33 Tricks: How To Not Get Attached To People (2024)

You fall hard and fast, giving your all to those you vibe with. But it’s causing problems instead of creating the perfect relationships you dream of.

How To Not Get Attached To People
Photo by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash

If that’s you, then this article is for you. You’ll learn how to not get attached to people in 5 main sections:

  1. Understanding What It Means to Not Get Attached
  2. Dealing With Identity Issues behind the Attachment
  3. Accepting Change
  4. Strengthening Your Resolve with Calming Habits
  5. Learning the Art of Self Control
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Let’s dive in!

Understand What It Means to Not Get Attached

To not get attached in this case means non-attachment, not to be indifferent. Let me explain further –

1. Grasp the art of non-attachment

While indifference means to be disinterested, insensitive, and negligent, non-attachment means not having concerns over what you can’t control.

It means to express and experience love in relationships without stressing about how long the relationship will last or how much the other person loves you. 

This gets easier when you do the following.

2. Accept that relationships are fleeting

Like jobs and possessions, relationships are a moving target. You can give them your best to increase their chances of them lasting forever and they’ll still end anytime. 

But it isn’t the end of the world for you.

While you don’t need to worry about anything coming between you ad the people you love, it’s wise to understand that nothing is guaranteed to live forever. 

3. Note different relationship types and stages

Each relationship has varying reasons and seasons. 

Some are meant to escalate faster, others, not so fast. Some are meant to be for the rest of your life and some to last a while. Some relationships you thought would last a lifetime reach so far only to end unexpectedly.

For example, you might drift apart with your longtime childhood friend as you both settle into different lives and that’s okay. You don’t have to force the communication you used to have and that wouldn’t make the connection you had any less genuine. It only means the season for the close relationship you had is over – but you can still hang out when you meet.

That’s why you need to stay flexible. To practice non-attachment, you have to adapt to the natural flow of your relationships (whether romantic or non-romantic) so you can enjoy them and still not stress over them when they end.

4. Treasure the relationships in the moment

If you’ve grasped the art of non-attachment thus far, you must know how crucial the present moment with someone is. 

To manage not stressing over a relationship ending or even when it does, you need to seize the opportunity of having your loved ones and give the best you can to your relationships now.

Enjoy yourself so you don’t regret tomorrow.

5. Accept when it’s time to let go

If you think it’s time to leave a relationship or someone told you they want to leave, there’s no need to dilly dally about it.

That’s time to appreciate the fun and lessons you had and strive to move on. Of course, this part of non-attachment isn’t easy either. That’s why you should check out the Best Ways To Learn Acceptance And Letting Go.

Deal With Identity Issues behind the Attachment

Attachment issues are caused by identity issues that are commonly traced back to childhood, traumatic events, and abusive relationships

But with the following tips, you can develop a sense of self that leads you to healthier relationship dynamics.

6. Commit yourself to self-discovery

To build a strong foundation for non-attachment, you must know yourself. Self-discovery helps you realize your strengths and weaknesses which helps you discern how to deal with various relationships.

Here are questions to help you realize your own identity:

  • What 5 words can I use to accurately describe myself?
  • What type of relationship do I really desire?
  • What things am I afraid to reveal to the world about myself?
  • Why do I fear losing this person?
  • Am I comfortable with being alone?
  • Do I feel comfortable being myself in this relationship?
  • Why do I feel like I have to hide my true self?
  • What makes me difficult to love?
  • What things do people commonly complain about me in my relationships?
  • How do I deal with conflict in my relationship? Does it work peace?

7. Spend time alone doing stuff you enjoy

If you were to have fun doing stuff alone, what would you do?

List a number of things you’d like to do alone and do them. The more you spend time having fun with yourself, the less emotionally attached you get.

8. Seek healthy strategies for meeting your own needs

People with high emotional intelligence know how to not get attached to people too much. And it’s because they know how to meet their emotional needs in a healthier manner instead of depending on others to do so.

To fulfill your needs so you can stop being overly attached to people:

  • Celebrate yourself for your strengths, efforts, and achievements
  • Give yourself admiration
  • Validate your struggles
  • Make yourself feel special
  • Appreciate yourself
  • Handle yourself with understanding
  • Practice self-love
  • Handle yourself with self-respect

It’s all about parenting your inner child as a parent would their child.

9. Make yourself your best company

No amount of company would be good enough if you don’t enjoy your own. Therefore, this is still a reminder to start spending time alone, looking for ways you can enjoy yourself with old and new hobbies.

This list Life-Changing Social Hobbies For Introverts may come in handy.

