When you made your vows, your husband promised to cherish and respect you as his only wife. But what does it mean when your husband defends another woman?
Are you right to feel hurt when he does so? In this article, we’ll cover 11 possible meanings for when your husband defends another woman.
11 Possible Meanings – When Your Husband Defends Another Woman
Of course, it doesn’t mean awful things for your marriage if your spouse defends his mother or women in his family.
But what about when your husband defends another woman who is unrelated to you?
1. He Agrees With Her Opinion
When your husband defends another woman, it’s not always because he’s doing something wrong.
It could simply be that in that moment, he is just defending the idea that the other woman is speaking about or what she represents.
A healthy marriage doesn’t mean that you’ll always agree with each other.
Your husband’s motives may be to simply support what the person is saying, and it would make no difference whether it came from a man or woman.
Before getting upset, it’s best to look at the whole situation from an objective view. When your husband defends another woman, but has respect for your marriage vows, then it’s not a red flag.
Notice the pattern he displays in your relationship and rely on your intuition in this case. It’s healthy for your husband to have his own opinions, even if they differ from yours.
2. He’s Naturally Protective (“White Knight/Hero Syndrome”)
A husband defending women that are not his wife might mean that he is just a naturally defensive person.
A lot of men have a savior complex when they see someone they consider weaker than themselves (like women, children, puppies, etc.).
It’s not necessarily because they have feelings for the woman – it just stems from good intentions to ‘save’ them. This quality may be what attracted you to your spouse in the first place.
Make sure to check the pattern of his behavior. If he’s only defending young and attractive women, perhaps it doesn’t stem from altruism.
As his wife, you know him the best, so observe him. When your husband defends another woman, even when she doesn’t need the support, it could be something different from a hero complex.
3. Your Marriage Is Going Through A Rough Patch
When your husband defends another woman, it could be a passive aggressive response to some tension in your marriage.
You may have had an argument, or are growing distant. And then suddenly getting attention from other women might be something your spouse uses to ‘get back’ at you, and make you jealous.
It’s okay to have a rough patch in your relationship. The most important thing is how you react to it.
If your husband acts out by defending a new woman (especially within your view), it is an immature response to being upset by something you said or did. This behavior is a slippery slope to actual flirting or even infidelity.
When your husband defends another woman after you’ve fallen out, it’s important to communicate how it made you feel.
Possibly have the conversation supervised by a therapist. A healthy marriage is founded on communication and trust.
4. He Doesn’t Agree With You
When your husband defends another woman against your criticism (however justified), it might be that he doesn’t agree with you. And the other woman is not a factor.
Maybe it’s a coworker or family member you’re talking to, and he might want to defend them against something you’ve said.
In a relationship, it’s okay to have different opinions. But when a husband publicly defends a person against his own wife, whether she was wrong or not, it shows a lack of respect.
Maybe he has no idea how it comes off to other people, or how it might hurt you.
It’s important to let him know how it makes you feel when he is defending another woman against you.
If he thinks you’ve stepped out of line in a conversation, it’s always more mature to keep silent in that moment.
He can talk with you in private, instead of potentially embarrassing you. It can hurt even more when you need defense and your husband is silent, instead of coming to your aid.
5. “What If My Husband Is Emotionally Attached to Another Woman?” – He Has A Crush On Her
Now that we’ve covered the more “innocent” reasons, let’s look at the possible reasons that you might be dreading to hear. But it is necessary to talk about it.
When your husband defends another woman, it might be because he views her as more than a friend.
Except in extreme situations, most men don’t go out of their way to defend other women if they don’t don’t care about them.
If your spouse changes their behavior in the presence of this woman – maybe he stares at her too long – this is a signal that he might have a crush on her. And he’s not defending her just because he’s a “good guy.”
Men act differently around women they like, and instinctively want to “show off” in front of them.
It’s impossible that you will NEVER find anyone else attractive while you’re married. But his behavior can be disrespectful to an otherwise healthy relationship. It only takes one moment for an innocent crush to break the boundaries of your marriage.
6. He Is Sexually Attracted To Her
Your husband may have feelings beyond an “innocent” crush when he is defending a woman other than his spouse. His behavior might spring from a desire to get her into bed.
When your husband defends another woman, it could be a display of masculinity in order to impress her.
Be wary of these interactions, and see how he behaves when he interacts with her.
His view of marriage vows may be loose, and he might not think it’s wrong to have sex with another woman. How do you deal with a husband like this?
If you are upset by his actions, it’s necessary to state your boundaries.
If he respects you and your marriage, he will do his best to curb his interactions with other ladies. If not, do you really want to be bound to this kind of partner for the rest of your life?
You shouldn’t have to feel jealous when your husband defends another woman, but if he makes you feel that way, it’s time to rethink the relationship.
7. “My Husband Defends Everyone But Me” – He Doesn’t Respect You
This might be an issue of respect. Or, actually a lack of respect. When your husband defends another woman, is it paired with other questionable behavior?
When you’re in conversation, does he make it a point to talk over you, or silence you?
This indicates a lack of respect for you as a person. Instead of caring about how his wife feels, he’s simply concerned with how you make him look.
Maybe because of his own personal traumas and issues, he feels a need to wear down your self esteem and mental health.
If you express concern, instead of listening to you, he might act defensively. He may do this even when you know he agrees with what you say, or disagrees with the other person.
Defending everyone else but you is a red flag about how he truly feels about you.
