Even if it comes from a family member or a person you love – forcing someone to do anything does not make for a healthy relationship.
This goes beyond just talking because it communicates a lot about your self-worth and the quality of your relationships.
Keep reading for 54 reasons to never force anyone to talk to you.
1. Happiness Starts With You
When you force things you get stuck in your thoughts, overthink, imagine things, and hope you’ll succeed in getting their attention. Let me tell you:
- You’re too priceless to beg for attention.
- You’re too glorious to be half-loved.
It’s that simple.
2. Time Is Precious
Stop wasting your time or anyone when you could be boosting your potential by focusing on things to significantly improve your life.
Forced conversations are certainly not one of them.
3. Healthy Relationship
If you both have the same understanding of healthy communication, there will naturally be less effort.
There can be arguments, but they usually won’t last for long, and they’re not forced interactions.
If they are, then you know your communication patterns are toxic, and it’s only a matter of time before this will negatively affect your well-being.
4. The Worse It Gets
The more you force things, the worse things get.
You can’t force raging water to trickle out of a faucet. It’ll only make things worse. It’s best to solve problems calmly and walk away than continue living your life in misery.
5. Sacrificing Your Self Worth
You lose your dignity and worth in the eyes of the one who doesn’t wanna talk.
- You could lose your self-esteem and doubt yourself.
- If force doesn’t pay off, you might feel like a failure.
- You’ll also come off as desperate and weak.
- You won’t be respected or of interest to the other person.
Forcing things is like letting such people know they’re in control of your happiness and well-being.
Never force anyone to talk to you. Believe you deserve reciprocity, not crumbs.
6. You Can’t Force Love
Love can never be forced. You’re being careless with both yourself and the other person.
These are common signs of people who push an issue:
- You don’t think you’re essential in the relationship.
- Your goals are different.
- You have to work too hard and are trying too hard.
- You interact with each other differently depending on what’s going on around you.
7. If It’s Meant To Happen…
Making people talk to you is a sign you’re going against the natural flow of things, and nature always has its way.
- Let it happen on its own. Time will help you see things more clearly and fall into place.
- Deal with whatever comes your way instead of letting it make you feel bad.
- Know there are some things you can’t control.
8. They’ll Come To You
People usually realize how important something or someone is to them when they aren’t there to answer their calls or come to their aid even if you’re good friends.
Often, these people will come to appreciate you more for your role in their lives and try to get in touch again.
9. Don’t Push
Take action back and see how they need you. There’s no point in trying to make things work when someone is emotionally unavailable.
The most helpful thing to do is go where you’re appreciated.
10. More Complicated
Humans make things more complicated. It’s been shown that mystery draws people in. That’s why when you push, someone else repels.
Most of the time, it’s best to give people space, so they can get in touch with their thoughts and feelings again.
11. Same Page
You’ll want to be sure you’re actually on the same page with this person before you attempt any conversations.
- People may not feel the same way about having a conversation, and they may need some alone time.
- If there’s a lot of pressure to have someone else’s attention, it will be awkward, painful, and not feel right.
- There are times when it isn’t worth it. You’ll have a hard time communicating with each other unless they’re in the same mood.
- If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t force pieces to happen. Wait for quality time to start a conversation with someone.
Forced conversations can be an uncomfortable and stressful experience for some, so they’ll either withdraw or initiate some form of conflict or defensiveness.
During the conversation, they may take on the role of “resistor” and try to escape the interaction because they’re not prepared.
13. Emotional Abuse
Forcing someone to talk to you is a form of abuse. People can suffer from the pressure and start internalizing their feelings leading to mental illness.
Regardless, if you’re ignoring their boundaries, that’s a sign of emotionally abusing someone. Always respect other people’s privacy.
14. You Want It More
When you want to talk to someone more than he does, you create an uncomfortable environment.
A conversation has to be from an equally desired standpoint. If one person resists, it won’t be a fruitful conversation for sure.
15. Another Form Of Interaction
Perhaps the other person wants only your physical presence. Or it’s possible that some people just want their own company. They prefer to stay silent being in their thoughts on their own.
Or, they might want to talk with someone else, not you even if you’re a close friend. They might think you’re not the right person to speak with at that very moment.
Maybe professional help is a better person to speak with.
16. The Force Never Stops
Once you use any form of intimidation or pressure to have someone dealing with you, you’ll eventually feel compelled to keep up with this toxic cycle.
When it seems to you that force is the only option that works, then you’ll find more excuses to keep using the same tactic over and over again.
17. More Problems
What people usually don’t realize is when you force anyone to talk to you, especially if it’s more than once, you invite more problems into your life.
Whenever someone is cornered into a situation, retaliation always becomes a viable option for them.
Since they’d like the pressure to end, they’ll be eager enough to find a way for you to leave them alone, at some point. This can only make more problems for you.
