Frustrations surrounding ‘right person, wrong time’ can hold you back in your quest for love and happiness.
As an experienced life coach, I’m often in discussions with people about their love life. The ‘right person at the wrong time’ is one thing they commonly bring up.
That’s why I want to share my thoughts on the topic.
Below, you’ll find 21 clear signs you met the wrong person at the wrong time – and six strategies to help you stay grounded.
Can You Really Meet The Right Person At The Wrong Time?
Who is the ‘right person at the wrong time’ really?
Most likely, this person made you feel incredible emotions, but didn’t fit with the overall direction you wanted for your life?
If that’s the case, are they really the ‘right’ person?
The answer is NO.
Yet, it’s still common to mourn their loss and curse our bad luck for months or years after parting ways.
21 Signs You Met The Right Person At The Wrong Time
Here are some of the clearest signs you’ve met the right person at the wrong time.
1. Your Long-Term Goals Clash
Do you want marriage and kids in the future, while they want to travel the world and enjoy the party lifestyle?
They could have the most attractive personality, but nothing is saving your relationship if your goals are mis-aligned this badly.
2. You’re Moving Cities Soon
You met the perfect person shortly after making plans to leave the city? It might feel like the gods of fate are laughing at you.
Either way, please know that it’s in your best nature not to fall deeply for anyone at this point. A long-distance relationship won’t be anywhere near the same as what you’re experiencing now.
3. They’re Leaving Town Shortly
Similarly to the last point, if they’ve already made plans to abandon you, there’s nothing to be gained by falling too deeply in love.
They might be the ‘right person’, but he’s already made it clear they’re going to leave and break your heart if you let them.
4. You Already Live Too Far Apart
Perhaps you’re based in different cities and happened to meet when one of you was on a trip. That’s great! Have your fun while you’re together, but don’t expect anything more once you go back to your regular lives.
5. They’re On The ‘Rebound’
It’s often the case that the perfect person won’t be ready for a relationship shortly after breaking up with someone they truly loved.
They might tick all your boxes. You could have a ton of things in common. But, in this case, you’ll often find they aren’t ready to give you everything you need from a committed relationship.
6. You’re On The ‘Rebound’
You’re not above being incapable of giving your all to a new relationship after a break-up either. Sadly, all that can really heal you is time. And you’ve met this new person at the wrong time.
7. One Of You Is Too Committed To Their Career
Falling in love and finding your perfect partner will do a lot to make you fulfilled with your life, but it’s not the only thing you should focus on.
There’s every chance you’ll meet the right person during a period where you’re purely focused on your career. Or maybe they are.
When this happens, you’ll often find that one of you isn’t able to give as much as the other would expect.
8. You Need To Work In Your Career
If you’re not where you want to be in your career, this can ruin your chances of happiness with the right person when you meet them.
Maybe it’s because you’re spending too much time trying to level up professionally. Perhaps it’s because you’re taking out your career frustations on them. Or could it be that you don’t have the financial capacity to meet this other person’s expectations.
Either way, this is going to cause problems that could have been avoided down the road once you’ve got your professional life handed.
9. They’re Already Involved With Someone Else
It would be naive to suggest that no men or women with partners ‘window shop’ while they’re in a relationship.
Perhaps this person is promising you they plan to leave their partner ‘soon’. Even so, please know it’s not worth the drama.
If they’re not able to leave their partner right now, it’s the wrong time for you two.
10. You Won’t Leave Your Unhappy Relationship
It’s common to fall into the trap of staying in an unhappy relationship for too long. It can be scary to leave and be single, so we often trick ourselves into believing this doomed relationship could get better.
The danger is: when we do this, there’s every chance we stumble upon our dream partner and not take advantage of the possibility to be with them.
11. They’re Not Interested In A Relationship Now
There are plenty of reasons why someone wouldn’t be interested in chasing monogamy. Perhaps they feel they’re too young to settle down – and they’d regret missing the opportunity to be single and free.
Whatever their reasoning is, you shouldn’t have to talk someone into a relationship with you. They should be the ones jumping at the opportunity.
12. You Don’t Want A Relationship!
If you’re the one convincing yourself you’re not ready for monogamy, you can easily develop blind spots to how perfect this person could be for you. So, try and stay open-minded in your hunt for true love.
