13 Reasons If You Love Someone Let Them Go (2024)

You may have heard the old saying “if you love someone let them go”. In this guide, we’ll explore what this phrase means and why it’s sometimes a good idea.

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients better understand their relationships with those closest to them. 

That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you. 

So, let’s dive in.

What Does It Mean If You Love Someone Let Them Go?

This saying might sound like a paradox, but it doesn’t mean you should throw away everyone you fall in love with. 

Long story short, it means you should allow them to leave if they want to. 

There are also some occasions when you should encourage a loved one to leave, and we’ll explore these below.

If you struggle with this, you might want to check my previous article on the Best Ways To Learn Acceptance And Letting Go 

Is It True If You Love Someone Let Them Go?

Not always.

If your true love wants to stay and you’re happy with them, it makes no sense to let go. 

However, if they want to leave, it’s better to be OK with letting go and setting them free, no matter how much that might hurt your feelings.  

It’s never healthy to be too attached to a loved one. 

If You Love Someone Let Them Go
Photo By Mantas Hesthaven On Unsplash

Why Let Someone Go If You Love Them?

Below, we will explore 13 reasons to let go of someone you love. 

1. Surely You Only Want A Relationship With Someone Who Wants You?

Everyone has their own list of requirements for a relationship. But surely your number one requirement is that this person wants to be with you?

The dating scene might be tough. Your sex life might be dry. But, if you want my informed professional advice, the desire to be with you has to be the minimum requirement. 

If this person doesn’t want to be with you, they’re not your dream partner. The same can be said of best friends or a family member.

2. High-Value Entities Don’t Beg   

Leonardo Di Caprio wouldn’t beg anyone to stay in a relationship with him. Real Madrid wouldn’t beg any player to sign a new contract. The Beatles never begged anyone to come to their concerts. The Ritz doesn’t give away free hotel rooms or plead with anyone to stay the night. 

You’ll never catch high-value entities putting one person on a pedestal. They know their worth. If someone doesn’t want them, another person will. 

When you need a specific person in your life, you come across as low-value. In many cases, this makes people less likely to want you in their lives.

Related: When To Call It Quits In A Relationship & Important Questions To Ask Before

3. Desperation Is One Of The Least Attractive Traits      

Desperation is arguably the least romantic trait someone wants in a romantic partner.

It communicates that there’s something wrong with you. It suggests you have no self-love and you’re reliant on them for your happiness. It makes potential lovers feel anxious. It makes them want to let go of you! It’s certainly not the recipe for a healthy relationship. More likely, you’ll end up in a codependent one. 

This is even true in a long-term relationship or a marriage. It feels good when someone wants  you to stay in a relationship, but uncomfortable when they need you to.

4. It’s Better To Focus On Your Own Mission  

It’s incredibly attractive when someone has a life mission that they’re driven to achieve. It’s unattractive when they’re purposeless.

A romantic partner may want to be the most important person in your life, but not the most important thing. 

They’d rather you had a mission outside your family. A passion outside making your relationship work. You should want that for them too.   

If your partner stops you moving forward with your life mission, you should let them go. If you’re getting in the way of their purpose, you should be happy for them to let go too. 

5. You Need To Focus On Loving Yourself

When someone has strong self-confidence, they’re happy to cut ties with someone who doesn’t want them. They’re not too affected by a person leaving, because they’re confident in the direction they’re going with their life.

They’re in charge of their own mental health and wellbeing. It’s completely independent of anyone else. This is highly attractive and extremely important for your long-term happiness.

If you’re not comfortable letting go of a relationship, that suggests you’re reliant on it for your mental health – and that’s not a good position for either of you to be in.   

6. Your Life Missions Are Different

What if you’re in a committed relationship with an amazing person, but you find out their dream is to teach English in a third-world country? Meanwhile, you want to progress to the top of your corporation in the United States. What if they hope to start a family, but you don’t?

These are the relationships you need to let go of, even if you feel this person is your true love. Don’t beg them to stay or make them feel trapped just to meet your own needs. The point of romantic relationships is to support each other’s life missions. Without this support, there’s no valid reason to stay together, no matter how strong your feelings are.   

7. They Have A Damaging Flaw

When your partner has a flaw that is hugely damaging to their life – maybe an addiction, anger problems or being unable to let go of past trauma – it’s often best to let go.

You might feel the urge to sit tight and help your true love through this problem, but this usually serves to keep them acting the same way. You enable their toxic behavior by staying and accepting it. This hurts you, them and any family that you may or may not have in the future.  

Often, they need to hit rock bottom to be inspired to change their ways. By letting them go, you will hopefully motivate them to free themselves of this flaw.   

8. You Have A Fear Of Being Alone 

A fear of being alone often drives us to put our partners through emotional turmoil. We get jealous. We get insecure. We start fights. We might even start manipulating them.

If either partner is like this, it’s best that the other lets go. This gives the insecure partner the chance to overcome their fear of being alone.  

Related: Are Some People Meant To Be Alone? Signs You’re That Person

9. Abundance Mentality 

The fear of being alone is often driven by a scarce mentality. Insecure partners often believe they only have one shot at true love and this is it.

By letting them go, you give them the opportunity to see there are plenty of fish in the sea. This abundance mentality will serve them better throughout the rest of their life. 

10. It’s The Best Way To Get An Ex Back 

If a partner leaves you, the best way to persuade them to come back is to let them go without a fight and stop talking to them. This guide on the no contact rule explains why.

11. If They Don’t Come Back, They Were Never The One For You 

They’re not your true love if you have to beg for them to come back. Don’t forget this. You may have thought you found the perfect relationship, but you were mistaken. Real life is like that sometimes.

That’s why it’s best to accept that the relationship ended and move on after a break-up, rather than stewing over how to get your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back. Once again, this is also true for friends and family members.

12. If They Stopped Loving You, You Should Stop Loving Them Too   

It makes no sense to crave relationships with anyone who doesn’t love you. You 

should only be spending time with those who want to spend time with you. The only reason you’d accept anything different is due to a fear of being alone.  

Heartbreak Make You Stronger
Photo by Christian Lue on Unsplash

13. Heartbreak Make You Stronger

Broken hearts are tough to heal from. But when you do heal, you come back stronger.

Your emotional health becomes stronger. You use the lessons of your failed relationships to improve future relationships. Perhaps you’ll choose to improve your appearance, wealth or physical health to attract a higher-quality partner.

Often, we need the pain of a failed relationship to motivate ourselves to improve in these ways. 

What Happens When You Let Go Of Someone You Love?

It depends on the individual person and the relationship.

The point is: you need to be OK with whatever happens. If you truly love this person, you should want what’s best for them, even if it hurts your feelings to see them leave.

Is It True If You Let Someone Go They Will Come Back?

Sometimes, they will come back. In fact, they’re more likely to come back if you’re comfortable letting go.

However, sometimes they’ll maintain that it’s better to not be in a relationship with you. If you love them and that’s what they want, you should be OK with that, even if you think they’re wrong. 

Whether they come back or not, the best thing you can do is to move on with your own life.

Related Content: Ways To Let Go And Trust The Universe

Any Questions?

Thanks for reading my guide on letting go of someone you love.

This is an important topic to get your head around. I imagine we all know that one couple who stayed in the same relationship that made them miserable for over a year, because they didn’t understand this concept. 

If you have a question on this topic, feel free to write it in the comments section below. 

Also, feel free to share what happened when you let go of someone you loved, whether that was a close friend, a lover or a family member. Emotional stories make for engaging comments. 

I would love to continue talking about this subject and it would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.