71 Things Narcissistic Mothers Say (2024)

With this list of things narcissistic mothers say, you should be able to discover if you are the victim of a narcissist.

It’s important to be aware if you were or still are the victim of narcissistic parents, as this is often the foundation of many mental health problems you may be experiencing in adulthood. Once you’re aware of the root of these problems, it becomes a lot easier to get on the path to fixing them.

In my role as a certified life coach, I am often helping my clients understand why they experience certain feelings, as well as helping them onto the road to better mental health. 

That’s why I’m keen to share this guide on things narcissistic mothers say.   

So, let’s dive in.   

What Are The Signs Of A Narcissistic Mother?

The defining trait of a narcissist is the belief that the world revolves around them. Other people’s feelings are rarely important. A narcissist believes everything is done to either help or hurt them. All of their decisions are based solely on how it will affect their own life.

This has a huge impact on the way they parent their children.

A narcissistic mother will usually either:

  • ignore and neglect her children;
  • be overly controlling, giving her children no sense of freedom. 

Both actions are based on the narcissistic mother’s belief that she is the only important person in this world. Narcissistic mothers will ignore their kids, because they are too focused on their own needs. Or they will control their kids, because they are only interested in their offspring  serving their own needs. Sometimes, they’ll do both. 

How Do Narcissistic Parents Impact Their Children

Things Narcissistic Mothers Say
Photo By cookie_studio On freepik

If you had a narcissist parent who ignored you, leaving you without a sense of parental love, this will often impact your behavior throughout childhood and even your adult life.

It’s common that you’ll suffer from:

  • low self-esteem;
  • low self-confidence
  • no sense of self-worth;
  • poor personal boundaries;
  • people-pleasing; 
  • an inability to establish boundaries with others
  • a hesitancy to ever share your own thoughts
  • anxiety; 
  • depression;
  • the tendency to get into codependent or incredibly toxic relationships.

If you had a narcissistic parent who was controlling, you might suffer from any or all of these mental health problems, plus you might find it difficult to be independent. You might have a poor sense of your true identity or your emotional needs. You might also have no idea what you want to achieve in life.

This is because anarcissistic mothers often coddle their children to the extent that they feel they can’t live without them. The controlling narcissistic mother wants to be the most important person in their child’s life forever, and will consciously limit their children’s independence to ensure that happens.

What Are The Things Narcissistic Mothers Say?

Now you’re more familiar with the signs of a narcissistic mother, let’s explore some examples of things narcissistic mothers say.

Things Narcissistic Mothers Say When They’re Being Neglectful

It’s common for narcissistic mothers to lack empathy for their children’s problems or even to make them feel guilty about wanting attention.

Make no mistake about it: if a parent is constantly talking like this to their son or daughter, this qualifies as emotional abuse. 

With that in mind, these are some examples of what a narcissist mother might say when they do talk to their children. 

  1. “You only care about yourself.”
  2. “You are SO selfish.”
  3. “Get over it.”
  4. “Calm down!” 
  5. “I don’t care.”
  6. “You’re so dramatic.”
  7. “You are so ungrateful.”
  8. “You have no idea how you make me feel.”
  9. “You’re being irrational!”
  10. “Crying is for babies.”
  11. “Don’t try to manipulate me with your tears”.
  12. “The only reason I shout at you is because I care.”
  13.  I don’t have time for this right now. 
  14. “I have no idea why you’re upset.” 
  15. “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  16. “You are making me look like a bad mother.”
  17. “You’re such an attention-seeker.”
  18. “Why do you always need me?”
  19. “You only did that to hurt me!”
  20. “Why are you so sensitive?”
  21. “Why do these things affect you so badly?”
  22. “This is never going to work.”
  23. “What is wrong now?!”
  24. “You’re making so much out of nothing.”
  25. “Stop this silliness.”
  26. “Who do you think you are?”
  27. “I am so busy doing things for you. You don’t care.”
  28. “You’re causing problems in the family.”
  29. “You’re the reason dad is angry.”
  30. “I’ve given up my whole life for you!”
  31. “Why are you being such a spoiled brat.”
  32. “You’re such a horrible child. I can’t believe I gave birth to this monster”
  33. “How could a child of mine act like this?”
  34. “Why do you waste your time with these silly hobbies?”
  35. “I can’t make it, I have an important appointment.”

Things Narcissistic Mothers Say When They’re Being Controlling

A narcissistic mother often wants to keep her adult children at arm’s length. She will engage in guilt-tripping, gaslighting or talking down to them. She’ll deny them the ability to foster their independence and turn them against their friends, among other behaviors that can ruin their children’s lives.

