17 Insights In The Law Of Polarity In Relationships (2024)

While you might have encountered the Newtonian law, “For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction,” it might have not occurred to you that it’s applicable in relationship psychology.

Relationship Polarity
Photo by Nati Carvalho

That’s why we’re going to talk about relationship polarity today to help you figure out one of the best ways to handle your relationships.

Let’s roll!

What You Need To Know About The Law Of Polarity

1. What Is The Law Of Polarity Exactly?

Newton’s Third law of motion sums up the law of polarity in the words “For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction” meaning energies in the universe come in opposites such as negative and positive; north and south, and in relationship polarity – masculine and feminine.

It explains the different ways people are built to function and how they best can pair with each other. In this case, masculine polarity pertains to masculine energy as their dominant energy while feminine polarity involves one having feminine energy as their dominant energy. When these two people are in love, sexual attraction and intimacy are at their best when they express their energies.

It all works around the famous principle of “opposites attract.”

2. What Is Polarity Between Male And Female?

Commonly, men have masculine energy while females have feminine energy. However, sexual polarity doesn’t necessarily correspond to gender. You can find men who carry feminine energy and females who carry masculine energy. They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or otherwise, it doesn’t matter – they’d have a dominant masculine or feminine energy.

3. Does Polarity Mean Attraction?

Polarity means the attraction of different energies. Since opposite energies attract, one would be more attractive to another if they embody the opposite energy like if a man is more masculine, they’d be more attracted to a female who reveals female energies than one who is similarly masculine.

For any successful relationship packed with sexual attraction and deep connection, there’s polarity. 

I mean think about the most passionate relationships of the people you know well. How masculine or feminine are they? 

If you think about it well enough, you’d realize that they operate under the law of polarity. And if the relationship isn’t working, you’d quckly realize that the polarity is mismatched as well whether the people take on each other’s energies often or are naturally similar in their energies.

We’ll get deeper into this below.

4. Masculine And Feminine Polarities And Their Differences

Masculine polarity has its share of differences from feminine polarity. After all, they’re opposites. For the most part, a masculine partner would want to be appreciated for their efforts while a feminine partner would desire appreciation for who they are.

Keep in mind that each person has masculine and feminine energy in them but they’ll have a dominant polarity and therefore would exhibit more of either energy than the other.

Related: Balancing Masculine And Feminine Energy

What Does It Mean If Your Polarity Is Masculine?

Masculine energies are more goal-oriented, and so trackable progress helps them feel more fulfilled than anything else. They enjoy being appreciated for their contributions to the relationship and usually look forward to more conquests.

If you have a masculine polarity:

  • You’re mostly focused on your goals in life
  • You tend to be the directing force of the relationship
  • You’re protective 
  • You aren’t emotionally expressive as such
  • You tend to be more rigid in your plans

“She was loud and fiery; he was quiet and cool. She always defended him verbally; he always defended her physically.”— Criss Jami

What Is Feminine Energy In A Relationship?

Feminine polarity is more easygoing, playful, “enjoy the moment” kind of energy. It promotes opening up and lays more weight on intuition than logic. A feminine core is also into caregiving due to its nurturing, compassionate and empathetic nature.

If you have a feminine polarity:

  • You’re mostly focused on emotional fulfillment in life
  • You treasure being appreciated for just who you are
  • You tend to be nurturing
  • You’re expressive and enjoy making connections
  • You likely lean on intuition more than logic in decision making

“Differences must be not merely tolerated, but seen as a fund of necessary polarities between which our creativity can spark like a dialectic.” – Audre Lorde

5. Polarity Masks We Wear

People put on different polarity masks in an effort to attain certain goals they think they can’t reach while being their authentic selves. The popular phrase “Relationships/life changes you” is often used as an excuse for this.

All this leads to problems from incompatible relationships to depolarized ones.

For instance, a feminine girl might be taught to become masculine by her parents who think feminine ladies won’t make it in this harsh world. She starts developing a masculine mask which she uses to protect herself in the future with her masculine partners and ruins her romantic relationships.

A boy with a masculine core might also be taught that masculine traits are toxic, especially by a feminine caregiver who confused healthy masculine traits with toxic ones like manipulation and aggression. He might develop a feminine mask and start caring about his looks too much, become too emotional and the like which repulses feminine partners in the future.

At the end of the day, a masculine man would best fit into a masculine role and a feminine woman would best bring a feminine essence to a romantic relationship. 

Two opposing energies are the best way to have a healthy relationship.