13. Different Maturity Level
This can be a deal-breaker in many long-term relationships – and it’s not always the older person who is the most mature either.
Perhaps you’ll think this person would be ideal for you in 10 years. Well, too bad, because you’re in the present day and it’s unlikely you’re going to be patient enough to wait for the maturity to grow.
Neither will they if you’re the one who needs to grow up.
14. You Want Different Lifestyles
They’re into partying and getting drunk on the weekend. You want to spend it enjoying long walks in nature. Perhaps they’ll learn to enjoy a quieter life later on, but right now is most definitely the wrong time for a relationship with them.
15. One Of You Is Co-Dependent
Co-dependency is one of the most potent poisons for a healthy relationship. It can put such a strain on the mental health of both of you.
Most probably, neither of you will struggle with it for your whole lives, but if one of you is going through a self-esteem crisis that’s causing co-dependency, it’s not a great time to commit to each other.
16. One Of You Is Dealing With Trauma
Maybe the mental health problems holding you back aren’t related to relationships at all. Perhaps there’s something else stopping you from giving your all to that person.
That’s the way it goes sometimes, and there’s little that we can do except for trying to make the best of whatever condition we’re in.
17. You’re Not The Best Version Of Yourselves
Maybe you can see crazy amounts of potential in this person, but they’re still struggling with a couple of flaws that drive you crazy. Or vice-versa.
That can be enough to derail an otherwise perfect relationship – and there’s not much either of you can do about it. It’s a symptom of immaturity and will only improve with age and experience.
18. Fear Of Commitment
Another sign of immaturity which is difficult to avoid.
Fear of commitment can stem from low self-esteem, having recently been hurt or simply being inexperienced in relationships.
Either way, there’s really not much you can or should do to bring your partner out of this fear.
It’s something the scared person will need to address themselves.
19. You Have Chemistry, Not Compatibility
Chemistry is the initial fireworks when you first meet. Your personalities ping off each other perfectly – and you have the most fun when they’re around.
Compatibility is when your lifestyles, goals and aspirations fit together perfectly. If you don’t have this, it’s clearly a case of the right person, wrong time.
20. Someone Has Got Some Soul-Searching To Do
When one person has a clear plan for what they want from their life – and the other has no clue where they’re going or what they’re doing – it’s a recipe for relationship disaster.
The purposeful partner will become frustrated at their beau’s indecision. Meanwhile, the lost soul will hate being pressured into a lifestyle they’re not sure they want.
21. You Can’t See The Opportunity In Front Of You
When we have a positive mindset, we can easily spot opportunities for growth and happiness when they appear.
However, the sad truth is: a lot of negative-minded people will only be able to focus on the potential downsides of these same opportunities. To learn more about this phenomenon, read this guide on The Law Of Attraction.
I urge you not to become this closed-minded person. Try and stay positive enough to welcome the potential opportunities that crop up in front of you every day.
6 Strategies To Move On From The Right Person At The Wrong Time
If you’re still hung up on this person, please know that it’s harming your chances of finding a better new relationship.
While it’s healthy to mourn the loss of relationships for a short time, holding on to sadness or bitterness creates a dark energy that repels new people from wanting to be around you.
If you want to find the right person at the right time, you need to move on from this wrong person.
So, let’s explore my list of six actions to help you do this.
1. Focus On Your Mission
From an early age, we’re bombarded with the idea that true love is the key to ever-lasting happiness. In almost every fairytale, TV series or movie, the hero successfully fights for their love interest and they live ‘happily ever after’.
These stories are fabulously heart-warming and entertaining, but they can lead us to think we need someone else to make us happy.
That’s not true at all.
In fact, when someone is unhappy with their life as a singleton, they’ll often poison their relationships with their problems and insecurities. That’s why any decent relationship coach will suggest you need to learn to love yourself, before you can love someone else.
There are many ways to do this. But discovering your life’s purpose is one of the most consistent strategies for self-love, happiness and fulfillment.
Find that one thing that makes you feel excited to get out of bed in the morning. That one goal it feels like you were put on this earth to pursue. The mission you’d happily spend every day completing, even if you weren’t paid a penny.
All humans have fluctuating moods, but people who have found their purpose tend to have a high baseline level of happiness. They don’t need the newest gadget or a partner by their side to be happy. If they immersed themselves in their passion or took a step closer to their life goal, they’re fulfilled for the day.
