What Makes A Woman Insecure In A Relationship? & 11 Ways Out (2024)

This guide explains what makes a woman insecure in a relationship. 

What Makes A Woman Insecure In A Relationship
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This should prove useful for men who don’t understand their partner’s insecurities, and women who want to stop feeling so insecure.

It features 11 suggestions to erase these feelings of insecurity. 

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients better understand themselves and those around them. I’m also assisting men and women to become a more secure and improved version of themselves. 

That’s why I’m excited to share this guide with you. 

So, let’s dive in.

Types Of Insecurities In A Relationship

You could put different labels on different types of insecurity in a relationship, such as physical insecurity, emotional insecurity or whatever else. 

But, they all lead to the same major insecurity; the partner leaving. 

To simplify things then, we’ll focus on why women fear their partner leaving and how they can erase this insecurity. 

What Makes A Partner Insecure?

Ultimately, it’s a combination of two things.

  • One partner’s actions making the other insecure.
  • How the insecure partner feels about themselves. 

The proportion of these two wlil differ depending on the relationship. We’ll focus on improving both in this guide.    

What Causes A Woman To Be Insecure?

As we’ve just explored, it could be their partner acting in a way which suggests he doesn’t like or respect her.

However, it could run deeper.

If a woman suffers from low self-esteem, she might interpret reasonably normal behavior as signs that her partner is preparing to leave.  

This low self-esteem may have come from how she was treated by her family and friends as a child. It could stem from how she was treated in previous relationships. 

A great first step to overcome these insecurities is to understand the root cause of them. 

Female Insecurities In Relationships

If a woman has been mistreated or abandoned by someone she loved deeply, this can leave a lasting scar on her psychology.

It’s often deeply traumatic. It can be so painful that women maintain a deep fear of it happening again. 

This is often what leads to women being insecure or paranoid about their man leaving, even if he’s great at showing his commitment. 

The paranoia can lead women to cause conflict in an otherwise happy relationship. If that happens too often, they could end up pushing their partner away.

These are the reasons why it’s important for women to understand and tackle the root causes of their insecurities.  

Otherwise, they could keep sabotaging their relationships and end up alone forever.

What Are The Signs Of An Insecure Woman In A Relationship?

Most signs of insecurity in a relationship are easy enough to spot. Here are some of the most obvious signs.

  • Jealousy.
  • Emotional withdrawal.
  • Constant attention-seeking. 
  • Constant seeking of compliments and reassurance. 
  • Invading their partner’s privacy.
  • Clinginess.
  • Controlling behavior. 
  • Interpreting innocent comments as insults or threats.

The insecure woman in a relationship may often blame the partner for making her show these signs of insecurity – and he usually will be to blame to some extent.

However, the way the woman feels about herself also plays a key role.

That’s why this guide will focus on what both insecure women and their partners can do to fix this problem.     

Related Content: Tips If You Feeling Not Good Enough For Him

My Partner Makes Me Feel Insecure

Here are 11 actions that you and your partner can take to help you stop feeling insecure about your relationship.

1. Work On Your Self-Love

When you have poor self-confidence, every little thing he does could be perceived as a sign that he doesn’t like you, because you don’t like yourself.

When you have high levels of self-love, you’re far more likely to assume the best of your partner, because of course this guy loves you. How could he not? 🙂

See my list of hacks to love yourself enough if you want to improve this area of your life.

2. Establish Boundaries

If your partner does something to make you insecure, you have to be brave enough to tell him to stop.

Perhaps he’s always staring at other women, talking about past relationships or making comments that trigger your body image issues. 

Whatever he’s doing, if he does not stop after you ask him, end the relationship.

In some cases, there may be room for a compromise so that both of you are happy with the situation.

Either way, you must establish personal boundaries and ensure you both stick to them.

These are so important for establishing healthy relationships

3. Improve Your Communication

There will always be disagreements in relationships, but the way you communicate them will make a huge difference as far as whether you suffer from relationship insecurity.

Whether you’re speaking to an insecure person or not, your feedback will always be received better if you focus on the problem, not the person themselves. It is useful to sandwich the feedback between two compliments too.

For related reading on this topic, see the book ‘Crucial Conversations’ by Joseph Grenny.

4. Meet Each Other’s Needs

If one partner isn’t meeting the other’s needs, it’s common they’ll become insecure about the future of the relationship.

It’s important that you’re both clear and open about what you need from your partner in order to feel secure. 

5. Learn Each Other’s Love Languages  

The five love languages are five different methods of giving and receiving love. It’s said that every person tends to respond to one or two far better than the others.

The five love languages are: 

  • words of affirmation; 
  • quality time; 
  • receiving gifts; 
  • acts of service; 
  • physical touch. 

If your current partner is very generous with their time, very touchy-feely and does you lots of favors, but your love language is receiving gifts (for example), you might still feel that he’s not putting effort into the relationship.

This can be enough to create feelings of insecurity in a woman or a man. 

That’s why it’s important to be aware of each other’s love languages and to show love in the way your partner responds well to. 

For related reading on this topic, see the book ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. 

6. Act Like You’re A New Couple

When you have a new partner, it’s common that you both give the most love and present your best selves at all times. You’re in the honeymoon period.

Then, after a while, things start to calm down. This is perfectly normal. 

Sometimes though, in a woman’s mind, the dip in a relationship’s passion can spark alarm bells. 

