They say true love means falling for your chosen one over and over again.
But what happens when one of you starts to feel uncertain about the relationship?
Whether your partner’s ambivalence is causing you anxiety, or you’re the one wondering “should I stay or should I go?”, these strategies will help you overcome relationship uncertainty.
Let’s dive right in.
#1 Know What You Want (and What You Don’t)
Some people thrive on uncertainty in relationships as they feel this helps to keep things interesting.
Others can’t stand it and will run a mile at the slightest hint of uncertainty.
If you feel like your partner is giving you mixed signals, take some time to reflect on what you truly want from a relationship and whether they’re the right person for you.
If you’re the one feeling uncertain, this is a great way to get clarity on how you feel about your partner.
#2 Practice Clear Communication
The most successful relationships are based on solid communication.
When uncertainty in a relationship arises, the ability of both partners to communicate can make or break it.
If you suspect your partner is having doubts about the relationship, it can make you feel insecure and anxious.
The best way to dispel these fears is to tell them how you’re feeling.
It’s also important to ask them to clarify where you stand in the relationship and how they see it progressing in the future.
If you are feeling uncertain about your relationship, it is equally important to communicate it to your partner. Even if you say nothing, they will feel something is off, and this may cause further problems in the relationship.
Issues arise in all relationships — after all, we come to them as our imperfect selves, bringing all our previous pain, conditioning, and trauma into the mix.
Being honest with one another is the best way to overcome those bumps in the road that can lead to relationship doubt.
#3 Embrace The Uncertainty
Have you ever asked yourself why you want to control everything? 😉
What would life be without uncertainty?
The truth is: Super Boring!!
Although you may think of uncertainty as the enemy, it is one of our basic human needs so be careful about what you wish for.
Relationships need elements of both certainty and uncertainty to survive and thrive.
The need to control everything in your life is a fear-based response that is natural to humans.
After all, it helped our ancestors survive the many threats they faced.
But the true beauty of life flows to you when you open up to the possibility of uncertainty.
This is when you can manifest things beyond your imagination.
So, let your partner keep an air of mystery and surprise you from time to time.
#4 Make Decisions
While a little uncertainty in a relationship can be healthy, too much of it creates an unsustainable situation.
If one partner is having doubts, the other will start feeling insecure and may behave in ways that drive the other person even further away.
If you think your partner is feeling uncertain about your relationship, don’t allow them to decide your fate.
Remember that you also have the right to make the best decision for yourself, whether that’s finding a way to make it work, or walking away.
If you’re the one feeling uncertain, don’t lead the other person on. Communicate with them openly to find the best solution for both of you.
#5 Express Gratitude
Uncertainty in relationships can undermine trust between the partners, leading to a gradual deterioration in the quality of the partnership over time.
Openly expressing the ways you love and appreciate your partner is an excellent way to strengthen the bond between you.
If you think your partner is feeling uncertain about you, you may be afraid of appearing too clingy and driving them away.
But the truth is, telling someone how much you appreciate them makes them feel good about themselves, which makes them feel good about you, too.
If you’re the one who feels uncertain, telling your partner what you love about them can be a great reminder for yourself.
It will also help the other person feel less insecure, which will improve the quality of the relationship.
#6 Make New Memories
It’s easy for things to get routine when a couple has been together for a while.
This can lead to stagnation, which can cause one or both partners to become uncertain about the relationship.
If boredom is setting in, breathe some fresh air into your relationship by doing something new together. Try an activity you’ve never done before, take a trip out of town, or eat at a new restaurant.
Shaking up your routine is a way to strengthen your bond by making memories that can give your relationship a new lease of life.
#7 Include Each Other
When couples start growing apart, they often become insular from one another.
If you find yourself making plans more often without your partner than with them, it may be a warning sign.
Get involved with each other’s lives by inviting your partner to go with you when you hang out with friends and family.
If you have different hobbies, be open-minded and try your partner’s hobby, and have them try yours. If you already have something that you both like, do it together.
It doesn’t matter what you do, the important thing is to make each other feel included.
#8 Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
If your partner feels uncertain about you, or vice versa, it can be an uncomfortable situation no matter which side you’re on.
But often, transformation lies on the other side of discomfort.
Instead of trying to avoid them, face your uncomfortable feelings, and ask yourself what you can learn from them.
No matter the outcome of the situation, chances are your life will improve.
Either the two of you will find a way to work it out, and your relationship will continue stronger than before.
Or you will decide that it’s best for you to go your separate ways, creating space in both your lives for the right person to enter.
So, instead of avoiding the discomfort, get acquainted with it and then let it show you what you need to do.
