Do you feel numb, without drive, and keep telling yourself, “I hate my life”?
Do you feel completely without motivation, or are searching desperately for meaning in life?
I know exactly how you feel.
I have been in this “depressive state” myself in the past, and as a life coach, I have helped a lot of clients telling me exactly that.
Thankfully, I was able to help them all out of this darkness.
In this article, I share with you exactly how I do it and overcome the thought of “I hate my life.”
You can follow the whole coaching process in this article.
To help you best, I ask effective questions and explain the effects behind them to you as well.
Let’s jump right into it…
1. What Is Your Goal
2. “I Hate My Life” – Identify Who is Speaking?
3. Digging Deeper
4. The Motivations and Needs of Your Different Sides?
5. Visualization Techniques
6. Realize That You Have a Great Team
7. After a Coaching Session
8. Moving / Sports
9. Play Music
10. Shower and Self-Care
11. Speak about it
12. Make a list
13. Do the first thing
14. Sleep More
15. Eat Healthily
Whenever I am coaching, I always come back to a so-called “meta-level” where my client and I reflect together on our process and I explain in detail the ideas behind the interventions I offer. This I will do in this article as well and mark my “meta-level” comments in blue.
I hope this gives you a deeper understanding and even more value out of this article.
You are searching here for a reason.
What would be the optimal outcome for you after reading this article?
What would it feel like?
What would you do different afterward?
Please take a minute to visualize yourself in your goal state.
The first step in a coaching process is defining your goal, which we then work towards together.
Switching your focus from (I hate my life) misery to your desired state activates the pattern in your brain connected with these positive states. The longer you visualize them, the stronger is the effect. You can literally bring a joyful state to you by imagining it long enough. The brain can’t separate a real experience from an imaginary one.
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If you say to yourself, “I hate my life,” who is saying that?
Is it you, or is it a part of you?
Is there also another voice, maybe sometimes, who says something else?
If you recognize 2 or more voices, it doesn’t mean you are crazy. 😊
We almost all have different parts (roles) in our personality.
Our personality is complex and mostly consists of multiple layers.
Often it is our so-called “Inner Critic” who says “I hate my life” to us.
In this video, you find one of the best explanations to get a deeper understanding of this inner critical voice and where it comes from.
Does this resonate with you?
If yes, then does it make a difference to you if you say:
- “A part of me hates my life” instead of
- “I hate life”?
If so, does it feel better or worse than before?
I would suggest name it like it feels best for you.
Often if we say “A part of me…” it creates distance between us and the sentence which gives a relieve in itself.
I hate my life.
As a life coach with a hypno-systemic education, I help my clients to uncover unconscious blockades.
So, as a next step I ask deeper about the, in this example, 2 sides or 2 inner voices.
Especially about the critical one.
Does someone from your past come to your mind
- …who was harsh on you?
- …who was never satisfied with you?
- …who saw everything very pessimistically?
- …who hated their life?
Often an association is easy to make.
If not, don’t worry!
Finding an association to the past can bring a big relief as it leads to a better understanding of why a part of you is talking to yourself like this. This is the first step to change.
What do you think is the motivation of your critical inner side?
What do you think is the intention of this side?
Is the intention just bad, or is there also a good intention?
To understand the “WHY” behind that critical inner voice is key. It often changes our perspective and how we treat our different sides.
What do you think this side needs (from you)?
Imagine you can get in contact with this side and ask it what it needs from you. What would it say?
What do you think would happen if you gave your inner critical side what it needed?
A different approach in seeing and interacting with your inner critical side can change your internal dynamics a lot.
If you feel stuck, still thinking about “I hate my life” and don’t know what to do, there are more powerful interventions needed than “just” talking. With talking and conscious thinking, we sometimes don’t get deep enough. Some very powerful tools are visualizations and pictures because they can reach our subconscious directly.
With this knowledge, you can try the following questions.
- Can you imagine a picture that fits your inner critic side?
It can be, for example, a comic, fairy tale, or movie figure. Whatever comes to your mind is allowed.
- If you can imagine giving it a name, what would it be? Fred?
- What color of clothes does Fred wear?
- What hair color does he have?
- What is his tone of voice?
- How tall is he?
The more specific the picture is, the better. Externalizing your inner critic in a picture creates space between you and your inner critic.
Try the same for your other side.