As it goes, this type of person tends to have little problem attracting a long-term partner. Their ambitious nature, lack of neediness and overall happiness makes them a lot more attractive. But if their partner gets in the way of their life mission, they have no problem recognising that this is the wrong person for them.
It’s those without a strong purpose – that tend to seek fulfilment within their relationships – who have the hardest time with break-ups.
So, if you’re still mourning having met the ‘right person at the wrong time’, I’d urge you to focus more on finding your life’s purpose and recognising how much more important this is to your overall happiness.
Then, you’ll truly see how important it is that the ‘right person’ fits in with your pursuit of this purpose.
2. Separate Facts From Projection
Romantic relationships are fuelled by powerful emotions. These emotions can make us see the world differently to how it really is. The rose-tinted glasses are strong when we think we’ve met ‘The One’, especially when we’re using that relationship as our only source of happiness and fulfilment. Often, we’ll project good qualities onto our partner that may not exist in reality.
Essentially, we enjoy these emotions so much that we convince ourselves this person has everything we want in a long-term partner.
So, when it doesn’t work out, it’s often a useful exercise to separate the facts from fiction. Write two lists. Which of their good qualities were real, and which were just projections? These lists should help you to stop seeing things the way they never were.
3. Ask Yourself What Would Have Happened After The Butterflies?
This initial stage when we first meet someone and are swept up by emotions is often called the ‘honeymoon period’.
It’s well documented that these feelings wear off and that the honeymoon period eventually ends.
The couples that stay together beyond this stage do so because they fit well in each other’s lives and care for each other on a deeper level. They made a conscious decision to keep loving each other, even though the spark has somewhat fizzled out. It can be hard work at times.
Often, you never get to that stage with the ‘right partner at the wrong time’ – and that’s why it can feel so painful when you part ways.
When this happens, it can be useful to ask yourself what might have happened when the butterflies flew away? Would they still be the right person?
Sometimes, you may not know the answer. But often, if the timing of your relationship was wrong, the answer will be NO.
4. Cherish The Memories
Take the time to realise that good things always come to an end. Everything does! The constant ‘happily ever after’ endings in TV and film can make us forget that.
As morbid as it sounds, every relationship finishes, even if it’s after someone dies. If it was a good relationship, you will always want to have stayed together longer. There’s no avoiding this.
So, rather than mourning what might have lasted longer, why not choose to cherish the good things you did get to experience. That’s surely more useful than feeling sorry for yourself.
Choose to be grateful that you met this person at all! Some people never meet someone or experience something as special as you did.
Also, recognise that you were right to end it. It’s better not to waste time in an unsuitable relationship. Eventually it would turn sour. By ending it quickly, you create more time to connect with someone else you might have otherwise never met.
5. Take The Lessons And Grow
Stop seeing your previous relationships as failures. Instead, view them as lessons that prepare you for the right person.
Dating is hard work! Most of us need to learn lessons from our previous relationships before we’re ready to make it work in a long-term partnership, even with the perfect partner.
When you make a conscious effort to note down the lessons you took away from this relationship, it can create a silver lining.
In many cases, you’ll realise your next relationship will be even better because of what you learned in this one.
Everything happens for a reason. This poor timing could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
6. Believe In Abundance
Perhaps you’re upset about the bad timing with this one person because you believed they were your only shot at true love.
It’s terribly common to feel like this. There are so many movies and TV shows pushing the narrative of ‘soulmates’ and finding ‘The One’.
But the truth is: there’s an abundance of people out there who could be perfect for you.
As unromantic as it might sound, the best way to get over heartbreak is by dating a bunch of new people.
It may take a while to build a strong connection like you had with your ex, but you will quickly notice that there are tons of people with qualities you find attractive.
So, believe in this abundance of ‘right people’. When you do, it’ll be way easier to attract them into your life.
Any More Questions About Bad Timing In Relationships?
I hope this article could help you get some perspective on bad timing in relationships.
I know it’s difficult to separate emotion from fact, especially with dating problems. When someone encourages you to do so, it may come across as heartless.
Still, this is what you need to do in this scenario. The exercises above will help you feel ready to move on.
If you want to ask me a question or have something to say about this topic, you can leave a comment below.
I’d love to know what you think about this issue.
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