If you’re struggling with thoughts of: “I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore”, this is the guide for you.
Below, we’ll explore the most common reasons why you may be feeling this way and how to turn things around, so you’re more excited to receive physical affection from your husband again.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients get to the bottom of problems like this in their relationships.
That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you.
So, let’s dive in.
Can A Marriage Survive Without Affection?
It’s important to establish the potential impact that a lack of affectionate physical contact can have on a marriage.
While it may not be a big deal for you, there’s no guarantee that a dwindling physical connection isn’t tearing your husband up inside.
Physical touch is one of the five love languages. It’s the main thing that a lot of people need to feel cared for. When it disappears, it can feel like that all intimacy has been sucked from the marriage, even if you think you are showing love in other ways.
Regardless of your husband’s love language, it can still feel hurtful or humiliating for his spouse to reject his touch.
We’re not just talking about sexual contact either. A sudden loss of sex drive in one partner is a well-known relationship problem, but rejecting your husbands attempt to hold hands or to stand limply as he hugs you can be just as painful for him.
Like many relationship problems, this lack of physicality can be too embarrassing for your husband to bring up. Maybe he’s mentioned a couple of times in the past only to be angrily swatted down in the heat of the moment. Now, he chooses to suffer in silence rather than to risk more conflict by being emotionally vulnerable about this topic again. In the long run, this makes the marriage suffer more.
Of course, there’s every chance that you’re too embarrassed to explore the reasons behind your feelings of “I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore”. Perhaps you’re unsure of the reasons?
In the guide below, I’ll recommend a few times that you talk about these thoughts with your husband, maybe in the presence of a counsellor or therapist.
Communication is the first step to discovering the problem. It stops the two of you having false beliefs about why a certain problem is happening. Perhaps most importantly, it’ll give you the fastest route to figuring out how to make things better.
Touch isn’t just about physical pleasure. It releases endorphins that help us to relax, feel loved and feel happy. In his mind, this could be how you make him feel wanted and respected.
When you two said your wedding vows, your husband essentially agreed not to touch anyone else’s body in a physically intimate way until one of you dies. So, it’s understandable that he’s hurting right now, even if he’s keeping it to himself.
It’s definitely in the best interest of your marriage to discover and overcome what’s causing your thoughts of “I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore”.
So, let’s do that right now.
Why Do I Suddenly Not Want To Be Touched?
Below, we’re going to explore three statements.
- “I don’t like being touched anymore.”
- “I can’t stand my husband touching me anymore.”
- “My husband repluses me sexually.”
Underneath each statement, we’ll explore the potential reasons why you might be feeling this way. So, feel free to skip down to the statement that’s most relatable to you for some deeper ideas about why you don’t want your husband to touch you.
1. I Don’t Like Being Touched Anymore
Do you feel like it’s not necessarily that you don’t want your husband to touch you? Could it be that you wouldn’t want anyone to touch your body at this point?
It’s completely natural to not want physical intimacy with anyone when you’re feeling stressed and tired. Women in particular need to feel happy and relaxed to be in the mood for intimacy. If you’re dealing with the mental load of worrying about some other bad thing or just want to fall asleep, physical intimacy could be the last thing on your mind.
It’s also common to feel this way if you’re struggling with low self-confidence surrounding your own body image. Perhaps you’re grown to become self-conscious of the way you look and it shines a light on how you feel whenever your husband touches you.
Might it also be that you’ve suffered from a traumatic experience in your sex life recently, or that something has happened to trigger memories of one in the distant past? While this is a more extreme suggestion, it would be completely normal for you to not want to be touched in any way after something like this has happened.
If any of these three suggestions might appear to be the problem, the best next step is to talk about it with your husband. It’s likely to be a huge boost to his self-confidence that he’s not directly to blame for your intimacy issues. If he’s a good guy, he should be able to help you de-stress and to feel sexy.
If it’s trauma you’re dealing with, it might also be great to seek professional help from a therapist, who is trained in helping people overcome such mental health problems.
