How To Have Self-Control Sexually: 12 Best Ways (2023) & Benefits

Want to know how to have self-control sexually? If so, you’re in luck because this guide features 12 of the best ways to control desire.

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In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients to find ways to improve themselves and gain more fulfillment from their everyday lives. 

That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you. 

So, let’s dive in.

Is It Possible To Control Sexual Desire?

Sexual urges are a normal part of adult life. Beyond extreme measures, it’s not possible for you to prevent yourself from experiencing temptations. It’s not bad or wrong to have a sexual thought or two.

However, it is possible for any person to experience temptations and not act upon them.

This requires discipline and we’ll learn to explore ideas to help you do this in the guide below.  

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Can Guys Control Their Urges?

Maybe you’ve heard a guy mention that he’s unable to control his urges. That’s almost definitely hyperbole. If that was true, a lot of men would be trying to get intimate with a new woman every hour or so.

Most likely, a man like this simply doesn’t have the discipline to control his urges, or maybe he’s looking for an excuse to be forgiven for an act he shouldn’t have committed. 

Sexual Self-Control As A Man

It could be argued that sexual self-control as a male is more difficult because men are genetically programmed to ‘spread their seed’ as far and wide as possible.

Purely and simply, it may require discipline for a man to control his impulses.

There are advantages to keeping one’s penis in their pants now and again, which we’ll explore below.

Sexual Self-Control As A Woman

A woman might need to practice self-control for different reasons than a man. Women are often keen to be seen as pure, rather than loose, for example.

On top of that, women generally feel the need to trust a partner before jumping into bed with them.

A woman would be well-advised to remember the potential risks of sleeping with the wrong man too quickly, as a method of controlling her desires. 

Related: Disadvantages Of Having Sex Everyday

How Can I Practice Self-Control?

Below, you’ll find 12 ideas to help you practice self-control and not act upon temptation.  

1. Find Your Why

When your ‘why’ is strong enough, you’ll find a ‘how’.

Meanwhile, it’s hard to find the discipline to stick to anything difficult if you don’t believe in the reason why you’re doing it. 

So, what is your ‘why?’

Are you waiting until marriage for spiritual or religious reasons? Did you promise to stop getting intimate on the first date? Are you trying not to cheat on your husband or wife?

Either way, get a clear idea of why you’re trying to abstain from intimacy and remind yourself of this whenever you experience temptations.

2. Consider The Consequences

Oftentimes, the long-term negative consequences of having sex far outweigh the short-term pleasures you’ll experience.

Cheating on your spouse is a good example of this. Often the bad conscience afterward can hunt you for years.

In any case, it can help to take a moment to logically consider the potential consequences of having sex, rather than being swept by your emotions in the heat of the moment.  

3. Escape Tempting Situations

If you’re trying not to have sex, you’d be well advised to avoid tempting situations.

These are usually easy to predict if you remain alert. If you’re a married man, you’re best off avoiding drunken nights out with women you have a crush on.

As a husband or wife, if you accidentally end up in a tempting situation with another person, do what you can to escape it as quickly as possible.

In fact, escaping a situation that might lead to intimacy is a good idea in any situation if you’re trying to have self-control. Consider this your first line of defense.  

4. Stop Watching Explicit Videos

Watching explicit videos is most likely going to increase your daily desires. This is also known to lessen your enjoyment of real intimacy, so you should try to stop watching it.

5. Strengthen Your Willpower Muscle

Willpower is controlled by a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. This can be strengthened by regularly exposing yourself to situations that require willpower. It’s almost as if you’re training a muscle.

By exposing yourself to any form of tempting situation and staying strong, you should find it easier to control your impulses. 

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6. Teach Yourself About Delayed Gratification

The hard path to delayed gratification nearly always leads to a sweeter reward than an easy step to a cheap thrill.

Put yourself in situations where you can learn this is true, then you’ll hopefully be in a better position to forego pleasures for the greater good. 

7. Find Pleasure In Other More Meaningful Things

A desire to fulfill fantasies can be dampened when you have deeper more meaningful goals in your life.

8. Surround Yourself With Other Friends Who Have Similar Goals

If most people around you are boasting about how awesome it is to engage in casual pleasures, it’s going to be easier to succumb to temptations. They might not directly encourage you, but it’s still going to have an impact on your psyche. Like it or not, our friends have a lot of influence on our behavior – and that can include our intimate behavior!

9. Consume More Spiritual Media

As tough as it might be to admit, the media we consume can influence our behavior too. Are you consuming media that fuels your temptation or media that encourages spiritual growth?

Needless to say, the latter will aid you in your journey for more self-control.

10. Hire An Accountability Coach

If you talk honestly with a coach about your goals, it can help you feel more accountable for actually reaching them. No one likes to make eye contact with another person and admit they messed up. It makes them feel bad. That’s why having an accountability partner can encourage you to achieve your goals.

Personal accountability is one of many benefits of hiring a life coach. If you’re constantly overwhelmed with more intimate thoughts than is normal, a life coach will be able to suggest more techniques to help you break this addiction.   

11. Grow Deeper In Your Love For Spirituality

If you’re abstaining from intimacy for spiritual reasons, it’s suggested you can gain more control by improving your relationship with spirituality. A spiritual teacher can help you along this journey. 

12. Choose High Standards

Do you feel like you’re missing out by abstaining from particular sexual behavior?

It’s time to reframe that thought. 

You’re not missing out. You’re choosing a higher path. You’re opting for higher standards in your life – and that’s something to be proud of!

Related: Sexual Fasting: 12 Benefits For Intimacy

Frequently Asked Questions

Sexually Desire

How Can I Satisfy My Desire?

Men and women may find that masturbation can help them to find intimate satisfaction without engaging in any unhealthy desires.

It’s also recommended to find other means of gaining real pleasure in your life. 

Related: How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

How To Have Self-Control Sexually In A Relationship?

The tips written above will help you have control of your desires in a relationship. More important than anything though, it’s key to get your partner on board with your boundaries as far as your desire to abstain from intimacy. Then, you need to have the power to enforce these boundaries, even if it may hurt your partner’s feelings.

My guide on sexual fasting can help you tame your passions in a relationship. It explains how taking a break from intimacy can strengthen your relationship in the long term and includes tips for how to bring up this idea to your partner or spouse. 

How Can I Feel More Sexually?

If you’re trying to increase your libido, there are several recommended steps:

  • Increase your fitness;
  • Eat a healthier diet;
  • Cut out alcohol and drugs; 
  • Get more sleep;
  • Reduce your general levels of stress;
  • Speak to your doctor. Your medication could be harming your drive.
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Get FREE access to my self-growth area and achieve more fulfillment, success, control, and self-love!

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.