It can be a big deal to insecure people and it’s certainly enough to spark fresh feelings of insecurity in a woman.

So what can a couple in a long-term relationship do to avoid this problem? 

While it’s unrealistic to expect each other to behave with pure lust every day, you should each make the effort to bring those fireworks back to your relationship now and again.

Surprise each other with new date ideas. Dress up for your partner now and again. Keep things fresh in the bedroom. This can do a lot to help ease relationship insecurity in a woman or a man. 

7. Accept The Ups And Downs Of A Relationship

Maybe you’re not in a steady boring relationship, but an emotional rollercoaster full of ups and downs?

This exciting but heart-breaking style of relationship can make women insecure too. 

Of course, both partners should be doing all they can to limit the low moments that make them insecure. Most likely, they’ll need to resolve the lingering issues that have remained unaddressed for some time.

At the same time, it’s important to accept there will sometimes be conflict in a relationship.

That doesn’t mean your man doesn’t love you anymore. It doesn’t mean he wants to leave. It usually means he wants to make your relationship better.

Once you realize that, you’ll hopefully gain more confidence in your relationship lasting the distance. 

8. Don’t Play Hot And Cold

A tiny bit of playing hard to get can help you reel your love interest into a relationship.

However, once you’re in that relationship, it’s time for both parties to stop faking disinterest. 

If a man doesn’t want his woman to feel insecure in a relationship, he should show consistent levels of love and enthusiasm for her.

9. Commit To Honesty

Lying is a great way to make someone feel insecure in a relationship. 

If you don’t want someone to be insecure in a relationship with you, commit to full honesty.

Avoid keeping secrets, hiding things, masking personal issues, making lame excuses or anything similar to that. 

A lie is a huge warning sign that makes a woman insecure in a relationship.

It’s one of the most common things men can do to ruin their relationships, so make sure it doesn’t happen in yours. 

10. Stop Over-Analysing

If you’re a chronic overthinker, you’re far more likely to feel insecure in a relationship. In fact, this is one of the most reliable signs of insecurity in general.

Over-thinkers should see my list of proven ways to empty your mind to help themselves deal with this problem. 

11. Seek Help

If you’re struggling to deal with feeling insecure in a relationship, it’s worth seeking professional help from a certified life coach or a therapist.

These professionals will help you explore whatever insecurities you’re suffering with, whether that’s self-doubt, self-worth issues, body issues or feeling insecure in a relationship.

They’re trained to help their clients understand themselves better, overcome insecurity and live a more fulfilling life.   

Frequently Asked Questions: What Makes A Woman Insecure In A Relationship?

Let’s round off this guide with the answers to some frequently asked questions surrounding the topic of what makes a woman insecure in a relationship. 

Woman Insecure In A Relationship
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What Are Women’s Biggest Insecurities?

Here are some of the most common insecurities I hear about in my role as a life coach. 

  • Beauty and body image. The belief they’re not beautiful enough for a loving relationship.
  • Singledom. The fear of growing old without a husband or a family
  • Intelligence and career path. The worry of being seen as a bimbo, or less capable than a man. 
  • Personal safety. The world is still a more dangerous place for a woman.
  • Inferiority. Women often want to perceive themselves to be at least as good as their friends, family members or any other women they know. 

Can Guys Sense When A Girl Is Insecure?

Yes, sometimes men can sense when a woman feels insecure. 

However, it’s often said that men are less intuitive when it comes to reading subtle signs of behavior or body language. It’s just not one of the things men are naturally good at, so you shouldn’t expect them to be able to read your mind. 

If you’re a woman who feels insecure in your relationship, the best thing you can do is talk about it and find a way to move past this problem together.

Dangers Of Dating An Insecure Woman

A relationship with an insecure woman is more likely to be spoiled by unnecessary conflict. Insecure women are more likely to be controlling or abusive. If you choose to date an insecure woman, you’re more likely to fall into a codependent relationship.

These are all reasons for men to either help fix a woman’s insecurity or to run away from that relationship at the first sign of trouble. 

Female Insecurity Psychology

If you’re a woman who wants to dive deeper into the psychological roots of her insecurities, the best step is to seek help from a certified therapist.

These professionals are trained to work with clients and help them better understand their feelings.

They can also recommend more exercise to help you overcome insecurity and enjoy a more healthy relationship with your loved ones.

In extreme cases, they’ll refer you to a clinical psychologist or another more suitable professional.

Do not hesitate to contact a therapist if you feel like you’d benefit from talking to one. Your mental health is one of the biggest keys to your overall levels of happiness.

There are a number of great therapy apps available nowadays, meaning it has never been easier to arrange an appointment.  

Any Questions?

Thanks for reading my guide.

No human being likes feeling insecurity, so I’m pleased you invested some time learning how people can move past this. 

I hope you’re now more equipped to understand what makes a woman insecure in a relationship, how to recognize the signs of insecurity and how to deal with these feelings.

Although this blog focused on what makes a woman feel insecure, the truth is: men harbor most of the same insecurities. As such, the tips in this guide can help you to address insecurity in your male friends, family members and lovers too. For more on this, see my guide on How To Help A Man With Low Self-Esteem — Based On Science.

Anyway, if you have any questions on these topics, you can leave a comment below. 

I love spending time reading the thoughts and opinions of my friends in the comments section, so it would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.