2. I Can’t Stand My Husband Touching Me Anymore
If you’re upset with your husband, it’s perfectly natural for you to not want to be physically affectionate with him. Maybe if he is not pitching in with the house chores or he’s not able to spend quality time with you, it would feel wrong to embrace your husband’s touch. Could it be that he’s selfish in bed and doesn’t want real intimacy during your love-making? Perhaps you’re putting distance between each other to make him feel guilty, so he knows he’s messing up and will change his ways.
That’s understandable, but it’s not the healthiest way to go about fixing your relationship problems. At the very least, it’s important that you’re talking about what’s upsetting you in the relationship and why you therefore don’t want your husband to touch you. Then, he knows what to do to steer the relationship back in the right direction.
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This isn’t always a simple conversation to have. Perhaps you’re afraid of how he’ll react. At the same time, please realize that this is the fastest and most effective way to fix the problem and get your sex life back on track.
3. My Husband Repulses Me Sexually
Could it be something specifically sexual that has sparked these feelings of “I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore?”
Have you learned something about his past that has repulsed you? Maybe he’s revealed one of his biggest turn-ons that he wants to do but you find repulsive?
In such cases, communication is key. He hasn’t done anything to betray you and doesn’t deserve to be punished for his desires. Once again, a few sessions with a therapist or a sex counsellor could prove to be useful here, perhaps to help you see things from a fresh perspective.
If your husband has been unfaithful, a common symptom is to be sexually repulsed by him. Perhaps you can’t think about having sex with him, without thoughts of him sleeping with your best friend invading your mind. This can be a tough hurdle to overcome in your marriage, but it’s still possible, especially with the assistance of a counsellor.
Remember that these feelings of repulsion are based on your emotions, and can therefore be altered with assistance from the right mental health professional thoughts.
Frequently Asked Questions About “I Don’t Want My Husband To Touch Me Anymore”
Now we’ve explored the most common reasons why you might not want your husband to touch you and what you can do about it, let’s round off the article with the answers to some frequently asked questions about this situation.
What Do You Do When You Have No Feelings For Your Husband?
This is the point beyond being annoyed that your husband doesn’t help out at the grocery store or want to spend quality time with your in-laws. It’s beyond not being in the mood to have sex. This is you admitting that you don’t care about this person at all any more.
If you have reached that point but you feel bad and still want to save your marriage, a good start is to address why you feel that way. Explore together what went wrong in your relationship and you might be able to find some solutions to rebuild the intimacy from scratch.
A marriage counsellor is a qualified mediator who is trained to help you through this process. They’ll be able to stop you going round in circles, pointing fingers and playing the blame game so you can actually get to the bottom of the problems harming your married life.
How Do You Know When You Don’t Love Your Husband Anymore?
If you don’t enjoy when your husband touches you, that could be one sign that the love is fading from your relationship. But it’s not a clear-cut one. As we’ve explored, there are several reasons why you could be feeling this way.
If you previously saw him as one person and now you see him as a whole other person, that’s a more accurate sign of faded love. This can happen after a severe change in his behavior or if you’ve discovered something extremely hurtful about his choices in life, for example.
Another sign is that you want him out of your life forever and have no desire to save your relationship.
In this case, it could be a fruitless task investing your own time and money into marriage counselling. These types of services only work when both partners want to be there and work on their relationship.
What Is The Fear Of Being Touched Called?
The irrational fear of being touched is called haphephobia. Sufferers tend to be incredibly afraid of physical contact on any part of their body. This is a very rare phobia and not much is known about it. Still, if you have an irrational fear of being touched by anybody, it is a possibility.
With that said, most phobias are either developed at a young age or after a traumatic incident. If neither of these apply to you, it’s unlikely that haphephobia is the reason behind your lack of desire for physical intimacy in your relationship.
Thanks for reading my guide. I hope this helps you get through the intimacy issues in your marriage.
It might feel like this is a unique and horrible situation, but you have no idea how many married couples have got through similar problems. The good news is: it’s a huge amount and you can do the same.