22 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive Anymore (2024) & What To Do

Perhaps your husband says he’s more attracted to you than ever, but your relationship feels like something is off.

He seems to have lost interest, your sex life has changed and you don’t spend time together like you used to. Love was supposed to conquer anything in your own lives and now you’re wondering, can marriage survive this?

Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive
Photo by Michael Easterling on Unsplash

Keep reading for signs your husband doesn’t find you attractive anymore and what to do.

Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive Anymore

1. Your Sex Life Hits A Road Block

No doubt, men are highly physical creatures, and more often than not, their love language involves physical intimacy.

Therefore, the lack of sexual encounters is worrying for married couples and could be a sign of incoming relationship problems, as well as the fact that he is no longer physically attracted to you. 

Also, if it feels perfunctory and leaves you unsatisfied, more signs your husband lost attraction to you. The truth is – being honest with your feelings is the best way forward.

2. The Romance Is Gone

Many of us tend to think that because it’s normal for married couples to lose a bit of romance, but this isn’t necessarily true. Marriage isn’t a death knell for romance.

Married men can be incredibly romantic, hence why they’re a catch for many single women. So, if your partner doesn’t spend time on the things that triggered your love for him in the first place, this is a clear sign he’s lost attraction. 

Related: Clear Signs Your Husband Has A Crush On Another Woman

3. Communication Fades Away

You’ll hopefully be with this person forever, so you’re going to need to talk to them about a myriad of topics. You’re partners after all.

If your partner doesn’t engage in quality time and deep conversation or isn’t willing to talk about anything beyond mundane everyday stuff, it could be signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore.

4. He Listens Without Engaging

In most healthy relationships, your husband won’t just listen, he’ll give his opinions and sometimes doesn’t even agree with you.

However, if that feedback isn’t happening, it could be signs your husband is not attracted to you and having stimulating conversations. 

So, check to see if he is not only listening but also processing the information and giving you some sort of feedback. 

5. Flirting With Other Women

This is one of the warning signs that shows your husband is not attracted to you. He’s searching for other women. 

If your husband flirts with other women, it could be due to a decline in your sex life or he doesn’t feel attracted and casts his attention somewhere else. 

This behavior also means your husband isn’t going out of his way to show you the respect you deserve, especially if he is flirting openly. So assess the situation and respond accordingly.

Related: Best Ways – How To Stop Him From Cheating

6. Not Spending Time Together

Spending time apart isn’t bad for a relationship as it makes your reunion even sweeter. However, if you don’t spend any time together at all, it slowly eats away at the relationship.

It’s beneficial for you and your partner to understand each other better with time spent together. So it’s important to be a priority for you both, and when he’s reluctant, your alarm bells ring. 

7. He Doesn’t Have Fun When Together

This is another problem, however, this lack of interest or attraction doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. While this situation might suit some women just fine, many want to be the object of lust for their significant other. 

If your normally jovial husband isn’t making jokes or being goofy, and you are the one acting clownish instead, it could be he’s not enjoying your company. It could also be there’s something else going on.

8. He Treats You Like A Buddy

Friendship in a relationship is vital and this is why many women choose to marry their best male friends. However, attraction sets a lover apart from a friend.

If all you’re left with is a good friend, then it’s likely he no longer lusts after you.

Related: Tips How To Deal With No Emotional Support From Your Husband

9. He’s Affectionate, Not Intimate

This is tricky. You might easily mistake it for fatigue. He’s radiating warmth and love, however not intimacy. Your partner comes home from work and hugs you and goes off to bed.

Or, maybe he asked about your day and listened while he cuddled up. Yet, you feel there’s a bit of distance. It feels mechanical and goes on for a while, these actions point to a husband who probably loves you, but isn’t attracted to you. 

10. His Needs Trump Yours

Love is selfless, and more often than not, if someone loves you, they put your needs over theirs. Selflessness can also be sexy, for the receiver and the giver alike. 

With all that said, seeing your husband now prefers to do things without considering how you might feel about it can feel painful, however it’s also a two way street, so be discerning.

