It’s human nature to seek closure before moving on from any loss. But sometimes, it’s tough to get such closure if for instance a partner ghosts you without explanation.
Still, don’t lose hope.
In this article, I show you how to move on without closure with proven coaching strategies for healing.
Let’s get started!!
1. Understand That Closure Comes From Within
While you may think that a final conversation would help you gain closure, the truth is, the closure must come from within you for you to feel peace.
Answer yourself these questions to understand why closure only comes from within you:
- What are you holding on to? Why?
- Are you holding on to your expectations of what could’ve been instead of what actually happened?
- Are you using this “lack of closure” as an excuse to stay stuck – to remain in your comfort zone of grieving?
- If you are to let go, what will that entail? How will your life be?
- Do you fear facing the loss?
- Are you afraid of knowing what lies at the end of letting go?
- What do you believe will happen when you let go? Is that really true?
- Can you see it now? That you have your own closure within you?
2. Accept That Getting Closure Takes Time
Closure takes time whether it’s for a loss of a loved one, a lost contact with a client, loss of a job, parting with an old life, or whatever painful ending. Accepting this would help you gain the closure you need as fast as possible since you’d be more patient.
You might be able to prove this point with other aspects of your life.
At a certain time, you were desperately looking for answers about something but couldn’t get them. But then, when you had given up searching and moved on with your questions unanswered, you started getting answers in the most unexpected of ways.
For this situation too, you’ll find answers as time goes. You only have to be patient to gain perspective.
So let go of your desire to gain perfect closure now and accept your closure may take time.
Related: Radical Acceptance Coping Statements
3. Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotions
Emotions are like waves, they come and go. They’re part of the healing process that no one can avoid.
However, many people strive to suppress their feelings of hurt. But doing this only leads to anxiety and depression, opposites of the peace and calm closure gives.
That’s why you need to feel sad, anger, resentment, sadness, loneliness, fear, disappointment, and frustration that comes with losing something you once held close. Let emotions run their course so they leave you relieved.
4. Reach Out Effectively for the Last Time
No Response Is A Response (Often A Powerful One). When one doesn’t reply to your attempts to reach out without explanation, it could mean:
- They’re busy
- They’re afraid to say “No”
- They’re preparing a good reply
- They lack interest in you
- They don’t want to talk to you
- They don’t know what to say
- They don’t want to talk about the topic
- The person thinks the conversation is over
But instead of sending vague and pushy messages like “I need you please talk to me,” you need to send a smart follow-up message to ensure the person has no other way but to reply directly.
In the case of romantic relationships, you can say, “Hello, I hope you’re doing well. I just want to understand why you ended things, we don’t have to get back together. Kindly let me know when you’d be ready to talk if you are not ready to talk now.”
See, if the person won’t reply with an explanation, they might tell you they’ll talk after a certain time. You’ve given them the freedom to talk without attachment and to tell you when they’re ready in case they aren’t currently. This is a mature request that any mature person would be willing to respond to.
If they don’t respond, don’t reach out ever again. This should be the last message you send.
5. Recognize It’s Not Your Fault
Being ghosted is worse than getting a break up in your face. It makes you feel guilty, ashamed, ugly, and all kinds of awful. And yet, while you may have done certain mistakes in the past, it’s not your fault that the other person ghosted you. So don’t let it affect your self-worth.
No one deserves silent treatment with no explanation. Ghosting talks much more about the ghoster than you.
- If the ghoster is afraid of telling you your flaws, it shows they lack communication skills and are a coward at worst
- If your ex chooses silence over honesty, it means they lack integrity in their character and don’t care about your feelings
- If someone would stop talking to you because you have dealbreakers, it means they are emotionally mature, lacking the necessary emotional intelligence to tackle the negative aspects of intimacy they enjoyed with you
There are many ways of looking at it but as long as someone stopped communicating just because the relationship wasn’t working for them, then it’s not your fault.
Therefore, quit ruminating about your flaws and start focusing on moving on.