While boundary-setting is important in parenting, a narcissistic mother will set boundaries only to fuilfil her genuine desires for her children to remain endlessly obedient and dependent on her.  

  1. “You need to make your parents proud.”
  2.  If you want to be my favorite child, you need to…”
  3. “You should be kind/generous/successful, because you’re MY child!”
  4. “You have to respect me.”
  5. “You’re not ready for this.”
  6. “You have to put your family first.”
  7. “You owe me this.”
  8. “How DARE you question me.”
  9. “Family always comes first.”
  10. “You think you’re so smart, but I know better.”
  11. “You’re nothing without me.” 
  12. “Obviously, you get it from me.” (whenever you achieve something)
  13. “I will die without you.”
  14. “I’ve given up my whole life for you!”
  15. “I’m the only one who will ever really love you.”
  16. “Everyone wishes they could have a mother like me.”
  17. “It’s me and you against the world.” 
  18. “My friends always tell me you’re a bad child, but I defend you.”
  19. “You’re going to need me for the rest of your life.”
  20. “I told you so.”

Related: How Narcissists Destroy Empaths: 19 Things You Need To Know

Things Narcissistic Mothers Say For Mental Manipulation And Control

Gaslighting is one of the most common strategies narcissistic mothers use to convince their children they need to do what they say. Essentially, they guilt-trip their children or make them feel worthless so they continue to follow their orders. This is especially common when their own children fight back against their narcissistic abuse. 

Here are some examples:

  1. “You’re so gullible.”
  2. “You can’t believe everything people say.” 
  3. “That person doesn’t care about you like I do.”  
  4. “You’re wasting your time listening to him. He’s wrong and I’m right”
  5. “You can’t trust other people. They don’t love you like I do.”
  6. “How dare you say those things about your mother! How could you hurt my feelings like this?”
  7. “How dare you accuse me of lying?!”
  8. “You’re not as smart as you think you are.”
  9. “You would be so successful, if only you listened to me more.”
  10. “You need to be realistic about your chances.”
  11. “I can’t believe you’re so naive to listen to that person.”
  12. “It’s so easy for other people to manipulate you.”
  13. “Did you see how well your sister is doing?”
  14. “If you did this, you could be as successful as your sister.”
  15. “Isn’t it about time you got a real job?”
  16. “No-one is going to want you, unless you…”

Frequently Asked Questions About Narcissistic Mothers

Let’s round off this article with the answers to some frequently asked questions about narcissistic abuse and narcissistic mothers specifically.

What Do Narcissistic Mothers Say To Their Daughters?

A narcissistic mother might not treat a son or a daughter differently. But, if she had a daughter, her comments would be more directed to a woman’s emotions.

“You’ll never get a husband, unless…”

“You think you’re so beautiful, but…”  

For ideas about how to communicate with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, see these EXPERT Tips – How To Talk To A Narcissist

Do Narcissistic Mothers Have A Favorite Child?

Due to her narcissistic traits, a narc mother is likely to favor whatever child obeys her the most or makes her life more easy. Worse yet, it’s not uncommon for a narcissistic mother to admit this.

Daughters Of Elderly Narcissistic Mothers

Here’s the sad truth about childhood trauma caused by abusive parenting: it tends to stay with us throughout adulthood, until treated.

The behavior mentioned in this article is called narcissistic abuse for a reason. It can have a lasting impact on adult men and women.

If you’re suffering from the after-effects of narcissistic abuse, a great place to begin your recovery is by reading this list of Best Ways To Emotionally Detach From A Narcissist.  

Narcissistic Mother Test

If you’re still unsure whether your mother qualifies as a narcissist, I highly recommend you take this online test.

Any More Questions About The Things Narcissistic Mothers Say?

Thanks for reading my words on mothers with narcissistic personality disorder. Hopefully, it will make it easier for you to spot the narcissist in your life, whether that’s your mother, one of your friends or someone else.

Healthy relationships with parents are key for children to grow into healthy-minded adults. Sadly, we’re not all lucky to grow up with unconditional love from our mum and dad. 

It’s hard for one to admit they’re in a toxic relationship with their own mother, so kudos to you if you’ve reached that stage. Of course, she’s likely to have a different opinion. In many cases, she’ll guilt-trip you for even suggesting this. 

The emotional and mental devastation that a narcissistic mother can put on her own children is difficult to put into words. A narcissist parent should be held accountable for such words. It is 100% wrong to treat your son or daughter or any other kids this way. 

Thankfully, life coaches and therapists have historically been very successful at helping people overcome their narcissism or break free from the narcissist in their life.

If you’d like to add to this list of all the things we discussed including this list of most commonly used phrases, or simply make a point about narcissism, feel free to leave a comment below. 

I’d love to talk more about this subject and it would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.