“When you meet someone so different from yourself, in a good way, it’s like fireworks in your heart all the time.” — Lisa Schroeder

6. What Is Depolarization And Why It Hurts Relationships

Depolarization is the diminishment of relationship polarity due to the absence of opposing masculine and feminine energy. This happens when one or both partners ditch their natural energy and take on the energy of their partner.

Photo by cottonbro

Most people start fighting too much and lose interest in each other because they start engaging the energy of their partner.

For instance, whenever a woman feels unappreciated in a relationship, she might try to protect herself with a masculine mask which then repulses the man who wants their woman to bring out their positive feminine traits for solving problems.

Depolarization occurs in masculine energies when:

  • They feel their directing precision is questioned by their sexual partner (perhaps the partner is criticizing their ability to make sound goals or decisions insinuating that he doesn’t know where he’s going)
  • They are continually subjected to tasks for feminine energies like nurturing kids
  • Their partner is controlling and overly critical of them
  • They’re unappreciated for their contributions to the relationship

Depolarization occurs in feminine energies when:

  • They feel unappreciated for who they are
  • They feel they’re not seen
  • They feel unheard
  • They feel they’re not safe with their partner

David Deida summed up the cause of depolarization perfectly by saying, “Never tell a man with a masculine sexual essence that he is wrong, and never tell a woman with a feminine sexual essence that she is ugly.

Clearly, you don’t want depolarization now that you’ve learned how it all works. So what next?

In the following points, we provide you with polarity restoring strategies you can use to bring back the masculine sexual energy and the feminine sexual essence you need to increase attraction, sexual intimacy, and connection with your partner.

6. Know The Energy You Want From Your Partner

The first thing to establish is your relationship goals. What would you want to see in your partner?

Do you want a partner with the leading energy (a masculine person) who is all about fulfilling goals and being practically there for you or do you want someone who would enjoy figuring out your basic emotional need in any particular situation?

Remember, the energy you want from your partner needs to be opposite to the energy you emit yourself for a fun long-lasting relationship.

8. Discuss Your Desired Roles In The Relationship

While helping each other with certain chores from time to time helps keep the relationship balanced and each to feel appreciated, fighting over certain tasks in a relationship only brings strain on the feminine and masculine sides.

Desired Roles In The Relationship
Photo by Jack Sparrow

What you need is to sit down with your partner and open up on which tasks each of you feels are naturally enjoyable to do, which one’s you don’t mind doing, and also the balance you can create around roles you both don’t like.

This way, you can both maintain polarity and enhance passion and attraction in your relationship. 

9. Address The Present Depolarized Roles You Need To Change

Which masculine roles are you taking as a feminine person? Or which feminine roles are you taking as a masculine person?

Take note of displacement of roles according to your polarities with your partner and make the necessary changes you need to exercise your opposite poles in a healthy way.

10. Take Time Apart

After spending so much time together, you might lose yourself in each other which is why you need to take time off “Us” time and take alone time for reconnection with your respective energies.

This would not only help you reconnect with your authentic self but also enable you to rediscover the opposite energy your partner had that attracted you in the first place.

As a result, redefining roles and meeting both masculine and feminine needs for each other would be much easier.

11. Reconnect With Your True Self

While taking time by yourself would help you reconnect with your authentic energy, you have to be intentional about it for it to happen.

Do stuff you know you used to love. Explore the things you’ve been wanting to do.

Be intentional about resurfacing your true self.

12. Embrace Your Polarity

Masking your polarity won’t help you better your relationship. Knowing how to improve your energy does it.

So if you’re a man, check out Divine Masculine: Ways To Awaken Your Inner Man and if a woman, read, Feminine Energy: Ways To Improve It.

13. Encourage Your Partner To Embrace Their Polarity

While you might be more in tune with your feminine or masculine energy, your partner might be detached from theirs after much depolarization. And this may ruin your chances of improving your relationship.

So whether directly or indirectly, encourage your partner to embrace their energy by making them feel appreciated, encouraging them to take the lead where they do best, and meeting their needs according to how their energy is aligned.

Closing Thoughts On The Law Of Polarity

Just as Newton’s Third Law of Motion in Physics, the law of polarity in relationships rings true. And you can use it as a powerful tool for creating passion, attraction, and deep emotional connection in your relationship.

It’s now you to decide, are you going to be polarized or depolarized in your romantic relationship?

And if you loved this article, feel free to share it with your friends and help us change lives!

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.