11. Awkward Conversations

It was so easy to say ‘I love you,’ and conversation flowed effortlessly. Now, conversations are hard to go through, or you don’t feel as comfortable when spending time with him.

It can happen from time to time with certain subjects although not if it’s consistent. All these things show that your man might not be attracted to you anymore. 

12. No Excitement About The Future

Most couples usually plan their life together. Now, you find out your husband is hoping for a big promotion to subsequently buy a vacation home, the two of you haven’t yet discussed.

This is one of the possible signs that your significant other is no longer attracted to you anymore, in especially a marriage. 

If that’s the case, it’s best to be open and discuss your feelings.

13. He’s Distant

You notice it when your husband puts some emotional distance between both of you. 

He might be more distant, less attentive, or more curt than usual.

And while all this might be a symptom of stress, it might also be a sign that he is not attracted to you anymore or has something else in mind. 

Related: Why My Husband Looks At Other Females Online? 20 Tips What To Do

14. Choosing Adult Movies

If he prefers to engage with the screen rather than with you this means your sex lives are lacking something, and he just isn’t into you physically anymore. 

Importantly, adult movies addiction is real and could be the reason he is spending more time on smutty websites. Even then, he should want to have sex with you. 

15. He Doesn’t Get Jealous

Jealousy is a rather sexy emotion in the right doses. It can spice up a relationship and even ramps up the physical attraction between couples unless it becomes toxic. 

Jealousy is a huge component in attraction because, to a man, it means he sees this woman in his life forever and doesn’t want her with anyone else.

So, if other men flirt with you and he doesn’t even raise an eyebrow, it could also point to the fact that he is not attracted to you anymore.

16. He Knows You Too Well

Part of your allure is the mystery. This is the reason men try to understand us or know us better. 

A loving husband never gets bored with his wife and sees her in his life forever. However, a husband who’s lost interest behaves like he knows everything about you and there is nothing exciting left.

He may already assume he knows what you’re about to say, accompanied with an eye-roll.

17. Gets Bored

Your hubby is otherwise engaged in other activities when you are pouring your heart out to him.

These behaviors indicate loss of interest and could be signs that he doesn’t find you stimulating and is bored in your presence.

Don’t avoid talking to him to find out why he is bored, and if his answer is non-committal or random and it happens repeatedly, there are underlying issues. 

18. Picks Fights

Couples argue, and it is a natural part of any relationship. What isn’t normal is if your hubby looks for any excuse to pick a fight, and it’s been going on for a long time. 

Furthermore, if your partner seems reluctant to make up after an argument, it might be even more serious. These are indicators that the appeal is gone. 

19. Just Doesn’t Feel Right

A woman’s connection to her intuition is a special thing. When she feels like something is missing from the relationship, there’s a valid reason.

It might not be anything overt; just the tiny things such as hugging a second shorter, speaking with a little less expression– it could be anything. So, examine your relationship and ask if you still feel like everything is okay. 

20. Free Time Spent With Friends

He used to take you out and show you off, and now his friend time is always solo. 

Having time with his buddies without you around is nothing to worry about, unless he’s spending a lot of time with his crew and you’re no longer invited, pay attention.

This could be one of the signs your husband doesn’t find you attractive.

21. Blame Game

Accusations for the slightest of things are excuses to justify the lack of attraction he feels.

If he never does anything around the house and makes you feel guilty about it being messy, that’s a red flag, and you don’t need to take it.

Stand up for yourself and get to the root of the problem because his blaming is just a symptom of a bigger issue.

22. He Comments On Your Appearance

He should love you for you more than for what you look like, so even if you get comfy around him a lot, it isn’t normally a problem.

Unless he makes a point of nitpicking at your appearance.

Maybe your body has changed after having a baby or you’ve naturally put on/lost weight, don’t accept degrading comments from anyone, even from your husband.

Appearances change all the time, it works both ways, some days we look better and others less so, but your worth shouldn’t be judged based on how you look.

Why Does It Feel Like My Husband Isn’t Attracted To Me?

