13 Ways To Stop Chasing People And Start Attracting (2024)

It feels the worst when you’re the one always initiating contact, the one keeping the communication going, the one chasing people. 

But you can change this. You only need to master the following tactics to stop chasing people and attract them instead.

Stop Chasing People
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Let’s dive in!

1. Understand Not Everyone You Chase Is Meant to Be In Your Life

While you might find it hard to believe, not everyone who seems to be a good fit in your life is meant to be a fit at all.

As the saying goes, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.”

Some people come into your life to teach you how to respond to rejection. Others with disorders like narcissism pop into your life to teach you how to deal with such personalities. Some are merely meant to be distant acquaintances you can count on when you’re in need.

This means everyone comes into your life for a purpose which isn’t always to catch them after a chase.

Knowing this helps you move on from people who are disinterested in you real quick. You’d be able to sit back and learn which makes you more attractive for chasing.

2. Accept That Relationships Can End Anytime

Everyone dreads ending a relationship they’ve invested so much on. But if this is your case, don’t be scared.

You can gain so much from a friendship that’s going to last 2 years more than one which lasted 10 years. 

Therefore, no matter how much you shared and how long you were closely related to someone when someone hints to you that they’d like to be allowed out of your life, let them be. You never know the amazing happier relationships you’ll have in the future.

You can reach out a couple of times due to the love you have for someone, but if they’re not responding continually and for no valid reason, let them go. It’s good for your peace of mind and for their freedom as well.

3. Adapt to Different Relationship Types

Being adaptable in relationships is the best way to live with humans. You’ll never force any relationship, and you’d be enjoying the varying types of connections you have with people.

What do I mean?

  • You might be friends with someone all your childhood but when you take different life paths, you drift apart and make new close friends. The seasonal friendship with the person isn’t any less loving because you didn’t remain close all your life. It simply means you moved on to other affections and even when you meet you can have a good time bonding over the past.
  • You can have an acquaintance who becomes a close friend after relating distantly for 10 years with them. If you pushed to be close friends 5 years before, you’d have missed the opportunity of having them by your side for perhaps the rest of your life.
  • Your workmate might become your lifelong partner after 2 years of dating while you’ve been working together for 8 years

See the point here? 

Relationships have seasons and reasons so understanding this and adapting to the natural flow of your relationships helps you stop chasing people and start attracting them at the right time, for the right reasons.

4. Cultivate Fulfillment From Within

If you’re finding it hard to stop chasing people in your life, you’re probably not feeling enough fulfillment from within. 

When you’re fulfilled in life, you’re comfortable and happy with just being on your own – anyone else who can complement your happiness can be added to your table. But they are not the source of your happiness.

If you become fulfilled in your life, you’ll stop chasing after people and at the same time, people would be attracted to you. So how do you get there? 

Here are some tips to find fulfillment from within:

  1. Appreciate what you already have in your life: From the small things to the major things, find what makes your life good enough and be thankful for that
  2. Reconnect with your values: Without external pressures, what matters to you most? Focus on that
  3. Commit to growth: Is there something you can focus on that can help you grow? Dive into that

Fulfillment in your own life inspires others to want a piece of you. And with these three tactics, you can make it happen.

5. Take Them off the Pedestal

“He/She has the best body ever.” “I love her/his personality, it’s so interesting.” “Having her as a friend is an honor, she’s so cool!”

When you put someone on a pedestal, you’ll seek their validation and won’t stop chasing after them. But this drains your energy and your self-confidence by a great deal.

But what if you took them off that high ground you’ve set in your mind? What if you knew how narcissistic they are? What if you knew how normal they are?

Wouldn’t that help you stop chasing people just for the sake of the irrational image you have in your mind about them?

So take off those rose-colored glasses and see the one you’re chasing for who they really are.

Related: Ways To Let Go Of Someone You Love And Move Forward

6. Stop Justifying Their Actions and Face the Truth

Are you making excuses for the person you’re chasing? Are you trying to justify their lack of interest in you? 

To stop chasing people, you have to stop making excuses for their unresponsive behavior. You have to face the truth that they’re not reciprocating the love you’re trying to show them and that their behavior is disappointing you.

When you face the truth regarding this matter, you’ll be able to make the decision to stop chasing and start attracting instead.

7. Make Plans and Let Others Work Around Them

Do you usually find yourself caving to other people’s plans? Meaning even if you propose a date, the other person wants it on their own terms.

Make Plans
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Whether it’s a friendship or romantic relationship, you need to exercise self-respect and start making plans you stick by. It shows others you’re comfortable in your own skin and company which makes you attractive to them.

Start refusing to go out of your way to please other people. Create your own schedule and stick with it – if they wish to respect it, well and good. If they don’t, don’t bother fitting your plans into theirs.

After some time sticking to your life plan, the ones who truly care about you will come to share your plans with you. You’ll attract them into your life instead of you chasing after them.

Related: Ways To Stop Depending On External Validation

8. Consider the Fact That How They Treat You Now Won’t Change

“He’ll change once he gets to know me.” “She’ll change once we get into a relationship.” “I’ll one day catch them and they’ll start treating me with the respect I deserve.”

If you keep thinking close about these ideas, then I’m sorry to tell you you’re wrong.

If someone doesn’t care about your feelings now, what makes you think they’ll change when you catch them? If you chase people who just enjoy the thrill of being chased, what makes you think they’ll start treasuring you once you catch them?

