Break Up Coach – Proven Strategies Checklist

You can probably agree with me when I say that a breakup is one of the messiest and hardest things you can ever go through in your entire life. 

It can feel like your whole world comes crashing down on you. 

All your future goals and dreams are turned upside down. 

And this is an experience that is common to men and women alike. 

Ending a relationship can leave you feeling weak, powerless, and confused. 

That one person you thought you would spend your entire life with has left you (or maybe you left them). 

  • Where can you start? 
  • What should you do? 
  • How can you move on?

A breakup coach can help you with this challenging transition. 

In this article, we will discover what a breakup coach can do for you and what are the methods that they use to help you move on. 

Let’s dive right into it.

What is a Breakup Coach and How Can They Help You

Breakup coaches are life and relationship experts who are equipped with the knowledge and experience to help you get back on your feet after a breakup, improve your outlook, and put your life back on track.

These people employ science-based approaches and strategies that can help you move on in the healthiest way possible. 

They also already have organized systems that have been proven to help people to thrive (not just survive) after a breakup and stay motivated and positive despite what they are going through. 

Break Up Coach
Source: (Tumisu)

Break Up Coaching – Different Approaches and Methods

Maintaining relationships is never easy. 

However, coping with a breakup takes the term difficult into a whole new level! 

Lucky for you, there are science-based techniques and strategies that breakup coaches use to help you go through your breakup more healthily and less destructively.

Are you wondering how your breakup coach can help you move on? 

Here are some of the methods and approaches that they may use. 

Negative Re-appraisal Strategy

This is one of the common recovery techniques that breakup coaches use. 

In this method, you will be asked by your breakup coach to identify and list down all of the negative traits or annoying habits of your ex.

The thing that makes coping with breakup extremely challenging is that most people tend to remember only the good things about their relationship. 

As a result, they put their relationships and exes on a pedestal, which makes it more difficult for them to move on. 

By enumerating all of the habits and characteristics of your ex that you find annoying (or even repulsive), you will be reminded that your ex is not the perfect man or woman you thought they were. 

Instead of focusing on the good things that you have lost, this method will help you focus on the bad things that you no longer have to deal with. 

It may be ironic, but it will help you see the silver lining in your breakup. 

Love Reappraisal Method

Another breakup coaching strategy that you may come across is called Love Reappraisal, wherein you will be asked or encouraged to read and repeat certain statements like, “It’s okay to love someone who I am no longer with”, or other motivational quotes similar to that. 

The thing that makes breaking up confusing is that you still have strong feelings for your ex even though they hurt you. 

Therefore, you feel like you’re betraying yourself when you long for someone who hurt you so much.

But more than being overwhelmed, it can also be painful for the one left behind to have unrequited feelings.

This method aims to help the person realize that having all of these feelings are normal. 

Understanding this will help you accept the feelings without any judgment or need to be reciprocated. 

Instead of fighting this feeling, this method can help you comprehend what you feel, which can lead to accepting the fact that you can no longer be with your ex. 

Distraction Technique

This is probably the oldest breakup coach technique in the book.

Break Up Coach
Source: (AdinaVuicu)

These coaches are fully aware that after a breakup, their clients will spend most of their time thinking about their exes, the things that they did together, and everything about their relationship. 

Have you heard of the saying “What you feed will flourish, what you neglect will die”. 

Well, that applies to coping with breakups too. 

The more you focus and think about the relationship, the more you will long for the love that was lost.

If you want to move on truly, you need to turn your focus away from what was, and eventually, it will lose its hold on you. 

The best way to do that is to distract yourself. 

Your breakup coach will ask you to busy yourself by thinking about positive things that are unrelated to your ex. 

You can think about how blessed you are to have your friends and support system, or your favorite food, or many other helpful distractions. 

Aside from serving as a distraction, these positive thoughts will help you realize that there is more to life than the relationship that has ended. 

These breakup strategies are science-based. 

According to studies, out of the three, it is negative reappraisal that leads to decreasing feelings of love for the ex. 

