Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me? 21 Surprising Reasons (2024)

Are there moments in your relationship when you wonder “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”

Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me
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If so, do not fear. 

There are many reasons why your girlfriend could be behaving so nastily even though she really does love you. 

We’ll explore 21 potential reasons for your girlfriend’s mean behavior below. 

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients better understand themselves and those around them. That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you.

So, let’s dive in.  

Why Is My Girlfriend So Cold To Me?

Struggling to deal with a mean girlfriend? Here are 21 potential explanations for why she’s acting so cold. 

1. She’s Nagging You Because She’s Frustrated

If you keep annoying someone without changing your behavior when they ask you to stop, that can quickly become frustrating.

Are you doing that? 

In any relationship dispute, it’s always useful to look at what you may be doing wrong, as well as whether your girlfriend is over-reacting.

2. She’s Stressed About By Other Things

When one becomes stressed out by personal problems or other external factors in their life, it becomes easy to snap at the smallest irrelevant thing. 

During these triggering moments, we can be rude, even to those we love most. 

3. She’s Testing You

Women have a habit of occasionally acting bratty or rude to test a man’s strength.

If she decides to play up or act mean for seemingly no apparent reason, it could be that she’s testing to see if you’ll assert your personal boundaries and scold her for her bad behavior. 

4. She’s Poison-Dripping You

Poison-dripping is the act of chipping away at someone’s confidence with small verbal jabs. This is a subtle tactic used in an abusive relationship – and needs to be addressed as soon as you spot it.

Related Content: Healing From Codependency

5. She’s Playfully Teasing You

For many people, playful teasing is a fun way of building rapport and showing you’re comfortable around that person. It’s no big deal for people who are secure with themselves. Could it be that you’re too sensitive to her innocent teases?

6. She’s Invested In You

Here’s a common reason why people can become so mean to their partners, not their friends. They’re emotionally invested in their partners, so their good and bad behavior becomes more of a big deal. So, our reactions can become more intense.

In a relationship, we typically believe we’ll be with our partner forever. As such, your girlfriend might overreact to unwanted behavior, because she’s worried this will be a permanent annoyance in their life.

This is not an acceptable reason to be mean or rude, but it’s worth understanding so we can find it easier to forgive people for the hurtful things they may say in the heat of the moment.   

7. She Has Kept Her Feelings Locked Up

Could it be that she has unspoken expectations or unspoken desires in your relationship?

When one keeps their frustrations buried inside them, it’s not healthy. These angry emotions will bubble, build and ultimately escape in a fit of intense rage.

If your girlfriend becomes angry and rude over seemingly nothing, it could be that she has let her frustrations build inside over time. 

That’s why it’s healthier for people to talk about their relationship frustrations as soon as they arise. 

8. She Assumes You’ll Forgive Her

During moments of stress and frustration, an angry girlfriend may feel the need to let that energy out.

Often, her partner becomes the verbal punching bag she needs to let out her frustration.

Why her partner and not her best friend or a casual acquaintance? Usually, it’s because she assumes her partner will forgive her. 

While a casual acquaintance may cut her out of their life, she might assume her relationship is based on unconditional love. 

9. You Have Not Set Boundaries

If your girlfriend always assumes you’ll forgive her lack of respect, it’s because you’ve let her get away with it in the past. We learn what we get away with based on our past experiences with a person.

That’s why it’s important to set healthy boundaries early on in a relationship.  

10. She Feels Guilty

When we feel guilty about having wronged someone, we’re often rude or resort to passive aggressive behavior as a defense mechanism.

11. She Feels A Desperate Need To Win An Argument 

When one is losing an argument, it’s a common deflection strategy to resort to personal insults or jab at your opponent’s insecurities.

Needless to say, this is an emotionally immature response that can make you feel awful.

Still, to solve the issue at hand, the right step is to brush off the insult and calmly ask your girlfriend to stay on topic. You can address her rudeness when she has calmed down later on. 

12. She Has Anger Issues

These typically stem from unaddressed old frustrations. Extreme mood swings and anger issues can create problems in a relationship, so it’s well worth encouraging an angry girlfriend to talk to a therapist.  

13. She Has Other Mental Health Issues

Perhaps her unaddressed trauma doesn’t come across as anger, but some other form of  unwanted behavior. Either way, it can be effective for her to talk to a therapist about these problems.  

14. She’s Not Over Her Ex

This is not something that any man wants to hear about their girlfriend, but if she’s holding an underlying love for her ex, this can often be expressed through resentment and rudeness towards her current partner.

This is more common than you might expect. For more information on this situation, look up articles on the “alpha widow”. 

