A Lonely Wife’s Letter To Husband: Guide (2024)

Everyone feels lonely from time to time. But if you’re constantly feeling lonely even while your husband is around you, there’s a problem.

Lonely Wife Letter To Husband
Photo by Alex Green

And a lonely wife letter to husband might be the best way to fix it.

So stick around and discover 

  • Coach-proven tips for writing a powerful letter to your spouse
  • A practical letter to husband sample
  • How to end loneliness in marriage

And more!

Let’s dive in.

How Do I Write An Emotional Letter To My Husband? 9 Points To Remember

Before you go on writing your own lonely wife’s letter to your husband, the following are insights to take note of:

1. Choose The Most Positive And Loving Communication

Even if you’re lonely and want to pour out your purest feelings, you need to make sure you’re writing in a way that’s most loving and positive if you want your husband to respond that same way.

The letter is no place to play the victim and blame your husband. Nor is it a place to lay all blame on yourself. 

This lonely wife’s letter to husband is a place to put down your thoughts uninterruptedly while having space to be patient with yourself and your husband.

2. Don’t Strive To Address Everything

Your loneliness could stem from a couple of things going wrong in your marriage. But you don’t want to overwhelm your husband with every problem you have. Men aren’t good at multitasking let alone processing many emotional points all at once.

So you need to know the main things you need to include to help your husband know how lonely you feel despite him being there physically. 

One or two things would be nice to keep the conversation going.

3. Go By Step By Step Specifics

Your letter may not have a smooth arrangement but it needs to be specific and clear. With every word you use, you must be driving a point home whether you’re praising or criticizing him.

For instance, you can’t say, “I love how thoughtful you are” without explaining perhaps one scenario he proves to be thoughtful.

Instead, you could say something like, “I really love it when you go out of the way to do household chores without asking. It makes me feel your thinking of me.

4. Tell Him How He Makes You Feel With “I” Statements

“You always make me take the blame for everything!”

The above statement is confrontational. And you don’t want to sound that way in this letter.

Instead, express your frustrations and needs in the form of “I” and “Me.” This way, your husband would be open to making you feel differently with positive actions instead of defending himself when confronted.

For instance, you can say, “I feel like I end up taking the blame for most problems in our marriage.” 

5. Validate Your Husband’s needs

While this lonely wife’s letter to husband is about your loneliness as a wife, you need to acknowledge the needs of your husband as well. 

That way, he’ll know you’re looking at your relationship from both perspectives and aren’t just blaming him. That you not only care about your feelings about him but also his feelings about you.

6. Express What You Need From Your Husband

Men have a masculine polarity which is why they love solving challenges in a relationship. That’s how they achieve satisfaction and feel valued by their spouse in a romantic relationship.

So in your lonely wife’s letter to husband, let him know what you’d like him to do for you or together so you can feel less lonely. It shouldn’t be vague like “I’d love it if you’re more present with me.” Instead, use statements like:

  • “I’d feel less alone if you put your phone down whenever we’re having a meal”
  • “I miss those dinner dates you used to organize every other week for just the two of us”
  • “I’d really enjoy it if you take your time to actually look into my eyes when we’re having sex”
  • “How about you start initiating sex more often”
  • “What do you think about going to salsa dances like old times”

7. Take Your Time Before Sending

Make sure you wait a day or two before sending your letter. This way, you can return to what you’ve written and edit out negative statements of resentment, aggressiveness, and such words that could bring strife instead of fixing things.

Remember; you’re writing your true feelings to your husband but in the most respectful manner.

8. Check Your Length

You don’t need to write one extremely long letter for you to get the attention of your husband. After all, this might just be the first of many letters. Your husband might encourage you to write more letters as you fix things between you.

If you need a specific standard, I’d say a letter between 300-800 words spaced out with short punchy paragraphs would be good enough.

In a nutshell, find the shortest way to express your thoughts to your husband. You’ll see the way we’ll do it in the sample below.