18. Mentally Exhausting
The mental energy it takes to construct ways to force communication is huge.
Once you start going and learn that this is the only way that’s, again, “working”, then you’ll have to keep going with the same energy.
Also, the more mental energy you have to exert into using force of any type, the more rent space in your head that person gets.
19. You Lack Actual Power
Force shows insecurity.
Whenever you have to force someone to talk to you, you show them you’re desperate and don’t have real substance — that pressure is the only thing you can muster up to keep engaging with them.
20. You Dislike Yourself More
Every time you force yourself or someone else to do something they don’t want to do, you end up liking yourself a little less.
Whenever you have an inauthentic exchange with someone, by creating a situation you know you’d prefer not to be in, you teach yourself how to accept inauthenticity, and your inner self has to struggle with that.
21. Lack Of Options
If you have to force someone to talk to you, you show them you can’t see other options, and that’s always repulsive.
If you feel you have to use pressure of some sort, the other person sees you’re desperate. This will lead to them avoiding you.
22. More Incompatible
When people feel pressured to be in a situation with someone, they find more reasons to disqualify this person.
Forcing a woman into dating you, for example, will only make her repulsed by you and she’ll just sit there thinking of more reasons why she shouldn’t date you.
If you force a guy to talk to you, he’ll be more repulsed by listening to you and find ways to avoid you instead of actually listening to what you have to say.
23. Shut Down
It shuts down peoples’ minds and prevents them from being accepting and open to receiving your ideas or guidance.
People only accept you when they aren’t pressured to do so.
24. Your Reputation
Your actions precede your reputation. If you force anyone to talk to you, someone else will hear about it along the way.
You’ll be known as the one who uses force to get what they want.
The problem is we think that all our actions are limited to whoever we’re interacting with, but that’s never the case.
25. More Respect
People will respect you if you choose to let them go and come to you on their own accord.
When it comes to relationships, attraction is respect. Nobody can be attracted to you unless they respect you.
Forcing someone to talk to you makes them lose respect for you.
26. Vicious Circle
The more you settle into using force or any kind of pressure to keep certain connections going, the fewer opportunities you get to hone constructive skills and mindsets that actually help you form authentic bonds with people.
Negative practices get you more negative practices and vice versa.
Your mind is always being trained so be aware of what you do and says regularly.
27. The Truth
For you to accept the truth, you need to value it more than your ego and desires, and that’s something most don’t do. The truth is simple and easy to see. If someone wants to talk to you, they simply will.
If your ego can’t accept the truth, that’s when forcing them to talk to you sounds like a good idea.
28. Social Intelligence
Sometimes people force others to talk to them because they’re impatient and can’t wait for an answer.
We all know that someone who calls 20 times when you’re busy doing something else. You just see that person in a negative light — like they’re weird or not so smart.
29. Too Clingy
Having someone call you over and over to talk just sends off a clingy vibe. You like them less because of this.
They selfishly want your attention in a kind of possessive way and it gets creepy if it persists for too long without an emergency.
Really caring about someone means you’ll never put them in a situation where they feel forced. There must first be an element of trust.
If you’re forcing someone to talk, they never get the chance to build up trust before their defenses are activated.
Do you want more reasons to never force anyone to talk…? Here we go.
31.-53. More Reasons…
31. Be A Good Listener
Be interesting and a good listener. Show them you’re interested in what they’re saying before you ask questions.
In the end, it’s up to them whether or not they want to talk to you. Never force anyone to do something they don’t want to do. It’s just not polite.
32. Force Communication Is Never Good
It is a golden rule of parenting, never force kids to do something.
Whether your own kids or others.
This applies in the same way towards adults if you want to be respected.
33. If You Force Things, Someone’s Mental Health Might Be Negatively Influenced
You should always consider that we all have a fragile side and it might impact someone’s mental health in some way or the other if you force things.
34. Force anyone to talk destroys the natural flow of a communication
35. It’s not worth gaining anyone’s approval!
36. It can be defined as emotional abuse!
37. Force anyone to talk destroys humble but reasonable confidence in your communication partner.
38. Other people’s approval is not worth harming another person.
39. Playing games with others destroys a good connection.
40. It leaves a ‘senseless picture’ on the other side.
41. Force anyone to talk destroys all her/his happiness.
42. It’s not in the best interest of your colleagues.
43. Force anyone to talk is especially harmful if you doing it running your own business.
44. Better waste time waiting than forcing someone.
45. Force anyone to talk shows that you feel low on your own worth.
46. The extra effort isn’t worth it. It creates more harm than good.
47. A superior man seeks a strong communication partner on ‘eye-level’.
48. You might harm the inner ‘little child’ in someone.
49. You surely create negative tension.
50. Forced friendships are a toxic result.
51. Force anyone to talk shows that you feel low, in your own powers.
52. It shows that you are emotionally unavailable.
53. Force anyone to talk creates a toxic environment and shows that you just seek validation.
54. You don’t gain anyone’s approval. Better utterly walk away and stand confident.
Is It Okay To Force Someone To Talk To You?