6. Model a Forgiving Understanding of the Other Person
Moving on is about letting go of the disappointment, anger, and resentment you felt while grieving. It’s about forgiving the one who hurt you.
It’s about treating them kindly according to the level of emotional maturity they’re operating at.
For a ghoster, you must understand that they ghosted you because they didn’t have the strength to face you and tell you their perspective. That’s their own way of dealing with emotional issues. They can’t help it until they grow.
So be the bigger person and forgive them.
7. Wish Your Ex the Best
Apart from forgiving, take your healing process to the next level and desire the best for the one who hurt you.
Don’t force this because you can’t but look toward the standard of compassion where you can let go of the desire for the other person to be hurt as they hurt you.
You can only attain this if you understand their actions psychologically ( you can get explanations for behaviors from expert information on Google) or spiritually.
8. Come Up With a Closure Ritual
A closure ritual is an activity you partake in regularly to symbolize a closed chapter on something.
- Go to a place you like routinely to meditate on letting go of a person or something
- Pack the belongings of someone to symbolize that you’re done with them
- Visit the places that make you remember someone or something to make new memories
- Think of something that can help you let go of an old relationship with someone or something
9. Distance Yourself From the Situation
When your circumstances can allow, distance yourself from the situation that you need closure from. It helps you get a fresh and wiser perspective of things which enables you to let go of the not so wise things you’ve been holding onto.
You can distance yourself by:
- Taking a break from the internet/ social media
- Doing a self retreat
- Going on a holiday/ weekend vacation e.t.c
- Stepping back from your old routines
- Taking hikes weekly to observe the situation from another place
10. Commit to a New Hobby
To avoid rumination on your history and using rebounds as a coping mechanism, take on a new interest to utilize the extra time constructively.
Here are Life-Changing Social Hobbies For Introverts you can use.
11. Write a Letter to Your Ex
This ancient coping mechanism in many relationships has gained popularity in the trauma sector due to its healing benefits.
Pull out a blank piece of paper and pour everything you want to tell your ex without editing your thoughts. Write about all the love, the resentment, anger, joy, nostalgia – all of it. Don’t be embarrassed if you take a long time.
Right in the letter, you’ll realize truths that’ll help you heal. But don’t send it.
Speed up the healing process by crumpling, tearing, and burning the paper to signify you are moving on.
12. Write a Letter to Yourself
After you write a letter to your ex, it’s time to talk to yourself.
You can write a letter to your current self from the future self ( picture six months or a few years from now). This is so you can hammer brutal realities to your current self and also stay hopeful with affirmations.
Here are examples of a letter to yourself that may help you craft yours:
- “This is you from the future; stronger, wiser, and more emotionally mature. I want you to know that the end of this relationship isn’t the end of your life. In fact, Claire ghosting you is for the best since you don’t need such a relationship where someone chooses to not talk with you without caring about your feelings. A better partner will come your way…”
- “I know it’s hard to accept this truth but this relationship is over now. You loved him and enjoyed time with him but that’s in history now. It isn’t your fault that he wasn’t capable of telling you he no longer wants to commit to you. It’s not your fault that he couldn’t love you the way you are. But someone else will do because you’re amazing…”
13. Stop Reaching Out
Unless you’re sending the last effective message we talked about earlier, you need to remember that no amount of messages would make the other person relent and reach out.
Maintain your dignity and keep to yourself to search for peace within. After all, if you keep reaching out, you become the problem and might even be labeled a psychopath.
14. Reflect and Forget Rumination
Systematic reflection helps people learn from their own experiences to a great extent. It also helps avoid rumination of negative thoughts which causes depression.
Therefore, set aside a time in a day or at least a week every week to reflect on the situation you need closure from for a few hours. In these quiet moments, you’ll find the answers you’ve been looking for which helps you let go of your past and embrace the future with wisdom.
15. Engage in Gratitude Meditation
Gratitude helps let go of expectations and grounds you in the beauty of the realities in your normal life.
