I Hate My Wife: 17 Steps Out Of Misery (2024)

Are you a husband who can’t help but suffer from thoughts like “I hate my wife”? This guide will help you address the problem and turn things around in your marriage.

In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients resolve problems and build stronger relationships with their spouse and those closest to them.

That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you. 

Let’s dive in.

Why Do Husbands Hate Their Wives?

The idea of a husband hating his wife might be a strange one. After all, she was surely the love of his life at some point. 

The thing is: circumstances change and that makes people change.

Your wife is not the person you married. People develop their personalities as time passes and it’s not always to the pleasure of their spouse.

When wives change their behavior drastically, it’s usually at least partly in response to their husband changing too. 

In fact, a common reason why husbands grow to hate their wives is because they’re miserable about something else in their lives.

If you’re a husband who hates his wife, a practical first step is to look beyond how she has changed and what you hate about her. 

How have you changed? How have you made the marriage different? What can you do to be a better husband? These things are completely under your control and therefore easier for you to fix. 

Often, you’ll find that your wife responds well to this and your marriage begins to improve. Your wife was the love of your life at some point – and she probably wants a happy marriage just as much as you do.

Below, I have suggested 17 ideas to help you improve your relationship with your wife and move forwards in your marriage

Of course, if your wife refuses to make any effort to improve your relationship, that’s when your marriage becomes very difficult to save. It takes more than one partner to fix a loveless marriage. 

Is It Normal To Hate My Wife?

With a divorce rate approaching 50% in some countries, the truth is: it’s fairly normal to hate your wife eventually.

That’s sad to say.

However, if unhappy spouses were to take all the steps listed below to fix their marriage, I’m sure the divorce rate would be far lower.

I Hate My Wife
Photo By freepik on freepik

What Should I Do If I Hate My Wife?

It takes two people to make a happy marriage. You can’t force your wife to comply with your suggestions. But, with that said, here are the steps you can take together to make things better in your relationship. 

1. Let Your Feelings Be Known In A Calm And Level-Headed Manner

It’s no good bottling up your negative feelings towards your spouse. That’s when resentment builds and builds. It’ll come out eventually, usually in a far more aggressive manner, if your frustration has been brewing for weeks, months or years.

The key is to communicate your feelings with respect in a calm and loving way. It’s no use saying you hate your wife, for example. That’s just going to cause hurt feelings and more conflict in your already bruised relationship.

Focus on the behaviors that are making you unhappy, rather than her as a person. Sandwich your negative feedback in between compliments. Listen to what she has to say, but also make sure your feelings are heard. Aim to reach a compromise where your marriage can get back on track. 

2. Ask Why She Has Changed

This is a powerful question, which will hopefully reveal some feedback about what each of you can do to help improve your relationship.

3. Ask What You Can Do To Make Things Better  

This is an even more powerful question, which shows you’re addressing your marriage problems from a place of love.

If you hate your wife right now and feel like everything is her fault, this might be the last question you want to ask. But swallow your pride and do so anyway.

If she lists a bunch of things for you to do, feel free to negotiate and compromise. 

Importantly, you need to ask if she’ll do certain things you need if you do these things she suggests.  

4. Write A Contract

It’s easy to agree to change in the moment, but it’s another thing to actually follow through. It can help to write down what you agreed to in a “contract” that you can refer to in the future. By signing it, you’re showing commitment to change and improve your marriage.

5. Focus On The Good

If you feel hatred for your wife, there’s every chance your focus is somewhat out of balance. Maybe things aren’t objectively as bad as you’re perceiving them. A nice exercise to fix things is to spend some time writing down all the lovable qualities of your wife.

Each day, write down three loving things that your wife did for you. Also, it’s worth noting how much time you spend focusing on the positive versus the negative in your everyday life.

It might be that your negative attitude is harming an otherwise healthy relationship.

6. Remember How You Met

While you’re stuck in this dark cloud where you feel resentful and angry towards your wife, it can be easy to forget how much love and respect you used to have for her. At this point, it can feel like your relationship isn’t worth fighting for.

Even if you feel hurt or as if you’ve lost interest in your partner, the chances are: your spouse used to be the most important person in the world to you. 

So, take the time to remember how things were when you first met. Remember the day you proposed, your wedding day, the birth of your children. You’re fighting to experience more of these magical moments with your true love in the future!    

Related Content: Signs Of A Love-Hate Relationship & How To Fix It

7. Spend Some Time Alone Together, Away From Your Day-To-Day Stresses

In most cases, there are other stresses causing you to feel so angry towards your spouse. Your new job, your kids, your house chores or other responsibilities around the home. These can all lead to added strain on relationships for men and women. 