8. You’ve Had An Argument And He Wants ‘Revenge’
Maybe you’ve had an argument before the incident. There are hurt feelings, and you haven’t addressed it yet in conversation.
So when your husband defends another woman in front of you, it’s a way to lash out at you.
Maybe this is a woman that you don’t particularly get along with, so your spouse will make a point of defending her instead of other women.
He knows you don’t like her, so watching your husband defend her will hurt your feelings more. It’s a petty way to get back at you, but it’s not necessarily an indicator of cheating.
Your marriage depends on good communication – actually talking about problems – in order to thrive.
First address that he made you feel hurt by his action, and then talk about the real reason for the behavior. The goal is not to make him feel wrong and guilty, but instead to have an open conversation.
9. “What About When a Man Complains About His Wife To Another Woman?” – Signs of Emotional Abuse/Manipulation
On a more serious note, if he constantly defends other women, even when you’ve told him that his behavior makes you feel hurt, it could be a sign of emotional manipulation. Or worse, emotional abuse.
Besides defending another woman, he might feel it’s okay to talk to her about your faults and be openly rude to you in company.
This is not behavior conducive to a healthy marriage.
If you’ve already had a conversation about it, and he refuses to support you and change his behavior, professional help might be the answer.
A relationship coach or therapist can be there to mediate a constructive conversation.
Maybe he acts out like this due to untreated trauma from his past, or resentment over something you’ve done.
It’s best to go into these sessions with an open heart, if you still believe the marriage is worth fighting for.
10. You Husband Is Having An Affair With Her
Beyond simple flirting and physical attraction, when your husband defends another woman, it could mean that he is in a relationship with her.
In other words, your husband may be having an affair with the other woman, outside of your marriage.
It’s expected for a man to defend what he cherishes. If he displays certain behavior that he doesn’t with other women, it might indicate that his feelings for her are romantic.
Of course, you have to observe his other behaviors besides simply defending her.
Does he mention her a lot? Is he out of the home more frequently? Does he hide expenses from you (that means he could be buying her things)?
If he does numerous shady things like these, and also defends her in an inappropriate place and time, it’s a giant red flag.
Why do people cheat? There are numerous possible reasons. If you find out that your husband is defending his mistress, what you do with that information is ultimately up to you.
11. He Has An Easygoing, Peaceful Nature
On a more lighthearted note, when your husband defends another woman, it could be because he doesn’t want any tension or conflict. It makes him uncomfortable, and he’d prefer peace.
Is he always defending others, whether it’s you, or other women, or even other men?
Then it might be that your husband is simply a good man, who prefers light-hearted conversation over bickering or gossip.
If he displays no other signs of attraction for the woman he defends, and doesn’t give signs that he’s angry at you, then you can usually relax.
In most cases, it’s best to let it go and not give in to jealousy.
But if it bothers you, be honest with him about how it makes you feel.
A man with a kindhearted nature is usually unaware that he’s hurting you with his actions. To him, it’s just being polite.
It’s likely he’s also a good listener, so he’ll hear you out, and you can both find a way to deal with similar situations without disrespecting the marriage and hurting each other’s feelings.
How do you know if your husband has feelings for another woman?
When your husband defends another woman, it might be a sign that he has feelings for her.
Does your husband talk often about one woman (who is not you, his wife), going on about how great she is?
Maybe you can pry and ask him about her relationship status. The words he chooses will indicate jealousy of her partner (if she has one), or longing if he’s single (“isn’t it weird that she’s still single?”).
Of course, he likely won’t be honest with you if you ask him upfront.
Can my husband have a female best friend?
The subject of guys and girls being friends without developing feelings is a long-debated topic.
If his best friend happens to be a woman, and it’s always been that way (as in, they’ve NEVER hooked up or been in a relationship), it shouldn’t be a dealbreaker for a healthy marriage with his wife.
Obviously, if you’re not completely comfortable with their closeness, it’s not wrong to set some boundaries.
Why is my boyfriend defending another girl?
If your boyfriend is defending a woman who is not his relative, it could be for any number of reasons.
He could have feelings for her, or maybe he just has a “white knight” type of personality.
If it makes you feel bad, it’s important to talk about it with each other, and establish boundaries for your relationship.
If he listens to and acknowledges your feelings, it’s a good sign that the other woman is not as important to him as you are.
Why does my husband keep texting another woman?
Is your husband not spending time talking with you, and instead is constantly on his phone, texting another woman?
If the texts are mainly in the day and about work, then it’s usually just for professional reasons.
But if he’s up at an inappropriate time to “answer an e mail,” it might be a sign that he’s having an emotional affair with the other woman.
Even if you point out how his behavior is affecting the marriage, he might be in too deep to listen to you.
Signs a woman is interested in your husband
When your husband defends another woman, however innocently, she might suddenly get the wrong idea and develop feelings for him.
Even if she says she’s just his friend, look out for how she acts around him.
When they talk, does she flirt with him? Does she make passive aggressive comments about his relationship with you, hoping that he’ll feel the same way?
You’re not crazy if you feel threatened. Talk to him about her and trust your intuition.
Things a married man should never say to another woman
In a marriage or relationship, it’s important to set healthy boundaries about the way you communicate with the opposite sex.
For a married man, other ladies have no business knowing the personal issues he has with his wife.
And of course, openly flirting is something that should be avoided.
A general rule is that if you’d feel uncomfortable or hurt about your spouse sharing the same thing with a friend, it’s not something you bring up.
When your husband defends another woman, it could be for a number of possible reasons, including the ones on this list.
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