9. Pick The Old Fashioned Letter

While technology has brought amazing communication solutions, this letter to your husband would better be unique through pen and paper.

An email would be quite okay too but make sure you don’t send your letter over social media apps like WhatsApp if you want a greater connection.

But generally, a handwritten letter is considered more romantic due to its rarity.

How To Tell Your Husband You Are Lonely – A Sample Letter

While the above guide is enough to help you draft your own letter to your husband, check out the following sample to see how to put the above tips into action.

Sample Letter

Dear Husband,

I know you might find this weird but I felt the need to write a letter to my husband about the loneliness I’ve been feeling despite you being there with me physically.

This letter is the only way I know I can put down my thoughts well. Also, I believe we’ll connect better this way since we’d have more time to think about Us. So here it goes.

I’ve been feeling isolated from you even though we’re not in a long-distance relationship. I rarely see you since you’ve been heavy on work lately. And even when I see you, you tell me you’re exhausted and just want to go to bed.

Did I do something to my hubby that makes him not want me? Have I committed too much of my attention to the kids and drove their father away? I ask myself these questions daily and now hope to get an answer from you.

I feel we’re more of roommates than a married couple sincerely. I feel forgotten by the most important person in my life who although we sleep in the same bed rarely initiates sex let alone cuddling.

I see your back throughout the night and it leaves me feeling unwanted. Perhaps there’s something you’re going through that I don’t know about. Or have you forgotten our love language?

We used to enjoy life together. I miss those days you made me feel like the only girl in the whole world. I miss you being my best friend – remember how we talked about our deepest fears beyond midnight?

I miss those times you’d surprise me with flowers after work and take me out for dinner. You used to hold my hand, stare me in the eyes and say, “I love you like you wouldn’t know!” I’d melt under your gaze and tell you how amazing you make me feel.

You were not used to saying “I love you” as much as I did but I knew you said it whenever you did household chores even when you didn’t need to – sometimes you washed my car, or brought me my favorite snack, or even offered to massage my feet.

Even when you didn’t say it, I knew you loved me and thought about me. I never was lonely in those times. 

Man, I hold on to those days close to my heart wishing we could recreate those moments today.

But now I’m lonely. It has gone on like this for at least a year and a half.

My love, it crushes me whenever you seem incredibly excited to see your friends and yet act indifferent when I walk in the door. It makes me feel worthless.

I sometimes think I don’t excite you anymore. Perhaps you only desire the attractive young woman I was. But now I’m changed. Is that so my love?

I don’t judge you for thinking differently now. For being a changed person. But we’re supposed to be changing together. To adapt together. To handle the shocking parts of our lives together.

To be together.

I don’t have to feel lonely if I have a partner by my side. You also shouldn’t feel like you’re alone in this life. Before being your wife, I’m your friend. I’m here for you.

My dear hubby, I’m tired of silence. Please talk to me. Whatever way you wish to talk, I’m all ears. You could send a letter as well.

I’m sorry for ever making you feel sad in the past. I’m sorry for taking you through any pain my love. I never want to hurt you even though I slip up sometimes. Give us a chance once more.

Let’s talk and love again.

Yours In Love,


How Do You Treat Loneliness In A Marriage?

Firstly, you need to know you’re not alone. Being lonely in marriage is possible and more common than you think. A National Survey on adults aged 45 and above showed that 1 in 3 people are lonely (many of them are married). 

Loneliness In A Marriage
Photo by RODNAE Productions

But how do you treat loneliness when it dawns on you?

To cut loneliness in marriage from the root, you need to know the root problem first. Then you can talk to your spouse about it, spend more quality time together, and also consider seeking help from a counselor for expert intervention.