If the people you’re chasing after don’t value you now, they’ll likely won’t value you later. Knowing this will help you let go of chasing people.

9. Remember the Type of Relationships You Really Want

What type of friendship do you want? How would you like to relate to your partner? How would you love to be handled by your workmate?

With respect, right? That at least they should contribute around 50 percent of the effort you’re putting to make the relationship work.

If you want to stop chasing people into unhealthy relationships, it’s time to describe the nature of relationships you deem good for you and decide you won’t settle for less.

10. Set Boundaries and Stick With Them

If you deem yourself worthy of love and respect, you probably have your dealbreakers when it comes to relationships. These are lines you don’t like being crossed when it comes to relating with other humans.

However, if you chase people often, you probably compromise on your boundaries.

But this is the time to set new ones and enforce them if you want to succeed in stopping the people chase.

Here are examples of boundaries to help you stop chasing people and start attracting them:

  • If X consistently doesn’t respond to my reaching out more than three times without a good reason, I won’t contact them again
  • I shall communicate my needs to X and if they don’t try to meet them, I’ll walk away from the relationship
  • I must ask where my crush is willing to go with their feelings for me and if they don’t want to commit for more than three months, I’ll stop chasing after them

Related: Violating Boundaries: Helpful Strategies To Hold Yours

11. Drop Expectations on Your Unresponsive Relations

The reason why you can’t stop chasing people and yet it’s frustrating you is because you hold these unresponsive people to a high standard they can’t reach.

Drop Expectations
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In order to let go of them, you must face the reality that someone has consistently made you chase them without reciprocating the effort. You must come to terms with the fact that they have that behavior and no amount of chasing on your part would change them.

Dropping your expectations on them frees you also to reach out to them less and less frequently since you’re not expecting anything in return.

12. Stop Needing the Other Person in Your Life

Do you feel you need the people you’re chasing in your life? Do you think you can’t live without him/her? Do you think your career will end if you stop chasing your boss?

You don’t need to chase people to live the life you want.

Once you understand and actually live on this principle, you’ll find yourself attracting people instead of chasing them.

Related: Unique Texts To Get Him Chasing You

13. Start Being Your Best Companion

If you’re not happy being alone, no amount of true friends can make you truly happy. If you’re not peaceful while alone, getting a romantic partner won’t help you magically gain peace of mind. If you can’t be fulfilled within yourself, no one can fulfill you.

You get the point.

So if you want to stop chasing people and engaging in toxic relationships, you need to learn how to enjoy your company. Here’s how:

  • Spend time getting to know yourself
  • Pursue your interests
  • Honor your needs
  • Laugh at yourself
  • Cultivate self-love and self-confidence in you
  • Be honest with yourself
  • Do fun activities alone
  • Treat yourself as you would a friend

If you practice being happy in your own company, you can never waste your time chasing after people. In fact, you’ll attract people and start having stories as I Stopped Chasing Her Now She Wants Me.

More Insights on Stopping the Chase to Attract People

Here’s a recap on why you might be chasing people in relationships, what it means, and more!

When to not stop chasing people – Are there people worth chasing?

To chase people isn’t always bad. There are some people worth texting always even if we’re the ones initiating contact.

For example:

  • You can’t quit chasing your parent by visiting and calling them just because they don’t reciprocate. 
  • You also can’t stop texting your younger family members who need you just because they don’t do the same or only text when they need something from you.
  • Perhaps you’re a leader somewhere and you need to follow up on some people who don’t contact you unless they want something

What does it mean to stop chasing someone?

To stop chasing someone means to quit making direct advances at a person who has shown disinterest whether in words, actions, or lack thereof. It means you stop using your time and energy on someone who doesn’t appreciate your efforts. When you stop chasing they might or might not chase after you.

How do I stop chasing? How do I stop chasing one person? 

Here are strategies to stop chasing start attracting:

  1. Cultivate fulfillment from within
  2. Take them off the pedestal
  3. Stop justifying their actions and face the truth
  4. Make plans and let others work around them
  5. Consider the fact that how they treat you now won’t change
  6. Remember the type of relationships you really want
  7. Set boundaries and stick with them
  8. Know who you’re willing to fight for
  9. Drop expectations on your unresponsive relations
  10. Stop needing the other person in your life
  11. Accept that relationships can end anytime
  12. Let them go
  13. Be your best companion

Related: Helpful Strategies – When He Pulls Away Do Nothing!

Why do I keep chasing people who don’t want me?

Here are some of the psychological reasons you might be habitually used to chasing people:

  • You are intrigued by a challenge rather than the person themselves
  • You aren’t confident in your likeability so are seeking validation from someone you feel is out of your league
  • You might have been denied love as a child and therefore grew up chasing after it
  • You’re madly in love
  • You have a mental health disorder like anxiety breeding neediness

How to stop chasing someone who doesn’t want you – how to stop chasing friendships

To stop chasing someone who doesn’t want you, you first must accept that they don’t want you. Then you need to move on with your social life by doing what you really like to distract yourself from the rejection. After some time enjoying your life, the desire to chase would fade away and you’ll attract those who truly want you.

Final Thoughts on Stopping the Chase and Welcoming Attraction

I hope you now know what you need to do to stop chasing people in your life and start attracting others who are for you. Remember, people are attracted to self-confidence in their interactions.

Which strategy will you use to quit chasing people? Let’s talk in the comments!

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.