27 Clear Signs He’s A Player

Just got into a new relationship? In this guide, you’ll learn the telltale signs he’s a player. 

As an experienced life coach, I’m often helping people understand why they choose the partners they do.

It’s true there are underlying psychological reasons why some women always choose to date a player. But, sometimes, they’re just too naive to spot the red flags.

Hopefully, this list will help you to avoid players and start dating guys who are right for you. 

Let’s dive right into it.

Signs He’s A Player
Photo by Jayson Hinrichsen on Unsplash

What Is A Player?

A ‘player’ is skilled at manipulating a woman’s emotions so he can get what he wants. Most commonly, the term is used to describe a man deceiving (or ‘playing’) a woman into believing he only desires her, when he’s actually dating multiple women.  

27 Warning Signs Of A Player

The more of these signs that your man shows, the more likely that you’re dating a player who only really wants sex.

1. He Picked You Up Effortlessly

Did he smooth talk you in a bar, at a party or out in public with seemingly no insecurities? A man who can do this is more likely to be a player, because this guy will find it easier than most to attract women into his life.  

2. He Has Lots Of Beautiful Female Friends

Male/female friendships can exist platonically, but if he has lots of attractive female friends, the odds that he’s hooking up with at least some of them become shorter   

3. He Doesn’t Text Unless He Wants To Meet

If a man is only interested in dating you, he’s more likely to engage in smalltalk over text. At the very least, he’ll reach out now and again to see how you’re doing. If you’re a side chick, he’ll usually only text when he’s ready to see you. Bonus ‘player‘ points if he only texts late at night. 

4. He Doesn’t Take You On Dates

If he desires a serious relationship with you, he’ll take you to some fun places. A player is more commonly going to ask you to come straight to his house.  

5. He Doesn’t Introduce You To His Friends Or Family

Players may feel particularly self-conscious about introducing you to his friends and family, for fear that someone might spill the beans about his love life. 

It’s even less likely he’ll want to meet your loved ones. That’s a nerve-wracking experience at the best of times. Men will only put themselves through this if they’re looking for something serious.  

Related: Clear Signs A Married Man Is Using You & How To Get Over It

6. He Doesn’t Let You Sleep Over

If he lets you sleep over, that’s a sign he’s interested in more than sex. 

If he doesn’t, he probably doesn’t care about the natural connection that comes with cuddling in bed and waking up together. 

7. He Values Beauty Over Brains

Players value sex over a long-term connection, so they tend to care less about a woman’s personality.

So, pay attention to the compliments he gives you. Does he focus on your beauty or who you are as a person? Does he try and get to know you at all, or is he only interested in one thing?  

8. He Parties A Lot 

Sure, many young guys would like to party every day, but there are two types of dudes who love it more than anyone else. The guy with the drinking problem and the ‘player’. 

If you’re looking for someone to settle down with, you probably don’t want either of these guys.

9. He’s Surrounded By Girls On Social Media

You can learn so much about a man by his social media profiles. 

If he’s surrounded by various girls in his photos, that’s a bad sign. If he’s posting ‘thirst traps’ to bait girls into messaging him, that’s another red flag. 

10. He’s Vague About His Plans

A player will never tell you when he has plans with another girl. Instead, he’ll create some vague story about what he’s up to. The same happens when you ask about his day.  

11. He Cancels Plans At The Last Minute

Players will drop plans with a girl if a better one becomes available.  

Yes, everyone has genuine last-minute emergencies from time to time. If he’s regularly making last-minute cancellations, that’s a clear sign that he doesn’t value you. More often than not, he’s ditched you to hang out with another woman. 

12. He Rarely Puts You First

If a man is looking for a relationship with you, he’ll make the effort to be there when you need support. He’s happy to do favors or spend time with people who are important to you.  

A player would never put you first like this. He’s only with you for the fun times. 

13. He Doesn’t Make Future Plans

Good luck trying to make plans more than a week in the future with a player. That’s way too much commitment for him.