#9 Stop Blaming Others
Relationships are hard work, and making them successful is the responsibility of both partners.
It can be too easy to fall into the blame trap, no matter which side of an uncertain relationship you’re on.
It’s important to take responsibility for your role in the relationship and the current situation.
Blaming your partner for their behavior most likely won’t make them change it.
Once you both accept your part of the responsibility, you can approach the situation in a more open and cooperative way, and look for solutions together instead of pointing the finger at one another.
#10 Speak Their Love Language
If you don’t know your partner’s love languages (or your own), it’s time to get to know them.
The Five Love Languages were established by Dr. Gary Chapman, and describe the main ways in which people prefer to give and receive love.
Most people have one or two dominant love languages. If your love languages don’t match those of your partner, it can lead to miscommunication and uncertainty in relationships.
Thankfully, it’s easy to start “speaking” your partner’s love language once you know what it is, even if it’s different from yours.
Showing the other person you love them in a way they will understand and appreciate can be a great help in reducing uncertainty in relationships.
Discover the Five Love Languages and take the quiz to find yours here.
#11 Take Care of Yourself
No matter what is going on in your life or relationship, self-care should always be a priority.
When you make sure your own needs are met first, you can show up better in your relationship and be less dependent on your partner to make you feel good.
But self-care is so much more than bubble baths and hot tea (although they can be part of it!).
True self-care runs much deeper and may include:
- Investing in therapy
- Setting boundaries
- Getting enough sleep
- Eating a healthy diet
- Taking time for hobbies or to spend with family and friends
If you’re facing uncertainty in relationship, prioritizing self-care can help you handle it with greater clarity.
#12 Be Generous
According to Tony Robbins, “the secret of living is giving” and this is true in relationships, too.
Be generous with your partner, and give without expecting anything in return.
Expectations often lead to frustration and resentment, which can cause your partner to start feeling uncertain about the relationship, or vice versa.
Most successful relationships are formed by two generous partners who prioritize unconditionally supporting and uplifting their partner.
Generosity is one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship and is so easy to do, yet many relationships fail because one or both partners neglect its importance.
Don’t let yours be one of them!
#13 Get Support
Always remember — you don’t have to suffer alone! Get support from someone you trust, whether that’s a friend, your mom, or a therapist.
When a Man or Woman is Uncertain About You
Uncertainty is common at the beginning of new relationships for a variety of reasons, so if someone you’ve recently started dating is uncertain about you, be patient.
Some people need more time than others to get used to a new relationship, even if they like you, so wait to see what happens before you run a mile.
If, however, uncertainty is coming up in a long-term partnership, it may be a sign that there are some issues that need to be resolved.
Why Am I So Uncertain About My Relationship?
There are many reasons you may be feeling uncertain about your relationship.
It could be that your partner behaves in ways you don’t like, that they don’t support or love you in the way you wish, or that you don’t share the same dreams and goals (to name but a few).
Or it may be that you have unresolved issues of your own, such as unrealistic expectations of your relationship or partner.
If you don’t know why you’re feeling uncertain, it’s important to explore that feeling through self-inquiry (for example, talking to a friend or therapist, journaling, or meditating) and through open, honest conversations with your partner.
Of course, if you feel uncertain about your partner because they are abusive towards you, you must prioritize your own safety and wellbeing over saving the relationship.
How Do You Handle Uncertainty in a New Relationship?
Since uncertainty is common in a relationship with someone new, you must learn to take it in your stride.
If the uncertainty makes you act clingy and desperate, you’re likely to drive the object of your desire away from you.
The best way to handle uncertainty is to remove your attachments to the outcome of the relationship — i.e., your expectations.
Accept that this relationship may or may not work out. Trust that if it doesn’t, it’s because something better is waiting for you.
Removing your expectations will also remove pressure from the other person, so you may find it even helps the uncertainty to evaporate.
What Are Signs of a Failing Relationship?
There are many signs of a failing relationship. They include:
- Frequent arguments
- Lack of communication
- Lack of intimacy
- Living separate lives
- Having no shared interests
- Spending little to no quality time together
- Violence or abuse (physical and mental/emotional)
What Causes Ambivalence in a Relationship?
According to Psychology Today, ambivalence in a relationship is “chronic uncertainty.”
It is caused by conflicting feelings and desires that create a feeling of uncertainty and result in ambivalent, or “hot and cold” behavior.
So, now you know my 13 proven strategies to master uncertainty in relationships.
Which ones are you going to apply first?
Let me know in the comments.
And don’t forget to share this article with anyone who’s facing relationship uncertainty.