If you’re frequently having thoughts like “my boyfriend doesn’t make me feel wanted sexually”, it’s time to fix things. This isn’t something you should happily accept.
The guide below will help you understand why your boyfriend makes you feel this way and what you can do to address it.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients address relationship issues like these. That’s why I was keen to write this blog post.
So, let’s dive in.
1. Is It Normal To Not Feel Desired In A Relationship?
No, one of the key benefits of a romantic relationship is to make each other feel loved and desired. The idea is that you build each other up and make each other happy. Without this, there’s arguably little point to being in a relationship at all. You’re nothing more than best friends (if that), at this point.
There’s a common trend among people who stay in relationships where they don’t feel desired; many were made to feel that way by loved ones in the past. Perhaps they weren’t made to feel loved by their parents. This can leave them with low self-esteem and low standards for their relationship.
Indeed, most people with a healthy level of self-esteem would walk away from a relationship where they weren’t made to feel loved or desired.
I Don’t Feel Desired By My Partner
It’s possible that you feel wanted as a girlfriend, but not as an intimate partner. This isn’t normal either, but the reasons for this are more varied. Perhaps your partner has lost his physical desire full stop, for reasons nothing to do with you.
2. Why Does My Partner Not Want Me Sexually?
Here are some of the most common reasons why a man might lose interest in being intimate with their partner.
He Has Naturally Low Hormones
It’s a myth that men want to have intimacy all the time and it’s all they ever think about. Actually, it’s reasonably common for a man to have a lower hormone level than his female partner.
Even if you had a rampant intimacy life when you first started dating, it could be that his hormone levels have dropped naturally, perhaps due to changes in his body as he has gotten a bit older.
If everything else seems to be fine with him and your relationship, suggest he gets his testosterone levels checked. The link between testosterone and drive is reasonably consistent. So, if his testosterone levels are below average, this could be the answer to why his interest has dropped.
Related: 22 Insights – When A Guy Says He Wants You Sexually
He’s Tired Or Stressed
Again, this goes against the myth that men are constantly wanting to have intimacy. That’s simply not true. If he has been going through exhausting or stressful life events, his drive is going to noticeably drop. Sleep is likely to be much higher on his priority list in this case.
He Is Anxious
A lot of men feel pressure to have ‘great intimacy’ all the time. Perhaps he’s self-conscious about not lasting long enough in bed, etc.
This can cause performance anxiety, which can lead them to want to avoid intimate encounters altogether.
Related: Effective Tips: How To Be A Better Lover
He Is Upset With You
If he feels disrespected or upset with the way things are going in his relationship, it’s totally normal for him to avoid lovemaking. After all, why would he want to use his body to make you feel good when he’s mad at you?
He’s Tired Of Initiating
If he’s tired of being the initiator, he might make a stand by not initiating for a while. It would be more useful for him to share his feelings about these problems so you can come to a resolution together, but some guys struggle to talk about their needs with their partner.
Here’s a list of the Most Creative Ways To Initiate Love-Making. Of course, if you initiate and he turns you down, it’s probably a different problem.
He’s Pleasing himself Too Often
If a man is watching explicit movies and pleasing himself a lot, it can decrease his desire to have intimacy in real life. This can lead to addiction and it is a more common problem than most people realize, especially since spicy movies have become so easily available.
Related: Intimacy Coach – 8 Facts Checklist
He’s Having Intimacy With Someone Else
This is the first thought that pops into the heads of paranoid women. While it’s possible that he’s having an affair elsewhere, you shouldn’t immediately jump to this conclusion. It could just as likely be something else on this list, especially if he seems satisfied with the relationship in general.
He’s Not As Attracted To You
Another horrifying conclusion might frighten paranoid women. If your body has gone through a tremendous change in recent times, it’s a possibility that this could be a reason why he’s lost interest in physical intimacy. But it’s rarely the only reason, so I’d recommend looking deeper into your relationship’s problems.
It Could Be Something You’re Doing In The Bedroom
It would have been something pretty bizarre to completely kill a man’s desire if he liked you otherwise. With that said, it might simply be that you’re not on the same page in the bedroom and he’s not getting the pleasure he wants.
3. My Partner Doesn’t Make Me Feel Attractive
The little gestures in relationships that make a woman feel loved; the compliments, kisses, the physical touch. If these are gone too, it’s totally understandable for you to say your partner doesn’t make you feel attractive.
That’s not to say he doesn’t find you attractive anymore. There could be deeper problems with him or the relationship itself, such as those explored in the list above.
If your partner does still make you feel attractive but doesn’t desire intimacy anymore, that points to the problems listed above that surround intimate activity only.
Related: Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy? 11 Insights And How To React
4. Signs He Doesn’t Want You Sexually
You don’t need to worry about the subtle signs that he doesn’t want you sexually. It is as simple as: does he initiate intimacy and does he comply if you initiate it? If the answer to both of these questions is constantly no, it’s fair to say he’s not interested in you.
6. What To Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Make You Feel Wanted
You need to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel, but not in a confrontational way, more so in a manner where you’re exploring what you can do to make him want to have more intimacy.
How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I Don’t Feel Wanted?
A great way to avoid confrontation and a defensive reaction is to focus on how you feel.
“Honey, when I try to initiate intimacy and you turn me down, it makes me feel so unwanted.”
If this guy really loves you, he’s going to persuade you that you are wanted. He might even reveal the reason behind his lack of desire straight away. If he says he doesn’t know, try listing some of the potential reasons listed above.
Regardless of whether you get to the root cause, ask: “What can I do to make you want to have more intimacy with me?” Notice how this focuses on you again in order to avoid a potential conflict.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your man will get defensive and perhaps blame you for wanting too often intimacy. Please remember there’s nothing wrong with having a great desire. You’re perfectly entitled to want more intimacy or to spice things up in the bedroom, even if he has been happy having occasional intimacy the same way for a few years. Don’t let him shame you or convince you that you’re wrong. Men and women are both entitled to make their desires known.
If he refuses to enter a productive discussion about how to solve this problem, you need to make it clear how unhappy it’s making you and how important it is to the future of your relationship.
Related: Real Reasons Why Your Wife Avoids Intimacy + Solutions
7. Should I Break Up With A Partner Who Doesn’t Want Intimacy?
Some people are made to feel guilty for leaving a relationship just because they’re not getting enough intimacy.
However, intimacy is regarded as one of the basic human needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy. It can be an important factor in your overall well-being. Whether you’re a man or a woman, your mental health can suffer if you’re not getting enough. Without it, you two are arguably nothing more than just friends. Not everyone feels that way, but that doesn’t invalidate your feelings.
Depending on your love language, it can make you feel desperately unloved too, even if you’re in an otherwise happy relationship.
A relationship should be about compromise. There are always going to be things you disagree on, and the regularity of your intimate activities may be one of them.
If your partner is willing to at least address the issues surrounding his low drive and try to come to a compromise, it may be worth giving yourself a chance to resolve things together.
If he refuses to budge or even talk about it, that’s a different story. Now, it’s also an issue of selfishness and him not being willing to please you. Ultimately, you need to consider whether you’re happily married (or happily coupled-up), all things considered.
If you can’t resolve this issue together, specialized therapists might be able to help you find the root of the problem.
One final point on this: leaving your partner due to a bad intimacy life is undeniably better than cheating on him.
Bottom Line
Thanks for reading my guide. I hope you now have more clarity about your lack of desire in your relationship. With that said, the only way to really get to the bottom of this is by talking about it.