However, the negative thoughts may be distressing to the clients in the long run.

On the other hand, the distraction method helps the client to feel a lot better overall, but it doesn’t affect how the client feels about his ex. 

Last but not the least, the love reappraisal strategy also does not have any effect on the level of love that the clients feel for their exes, but it helps to dull their emotional response to the idea of their exes.

Depending on your situation and current emotional condition, the coach will employ one or a combination of these strategies. 

Break Up Coach – Proven Strategies Checklist

When relationships end, anyone will certainly be at a loss. For the first few days, you will be in limbo. 

You have no idea what to do, how to act, or what to think. 

Even if a few weeks have already passed, you will still not be able to adjust to your new normal routine and status fully. 

Your lack of knowledge on what to do or what not to do can make the experience more terrifying and overwhelming.

This is another aspect that a breakup coach can help you with. 

Since they do this for a living, the breakup coach is already well-versed with the valuable steps of the post-breakup routine. 

To make it easier for you, they will often provide you with a checklist that will serve as your post-breakup guide.

A typical post-breakup checklist from a coach includes these types of steps:

1. Cry and Sulk (But Only for a Bit).

Coaches have been through breakups too, and that is why they understand the importance of crying your feelings out. 

But of course, you will be advised to do it only to a minimum. 

Too much wallowing will do you no good, after all.

The wallowing process is designed to help you let your emotions out because keeping them all bottled in will just weigh you down. 

Taking time to cry has helped many broken hearts take a moment to process and understand their feelings a lot better.

Break Up Coach

2. Get Rid of Your Ex’s Stuff.

Out of sight, out of mind, right? 

If you leave the stuff of your ex lying around, you will only be reminded of them all the time, and being reminded of the past will not be good for you at the moment. 

You can return, donate, or even burn it. 

Do whatever you want with it as long as you get rid of it.

3. Work Out.

A breakup will leave you with pent-up unwanted emotions. 

The healthiest (literally and figuratively) way to release this emotion is to work out. 

Aside from being a good distraction, exercising can help your body to produce endorphins that make you feel happy and relaxed.

4. Go on an Adventure.

To move on, you may need a change of scenery, and there is no better way to do that than get out of your comfort zone and explore new cities, states, or even countries! 

Break Up Coach
Source: (freemell)

Whatever you do, make sure it gives you an exciting moment to add to the story of your life.

5. Hold off on Any Major Beauty Changes.

You will be tempted to make significant beauty changes, like having bangs or chopping up your hair. 

Your breakup coach will ask you to avoid doing that, as they can sometimes be a serious commitment. 

If you want to make yourself feel good, start with small steps like trying a new shade of lipstick. 

6. Cultivate a New Hobby.

Instead of wallowing and sulking, focus your spare time and energy on discovering and developing a new hobby. 

You can take up 

  • cooking lessons, 
  • dance sessions, or 
  • art workshops. 

That is undoubtedly a productive way to get distracted!

There are many other things that you can find in your breakup recovery checklist. These are just samples of them.

Break Up Coaching Online

Break Up Coach
Source: (noblegerad)

The good news is, you don’t have to get up from your bed or go out of your door just to get the help that you need. 

This is because there are plenty of break up coaches that are offering their services online. 

This makes things a lot easier since most of us do not have the energy to go out and talk to other people while we are wallowing. 

Online breakup coaching services make the process a whole lot easier. 

The most common communication methods that they use are emails, video calls, chatting, and even over the phone. 

You can choose which of these methods you feel the most comfortable with. 

Free Online Break Up Coach

If you are looking for professional coaching advice delivered straight to your inbox, free of charge, be sure to sign up for my Free Coaching Tips

It’s a regular dose of proven coaching that will get you on your way to living a happier, healthier life. 

It’s helped countless clients in the past, and I hope it can help you too.

In tough times and situations (like a breakup), talking to a stranger can give you a different perspective. 

But more than that, talking with a stranger that has expert knowledge about breakup will provide you with the right perspective that you need to let go of the past, move on, and create a better future for yourself.

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About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.