Instead of thinking ill of the one who hurt you, you become thankful for the same person for influencing many lessons in your life.
Set aside at least 10 minutes every day and write things you’re thankful for in the past relationship.
The knowledge of these positive aspects of the seemingly negative scenario helps you heal and even realize the gifts the situation brought to your life.
16. Be Patient to Get Closure in the Future
Patience when seeking proper closure surely pays. Somewhere down the line, ghosters come back and past truths come out. But you have to wait.
Your former partner might come to say sorry somewhere in the future and no amount of coercing can hasten it. So be patient.
For more insight on ghosters, find out the Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back And How To React.
17. Focus On the Now
Instead of dwelling on the past which keeps you emotionally tied, focus on what you need to do now so you may break free from retrogressive thoughts.
Learn more about living in the present through Ways To Be Intentional Every Day.
18. Renew Your Routine
If your routine involved someone or something that you need to gain closure from, you have to update it.
Exchange the time you used on your former partner to do something new, to get new friends. This helps you move on from your past and focus on new beginnings.
19. Stay Accountable to Your Support
Talking to your confidants about your plight is great. But you need to be accountable to them in order to progress.
You must tell them to keep you accountable based on the changes you’re making. If you were to pack your ex’s belongings, do so and tell them. Whatever you agreed to do so you can move on, keep them informed along with everything you’re still struggling with.
20. Edit Out Past Details From Your Life
Old friends, your status on Facebook, the accounts you follow on Social Media – every unnecessary detail keeping you in the past has to go.
All the things tied to a past relationship, job, dead loved one, and the like keep our minds living in the past. Getting rid of the things you don’t need in a new life would help you move on.
21. Seek Professional Help
Family and friends can listen and support you through the healing process but they aren’t equipped to get you through the deep trenches of depression and suchlike relational complications.
Some psychological difficulties are too tough to deal with so if you’re willing to get help from a coach or therapist, jump onto that option.
Common Concerns on Moving on Without Closure
Stay with me as I answer your questions on moving forward without closure below.
Is it possible to move on without closure?
Yes, you can heal and move on without gaining closure. Once you understand the painful ending, accept the reality, grieve the loss, and practice healing strategies in this piece, you can move on from lost relationships, the loss of a loved one, and other life situations. You can move on beyond closure.
Is it harder to move on without closure?
It is hard to move forward without closure but in some situations, it’s just as hard to move on with closure. Moving on is about acceptance and letting go so if you practice the healing tactics in this article, you can easily move on without and beyond closure.
What happens when a relationship ends without closure? Without closure meaning
Closure helps make sense of what happened in a relationship so when a relationship ends without closure, one may be unable to change negative behavioral patterns they had which affects future relationships as well. Furthermore, one might keep going back to a toxic relationship because it doesn’t have clear endings
How to get closure with an ex without contact – Sometimes having no closure is the closure – How to get closure from a toxic relationship
- Understand That Closure Comes From Within
- Accept That Getting Closure Takes Time
- Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotions
- Reach Out Effectively for the Last Time
- Recognize It’s Not Your Fault
- Model a Forgiving Understanding of the Other Person
- Wish Your Ex the Best
- Create With a Closure Ritual
- Distance Yourself From the Situation
- Commit to a New Hobby to keep your mind busy
- Write a Letter to Your Ex
- Write a Letter to Yourself
- Stop Reaching Out
- Reflect and Forget Rumination
- Engage in Gratitude Meditation
- Be Patient to find Closure in the Future
- Focus On the Now
- Renew Your Routine
- Stay Accountable to Your Support
- Edit Out Past Details From Your Life
- Seek Professional Help
How to get closure from a crush
- Talk to them about your feelings
- Give the attraction time to fade
- Distance yourself
- Talk to your confidant
- Get to know your crush platonically
- Watch your feelings without judgment
- Distract yourself
- Understand you’re not alone
- Take your crush off the pedestal
Moving on is something we work on from within. While closure from others helps us heal and move on, many self-healing strategies can help us on their own.
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