together. You’ll end up wanting to know where your partner is at all times. That’s only going to cause tension in your relationship. Perhaps it’s best to discuss these issues with a life coach or relationship therapist before deciding to move in with your significant other.
12. You Still Have Jealousy Problems
Jealousy issues will almost definitely increase when you live together too. A jealous partner will end up spending every day wondering where their partner is, why he’s spending so much time with his friends etc. Address the jealousy issues before you move in together. Again, a life coach or family therapist can help you with this.
13. You’re Moving In To Try And Fix Your Relationship Problems
Progressing your relationship to try and fix problems is nearly always a bad decision. Fix the problems, create a happy and comfortable relationship, then talk about moving in together.
Here’s a bonus piece of relationship advice: it’s also wrong to get married or have kids in an effort to fix your relationship problems. In fact, that’s a great way to ruin your life.
14. You Feel Pressured
If you feel pressured to move in together, that’s a clear sign you’re not ready. You should both be excited about it.
15. You Haven’t Talked About Money
Once you’re under the same roof, you’ll inevitably be sharing finances in some way or another. Money arguments can put a spanner in the works of any couple’s relationship.
Once you’re living in the same place and sharing expenses, this is arguably when it’s no longer acceptable to be keeping financial secrets from your significant other.
If you haven’t talked about your financial goals or how you expect to share finances, you’re probably not ready to be moving in together.
16. You Haven’t Talked About Your Future Plans
Once you’re living together, you’re no longer in a casual relationship. It would only make sense to do this if you’re in it for the long haul. But do you have the same goals for the future? If you haven’t talked about this, you’re not ready to be moving in together.
17. You’re Not On The Same Page For Your Future Plans
If you have spoken about this and you have wildly different expectations, it’s not a good idea to live together. In fact, it might be better to break up. Why spend time living together when you have completely different desires for your future to this person?
18. You’re Not Fully Acquainted With Their Pets
If they have pets and you don’t know what it’s like to live with them every day, you need to learn about this before moving in together.
A cat is more of a big deal than a lot of people realize. A dog isn’t every man’s best friend. A bird can turn out to be a noisy night owl.
19. You Can’t Afford It
If moving in together is going to create a significant financial struggle, it’s better to wait until you can afford it. Wait a few months, save money and look for new digs once you can afford it.
20. You Don’t Have An Exit Strategy If Things Don’t Work Out
As unromantic as it sounds, you need to have a solid game plan for what will happen if moving in with your partner doesn’t work out. Many couples move in together without an exit plan, then one person ends up with a significant financial burden after a break-up. It’s no good deciding to sign a rental contract for two years if you can’t afford to pay it off on your own.
You need to know what will happen if you decide to break up. Where will each person live for the remainder of the rental contract, for example. Who will be responsible for the outstanding bills?
21. You Feel Nervous, Not Excited
You need to listen to your gut feeling about this decision. It’s a big step. If you feel nervous, that’s normally a sign you haven’t had all the conversations that you need to have before moving in together. Take some time to re-read the bullets above and discover what you still need to discuss.
Should We Move In Together Quiz
If you’re still unsure about whether to move in with your partner, I recommend the following tests:
Any More Questions About Moving In With A Partner?
Thanks for reading my guide. Hopefully, you now have a better idea of how soon is too soon to move in with a partner.
It’s a big step to share a house with someone. You’re going to be spending a lot more time together. You shouldn’t take this decision lightly.
If you have any questions about moving with a partner (or any other person), feel free to ask it in the comments below.
It will be great to hear from you.