We Love Each Other But Can’t Be Together – 11 Strategies To Cope (2024)

Are you in a situation where you’re in love, but can’t be together with your partner? This can be more painful than a break-up if you don’t have the right attitude about it. Below, we’ll explore 11 strategies to help you cope with this situation.

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients discover the best ways to cope with stressful life situations.

That’s why I’m excited to share this guide with you. 

Let’s roll!

What Do You Do When You Love Someone But Can’t Be Together?

Here are 11 strategies to help you cope with not being together with the person you love.

1. Consciously Decide If This Person Is Worth Fighting For

A long-distance relationship can be difficult. To successfully reach the other side, it’s worth considering now whether this person is worth fighting for. Is it worth waiting a long time to be together with this person? 

If so, write down the reasons why. If it’s a struggle to find reasons, maybe you’re better to walk away and make a fresh start now. You may find someone else to be together with soon enough. Either way, the fear of not finding anyone and being single isn’t a good enough reason to stay with this long-distance partner. 

If your list of reasons to stay with this person is easy to write, that’s great! Look at it to gain strength whenever you’re getting sick of the long-distance situation.

Still, I’d recommend you watch this video to ensure you’re not falling for the charms of unavailable people.   

2. Stay Connected

Agree on how often you’d like to communicate and stick with it. Constant communication will be key to making this relationship work. This extra effort shouldn’t feel like a chore either. It should be something you’re excited about.

3. Make A Plan To See Them

If you don’t have an endgame, it’s going to be tough to make this relationship work. No-one wants a long-distance love that could potentially last forever. You need a meeting date to look forward to, otherwise one person will inevitably get sick of waiting. 

So, make a solid plan to see the person you love. Start saving for plane tickets to this different city. Ideally, both partners will be working towards making this meeting happen, otherwise one person might feel like the other isn’t as excited as them for the union.

4. Explain Your Feelings In Detail

When you’re separated from your life partner, you can’t expect them to be able to read how you’re feeling. You need to be comfortable sharing all those emotions that you’re experiencing about them, the relationship and your life in general.

Without the ability to do this, your connection is likely to fade with time and distance apart.

You should be as close and comfortable talking as best friends. The funny thing is: a long distance can actually encourage this extra communication. Co-habiting partners often take the ability to talk things through for granted, because they’re in such close proximity all the time.

Related: Tips For Men On How To Talk About Your Feelings

5. Work On Yourself

The distance from your partner will give you extra time to work on yourself. Make the most of it. Sculpt your best ever body in the gym. Find ways to make more money. Engage in hobbies. Look for ways to enhance your personality.  

This will not only give you more life opportunities, it may help to curb any fears you have of your long-distance partner leaving you for someone else. The better you feel about yourself, the less you worry about these things.

You may even begin to feel grateful about the distance between you and your partner.

6. Revel In The Feelings Of Longing

It’s normal to be sad when you miss the person you love, but it’s also easy enough to focus on the positive sides of these feelings.

It’s actually a beautiful experience to be longing for someone so much. Not everyone is so lucky. Most people either have no-one to love, or a partner who suffocates them because they’re around all the time.

We Love Each Other But Can’t Be Together
Photo By Andrew Tanglao On Unsplash

Related: Clear Signs That She Is Scared Of Her Feelings For You

7. What To Say To Someone You Love But Can’t Be With?

While you don’t have to pretend to be completely fine with the long-distance situation, you might find it easier to cope with the situation if you remain positive about it.

Instead of talking about how much you miss someone, how about you focus on how excited you are to see them? A simple reframe, which can make a big impact.

If both you and your partner can remain as positive people, you may find that your time apart passes much quicker.   

8. Focus On What You Can Do 

Negative people will focus on the negative association of long-distance relationships. They’ll talk about all the stuff they can’t do.

Positive people will focus on what they can still do for their long-distance partner, and what their partner can do for them. You should do the same.

You can still provide unconditional support for each other. You can still help each other achieve your life goals. You can still provide amazing emotions and share each other’s life over the phone. You can still send gifts and well wishes. Learn to find happiness in this, until the date that you finally that you’re united.  

