23 Signs That A Man Has Not Been Sexually Active (2022)

Welcome to my list of signs that a man has not been sexually active.

Signs That A Man Has Not Been Sexually Active
Photo By Ethan Sykes On Unsplash

This guide will help you discover whether a romantic interest has recently been having sex with someone else. 

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients better understand themselves and those closest to them.

That’s why I’m excited to share this guide with you. 

So, let’s dive in. 

What Makes A Man Not Sexually Active?

Some men choose to practice sexual abstinence, perhaps for religious reasons or because they’re still recovering from a break-up.

Other men are involuntarily celibate, meaning they would like to be sexually active but are unable to find even one partner.  

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Is It Normal For A Man Not To Be Sexually Active?

Studies show that it’s becoming more common for young men to be sexually inactive.

A United States study showed that the percentage of adult men who haven’t been sexually active since age 18 has risen, from around 10% in 2008 up to 28% in 2018.

The majority of the articles reporting on these studies concluded that most of these men were involuntarily celibate, although that does not appear to have been asked in the study. This suggests that it’s not seen as normal for a man not to be sexually active. 

Indeed, there are a number of physical and mental health benefits associated with sex – and it’s a topic that most young men in particular appear to obsess over.  

Related: Sexual Fasting: 12 Benefits For Intimacy And Orgasm

23 Signs That A Man Has Not Been Sexually Active

If you’re in a relationship with or interested in dating a man, you might be interested to know if he has been sexually active.

It’s in your best interests to know whether this guy is sexually involved with someone else, after all.

So, here are 23 of the most reliable signs that a man has not been sexually active.  

1. He’s A Little Too Keen To Meet Up With A Woman

It’s normal enough for a man to push an attractive woman to meet up with him. However, if he seems to be pushing too aggressively, there’s a good chance that he hasn’t had sex in a long time.

Desperation sets in after men haven’t had sex in a while – and this can lead to them becoming super-clingy and pushy in their text messages, as well as in-person. Men who have several options for sexual partners don’t need to be this aggressive and will usually stop texting once a woman shows disinterest.  

2. He’s Incredibly Active On Dating Apps

There’s nothing inherently wrong with men using apps like Tinder to try and land a date.

However, if you spot that this guy has Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Happn, OKCupid and a couple more dating apps on his phone, that’s a reliable sign that he hasn’t had sex in a while. Either that, or he’s a sex addict.

Is he the type of guy to ‘slide in the DMs’ of a dozen Instagram models every day? Perhaps there’s nothing inherently bad about that, but it is another reliable sign that he hasn’t had a lot of sex recently. Guys who are satisfied with their sex life wouldn’t put in this much effort to land a date.  

Related: Disadvantages Of Having Sex Everyday

3. He’s Always Checking Women Out

Once again, it’s perfectly natural for a beautiful woman to steal a man’s attention at one point in the day. But if he’s the type of guy who is always being distracted by the body of the next hottie walking down the street, there’s every chance he hasn’t been sexually active in a long time.

4. He’s Ready To Lower His Standards

If you spot that this guy is beginning to pursue women who are less attractive than he would normally flirt with, that’s another sign he’s not been having sex.

If a guy hasn’t had sex in a long time, romantic attraction (and sometimes even sexual attraction) goes out the window and he begins pursuing anyone who might be attracted to him.   

5. He Seems Stressed And Agitated

The stress of everyday life seems to hit men harder when they aren’t enjoying an active sex life. Sex is one of the best ways to relieve stress, after all. So, if a man seems more agitated than normal, it could be the stress of not having sex.  

Related: How To Have Self-Control Sexually: 12 Best Ways & Benefits

6. He’s A Little Bit Too Keen To Impress

It’s more difficult for a man to ‘just be cool’ around attractive women when he hasn’t had sex in a while. The stress, agitation and desperation to find a sexual partner gets to him. He tries a little bit too hard to impress a potential sexual partner. He can’t help but act strange and say stupid things in his attempts to get her into bed. Often, he’ll ruin his own chances.

7. There’s No Spark Of Confidence In His Demeanour

Sex is not only a great stress-reliever, but a reliable confidence-booster for a lot of men too. A lot of men see sexual intercourse as a means of validation. For them, having a lot of sex means they’re successful and attractive.

Whether or not you believe that’s true, you’ll often spot a spark in a man’s eye and a swagger in his body language when he’s having a lot of good sex. 

If he’s not having sex at all, it’s often the opposite. Perhaps through eye contact, you’ll see that this man’s soul is dying. Maybe you’ll notice the stress taking over this body as the swagger he once had is not there anymore. 

8. His Sexual Desire Is Through The Roof 

Does the most innocent of body-to-body contact seem to make this guy horny? Is he overly keen to be touchy-feely? Do magazine pictures or sexy movie scenes seem to get him a bit too excited? Does he turn into a raging baboon the moment things get hot and heavy in the bedroom? This increased sexual desire is a symptom of not having had sex in a while.

Related Content: Signs He Wants You Badly Sexually & How To React  

9. He’s Nervous On Dates

The longer a man remains sex-starved, the more desperate he becomes to end this dry spell. This desperation can make him nervous on dates and any other time when he feels like he’s close to getting what he wants.

10. He’s Too Keen To Push Things Forward

If he seem too keen to get physical, move things to his place or initiate sex, this could well be another side-effect of his desperation to finally have sex

11. He’s Nervous In Bed

If he’s not had sex in a while, you might notice that he’s nervous in the moments before you have sex with him. 

A sex-starved man is more likely to worry about his performance, because it’s been a while since he was intimate and he probably doesn’t want to ruin his chances of having more sex with you in the future. This makes it tough for him to enjoy sex even when he finally has it. 

