Frustrations surrounding ‘right person, wrong time’ can hold you back in your quest for love and happiness.
As an experienced life coach, I’m often in discussions with people about their love life. The ‘right person at the wrong time’ is one thing they commonly bring up.
That’s why I want to share my thoughts on the topic – and offer you six strategies to help you stay grounded.
Let’s dive right into it.
Can You Really Meet The Right Person At The Wrong Time?
Who is the ‘right person at the wrong time’ really?
Most likely, this person made you feel incredible emotions, but didn’t fit with the overall direction you wanted for your life?
If that’s the case, are they really the ‘right’ person?
The answer is NO.
Yet, it’s still common to mourn their loss and curse our bad luck for months or years after parting ways. Below, I’ll address the reasons why people tend to do this and some ideas to help you stop.
6 Strategies To Move On From The Right Person At The Wrong Time
If you’re still hung up on this person, please know that it’s harming your chances of finding a better new relationship.
While it’s healthy to mourn the loss of relationships for a short time, holding on to sadness or bitterness creates a dark energy that repels new people from wanting to be around you.
If you want to find the right person at the right time, you need to move on from this wrong person.
So, let’s explore my list of six actions to help you do this.
1. Focus On Your Mission
From an early age, we’re bombarded with the idea that true love is the key to ever-lasting happiness. In almost every fairytale, TV series or movie, the hero successfully fights for their love interest and they live ‘happily ever after’.
These stories are fabulously heart-warming and entertaining, but they can lead us to think we need someone else to make us happy.
That’s not true at all.
In fact, when someone is unhappy with their life as a singleton, they’ll often poison their relationships with their problems and insecurities. That’s why any decent relationship coach will suggest you need to learn to love yourself, before you can love someone else.
There are many ways to do this. But discovering your life’s purpose is one of the most consistent strategies for self-love, happiness and fulfillment.
Find that one thing that makes you feel excited to get out of bed in the morning. That one goal it feels like you were put on this earth to pursue. The mission you’d happily spend every day completing, even if you weren’t paid a penny.
All humans have fluctuating moods, but people who have found their purpose tend to have a high baseline level of happiness. They don’t need the newest gadget or a partner by their side to be happy. If they immersed themselves in their passion or took a step closer to their life goal, they’re fulfilled for the day.
As it goes, this type of person tends to have little problem attracting a long-term partner. Their ambitious nature, lack of neediness and overall happiness makes them a lot more attractive. But if their partner gets in the way of their life mission, they have no problem recognising that this is the wrong person for them.
It’s those without a strong purpose – that tend to seek fulfilment within their relationships – who have the hardest time with break-ups.
So, if you’re still mourning having met the ‘right person at the wrong time’, I’d urge you to focus more on finding your life’s purpose and recognising how much more important this is to your overall happiness.
Then, you’ll truly see how important it is that the ‘right person’ fits in with your pursuit of this purpose.
2. Separate Facts From Projection
Romantic relationships are fuelled by powerful emotions. These emotions can make us see the world differently to how it really is. The rose-tinted glasses are strong when we think we’ve met ‘The One’, especially when we’re using that relationship as our only source of happiness and fulfilment. Often, we’ll project good qualities onto our partner that may not exist in reality.
Essentially, we enjoy these emotions so much that we convince ourselves this person has everything we want in a long-term partner.
So, when it doesn’t work out, it’s often a useful exercise to separate the facts from fiction. Write two lists. Which of their good qualities were real, and which were just projections? These lists should help you to stop seeing things the way they never were.
3. Ask Yourself What Would Have Happened After The Butterflies?
This initial stage when we first meet someone and are swept up by emotions is often called the ‘honeymoon period’.
It’s well documented that these feelings wear off and that the honeymoon period eventually ends.
The couples that stay together beyond this stage do so because they fit well in each other’s lives and care for each other on a deeper level. They made a conscious decision to keep loving each other, even though the spark has somewhat fizzled out. It can be hard work at times.
Often, you never get to that stage with the ‘right partner at the wrong time’ – and that’s why it can feel so painful when you part ways.
When this happens, it can be useful to ask yourself what might have happened when the butterflies flew away? Would they still be the right person?
Sometimes, you may not know the answer. But often, if the timing of your relationship was wrong, the answer will be NO.
4. Cherish The Memories
Take the time to realise that good things always come to an end. Everything does! The constant ‘happily ever after’ endings in TV and film can make us forget that.
As morbid as it sounds, every relationship finishes, even if it’s after someone dies. If it was a good relationship, you will always want to have stayed together longer. There’s no avoiding this.
So, rather than mourning what might have lasted longer, why not choose to cherish the good things you did get to experience. That’s surely more useful than feeling sorry for yourself.
Choose to be grateful that you met this person at all! Some people never meet someone or experience something as special as you did.
Also, recognise that you were right to end it. It’s better not to waste time in an unsuitable relationship. Eventually it would turn sour. By ending it quickly, you create more time to connect with someone else you might have otherwise never met.
5. Take The Lessons And Grow
Stop seeing your previous relationships as failures. Instead, view them as lessons that prepare you for the right person.
Dating is hard work! Most of us need to learn lessons from our previous relationships before we’re ready to make it work in a long-term partnership, even with the perfect partner.
When you make a conscious effort to note down the lessons you took away from this relationship, it can create a silver lining.
In many cases, you’ll realise your next relationship will be even better because of what you learned in this one.
Everything happens for a reason. This poor timing could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
6. Believe In Abundance
Perhaps you’re upset about the bad timing with this one person because you believed they were your only shot at true love.
It’s terribly common to feel like this. There are so many movies and TV shows pushing the narrative of ‘soulmates’ and finding ‘The One’.
But the truth is: there’s an abundance of people out there who could be perfect for you.
As unromantic as it might sound, the best way to get over heartbreak is by dating a bunch of new people.
It may take a while to build a strong connection like you had with your ex, but you will quickly notice that there are tons of people with qualities you find attractive.
So, believe in this abundance of ‘right people’. When you do, it’ll be way easier to attract them into your life.
Any More Questions About Bad Timing In Relationships?
I hope this article could help you get some perspective on bad timing in relationships.
I know it’s difficult to separate emotion from fact, especially with dating problems. When someone encourages you to do so, it may come across as heartless.
Still, this is what you need to do in this scenario. The exercises above will help you feel ready to move on.
If you want to ask me a question or have something to say about this topic, you can leave a comment below.
I’d love to know what you think about this issue.