Repeat after me:
I love my partner, but I love myself too.
Now say that until it actually sticks in your mind. The power of self-worth in a relationship is invaluable and just might be what determines whether or not things work out.
Unfortunately, a lot of us do not really appreciate the value they add to the relationship and this can lead to really toxic arrangements.
Let’s dive right into it.
- Evaluate Your Self-Worth in Your Actual Relationship
- Take this online test—Ask yourself the following questions
- How does your self-worth measure up?
- Knowing Your Self-Worth
- How do I make myself realize my worth?
- How do I stop overthinking my self-worth?
- How Do I Make My Partner Realize My Worth?
- How To Raise Your Value in a Relationship
So how do you know your self-worth in a relationship? How do you figure out whether or not you are doing yourself justice by staying? Well, you came to the right place for the answers.
In the sections below, you will learn all you need to know about figuring out whether you have self-worth and how to work on improving it.
First thing’s first: take the test below and pick the answer you feel best describes your attitude.
Make sure to be honest. Then once you compile your total score we can move on to some important information about improving your self-worth.
#1 Do you feel like you actually deserve to be loved?
Yes absolutely, – 10 points
Sometimes; like on my good days. – 8 points
I guess so. – 6 points
Maybe; I don’t know. – 4 points
I have a dark past, so no, I don’t. – 2 points
Definitely not. Never have never will. – 0 points
#2 Do you feel like your partner is lucky to have you in his/her life?
Luckiest man/woman alive for sure. – 10 points
Yeah, I bring something to the table. – 8 points
Sometimes he/she is lucky. – 6 points
Maybe; they have never mentioned feeling that way. – 4 points
Not all the time. I can be quite a handful. – 2 points
Nope. If anything my partner is doing me a favor dating me. – 0 points
#3 How tolerant are you of being treated poorly in your relationship?
I have a zero-tolerance policy on mistreatment. – 10 points
I have moments where I tolerate his/her shadiness. – 5 points
I guess I let him/her get away with too much. – 0 points
#4 Do you find yourself whitewashing your relationship when talking to friends and family?
I always tell it as it is. Team airing dirty laundry all the way. – 10 points
I open up only to my close family and friends. – 5 points
I have a reputation to uphold. So it’s all peaches and roses here. – 0 points
#5 Are you comfortable opening up about your needs?
Yes, I have just as much of a right to be happy as my partner. – 10 points
I open up about what I feel is really important to me. – 8 points
I am comfortable only when I feel that it will not cause conflict. – 6 points
I have my moments but I usually let it slide. – 4 points
When my partner offers I will accept, but I rarely ask. – 2 points
It’s ok; I don’t have many needs anyway so I don’t ask. – 0 points
#6 How comfortable are you with confrontation?
I was born a fighter so I am always ready to go. – 10 points
Confrontation is necessary but there are more diplomatic routes. – 8 points
I don’t like fighting, but I will not be walked over silently. – 6 points
I never start it but always get defensive and aggressive when attacked. – 4 points
My partner starts most of the confrontations, I just tag along for the ride. – 2 points
I hate confrontation and would rather suffer in silence. – 0 points
#7 How often do you take the blame when you fight?
Never. I can do no wrong. – 10 points
I’m no angel, so I take the blame when I know I am wrong. – 8 points
When my partner insists I am in the wrong I will relent with little fighting. – 6 points
I sometimes take the fall just to end the fighting. – 4 points
I think I am more often than not in the wrong. – 2 points
I take it all the time even when I am not guilty. – 0 points
#8 Who does most of the compromising when you disagree?
My partner. – 10 points
It is pretty equal. – 7 points
Me when I feel my partner’s point makes more sense. – 4 points
Me all the time. – 0 points
#9 Would you leave your partner if they cheated on you?
I’d leave and never look back, explanations be damned. – 10 points
Yes; but I would want a full explanation. – 7 points
It depends on the circumstances. – 4 points
Probably not, I really am lucky to have him/her. – 0 points
#10 Would you leave your partner if they abused you in one way or another?
I have a zero-tolerance policy on abuse. – 10 points
I would like to think so. – 7 points
It depends on the circumstances. – 4 points
No, not if I brought it on myself. – 0 points
#11 On a scale of 0 to 10, how defensive would you consider yourself?
Rate yourself with 0 being the points for very defensive and 10 for not defensive at all.
#12 On a scale of 0 to 10, how much do you trust your partner?
Rate yourself with 0 being the points for very little trust and 10 for full trust.
#13 How do you deal with insecurities in your relationship?
I am very vocal and always seek reassurance from my partner. – 10 points
I drop hints to get him/her to notice. – 7 points
I get passive-aggressive until they ask what’s up. – 4 points
I keep it to myself. – 0 points
#14 Would you consider yourself a people pleaser?
I don’t really care too much about people’s opinions. – 10 points
I don’t fake it but I like to be appreciated. – 8 points
I sometimes care too much about what other people think but passively. – 6 points
I go out of my way to sometimes impress people. – 4 points
I do not know how to say no. – 2 points
I live for approval even at the expense of my peace and happiness. – 0 points
#15 Do you think your relationship will last?
For sure; move over Romeo and Juliet. – 10 points
It needs some work but we can get to happily ever after. – 7 points
Maybe; we’re going through a rough patch so I am not too sure. – 4 points
Probably not. It is just a matter of time before he/she leaves me. – 0 points
Tally your score and check the scale below to see how your self-worth measures up.
