Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy? 11 Insights And How To React (2024)

Wondering why do guys distance themselves after intimacy? That’s what we’ll be exploring in this article. 

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping men and women better understand their romantic relationships, as well those with colleagues, family and friends.

That’s why I’m excited to share this guide with you.

So, let’s dive in. 

1. Do Guys Lose Feelings After Getting Intimate?

Not all guys.

In fact, a lot of men will 10X their feelings for you in one night, once they see you naked and let them experience physical intimacy.

Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy
Photo By feepik on freepik

However, there are a few categories of men who will pull away after they sleep with you.

So, let’s explore these categories now. 

2. Men Will Sleep With You Even If They Don’t Like You

A common answer to “why do guys distance themselves after intimacy” is: He didn’t like you. 

If a guy thinks you’re rude, boring or annoying, he will often still try to get in bed with you. 

But, once the mission is accomplished, he’ll usually bail. 

This is a tough reality for a lot of women to deal with. 

When men distance themselves after intimacy, a woman will often tell herself it’s because she ‘gave it up’ too quickly. Indeed, that’s a more comforting conclusion than: “He didn’t like me”.  

But let me ask you this: what if he found you to be beautiful, funny, kind, interesting, sweet AND you had great sex? What guy in his right mind would then decide to magically disappear? 

Very few. In fact, most guys will develop serious feelings and become desperately clingy after such an amazing night.

But, if this dude didn’t like you, he’ll settle for just that night and focus on the next chase.

The only real way to avoid this situation is to hold off on physical intimacy. Wait until you’re sure a man likes you for you. Guys who truly like you will wait until you’re ready. Those who don’t like you – but still want some action – will be far less patient.. 

Related: Proven Strategies How To Communicate With An Avoidant

3. Some Guys Struggle With Fear Of Intimacy

It would be inaccurate to say there are no guys ready to distance themselves after intimacy, even after a perfect first encounter.

A small category of guys might settle for a one-night stand because they fear intimacy.

Perhaps they’re struggling with a recent history of getting close to people and being hurt by them. This can cause trauma, which persuades them to go on an extended journey enjoying the single life, chasing as much meaningless sex as they can, while discarding anyone they begin to start falling for.

This does nothing to cure their fear of intimacy. As with most fears, the key is to feel it and face it anyway.

Don’t bother chasing these types of scared men. If you’re emotionally ready for a long-term relationship, you need to focus on men who want this too. 

4. Infidelity Could Be A Possibility     

If you got along, had amazing sex, then he disappeared, it’s possible he was already in a relationship. Infidelity happens. And, when it does happen, the perpetrator is usually best ceasing all contact with his accomplice.

Related: Intimacy Coach – Facts Checklist

5. Might The Sex Have Been Bad?

When men distance themselves after intimacy, this is one of the most common questions that women might ask themselves: was the sex bad?

Did he not like your dirty talk? Did you do a tiny fart at one point? 

The good news is: this is rarely something you need to worry about. 

You’ll need to have done something horrifically bad to scare off a man who otherwise really liked you. 

Here’s something else to consider though: maybe he thinks he did something wrong.

If he struggled with ED, finished too quickly or didn’t pleasure you so well, it’s easier for him to abandon the relationship, rather than take on the somewhat intimidating task of trying to redeem himself.   

6. The Madonna-Whore Complex Might Be At Play

The Madonna-Whore complex is the idea that it’s difficult to be emotionally close with someone you went to bed with, and vice-versa. The video below explains it incredibly succinctly.

While this isn’t a mindset which infects a lot of men, there is a possibility it’s what made this guy pull away.  

7. Could He Be Playing Hard To Get?

Intimacy will help most emotionally healthy men – who already liked you – to like you more.

Many guys will begin acting clingy and chasing you at this stage, but there is a portion of men who know how to play it cool.

The ‘playing hard to get’ phase is a necessary evil in the minds of some men. So, it might just be that you’ll have to be a little more patient before this guy gets in touch again.

There’s also the option for you to reach out first and start chasing him. After all, during this silly phase of not texting each other and playing games, that’s what guys actually want to happen.

8. Why Do Men Go Quiet After You Sleep With Them?

A man might become more quiet and passive immdiately after making love, but that’s pretty normal.

Sex can take a physical toll on men. A man’s desire for physical intimacy temporarily decreases to zero after ejaculating. Research shows that his testosterone levels drop during this chemical power down. Based on these three facts, it makes complete sense that he’d quieten down immediately after physical satisfaction. No big deal.

You shouldn’t judge his feelings towards you based on these actions. Instead, pay attention to whether he loses interest in the days following your intimacy. 

9. Is He Still Interested After Sleeping With Me?

Went to bed with a guy for the first time? Here are some ways you can measure his desire to see you again.

How He Acts The Morning After

If he slept over, how is he treating you the morning after? Is he acting distant? Do you get the sense he’s gonna run away as soon as he can? It could be because it’s early and he has things to do, but you should still be able to get a sense of his excitement to see you again. 

How Often He’s Getting In Touch

How often does he text and call you after your first night of intimacy? Is it as often as before that night? Or is he pulling away?   

How Does He Respond To You?    

If you’re able to talk to him in person, how excited is he to talk compared to before? If you ask whether that night was just a fling to him, how does he respond?  

Related: REAL Reasons Why Your Wife Avoids Intimacy + Solutions

10. What Can You Do? How To React When Guys Distance Themselves   

When men distance themselves after intimacy, a lot of women are lost for ideas. But the solution is a lot simpler than many women make it out to be. Read for two common scenarios and the best plan of action.  

He Stopped Texting Me After We Slept Together

  • Message him first. If he responds, he’ll usually lead it towards spending time together. If he doesn’t suggest that, maybe you could. 

He Changed After We Slept Together

  • Talk about it! Let him know it seems like he’s been pulling away since that night. Ask if he saw it as just a fling.

Most women say they hate playing games, yet they refuse to take the lead or be honest about their feelings. 

This is the fastest way to find out whether a guy is pulling away or not – and most men tend to appreciate the honesty. We’re not complicated creatures. 

It’s absolutely possible to do this without scaring men away. If you lead with: “I want a committed relationship. Where is this going?” after one date, most men are gonna run fast. But, there’s nothing wrong with telling a man you’d like to see him again, or mentioning that it seems like he’s starting to lose interest.

11. Why Do Guys Distance Themselves From You?

When men pull away after intimacy, it’s common for women to place all the blame on them.

Why Do Guys Distance Themselves
Photo By gpointstudio on freepik

”Men are trash.” 

“He can’t handle a confident woman.” 

“He’s wrong for not calling me back.” 

Sometimes, this evaluation is spot on. But, often, it’s more useful to evaluate how you might have stopped him considering a more serious relationship. 

It takes bravery and humility for any woman to do this. Perhaps it’ll result in some negative feelings, but it’ll help you make better connections with other men in the future. 

Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy? Any More Questions

Thanks for reading my guide. Whether you’re a man or a woman, I hope it provides some clarity for whatever is going on in your own life.

If you have any questions on this topic, please do take a moment to leave a comment below.  

It will be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.