To help you narrow down the root problem, here are possible causes of loneliness in marriage to watch out for:

  • Busy schedules: If you live around work whether at home or your day job, the lack of quality time with your spouse can cause you to feel lonely. In such a case, you need to plan to spend more quality time with your husband the way you used to.
  • Unrealistic expectations: You might be lacking healthy relationships in other aspects of your life and are therefore expecting too much from your marriage. This can make you think that your husband is falling short of your standards but it isn’t the case. You can’t expect your husband to fulfill all your emotional needs and therefore need to mend your relationships with others first.
  • Lack of shared vulnerability: If you don’t share personal details with your husband and he doesn’t do the same, it’s easy to feel lonely since he can’t fulfill your emotional needs. Remember, your level of connection depends on the level of vulnerability you have with your partner.
  • Comparisons: Comparing relationships on social media can also bring feelings of loneliness. So you need to check with yourself more carefully if you feel lonely because you fall short in comparison with others. If that’s the case, it’s time to recreate healthy expectations for your marriage.
  • Lack of balance in parenting and romance: If parenting roles started coming in the way of connecting with your partner, then you might start feeling lonely as if you’ve been forgotten by your husband.

How Do I Stop Being A Lonely Wife?

  • Find the root problem of your loneliness
  • Work out your emotions with self-coaching
  • Create fulfilling relationships with other people
  • Talk to your husband about it
  • Spend more quality time together
  • Bring balance to your personal/professional life as well as your commitments such as taking care of children
  • Bring in a professional i.e couples therapy

How Do You Write A Letter To Your Feelings About Your Partner?

Here’s a recap:

  1. Choose The Most Positive And Loving Communication
  2. Don’t Strive To Address Everything
  3. Go By Step By Step Specifics
  4. Tell Him How He Makes You Feel With “I” Statements
  5. Validate Your Husband’s needs
  6. Express What You Need From Your Husband
  7. Take Your Time Before Sending
  8. State Your Why
  9. Check Your Length

You can also use a more casual second-person approach. Here’s an example:

Dear Tim,

I just wanted to drop a short message from your wife. 

She says she’s lonely. And that it seems like she’s forgotten to you. She doesn’t feel acknowledged by you as a human being let alone as your significant other.

She started feeling this way early last year she says. Although her husband promised her forever, she feels like the two of you are now strangers doomed to fade in a moment.

Her life now feels worthless and bland being on autopilot with the children, busy work schedule, and household chores to name a few. She longs to feel wanted by the love of her life. To hear his romantic murmurings in her ear while she washes dishes.

She remembers waking up to beautiful gestures you orchestrated. Like breakfast in bed, you used to surprise her with. Or the thoughtful weekend getaways you arranged so gracefully. You talked her love language then.

But now she feels isolated from you. Your love along with your smile is now replaced by the pain of the lost fun and the bleak future around the corner.

She wants an honest conversation with you. She’s hoping for a loving assurance. Or better yet, her cry heard with immediate amends.

Is there something she can do to help make things right? Can she hope for a better future with you?

She’s hoping for a favorable response!

In your corner always,

Wifey’s Friend

What Is The Sweetest Thing To Say To Your Husband?

Here are the sweetest words to use on your hubby to make him feel loved ad appreciated:

“I feel loved and protected because of you. I am really grateful for everything you do for our family”

“How you care for me inspires me to be a better person every day. Thank you, really!”

“I can’t imagine doing this life with anyone else but you, I feel at home with you.”

“I’ll never forget how great you are as a person. You’re the kindest man I’ve ever known.”

“Of all women, I honestly feel the luckiest because I have you.”

“I love that I can trust you with everything in my life including my loved ones.”

“I know I don’t say it enough but I’m grateful that you bear with me in all my weaknesses.”

Final Note

Now it’s your turn to write that lonely wife’s letter to husband.

Don’t worry about the right words because the right words are within you. I provided a guideline but it’s your emotions he needs to feel, your thoughts he needs to be aware of – your words he needs to read.

So write away.

But before you leave, kindly help us change lives by sharing this letter with other women you know.

Thanks for stopping by!

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.