10. Practice healthier relationship skills

If you want to get less emotionally attached to people, you need to:

  • Have realistic expectations
  • Communicate constructively
  • Adapt to changes
  • Stay Reliable
  • Fight constructively
  • Validate the other person’s struggles and your own
  • Stay true to yourself

Accept Change

Change is inevitable in relationships. In this case, things may change because:

  • You choose to become less emotionally attached to people
  • Someone leaves you
  • You’re going to leave someone
  • You drift apart from your loved one

But if you begin to adapt to relationship changes with the following tips, you can master how to not get attached to people. Let’s check them out!

11. Allow yourself to feel

You’ll feel bad for losing the attachment you had since you were familiar with the highs and lows of it – as controversial as it sounds. 

Don’t suppress those emotions. If you have to mourn over your relationships by crying every day for the next two weeks, do it. 

Releasing the emotions helps you get over the emotional attachment rather than trying to maintain a stoic attitude. Moreover, it’s good for your mental health.

12. Keep yourself busy

To help you not wallow in negative thoughts and feelings, it’s best to busy yourself up as you deal with the changing relationships.

Keep yourself busy
Image by Sammy-Sander from Pixabay

Plan a list of things you’d do through this season like the new hobby you’re going to try and the exercises in this article you’re going to commit to.

13. Choose something to distract yourself from going back

Like any type of change, you’d be tempted to go back – to cling onto your emotional attachments and be contented with the somewhat comfortable life you’d been living.

But as you already know, that’d be a terrible idea.

So use a mantra if you have to. It could be something like, “I am stronger than my pain so I won’t obey it.”

14. Talk it out

You’ve probably heard it a million times by now. That a problem shared is a problem half-solved.

There’s much truth to that statement. So check your loved ones as well as acquaintances, who can you share with about your struggle with emotional attachment? 

You can also speak to a professional like a coach or licensed therapist.

15. Lean on support

To become emotionally strong, you need support. 

It should be made up of people with your best interests at heart and someone who’s some steps ahead of you in becoming less emotionally attached to others.

If you have no offline options, you can meet your support system in online self-improvement groups.

16. Let them go if they want to

If you want to be accepting of change, you have to let go of everyone who doesn’t want to be in your life.  It doesn’t matter how much emotional investment you’ve put in that relationship, whoever wants to leave should feel free to leave.

This would not only help you start developing emotional stability but also will open up opportunities for healthier future relationships.

17. Let time do its healing

You can’t expect yourself to drop an emotional attachment to someone overnight. Even by following these tricks, you need to accept that this change might take quite a while, especially if you were really close to someone.

However, as time goes by, you’d experience more emotional distance which helps you manage your feelings better.

Strengthen Your Mindset with Calming Habits

Being overly emotionally attached to someone is connected with anxiety according to recent Adult Attachment Research. It’s specifically known as attachment anxiety.

And that’s where calming habits come in. If you’re looking to end the trail of insecure attachment in your life, you need to start using the following tactics to become calmer in your relationships.

18. Release expectations

Expectations bring so much disappointment when others fail to treat you the way you desire. And while you need to have relationship goals to keep in mind, it’s better to focus more on what you can do instead of what others aren’t doing to you or for you.

Learn more at Effective Ways How To Let Go Of Expectations.

19. Accept uncertainty

If you want to have secure emotional attachments with people, you need to stop obsessing over certainties of the future and start accepting you don’t have all the answers.

Enjoy the moment you have with the people in your life and accept that these amazing relationships you have might not last forever and that’s okay.

20. Observe yourself non-judgementally

To reduce emotional attachment to others, you need to be less attached to your emotions. Your emotions are a rollercoaster that shouldn’t be riding your love life, career relations, or any aspect of your life for that matter. The way you feel now isn’t the same way you’d feel next week let alone a year from now.

That’s why you need to start practicing non-judgmental observation of your emotions, not identifying with them. You can start doing this during your self-reflection sessions and ease the practice into your daily dealings with people.

21. Journal your thoughts

Journaling helps you not only remember these tips more clearly but also helps keep your emotions in check.

By writing your experiences down, you’re able to process your feelings and ground yourself in the present moment more.

22. Let go of controlling behavior

This human behavior mostly stems from the fear of losing someone so you try to micro-manage everything in the hopes that the other person, say a romantic partner, won’t leave you. 

However, this tendency tends to develop too much emotional attachment and worsens the odds of the relationship surviving. However, these Ways How To Stop Being Controlling In A Relationship can help you get out of unhealthy emotional attachment.

Learn the Art of Self Control

Self-control is the art of slowing down reactions to situations to be able to think more clearly and act more deliberately instead of impulsively. 

For someone too emotionally attached to people, self-control helps you act more intentionally instead of emotionally (like out of anger, loneliness, or sadness).

23. Slow down your response

The first thing to know about self-control is to slow things down always. 

Whether you’re having fun or are in a heated disagreement, slowing down to think can help you see the situation objectively which helps make better decisions.

