Is My Boyfriend Gay?: 23 Best Signs To Find Out (2023)

“Is my boyfriend gay?” is a worrying question to ask yourself, but the answer might be YES. Below, you’ll find a list of the best signs to find out.

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping people improve their relationships and better understand the people closest to them. 

That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you. 

So, let’s dive in.     

Is My Boyfriend Gay? 23 Signs That He Is

On their own, these are unlikely to be surefire signs that your boyfriend is gay. However, the more of these signs you spot, the more sense it would make to suspect that your boyfriend is at least bicurious. 

1. He Has A Low Desire For Intimacy With You

There are many reasons why a low desire for intimacy drive can appear within a relationship, but one of them is your boyfriend wrestling with his sexual desire for men.

2. He Seems Disinterested When You Are Intimate

Again, there are plenty of reasons why men and women begin to enjoy intimacy less in a relationship, but one of them might be that your boyfriend prefers physical intimacy with men.

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3. You Catch Him Staring At Men

There aren’t many reasons why a man would frequently be caught delivering a lingering stare towards other men. It’s one of the stronger signs he’s secretly gay, for sure.

4. He Enjoys The Attention Of Other Men, More Than Women

Most people love to be the center of attention, but the vast majority of straight men tend to prefer attention from the opposite sex. If your boyfriend seems to prefer attention from guys – and frequently does things to attract it – this might one of the other signs that he’s having homosexual thoughts.

Is My Boyfriend Gay
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5. You Caught Him Watching Gay Porn  

This is a sure sign of a person’s sexuality. Straight guys would be repulsed by gay porn. If your boyfriend is watching other guys have gay sex, that’s a clear sign of his sexual preference.

6. He Likes Butt Play

Does your boyfriend love a finger in the butt? Plenty of straight guys like this, but it still counts as a hint of your boyfriend’s sexuality swinging both ways.

7. He’s Good Friends With A Lot Of Gay Men 

There’s nothing wrong with a straight man having a gay friend, of course. But if he has an above average amount of gay friends, that’s another sign he could be gay. 

8. His Dirty Talk Involves Other Men

You can tell a lot about someone’s sexuality by their dirty talk and role play ideas. 

9. He Crashes At A Friend’s House Often

There could be a reasonable excuse why he’s sleeping at the house of a guy friend, but this is peculiar nonetheless. You could definitely take it as another sign that he’s hiding a gay relationship.

10. He Talks About Guys In A Sexual Way  

Perhaps your boyfriend does this as a joke. Well, most jokes contain a hint of truth. So, if he’s doing this a lot, you can take this as a sign that gay thoughts are frequently on his mind.

11. He Flirts With Other Men 

Again, he might be doing it with his male friends as a joke. But a straight guy would be far less comfortable doing this than a bisexual or gay man.

12. He Gets Playfully Physical With Other Men 

It’s possible that he’s just “a touchy-feely person”, but this is far more common with gay guys. Most gay men are happy to be incredibly physical with other men, whereas many straight men aren’t.

Related Content: Gay Counseling – A Complete Guide

13. He’s Had Sexual Experiences With Men Before 

Just because he experimented with one guy before, it doesn’t mean he definitely wants to do it again. However, the chances of him being comfortable doing it again are much higher.

14. You Never Catch Him Checking Out An Attractive Woman  

Yes, he’s in a relationship with you. It would upset you to see him checking out other women, and most men try to hide it. However, it’s a natural response from straight men to check out many women – and most will get caught occasionally. 

15. He Filters The Way He Talks To You

Do you ever get the impression that your boyfriend wants to tell you something, but filters himself? That’s not the ideal situation in romantic relationships. 

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This doesn’t mean he’s having gay thoughts, of course. But if he was having gay thoughts, he’d be less likely to talk to you about it in this situation.

16. He Obsesses Over Male Celebrities

Many gay men obsess over handsome male celebrities. If your boyfriend is doing this too, it could be a small hint of the same sex attraction that resides within him.