If a man actually desires a committed relationship, he’s going to be thrilled when you suggest buying tickets for an event that’s a few months away.

14. He Guards His Phone Intensely 

If he’s hiding his phone screen, that usually there’s something to hide.

A genuine man won’t think twice about leaving his phone out or using it to show you something. 

15. He Avoids ‘The Talk’

A player won’t ever say anything about monogamy. If you question him about it, he’ll usually try to avoid or delay the conversation. If you force the issue, he’ll usually ask why you’re trying to rush things.  

16. He’s Distant In Public

A player will often be loving and affectionate in private, but cold and distant in public. 

Often, he’s worried about being caught by another one of his girls.

Test to see how he reacts to holding hands. Most genuine guys will be fine with this, but it’ll  always make a player uncomfortable. 

17. He Avoids Seeing You On Weekends

Weekends are for his #1 girl or for hunting fresh meat. If he’s never free on Friday and Saturday evenings, that says a lot about where you stand.  

18. He Doesn’t Remember Anything You Tell Him

Either he doesn’t care enough to listen, or he’s getting mixed up by hearing way too many stories from too many women 

Also, if he tells you the same story twice, that’s an even clearer sign of getting mixed up from dating around. 

19. He Doesn’t Show You Off On Social Media 

You can bet he’ll never list himself as ‘in a relationship’ on Facebook, and he may be reluctant to share any lovey-dovey photos that you take together.

He may say it’s because he’s a private person. More likely, he doesn’t want one or more of his other partners to see. 

20. He Doesn’t Talk About Marriage And Kids

He doesn’t mention it because he doesn’t want them, at least not any time soon. Don’t think you can change his mind about this either… 

21. He Lies

If he even lies about tiny things, that’s a sign of his character. Often, these small lies are used to hide his more dastardly activities. Notice how he’ll change his story when you come to spot one of his inconsistencies.  

22. He Gaslights You

If he somehow puts the blame back on you when you try to confront him about something, that’s a clear sign he’s gaslighting you.

Gaslighting is a sign he’s a player. Men tend to use this manipulation technique when they’re cornered or want to get away with being players.

23. He Makes Everything About Him

Relationships shouldn’t be one-sided. There are two people in your relationship so if you feel it’s all about him, you should do something about it.

If he’s a player, he will make everything about him because that’s the kind of relationship he’s looking for at the moment. He’s selfish and you deserve better.

24. He Always Answers An Important Question With A Question

When you ask him how he feels about you, he asks you if YOU care about him. When you ask him if he’s serious about your relationship, he asks you if you doubt his emotions.

He’s clearly avoiding important topics by placing the blame on you. It’s a clear sign he’s hiding something and is probably a player.

25. He Clearly Doesn’t Want To Make Your Relationship Official Yet

As much as you try to make it official, he just won’t do it. He’s constantly tiptoeing around this important topic and he even sometimes disappears for days after you say you want to make it official.

It’s an obvious sign he’s a player who doesn’t want to settle down yet. Don’t let him treat you that way, especially if you’re looking for something serious.

26. It Takes Him Hours (Sometimes Even Days) To Text You Back

If he wanted to, he would. This couldn’t be more true, especially when it comes to simple things like texts and calls.

If he disappears for hours or days, he’s obviously not looking for anything serious. He’s afraid to tell you directly and that’s why he’s sending you these mixed signals.

27. He Doesn’t Put Any Effort Into Your Relationship

If he doesn’t want to put any effort into your relationship, it’s probably because he’s not serious about you. I know this is a hard pill to swallow but the sooner you accept the hard truth, the better.

Don’t let him treat you poorly. He’s a player and you deserve someone who will go above and beyond for you.

Any More Questions About Finding The Right Partner For You?

I really hope you like this guide.

It might seem like some of these points are obvious, but seeing them written down can help you to accept the true facts about the guy you’re dating. 

If you have a question about someone you’re seeing or would like to know more about how to find someone good for you, make sure to leave a comment below. 

I love to get questions from my readers and I’m always happy to give advice when I can.

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About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.