In this guide, you’ll learn the benefits of “taking it slow” in a relationship, plus how to do it.
You’ll discover what it means when a man or woman wants to take it slow, and why you might want to do it too.
In my role as a life coach, I am often giving expert advice to help people improve their relationships with those closest to them.
That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you.
So, let’s dive in.
What Does Taking It Slow Mean?
When someone tells you they want to take things slow, it means they want the relationship to progress more slowly than is normally expected.
In such situations, you can expect it to take more time than normal to reach the different ‘milestones’ of a relationship, such as the first kiss, having sex or becoming exclusive partners.
What Does Taking It Slow Mean To A Girl?
It’s not good to use stereotypes, but let’s be real here.
When a woman tells a man she wants to take things slow, it’s usually because he wants to rush into a physical relationship and she’d prefer to wait a while before doing that.
Is It Good If She Wants To Take It Slow?
When a girl says she wants to take things slow, it’s usually because she’s had her feelings hurt in a past relationship. If this has happened multiple times to a woman when things progress too quickly, she’ll usually learn her lesson and try to start slowing things down.
A lustful guy might be frustrated by this. He might be skeptical that the woman is using him for fancy dates and isn’t planning to ever give him physical intimacy in return. But there are benefits to taking a relationship slowly, which we’ll explore below.
What Does Taking It Slow Mean To A Guy?
Again, it’s not great to use stereotypes. I’m sure there are some guys out there who want to wait before jumping into bed with a woman…
But when a man tells a woman he wants to take things slowly, it’s usually because she wants to rush into a committed relationship, while he’d prefer to keep the relationship light and fun without any commitment for a while.
Is It Good If He Wants To Take It Slow?
When a guy says he wants to take it slow, it’s usually because he’s nervous about commitment to dating one woman only. Maybe he got burned in his previous relationships or perhaps he’s not ready to give up “playing the field” for a new relationship.
An enamoured woman might be frustrated by this. She might be skeptical that the man is using her for bedroom fun without planning to ever commit in the future. But there are benefits to taking a relationship slowly, which we’ll explore below.
Is Taking It Slow A Good Thing?
Below, you’ll find 12 reasons why taking things slow can be a good thing between a man and a woman.
1. You Can Be Sure They’re Interested In More Than Sex
For women in particular, it can be really hurtful when someone pretends to be interested in a long-term relationship, only to disappear after the first night of bedroom fun. Taking a new relationship slower will scare away the ‘players’ who try to do that.
2. You Can Ease Back Into Dating After Being Hurt
Break-ups are painful and it can be a challenge to jump back into dating after losing someone you cared about. Sometimes, it might feel like you’ll never be ready for that intense level of physical or emotional intimacy again. A pledge to take it slow can give you the courage to ease back into dating.
3. It Helps You Build A Stronger Relationship Based On Friendship First
Have you been caught in a whirlwind romance where you couldn’t help but fall hard for a seemingly amazing person, only to realise that you two have no similar interests in this world and they’re definitely not the right person for you?
This is a symptom of jumping into bed too quickly. Physical intimacy can make you feel butterflies for people based on nothing but the orgasms they give you.
Sadly, this honeymoon period ends and you’ll be left wondering what you ever saw in this person.
Taking things slowly allows you to build a relationship based on your personalities first, so you don’t fall into this trap.
4. You’re Less Likely To Miss The Red Flags
The fun and crazy lust that comes from great sex can tempt people to ignore the red flags in a partner, even the ones glaring in their face. When you choose to take it slowly, you’re less likely to have your judgment clouded by things like this.
5. It Will Help You Focus On Your ‘Type’
A lot of men and women fall into the trap of chasing a partner who they find ‘hot’, instead of someone they’d be compatible with in a serious relationship. If you want a serious loving relationship, it’s a big mistake to do this. Taking things slowly – and not jumping into bed with someone so quickly – will help to stop you from doing this.