17. He’s Looking For Men On Dating Apps

If he’s in a relationship with you, he shouldn’t have dating apps installed at all. But if you notice he’s looking for men on these apps, that should tell you a lot about his sexuality.

18. His Targeted Ads

Of all the possible signs he’s gay, this is a deeper cut. However, it’s true that most ads showing on his social media feed and web browsing will relate to websites he’s already viewed. So, if he’s getting ads for events or products that would appeal to gay men, that shows he has at least been researching gay culture. 

19. He’s Obsessed With Other People’s Sexuality   

If he’s always trying to guess another person’s sexual orientation, that’s a sign of this topic being on his mind a lot.

20. He Makes A Lot Of Homophobic Comments

If he acts uncomfortable with the whole gay thing or makes a lot of rude comments about the gay community, there are two potential reasons. He’s either extremely homophobic, or he’s trying to throw you off the scent. The second option is more common than you might think.

21. Strict Parents

If he has strict parents, homophobic parents or a poor emotional connection with his parents, he’s more likely to be afraid to ‘come out’ as gay or bisexual. 

22. He’s Deeply Religious

If he’s deeply religious, he’s even more likely to be afraid to ‘come out’.

23. Your Intuition

The fact you’re even questioning whether your boyfriend is gay is a sign that he might be at least a little bit bi-sexual. Perhaps this list has justified your suspicions. In a lot of cases, there’s no smoke without fire. It’s worth at least having a calm talk with him about it. 

Gay Boyfriend
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Frequently Asked Questions About Sexual Orientation

Let’s round off this article with the answers to some frequently asked questions about this scenario.

Why Do I Feel Like My Boyfriend Is Gay?

Most likely, he has shown one or several of the telltale signs listed above. These might have sparked the suspicion in your mind without you realising why.

What Are Some Gay Stereotypes To Ignore?

Here are some ‘signs’ which will actually give you no clues as to a person’s sexual orientation. 

  • The music they enjoy;
  • The food or drink they consume;
  • The clothes they wear;
  • If they’re a ‘neat freak’;
  • If they say ‘good morning’ in a camp voice. 

It’s close-minded to suggest only people who are gay can enjoy certain things. 

How Do You Know If Your Gay Boyfriend Loves You?

Your boyfriend can absolutely still be in love with you, even if he is gay. Just watch his behavior for the signs of true love. He might even still be sexually attracted to you. Remember, sexuality is a broad spectrum. He could be bisexual, pansexual or anything else on the wide spectrum of sexuality.

My Boyfriend Is Gay. What Do I Do? 

This isn’t an easy talk to have with your boyfriend, but it’s no use bottling up your suspicions.

When you bring up these suspicions, do so in a loving and empathic manner. Don’t accuse him of being attracted to a particular male friend, or having had a sexual relationship with someone else. This confrontational approach will only lead him to shut down and continue hiding any secrets he has.    

The key message to get out is that he can tell you anything and trust you with his secrets.

If he completely denies being attracted to guys and there’s nothing that’s upsetting you about his behavior or your relationship, the best step is to move on with your life together. 

If he does admit that he’s attracted to both men and women, don’t panic. Remember, there’s every chance he still loves you and is sexually attracted to you.

Perhaps there are ways you’re happy to adjust your relationship to accommodate this newly-discovered taste of his, but maybe he’s still thrilled to be in the relationship as it is now! Maybe there are ways to spice up your intimate life that doesn’t involve introducing his best friend. Maybe he’s already excited about options you can explore together as a couple.   

If he’s still attracted to you, hasn’t cheated on you and you’re happy together, where’s the problem? 

You may even find that ‘coming out’ does wonders for his mental health and your relationship goes from strength to strength.  

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Any More Questions?

I hope you had so much fun reading my list of signs that your boyfriend is gay. More importantly, I hope you’re more clued up about what to do now.

These signs could also apply to your guy friends, a family member or any other guys in your life

If you have a question on this topic, feel free to leave it in the comments. 

I’ve really enjoyed reading my reader’s comments over the past year or so, and it would be great to hear from you whether you’re gay, straight, a man or a woman.