Related: 31 Gut Feeling Signs You’re Meant To Be With Someone

9. Control Your Jealousy

Jealousy can have a particularly negative impact on long-distance relationships. In fact, this very emotion is likely to threaten to kill your relationship at one point or another.

If you’re experiencing jealousy, it’s best to talk about this with your partner without getting overly emotional or blaming them. Perhaps, you can come to an agreement together on how these feelings can be curbed.

Be prepared to deal with different opinions on what your partner should do to help you. If your feelings of jealousy are particularly intense and unjustified, they might be worth discussing with a life coach or therapist. 

10. Surround Yourself With Positive Influences

If your friends and family members are trying to convince you that your long-distance love life is silly, you need to nip this in the bud. This will wear you down eventually. Tell them you don’t want to hear their opinions on the situation. Remember, they don’t know the whole picture and are most likely commenting for their own selfish reasons. 

If they don’t respect your wishes, it might be worth cutting them out of your life. The sad truth is: people who keep pushing their opinions on you aren’t real friends and don’t really care about your wrong decisions. More often than not, they’re pushing their own selfish desires onto you. 

These rules extend to people who try to help you justify cheating or convince you that your partner cheated.

11. Indulge In The World Of Self-Pleasure

A key disadvantage of your particular situation is being unable to physically pleasure each other. It’s perfectly normal to desire sexual pleasure – and that’s why it’s recommended to dive deep into the world of self-pleasure while you’re apart from your true love.

This can be a truly blissful experience in itself, and maybe you can share it with your partner over video call. 

Frequently Asked Questions About Long-Distance Relationships

Let’s round off this guide with the answers to some frequently asked questions on this topic.

What Do You Call Two People Who Love Each Other But Can’t Be Together?

These two people are still lovers, regardless of the distance between them.

We Love Each Other But Can’t Be Together Because Of Parents

This is common with different religions and different faiths outside the West, where parents tend to have more control over their children’s decisions. It may be that your parents fundamentally disagree with a part of your relationship, such as a glaring age difference, for example.

Either way, in such a situation, you’re usually going to have to choose between your parents and your lover. This will lead to inevitable heartbreak when you walk away, one way or the other.

The good news is: these family issues you usually blow over with time. Once it becomes you really have finally found your true love, most parents will swallow their pride and try to patch things up. 

We Love Each Other But Can’t Be Together Because Of Distance

Most of the tips in the above guide cover how to handle this situation without suffering an emotional breakdown.

The key steps are: 

  • communicate regularly;
  • focus on the positives; 
  • set a date to meet each other.  

Related: Harsh Facts About Long Distance Relationships & Benefits

We Love Each Other But Can’t Be Together Because Of Physical Abuse

The sad truth is: a lot of people in abusive relationships can’t accept that their partner is outright wrong for them. These people often suffer from codependency or a belief that an unhealthy relationship is normal and all they deserve.

Can You Love Someone But Not Belong Together?

Yes, sadly it’s common to fall in love with someone who has different life goals to us. Maybe you had the same things in mind for your future, but then received a roller-coaster of a job offer and decided to follow their own selfish needs.

The best way to avoid such situations is to talk early on in the relationship about each other’s beliefs, core values, religious differences and your different life goals.

If you’re not on the same page and your partner’s perspective is too difficult to overcome, you should find it easier to walk away before you fall in love too deeply.

Related: Does Everyone Have A Twin Flame? 21 Signs You Met Yours

We Love Each Other But Can’t Be Together Because We’re Married

If one of you is married and that’s what’s keeping you apart, what can you do?

Well, the first question is: will this person walk away from their marriage for you – and, if so, when?

Most likely, you’ll find their faith affects their ability to walk out on a spouse. It can be more complicated if they have children or stand to lose a lot of money in a divorce. Don’t underestimate how much a divorce can turn someone’s life upside down.

You can avoid all the effort and overwhelming emotions of this situation by not chasing a married man or woman in the first place. It’s hardly a beautiful story of love that this person was with someone else and you destroyed their relationship.

This is the dark side of love – and different forms of adultery occur every day. But surely it would make more sense to pursue someone who is not married.  

Any More Questions? 

Thanks for reading my guide. I hope it helps your long-distance love remain alive with the special person in your life.

If you have a question on this topic, feel free to leave one in the comments. There’s no such thing as a silly question. 

It would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.