Establishing a long-term partnership with someone, eventually, you exchange the rush of excitement for comfort and routine.

Discouraging as may be, it’s certainly not unheard of to find yourself not as attracted to your husband or your wife as you once were. In fact, couples therapists say that feeling is quite common.

Maybe your partner is in a sweatpants-all-day mode and you’re just not feeling the same spark. For others, though, the fading attraction has to do with other natural changes in your relationship.

When you first met your partner, the initial attraction was probably a combination of physical attraction with the mystery of experiencing someone new. 

Settling into a long-term relationship with someone requires less effort than it did at the beginning and you’re secur about what they think of you.

Loss of attraction tends to develop over time when new or exciting experiences are not as common. When curiosity wanes, you can feel stagnant and bored.

How Do You Tell If Your Partner Is Sexually Attracted To You?

Knowing some common signs your man shows he’s attracted to you takes the guesswork out of the situation. 

  • Occasional casual physical contact that’s not sexual.
  • He looks deeply into your eyes with the intent stare of a hopeless romantic.
  • He’s more attentive to his physical appearance.
  • He flirts with you specifically any chance he gets.
  • His voice deepens when he’s talking to you.
  • Very discreetly, you may catch him checking out your body.
  • He stands taller with you around.
  • He may seem a little nervous, even though he has self confidence.
  • He’ll show off a little in front of you.
  • He’ll want to be in close proximity to you whenever possible.
  • You put a smile on his face.
  • He’ll find any reason to keep a conversation going.

Related: Possible Meanings – When Your Husband Defends Another Woman

What Do You Do When Your Husband Isn’t Attracted To You Anymore?

Women usually think her husband is not attracted to her anymore because she married the wrong guy or it’s her weight, her age, or her post-baby body, has made her less beautiful.

Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive
Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

It’s a painful thought that you don’t look good enough for a husband to bring his wife flowers or get bedroom eyes anymore.

However, the way you look is simply not the issue. Not even that you married the wrong guy.

Here’s what you can do:

  1. Stop Acting Like His Mom

Not surprisingly, men are not sexually attracted to their mothers. Therefore, they aren’t attracted to women, even supermodels, who act like their mothers.

You didn’t act like his mom when you were dating, so why are you now? You might think you’re being helpful by constantly doing things for him but it will only leave you both feeling resentful and unattracted to each other.

  1. Become His Lover Again

Start flirting, laughing at his jokes, smiling at him, thanking him for taking you out, and admiring him again.

  1. Trust Him

He is a grown man, totally capable at work, so the possibility that he could manage things you’d taken over for him exists.

Don’t do things for him that he could do for himself. He’ll step up. It may not be done the way you would do them, but he’ll end up being attracted to you all over again. Trust him.

Related: Reasons Why A Punishment Of Your Husband Isn’t a Good Idea

My Husband Doesn’t Get Turned On By Me Anymore

The smartest thing you can do is simply have a conversation with him.

If you noticed signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore, don’t ever jump to conclusions before talking to him. Poor communication can only cause you to feel unwanted and it snowballs from there.

What if you’re seeing a few signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore that are mentioned in this article?

Unfortunately, there’s a chance it’s true however, you shouldn’t presume anything before having an honest conversation with him.

  • Maybe there’s something bothering your partner and he doesn’t want to burden you with it.
  • Help him feel comfortable telling you everything that’s troubling him.

A healthy marriage is one where both partners know that they can openly talk to each other about their issues.

Here are some things you can do:

  1. Talk To Him

Start by asking him about his day. Really listen to his answers and respond by asking questions that lead to further conversation.

Make eye contact and show you care by relating to his experiences.

  1. Ask About His Needs

Start the day by asking what he needs from you that day or if there is something he needs in general that you can help with. The best way to know what our spouses need is to ask.

  1. Be Clear About Your Needs

Without a clear idea of what you are asking for, it will be difficult for him to respond to your needs.

State your needs directly and straight to the point. Short, direct, and without accusing to avoid confusion on what the core need is for you to get across.