So, if you’re trying to relieve this strain on your relationship, it can help to spend some quality time together away from all these third-party stresses.

Is it possible that you can take a short holiday – or at least a few date nights – together to rediscover the true love in your marriage?

Putting these other problems on thebackburner, even for a day or two, can do a lot to put the spark back into a committed relationship.  

8. Argue Properly

Disagreements are inevitable in relationships, but if you can discuss things in a healthy way, they should make your relationship stronger.

Argue Properly
Photo By jcomp On freepik

Whenever you argue, make sure it’s a healthy conversation fuelled by mutual respect. See my previous article on how to disagree in a relationship for more advice. 

9. Appreciate Your Partner When They Do Things Well

Positive feedback when your partner does what you want goes a long way. Perhaps your spouse stopped treating you so well because she felt unappreciated. Something as simple as a ‘thank you’, a hug and a kiss can be enough to inspire your partner to keep up the positive behavior.

10. Seek Professional Help 

There’s no shame in seeking professional help to fix things in your relationships. If more unhappy couples agreed to marriage counseling, the divorce rate would surely be lower.

A licensed marriage counselor can act as an unbiased mediator for you to air your relationship problems and reach a compromise. A marriage and family therapist is a qualified mental health professional who can give you informed professional advice about this. 

There is online therapy available too, so it’s easier than ever for couples to seek immediate help. It would be a shame not to use it.

11. Get Support From Your Friends 

When you hate your wife and don’t see a way out of this problem, it’s easy to feel like you’re alone in dealing with the issue. If you’re not going to seek help from a qualified counselor or a family therapist, at least talk with your friends.

12. Avoid Escapism If You Can

When it feels like your marriage is falling apart and you might lose your family, it’s common to want to escape from this reality.

The easy step is to turn to alcohol, drugs or to start chasing physical intimacy with other women. This won’t save your marriage or your family though. If anything, it’s likely to make things worse. 

Take the brave step to face your problems head on – and remember there are licensed marriage counsellors available to talk to. 

13. How To Shift Your Mind And “Unhate”

Forgiveness is a powerful skill and one that is essential for a long-term relationship. We are all humans and we all make mistakes, after all. My guide on the best ways to learn acceptance and letting go will help you. 

14. I Hate My Wife I Hate My Life

Admitting it is a great first step. Most likely, you are taking your frustration out on your wife when she doesn’t deserve it. At the very least, it might be stretching your anger towards her and ruining your relationship unnecessarily. Talking to a therapist or a life coach will be a positive step forwards for you.

Related Content: I Hate My Life – Effective Ways a Life Coach Intervenes   

15. I Hate My Wife’s Family

If you hate your in-laws or other members of your wife’s family, is that any reason to wreck your marriage with outbursts of anger?

Please realize that your wife’s family is probably very important to her. So, of course, she’d want her husband to spend quality time with them.

If you’re having arguments because of this, you should be able to talk about it and reach a compromise. There’s rarely any reason to feel a strong emotion such as hatred towards your wife because of issues with her family. 

16. I Hate My Wife After Having A Baby

A new son or daughter can change people more than anything else. Most likely, it has made your lives less fun and more difficult. You’re probably both feeling stressed and exhausted. Your wife might be withholding sex for these reasons. She’s probably putting the baby’s needs before yours.

Your relationship is supposed to become more difficult after having kids. The extra stress will most likely lead to more arguments between any married couple.  

But these aren’t valid reasons to hate your wife.

Now is the time for empathy and to be the most patient caring husband you can be.

Use the above tips to talk through your problems and do what you can to make the relationship more fun during this stressful period. 

It will get easier with time.

17. I Hate My Wife And Want To Leave Her

If you feel like you’ve tried everything and you can’t shake this feeling of hatred towards your wife, be honest and take the steps to end your marriage. Life is too short to remain in relationships fuelled by hatred.

However, I would urge you to try everything you can to fix things first. Have these difficult conversations. Seek help from professionals. Show love in spite of your hurt feelings. Become the best husband you can be.

There was a time when you loved this person with all of your heart. At some point, you were more excited than ever to become their husband. 

If you give up on your marriage too soon, you may end up feeling regret later down the line.   

Any Questions?

Thanks for reading my guide. I hope it can help you turn things around with your wife. 

I’m not saying that your wife has done no wrong in this situation, but the key to fixing things is to focus on what you can control.

When you focus on becoming a better partner, a good wife will feel inspired to do the same.  

If you have any questions on the topic of hating your spouse, you can leave them in the comments below. 

I’d like to continue talking about this subject and it would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.