121 to 150 points – You clearly have no issues with esteem and worth.
You are very confident and comfortable with who you are in your relationship. And this is a great thing. However, remember that there is such a thing as too much self-worth in the relationship (if you let it go to your head). So make sure that your strength and confidence are not at the expense of your partner’s happiness. But otherwise, you are doing really well.
91 to 120 points – You have a healthy amount of self-worth and awareness.
It is evident that you know your self-worth in a relationship and this is wonderful. You have just the perfect amount of self-esteem and worth to ensure you are actually happy in your relationship without being an emotional bully to your partner. So keep doing whatever you are doing.
61 to 90 points – You don’t hate yourself, but you could be doing better.
If you fall into this category, you are at the halfway point between healthy self-worth and low-key self-hate. And this is not a great place to be at. It is highly likely that you end up giving up a lot of your own personal joy for the sake of your partner and others in your life. If this doesn’t change, you will end up giving too much of yourself and getting hurt.
31 to 60 points – You are dangerously close to the realm of toxicity.
Sorry honey but you are not really doing well when it comes to knowing your self-worth in a relationship. You are just a simple stone’s throw away from full-on self-hate, and you are not doing yourself or your relationship any favors. It is time you rethink your relationship strategy before you run it and your emotional health into the ground.
0 to 30 points – You have very little if any self-worth.
First of all. You are worth it. You deserve the best in life. You deserve the best that your partner has to offer.
Tell yourself this until you believe it because the unfortunate truth is that you don’t know your self-worth in a relationship, and it will end up hurting you.
It is also very important if this is how you feel that you only surround yourself with people who reassure you. If your partner keeps bringing you down further, then you need to love yourself and leave.
Well, that was intense right?
But it had to be done because it is essential to your emotional and mental health that you know your self-worth in a relationship and actually believe in your value.
If you ended up on the lower end of the scoring table then you clearly have a lot to work on.
If you were in the upper half then you are doing well but you still need to work to keep that fire burning.
Either way, it is important to understand that building self-worth is a continuous process.
- Fake it till you make it.
- Keep reaffirming yourself. Mirror pitches definitely help a lot.
- Invest in self-improvement projects. It could be anything from going back to school to giving yourself a makeover.
- Listen to people who reassure you of your worth.
- Avoid haters and naysayers.
- Stop overthinking criticism and negative vibes sent your way. Learn your lesson and let go.
To put it simply: you are worthy. You are full of worth. Everyone is special in some way, all you have to do is realize it.
Overthinking is just another form of overcomplicating. So, the first step is to simplify your thoughts about self-worth.
Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say “I’m worth it. And that’s good enough for me.”
Whenever you doubt your self-worth, just repeat those words to yourself over and over again.
Don’t analyze your actions. Don’t worry about what you may have said or done. Don’t overthink.
For the most part, it is entirely up to you to determine and know your self-worth in a relationship.
Your partner will not determine it for you in any way. However, it is important to get them to see you as you see yourself.
If she or he sees you as anything less, it will only bring you back to the negative space you already escaped from.
So, get your partner on board with your newfound awesomeness and you will be happier than you ever have been in your relationship.
Here are a few tips on how to do this.
- Be vocal about your self-worth and esteem.
- Do not let him/her get away with things they did wrong.
- Show them that you are not afraid of speaking up when something isn’t right.
- Listen to their criticism and call them out if it is more toxic than constructive.
- Learn how to have healthy fights together.
- Make your expectations and non-negotiables clear.
- Stick to your guns when your expectations aren’t met.
Knowing Your Worth When Dating
When you’re dating, knowing your worth is an important part of building a long-term relationship.
While you have to know for yourself that you are worthy, your partner should help you along as well.
And at the very least, they shouldn’t do anything to diminish how valuable you are. If they do, this is a sure sign that the relationship isn’t meant to be.
Knowing Your Worth When Married
Marriage can be a lot of really great things. But one thing that it often becomes is a rut. Since you two have “settled down”, the spark has a way of dying down.
A partner who may have once made you feel like the world every single day suddenly doesn’t buy you flowers anymore or surprise you with a kiss.
Don’t let the slow times in your married life make you question your self-worth. They are a natural part of the psychology of love.
So rather than spending hours worrying about why your partner doesn’t make you feel special anymore, spend that energy cooking up clever ways to reignite the romance again:
- Plan a date night out.
- Surprise your spouse with a romantic night in.
- Do your spouse’s chores without saying a thing about it.
- Do something that you always did when you were dating.
- Plan a trip away for the weekend (or longer).
- Buy flowers or some equally cherished sign of love.
- Sign up for a class together, like dancing or cooking.
Now that you know your self-worth in a relationship, how to realize it, and how to get your partner on board, you need to understand how to keep that train moving.
Remember that it is a continuously active process, and the moment you get complacent you will end up in that dark little corner you fought so hard to get out of.
To help you out, here are a few final tips and tricks on how to work on raising your worth in your relationship.
- Remember that the power is in your hands.
- Take time to invest in your interests.
- Take time to identify what you actually expect from your partner and other people around you.
- Learn from your mistakes and accept constructive criticism.
- Let go of any baggage that may be holding you back.
- Surround yourself with positive vibes and people.
- Just love yourself unapologetically.
Relationship Test – Proven by Tony Robbins
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