Related Content: Signs You Are Sexually Liberated

12. Premature Ejaculation

This is a symptom of sexual inexperience, nerves and extreme horniness. A man who hasn’t been sexually active is likely to be struggling with three of these issues – and these can lead to other male sexual dysfunctions too. 

13. Erectile Dysfunction  

Erectile dysfunction is a symptom of performance anxiety, and this can crop up if a man hasn’t been having frequent sex. Studies have also suggested that older men should ‘use it or lose it’, as ED is more common among men aged 50+ if they’re not having regular sex.

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14. They’re Consuming Lots Of Dating Advice

If you notice a man is consuming a lot of advice about dating and relationships, it’s probably because he’s not having sex at all. Sure, some men will consume this content if they’re having sex occasionally, but would like to improve their options. However, those who dive headfirst into dating and relationship coach advice are usually men who aren’t having any sex. 

15. More Focus On Discipline And Self-Improvement

Some men who can’t attract a sexual partner will feel sorry for themselves, blame outside circumstances and do nothing to change.

Others will use this lack of romantic success as motivation to level up in all areas of life.

Self-improvement is a great thing for all people to pursue – but it’s usually only those who are at rock bottom who find the inspiration to take it seriously. 

Many men who haven’t had sex for many years will see themselves at rock bottom. 

16. They’re Highly Critical Of Women

As a general rule, most misogynists are men who don’t have sex a lot.

Also, there are some dark corners of the men’s dating advice world which focuses almost exclusively on the flaws of women, such as the ‘Red Pill’ or ‘MGTOW’ communities. Naturally, it’s men who don’t have sex that gravitate to this type of advice. 

The term ‘incel’ is now widely used to describe involuntarily celibate men who blame women for their lack of a sex life. It’s rare that you’ll find a sexually active man who agrees with anything said on ‘incel’ chat forums. In fact, most sexually active men are full of praise for the opposite sex. 

If you meet a man who is highly critical of women, there’s a good chance he’s not had sex in a while.

17. He Watches A Lot Of Porn

Porn is mostly a tool for guys to fantasize about having real sex. Many sexually active men find that they don’t need to watch it.

I’m not saying you should go snooping through his internet search history looking porn websites, but if you find out that this guy spends a lot of time masturbating to porn, that’s a clear sign he’s not having enough sex.      

Related: Why Do Men Watch Porn: 19 Insights & Ways Out

18. He Hasn’t Been In A Relationship For A While

The average man has seven sexual partners in his lifetime. So, if he’s not been in a committed relationship for a while, the chances are that he’s not had sex in a while either.

19. He Creeps Women Out

Here’s the thing about the desperate behavior and overwhelming sexual desire of men who haven’t had sex in a while; it creeps a lot of women out. If your buddy seems to creep out every woman he talks to, it’s probably because they can sense the desperation in his actions.

20. He Acts Like A ‘Simp’ 

‘Simp’ is a new buzzword to describe a man who acts like too much of a ‘nice guy’ to try and impress women.

Sexually active men will rarely act like this, if only because they know it doesn’t work. Once again, women can sense the desperation of a ‘Simp’ and it creeps them out, killing any sexual attraction that may have previously existed. 

21. He Seems Uncomfortable In Conversations About Sex

It’s common that men who aren’t having sex will feel uncomfortable in sexual conversations. Maybe it’s because they have nothing to add. Perhaps it’s because they feel insecure that their lack of action is about to be outed. Either way, this is a common tell of a sexually frustrated person.

Related Content: Best Ways To Overcome Sexual Shame    

22. Long Nails

This is a strange but surprisingly accurate sign. A man engaging in a lot of sexual activity will typically keep his nails groomed, knowing that women won’t want sharp digits anywhere near their most sensitive parts. On the flip side, most men who aren’t having sex won’t consider this. 

23. He Tells You

If you straight-up ask a man when he last had sex, you’ll get your answer one way or another. If a man hasn’t engaged in any sexual activity, he’ll either tell you or it will be immediately clear from his defensive body language.  

Frequently Asked Questions

Let’s round off this guide with the answers to some frequently asked questions about not having sex. 

Sexually Active
Photo By Ethan Sykes On Unsplash

How Do You Know A Man Has Slept With Another Woman?

If you’re looking for surefire signs that your partner has cheated on you, a great start would be my guide on The 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs and this one on the guilt of cheating.

How Can You Tell If A Couple Is Sexually Active?

You can use a lot of signs in the list above to tell whether a couple is sexually active. Do they seem stressed, agitated and fed up with each other? That’s a reliable sign that a couple isn’t having as much sex as they’d like.

Still though, your best shot at a reliable answer is to analyse the man’s behavior and look for the signs in the list above. The more you spot, the less likely he’s enjoying a satisying sex life.    

Related Content: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Make Me Feel Wanted Sexually

What Are The Physical Health Risks Of Being Sexually Inactive? 

Studies suggest that regular sexual intercourse can result in:

  • lower blood pressure;
  • lower risk of prostate cancer;
  • better immune system;
  • improved heart health, meaning narrower blood vessels and a lower risk of heart disease;
  • better sleep;
  • and more.

So, if you’re sexually inactive, you miss out on these physical health benefits. 

There are also increased risks of mental health conditions like low self-esteem, anxiety or depression. 

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Related: How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

Any Questions? 

Thanks for reading my guide on the telltale signs that a man has not been having sex.

Perhaps you noticed that a lot of these signs are likely to make women less sexually attracted to a man. This is the vicious cycle which can make a period of celibacy last a long time for a lot of guys.

Anyway, if you’d like to ask a question on this topic or share a useful story of your personal experience with a guy who hadn’t been sexually active, feel free to do so in the comments box below.

I never need more than one excuse to talk further about dating and relationships, so it would be great to hear from you.