The side of you, who talks sometimes positive.
Let’s name it Carla for now.
Observe the differences between Fred and Carla and the differences in their appearance.
How do their position and size vary, and what consequences does this have on their interactions and influences over you?
There are more techniques to try, to give you more space and freedom of choice.
- Can you change the tone of voice of Fred?
- Can you pitch it so high, for example, that you can’t take him seriously anymore?
- Or can you change the size of Fred and Carla?
Often Fred is much taller compared to Carla.
- Can you maybe make Fred smaller and Carla bigger?
Or can you change the position of Fred, so that you have more space to breathe?
What would be the optimal position of Fred for you?
You can’t imagine how effective those pictures are for my clients. They directly impact our subconscious and help to make lasting changes.
What helps additionally to make this even more effective for you is to practice as much as possible.
Once you have created the pictures in your mind, practice visualizing them as much as possible.
You will also find that Fred gets lost sometimes and you can find him at his old position with his old size. Just take it as a reminder of him.
“Thanks, Fred, for reminding me, now please go back to the place I gave you. Thanks a lot for your cooperation…”
Mostly, my clients realize that the intentions of their different sides aren’t bad.
Therefore, communication with the different sides softens.
Just stay curious and watch your inner dynamics.
“I hate my life. What should I do now?”
After a coaching session, I encourage my clients to practice this exercise with the visualizations and the pictures.
If you are talented in painting, you can even paint a picture of Fred and Carla and put it on the door of your fridge as a reminder.
Or you can just do a google pictures search and choose a picture of your character that resonates with you. You can use this picture as a screen saver or phone wallpaper.
A daily reminder through seeing this picture has helped my clients tremendously.
“I Hate My Life” – Other Effective Techniques I Use By Myself and I Recommend to My Clients
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When I’m down or feeling that I hate my life, Sports is my ultimate weapon.
As our body and mind are connected, it has an immediate impact on our body chemistry and our hormones.
After a walk outside or a 30-minute run, you quickly get access again to the areas in the brain that are connected to your positive side.
The endorphins in your blood help you to immediately feel better and calmer.
This might be another helpful technique against your “I hate my life” feeling.
Playing music is one of the most powerful tools of all.
It goes straight to your subconscious.
If a certain song makes you feel good, it goes straight to your brain and activates your positive networks.
BOOM the good mood is there instantly!
I hate my life – When you feel miserable, try a shower or an extended time in the bathtub.
Clean your hands, cut your nails, do a foot pedicure, etc.
Maybe go to a spa and have a massage.
We often feel better after cleaning and caring for ourselves.
Sometimes just getting out of the house and seeing something else helps to distract us and stops us from thinking negative thoughts such as “I hate my life.”
Instead of going shopping at the mall, I recommend going out into nature.
There are several scientific studies that have shown that nature calms you down and helps you to feel better.
Some of them are:
- Vitamin D helps your body functions
- Lowering of stress hormone levels
- Oxygen and fresh air reduce blood pressure
- Natural light helps you to sleep better
- Many more
Sometimes, it can be very relieving to talk with a friend about your situation and your feelings.
Overcome your tendency to shut yourself away and open up to a person you trust.
It is a human need to connect to others and especially connecting in life phases of challenge can be very helpful and rewarding.
It can deepen your relationships and leave you feeling more fulfilled.
Sometimes you feel stuck because of having too many things in your head.
Too many tasks, obligations, duties, responsibilities, ideas, etc.
Then, it is extremely helpful to make a list and write down all the things in your head.
Try to write down as small chunks as possible.
To bring it on paper gets the things out of your head including “I hate my life” thoughts, which is a relief in itself.
After you have made your list, start with the first item on the list.
Nothing feels better than starting with something and making some progress.
Even if the first step is tiny.
Sleep is essential for our wellbeing and biorhythm.
If you have the feeling that you are exhausted, put your focus on getting enough sleep.
It varies on the person and age, but between 7 and 10 hours is a good amount.
Unhealthy eating promotes a high fluctuation of chemical processes in the body.
That can be the cause of us feeling miserable sometimes.
Food like sugar, coffee, cheese, fat, etc., can be addictive and leave us feeling miserable.
You can be on deprivation of these real foods and drugs.
As a result, you feel like sick without knowing why. According to the latest science, a whole-food, plant-based diet seems to be the healthiest option.