24. Process the situation

Thinking things through in any situation means:

  • You’d refrain from getting easily attached to people you don’t know well
  • When tempted to react out of unpleasant emotions, you’d be able to realize the consequences
  • You’d be able to see things from the other person’s perspective which help you stop being overly sensitive

Overall, you’d become less emotionally attached and would practice more secure attachment.

25. Act intentionally

Instead of riding your life on emotions, ensure that you know the reason why you do what you do when relating to others.

For instance, you can’t stay in a toxic relationship just because you felt connected through your past experiences on the first date. You have to identify your current intentions with this person and whether they’re up for it.

26. Walk away from the situation

Especially during the early stages of practicing non-attachment, self-control would be hard to exercise when you face overwhelming situations.

However, instead of letting emotions take over, you need to walk away from the situation so you can handle it later after you’ve calmed down.

27. Learn assertive communication

This type of communication involves you making your point confidently and yet with non-attachment. You can do this by expressing your needs, beliefs, and emotions with clear, honest statements.

Learn Assertive Communication
Image by Mircea – See my collections from Pixabay

Here’s an example: “I felt neglected when you didn’t remember my birthday because I believe this is one of the top ways a someone shows their care for their romantic partner.”

28. Strive to live ethically

You must be wondering how this applies to being too emotionally attached.

Commonly, we get too attached to the wrong people – like an ex who’s married or some other scenario that dishonors other people. 

That’s why bringing an ethical perspective to this situation helps.

29. Respect other people’s boundaries

Other people’s boundaries tend to keep you in check even if your emotions want to get the best of you.

For instance, while you might feel like spending all your free time with someone in the early stage of your new relationship, their time limits would help you avoid being too clingy.

That’s why you need to respect their limits to not get too emotionally attached.

30. Set up limits for yourself and others

Too much emotional attachment is sometimes a result of loose boundaries. 

That’s why you need to set healthy boundaries for others and your own (like not texting with your friends all the time). This not only earns you respect from others but also gains you self-respect.

31. Reduce attachment-enabling actions

What actions make you more vulnerable to getting emotionally attached to someone? Cut them to a minimum.

If you get easily attached to someone you like romantically, slow down your first dates. If you realize you get clingy with every new person in your neighborhood, visit them less. You get the point.

32. Take a break from those you feel attached to

Spending time and energy on someone you’re emotionally attached to increases the attachment. 

That’s why you need to spend less time with them. 

Depending on your situation, you can find a good enough excuse to get some extra hours by yourself. Of course, it’ll come with challenges since people may take notice of your withdrawal but you have to deal with them wisely and stay on course with your mission.

33. Talk out your concerns

If you see you’re getting too emotionally attached to someone who can understand you, you can talk to them about your concerns.

This way, they can give you space and even provide the emotional support you need to develop a healthier way of relating with people.

Read: Ways To Stop Chasing People And Start Attracting

How to Stop Being Emotionally Attached – Final Pointers

How do I stop being emotionally attached to people?

To stop being emotionally attached to someone, reduce the time you spend with them, discover your sense of self, and deal with the root problem with a therapist or coach whilst leaning on family and friends for support.

Why do I get attached so easily psychology? Why do people easily get attached?

According to psychology, people get easily attached because:

  • You had inconsistent parenting 
  • You get close too fast with people you like
  • You make relationship decisions based on emotions
  • You tend to depend on other people to be happy
  • You suffer from a low self-esteem
  • You don’t practice self-love
  • You don’t set limits for your relationships
  • You’re highly sensitive

How to not get attached to friends

To not get too attached to your best friends:

  • Spend less time with them
  • Enjoy yourself alone in your personal hobbies
  • Learn to spend quality time with other people in your life like family
  • Accept that you may not be their best friend
  • Understand that friendships can end anytime
  • Let them go if they want to
  • Practice self-care

How to not get attached to a guy – How to not get attached to a girl

Here are tips for not getting attached too fast:

  • Slow things down
  • Have quality time with other loved ones
  • Have fun alone
  • Lower your expectations
  • See his/her flaws and not just the good side
  • Express your honest opinions
  • Set boundaries for yourself and him/her
  • Get to know him thoroughly
  • Objectively decide the relationship you want
  • Identify your triggers

How to not get too attached to a crush – How to not get attached to someone online

  • Disobey your feelings until you get to know them deeply
  • Release your expectations
  • Limit your contact with them
  • Focus on enjoying your real life
  • Quit the fantasy and wait for a real relationship
  • Get to know their flaws
  • Snap yourself back to reality when fantasizing
  • Picture this as a dating school or demo

Closing Thoughts

I hope this article has helped you discover how to not get attached to people in your own way. While we’ve discussed many tips, the most important thing is to take a few that fit best in your situation.

Set goals around your chosen tips and start working on them. Do this and you’ll develop non-attachment, a powerful way of dealing with people.

Thanks for reading!

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.