Do you constantly have thoughts along the lines of: “no-one understands me”? Does it upset you? Do you long to feel understood?
This guide will outline the reasons why you feel misunderstood and what you can do to help people better understand who you are as a person.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping people better understand themselves and those around them.
That’s why I’m so keen to share this guide with you.
So, let’s dive in.
Why Does It Feel Like No One Understands Me?
You’re a unique soul and that’s why you feel misunderstood so often. No-one sees the world through your eyes. No-one has experienced the reality you have.
So, it’s little wonder that everyone ends up feeling misunderstood from time to time.
With that said, some people are more likely than others to feel misunderstood. These are the people who have had rarer life experiences and share more unique opinions than the average ‘mainstream’ person.
If these people aren’t great at communicating their views, they’re even more likely to feel as if no-one understands them.
The tips below are mostly for these people.
They suggest what you can do to help others gain a deeper understanding of the way you see the world.
How To Be More Understood
1. Understand Yourself Better
Understanding yourself better is a great first step towards feeling understood by others.
It’s a great start to know that certain things leave you feeling stressed and annoyed, but it’s even better to understand why they make you feel that way.
Once you have that level of self-awareness, you’ll be able to describe your feelings to your friends and family far better.
It’s not that easy to understand why we feel positive or negative emotions in certain situations. Not on a deep level, anyway. Few people have this level of emotional maturity or self-understanding.
A life coach, therapist or some other type of mental health expert will be able to help you with this.
These professionals aren’t just for people who suffer from depression or mental illness. They can be useful for anyone who wants to understand their thoughts and feelings better. In fact, anyone who suffers from feeling misunderstood could benefit from receiving this form of professional help.
Related Content: Benefits Of Hiring A Life Coach
2. Explain Yourself
Don’t automatically expect people to understand why you behave the way you do. Remember, everyone is experiencing a different reality to you. Everyone has a different sense of the right and wrong response in certain situations. Not everyone will agree with the things you do or the words you say.
That’s why it can be so useful to explain yourself, especially when you feel negative emotions.
In romantic relationships, it’s nearly always better to tell your partner why you’re upset, rather than turning cold with no explanation.
If you’re among new friends and one of them seriously annoys you, it’s better to tell them why you’re upset. This way, they can understand why you’re annoyed – and you can determine whether you’re on the same page as friends.
The more you speak your truth, the less often you’re going to feel like no-one understands you.
3. Read Other People’s Reactions And React Accordingly
This is called showing social awareness.
In some circles, it’s celebrated to not care what other people think of you – and this can be somewhat useful if the words and opinions of others are stopping you from living your best life.
With that said, if you’re never paying attention to how your actions affect others, it will be difficult to truly feel connected with anyone.
Reading people’s body language and facial expressions is a crucial life skill to help people feel comfortable in your presence. When you do this, you’ll get a good sense of when a person interprets your actions negatively. This is a great time to talk through your feelings.
If you don’t do this, you’ll come across as socially unaware and make most people feel uneasy around you. Then, when they don’t want to be your friend, you’ll be left asking yourself why no-one understands you.
For some basic body language reading tips, see my list of signs she is developing feelings for you.
4. Seek First To Understand Then To Be Understood
This is a key idea from Stephen Covey’s famous self-help book ‘The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People’.
When you seek first to understand, you gain a solid sense of why a person is feeling angry or upset.
Conflict usually comes from an understanding gap, but when you understand how the other person is feeling, it becomes simple to fill that gap and reach a solution.
When you don’t seek first to understand, the other person doesn’t feel heard or respected. Now, it really feels like a “you vs them” conflict, rather than two people trying to reach a mutual understanding. Often, in this case, they’ll dig their heels in, shut down and not even try to understand your point of view.
5. Ask For Other People’s Perception Of You
Sometimes, our own opinions of ourselves don’t match the impressions we’re making on other people.
Often, we don’t get a good sense of how other people perceive us, because most people don’t want to hurt us with the truth. They’d rather avoid conflict by choosing to silently accept our flaws or to walk away without telling us what’s wrong.
However, with an accurate idea of how we’re perceived, we can get a better impression of why we feel like no-one understands us.
That’s why I recommend asking a trusted friend or family member how you come across to others.
Maybe they can complete this sentence for you: “If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were a bit…”
Collect a few different perspectives, so you can get a strong sense of how people tend to perceive you. It requires a level of emotional maturity to accept this feedback, so don’t let your ego get in the way.
Once you’re aware of how people misunderstand you, it should be easier to tweak your behavior or outline your feelings better in future interactions.
6. Work On Your Self-Esteem
A common side-effect of low self-esteem is always assuming the worst of social situations.
We can interpret a glance or a chuckle as a sign that someone doesn’t like us, when in reality it may have been the opposite.
Sometimes, a person may be trying to genuinely connect with you, but you won’t accept it because of your depression or anxiety.
I’m not saying that all people who feel misunderstood have depression, anxiety or any other mental health problems.
But many of those who do suffer with these issues often end up feeling like nobody understands them.
Either way, my list of hacks to love yourself enough may help.
7. Find Better Friends
If you’re constantly feeling like no-one understands you, it could just be that you’re hanging out with the wrong people.
The good news is: it’s easier than ever to find people who understand your point of view online.
If you feel like no-one in your life understands what it’s like to have social anxiety, borderline personality disorder or any other disorders, simply connect to the internet and find some online support groups.
Nowadays, there are online communities for every given human condition, whether it’s a mental or physical health problem. There are people connecting over the most niche opinions in the world. If you can’t find someone who shares your opinions online, you’re not looking hard enough.
8. No-One Understands Me When I Talk
If you feel like nobody understands you when you’re talking, it might be worth brushing up on your communication skills.
Here are some recommended self-help books for that:
- How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
- Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny
The free resources page on the Crucial Conversations website is a goldmine too.
9. Be Patient
It takes time for two people to truly get to know each other.
Think about the closest relationships you have with friends and family members. I’m sure there are things you don’t understand about them or occasions when their behavior confuses you.
So, why would you expect people you barely know to understand you?
It’s common to feel misunderstood especially when people have different expectations of what’s right and wrong in life.
However, with patience and improved communication, it’s possible to connect with many people and build relationships based on mutual understanding.
Any More Questions About Feeling Misunderstood?
Thanks for reading my guide on feeling misunderstood. I hope these words will help you to feel understood by more people.
If you have any questions about feeling misunderstood, feel free to leave a comment.
I want to continue talking about this topic. It always makes me feel good to read new comments on my blog and I’d be excited to respond to your thoughts.