Related: 13 Stages Of A Healthy Relationship
6. You’ll See Partner For Who They Really Are, Not What You Wanted Them To Be
When we feel those lustful butterflies from a whirlwind relationship, we don’t just ignore the red flags. It’s also common that we manufacture qualities that this person doesn’t have at all. When you spend quality time properly getting to know a new person before the relationship escalates, you give yourself space to see their true colours.
7. It’s Easier To Build Trust And Respect
If you got through the early days of a slower relationship with honesty, trust and respect, you can expect these qualities to remain constant in your future relationship.
8. You’re Less Likely To Ruin A Friendship
Let’s imagine you’re great friends with someone, then one of you proposes that you start dating. Often, the beginning of this relationship will be hampered by a fear of ruining the friendship. By taking the relationship slow, you reduce the risk of a car crash ending and increase the odds of remaining friends, no matter what happens.
9. It Stops Your Feelings Getting Hurt If The Relationship Doesn’t Work Out
When you break up after taking things slowly, it’s like two cars colliding at a slower pace. There’s less likely to be such a horrible (emotional) wreck. You weren’t such a crucial part of your partner’s life, so they’re able to move on with less emotional damage and vice-versa.
10. You Learn To Keep Your Life And Your Space
When a relationship with a new partner is intense from the very beginning, it’s common that men and women learn to become too reliant on another person to be happy. When you take things slow and give each other breathing space, it encourages people to learn how to find happiness in their own life.
It’ll stop you from making your partner feel smothered in the early stages of a new relationship too.
11. You Demonstrate Your Value
It’s a fact of life that most people value things more if they were hard to obtain. That’s why every relationship expert out there recommends playing “hard to get”.
12. The Delayed Gratification Is Worth It The Wait
When you work hard to obtain something, you tend to appreciate it more once you have it. The first time you sleep with a new partner will usually be way better when you’ve built a strong emotional bond over more than one date.
The excitement of finally having tied down your partner into an official relationship will be much greater when you decide to spend time getting to know each other first.
Is She/He Taking It Slow Or Stringing Me Along?
The main reason it’s difficult to take things slow is the fear that the other person is stringing you along. You might be overwhelmed by thoughts that they’ll never progress the relationship to the point you’re absolutely ready for now. If that was to happen, you’d feel like a chump and wonder why you were stupid enough to invest time dating a scammer.
This fear can be enough for men or women to refuse this slower pace and give ultimatums to the person they’re dating. This is a good way to ward off genuine time-wasters, but you might also lose a great person who genuinely needed to take things slower.
Taking It Slow Or Not Interested?
When someone isn’t stringing you along, they’ll take steps to show they care about you. They’ll show empathy for any impatience you do show. They’ll do the best to progress the relationship as far as they’re comfortable with. If they are stringing you along, they’ll do none of this.
Related: How To Be Patient In A Relationship
Taking It Slow Dating Timeline
There is no one-size-fits-all timeline for how fast a relationship should go. The key is to try and move at a pace that both people are comfortable with. If one person isn’t comfortable with the speed of the relationship and the other isn’t willing to compromise, the best thing to do is to break it off.
Sometimes different people want different things from a relationship all the time, and there’s nothing wrong if you decide to split up for that reason.
It’s important to talk and make sure your expectations are on the same page – and why not do this from the very beginning of knowing each other? If you want marriage and they want other things, why waste your time on another date? It’s important to quickly learn if they want different things.
You shouldn’t be nervous about wanting to take things slowly either. Everyone has their own right to say what they want, plus there’s every chance that this person feels the same way. So, share your true feelings without filtering yourself.
Thanks for reading my guide. In the age of dating apps, it might feel like less people care about taking a relationship slowly. I hope you now feel more aware about what taking it slow means and why it can be a good idea.
Feel free to share this guide with friends or family members who you sense might need to hear this advice.
Also, if you have a question about taking a relationship slow, please do take a moment to leave a comment below.
It would be great to talk further about this topic and it would mean the world to hear from you.