  1. Take Inventory Of Your Physical Affection

If you find you may be holding back on the affection, too, try re-introducing it slowly and see how he responds.

Spice things up. Men are visual creatures so start wearing sexy lingerie, create some alone time with him and initiate sex. This can be a key way of attracting your husband back into your love life.

  1. Sexual Needs

Figure out what your sexual need is. Is once a month comfortable for you, or is once a week more like it? Find out what his ideal amount of sex is.

Find a compromise in the middle if you’re not on the same page. It never hurts to try something new in the bedroom to spark the fire.

  1. Ask To Go Along

Next time he tells you he has plans or wants to hang out with his friends, ask to come along. It’s possible he may not know you want to hang out with them. So, clarify that you would love to catch up with his buddies too.

  1. Make Time Just For Each Other

Suggest and prioritize times when no phones are allowed.

For example, no phones allowed at the dinner table. Making time for each other without digital distractions can force a conversation that can lead to connection.

  1. Compliment Him

Even if it’s the bare minimum that the lawn he mowed looks great. Compliments are great ways to break the ice and begin warming up to someone.

Offering a compliment to him can be a solution if you start to notice signs your husband is not attracted anymore to you.

Related: I Don’t Want My Husband To Touch Me Anymore

My Husband Is No Longer Attracted To Me Because Of My Weight

You’re aware when you’ve let yourself go a little. It doesn’t require pointing it out to you.

You know when you put an effort into your appearance and when you get “comfy” around your partner.

Lost Attraction
Photo by Imani Bahati on Unsplash

Our appearances change all the time, some days we look better and others less so, but your worth shouldn’t be judged based on how you look.

Never accept degrading comments from anyone, even from your husband whether it’s for your looks, your weight or your intelligence. If it’s real love he’ll love you for you more than for what you look like.

What can you do about it?

  • Stand up for yourself – be comfortable and confident in your skin
  • Explain how he makes you feel when he comments on your body
  • When it suits you, it’s good to make an effort with your appearance from time to time 
  • Call him out on it – especially if he also has stopped investing in his appearance – it’s a two-way street

How To Deal With Your Husband Not Wanting You

The good news is, you can get your mojo back! As long as you commit to doing the work and the proper attention it takes to get there.

Here are a few steps to restoring the attraction in your marriage.

  1. Figure Out Why

Remember the last time you felt attracted to your partner. What changed?

  • Maybe you’re missing the excitement of the dating experience.
  • Hurt that your partner’s prioritizing the kids over you.
  • Resentful they’re not putting an effort into their appearance 
  1. Take The Initiative

Reflect on how you’ve contributed to the problem. The problem could be within yourself and not just the marriage.

  • Have you spoken up about what you want? 
  • When was the last time you initiated a date night?
  • Have you tried to make your partner feel special? 
  1. Address The Issue Calmly

Things won’t improve without an honest conversation. This can be done delicately.

Before you speak up:

  • Crystalize your specific concern so your partner doesn’t feel hurt.
  • Process the issue with someone trusted, a friend or a therapist, to help.
  • Be honest and respectful.
  • Share what you’ve observed, how you feel, and focus on your desire for closeness with your partner as the outcome.
  1. Have A Plan

Have specific ideas for restoring the spark and be open to work together to find ways to bring back the attraction. For example:

  • Maybe you start to work out together and cook healthy meals. 
  • Plan weekly date nights to keep things exciting. 
  • Break up your weekly routine with as much spontaneity as you can.
  • Check out a new restaurant together.
  • Try a new activity, or even going somewhere neither of you has ever been.
  1. Consider Professional Help

A couples therapist can help you identify the issues beneath your lack of attraction, communicate it without damaging your marriage, and brainstorm ways to rekindle it.

Couples therapy isn’t just for big issues. It can help to work on connecting in deeper ways, both sexually and emotionally.  

Hopefully, this article has helped you understand the signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore so you can make a conscious effort to make it through this rough patch to heal your whole relationship.

Share with us your comments and consider forwarding this article to some friends who want a more happy marriage.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.