If you’ve had your fair share of unrequited loves, fake friendships, and toxic relationships (like myself), then you TOTALLY understand the essence of the saying “Never force anyone to talk to you.”
- It’s not polite, and it may make someone feel uncomfortable. If someone doesn’t want to talk to you, there’s probably a good reason.
- Maybe they’re busy, or they just don’t feel like chatting.
- They may end up resenting you.
- They may think you’re being rude or pushy.
If you really need to talk to someone, try waiting until they’re done with what they’re doing. Or, if that’s not possible, find another way to communicate with them.
It took a while until I finally figured it out myself. Force people or force interaction is counterproductive.
Talking is a two-way street. Focus on being a good listener in anyone’s life. Ask questions, and show you’re interested in what they have to say.
What To SayTo Someone Who Doesn’t Want To Talk To You?
What you can do is frame what you say in a way that encourages them to participate. Never force anyone to talk to you though.
Here are six tips:
1. Timing Is Everything
There’s no ‘right’ time for a tough discussion, however, avoid having it in the heat of an argument, in front of others, or when one of you is rushing out the door.
2. Tell Them Why
Instead of forcing people, explain why this is important to you. Make your intention clear – it’s about wanting to improve the situation, not blame and accusations.
3. What’s In It For Them?
Tell them how this discussion will benefit them. How it will help or improve the situation.
4. Manage Your Emotions
As difficult as it is, be open, curious, and calm rather than defensive, aggressive and upset.
Put yourself in their shoes and show that you understand this is difficult for them. You might say, “I know how difficult this is to talk about…”
6. Outline Possible Next Steps
Reinforce why this heart-to-heart is essential to you and make it clear what choice or action you’ll take if they refuse to engage. Be honest and clear with what their decision means for you.
After all that, the ball’s in their court. Give them time to process and think about it, then let the chips fall where they may.
How Do You Not Force A Conversation?
There are simple strategies to help conversations flow more smoothly and naturally, allowing you to enjoy them instead of dreading them.
- Ask questions so the other person gets talking instead of staying attached to yourself.
- Be a good listener.
- Ask open-ended questions.
- Validate someone’s feelings or thoughts.
- Reflect what they just said back to them.
- Summarize what was said.
- Speak freely without overthinking or editing what you want to say.
- Be comfortable with pauses and silence.
- Find topics to spark interest and enthusiasm.
- Go beyond just small talk.
- Avoid controversial or sensitive topics.
- If you’re not in the mood let yourself take a raincheck.
- Focus your attention on them rather than yourself.
- Know when to end the dialogue.
What To Do If Someone Doesn’t Want To Talk?
The simple answer is you can’t force anyone to talk about an issue if they don’t want to. You also can’t make them listen to or hear what’s being said.
Tune into your heart and ask yourself, “What nonverbal messages am I sending?”
Sometimes our behaviors, subtle or overt, demonstrate our purpose or intent more loudly than our words.
A common pattern is to start chatting pleasantly and then quickly let our emotions escalate as we press for the solution we want.
Or even before we open our mouths, we enter a discussion with our eyes and gestures signaling, “I have held court in my head and found you guilty; let’s talk.”
When that happens, other people don’t want to play.
Don’t Force Anyone To Stay With You
Any relationship comprises give and take. If it’s a romantic relationship, you expect that both will work towards the same romantic and practical goals.
The same goes for non-romantic partners and family relationships. The family members need to work together in ways that strangers would not know how to.
In short, if you love someone, find out what they need. In a relationship, it’s not only what you say that goes. The other person also gets a say.
But what about forced interaction with your own kid? Never force kids to have a discussion they don’t wanna talk about.
Never Force Someone To Love You
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back, or even worse, someone who loves someone else, can be a very painful thing.
The most important thing we can do for ourselves is accept there are certain things beyond our control and take responsibility for the things that are.
Listen to your inner voice that tells you you deserve to be loved. Be accepting that some people you meet in life will never fall in love with you, no matter what you do.
The grief and pain will eventually pass. This opens the door for you to find someone else who will truly love you and give you everything you wanted in a relationship.
Never Force Someone To Stay
If people really don’t want to stay in your life, you can never force them.
Let them go. Your act of force only brings negative feelings towards you, such as anger, irritation and resentment.
If someone feels like having a discussion with you, try to explain your point of view, but in a neutral way. Don’t let emotions make you say something that leaves anyone feeling bad.
Never force anyone to stay with you all the time. Allow an authentic flow of events without forced interactions.
This is real life, not a fairy tale where your dream man rides into your life and sweeps you away, wants only you and you live happily ever after. There’s more to it than that.
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