15. She’s A Bad Communicator

We all have different communication styles. Perhaps your girlfriend is bad at communicating her own feelings in a polite and empathetic manner.

Sadly, not everyone is reading self-improvement blogs to improve communication skills within their relationships.

Perhaps you could calmly point her to my previous article on How To Say What You Mean – 9 Ways To Clear Communication

16. She Was Raised That Way

Perhaps she saw her mum berate her dad whenever she was in a bad mood. If that was her personal experience, it makes sense that she would treat her partners the same way.

She wasn’t born as a mean person. It’s something she learned over time. If she’s interested in changing that behavior, she should talk to a therapist.    

17. You’re Not Compatible

If she is showing sudden changes in her behavior towards you, it could be that she has begun to realize you’re incompatible.

In such cases, it could be that she doesn’t respect you and sees no reason to act politely any more.

18. She Wants To End The Relationship

Perhaps you’re still a compatible couple, but you’ve done something to make her want to end the relationship.

Or maybe something has happened in her life? Perhaps her ex is back on the scene or she signed up to some online dating sites behind your back.

Some people aren’t emotionally mature enough to end a relationship politely in this scenario. Maybe she’s being mean in the hope that you’ll initiate the break-up.

Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean
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19. Why Is My Girlfriend So Nasty To Me When She Drinks? 

Alcohol lowers our inhibitions. A side-effect of this is that we talk without considering the  feelings of others. We reveal our unfiltered emotions without respect for our partner’s feelings. It’s probably better to discuss the important stuff in your relationship while you’re sober, then. 

20. Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me On Her Period?

Period pains can be extremely uncomfortable and stressful. As we’ve explored, constant stress can cause people to snap at others.

On top of that, a woman can experience wild hormonal fluctuations during her period, which can cause massive mood swings.

It’s no joke that a woman’s mood can swing from bad to worse during these days of her menstrual cycle. They’re bad days to tick a woman off, let’s just say that. 

21. Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me While Pregnant?

The hormonal changes during pregnancy are even more drastic than during a woman’s period. You can expect this to significantly impact a woman’s mood.

This isn’t the time for keeping score in a relationship. It’s a time for you to be forgiving and understanding. 

After all, she’s giving birth to your child.  

What To Do If Your Girlfriend Is Being Mean To You?

The first is to calmly but firmly let her realize that you’re not happy with her behavior. Let her know that she’s overstepped your boundaries and that you will not continue to tolerate this.

Frame this conversation as “what can we do to stop this from happening?”

This might be a blow to the ego, but if you place all blame on your girlfriend, she might feel attacked, shut down and become closed off to any feedback. 

If she’s resorting to personal insults and rudeness, don’t stoop to her level. This will only make things worse. Give her just a few minutes to calm down instead. 

If she continues to show a lack of respect, you might want to consider seeking help from a therapist, counsellor or a certified relationship coach. You can expect highly-trained relationship coaches to provide tailor-made advice and unique insight to help you create a more healthy relationship. 

Ultimately though, if your girlfriend refuses to change, the only solution is to end the relationship and find someone who treats you with respect. 

Frequently Asked Questions

Let’s round off this article with the answer to some frequently asked questions about mean girlfriends. 

What Is A Toxic GF?

A toxic girlfriend is a girlfriend that makes your life significantly worse. This person is unhealthy for your life.

How Do You Tell If My Girlfriend Hates Me?

Here are some red flags which you can take as reliable signs that your girlfriend hates you:

  • She’s rarely polite to you.
  • She puts in no effort to make you happy. 
  • She’s always looking to create problems in your life.
  • She’s always looking for petty ways to annoy you.  
  • She always assumes you’re wrong, without listening to you or letting you make even one point. 
  • This doesn’t just happen on ‘bad days’. It’s consistent.

You may have had a strong bond in the past. You may have been taught to fight through difficult love situations with a partner. But if she’s not fighting to make your relationship better, it’s wrong for you two to stay together. Find someone else who treats you with love and respect.  

What To Do When Your Girlfriend Gets You Angry?

Stop the conversation and create some distance. Resume the conversation once you’re both calm. It’s far more difficult to have important relationship conversations when you’re angry.  

Why Is She So Mean To Me For No Reason?

There’s usually an underlying reason. Hopefully, this guide will help you to identify that. 

Why Am I So Mean To My Girlfriend?

The list above should help you to identify why you act in an unpleasant way towards your girlfriend. If you’re still unsure, a therapist or other mental health expert will be able to help you uncover the reason.   

Any More Questions?

Thanks for reading my guide. I hope it helps you move your relationship in the right direction.

If you have any questions on this topic, feel free to leave a comment below. 

It would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.