21 Ways How To Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On (2024)

Welcome to your ultimate guide for how to stop overthinking after being cheated on.

How To Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On
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It’s common to indulge in overthinking after being cheated on, but this is a habit that stops you from moving on with your life.

That’s why I created this list of 21 ways to stop overthinking after your partner cheated. 

This is an issue I have helped many of my life coaching clients deal with, and I’m sure this guide will help you too. 

So, let’s dive in.

Why Am I So Insecure After Being Cheated On?

A break-up is painful at the best of times. No matter how your relationship ends, you’re losing someone who used to make you feel great. 

To put it scientifically, you’re losing a constant source of feel-good endorphins. Most likely, you were used to this supply of happiness and you feel much worse without it. In fact, studies suggest that this disrupts the same part of your brain that processes physical pain.   

On top of that, your future has suddenly become a lot more uncertain. All the exciting plans made with your partner won’t happen now. This lack of certainty is incredibly uncomfortable for humans.

Now, throw in the shock of your partner cheating on you. In this case, you have to deal with the pain of the break-up, coupled with the fact that your partner chose someone else over you.

Most humans find it very difficult to deal with rejection. This fear sits within us at a primal level and supposedly stems from caveman times, when rejection from our tribe would have meant certain death. When you’ve been cheated on, you’re not only rejected, but betrayed and replaced by someone who you allowed to access every part of your soul.

Most infidelities take the victim by surprise too. They don’t suspect that their partner would be capable of such a betrayal. 

It’s the pain plus the shock of the betrayal, which rocks our self-confidence and leads us to overthinking after being cheated on.

We often think that someone we loved so much could do this to us, then WE must be the problem.

It rocks our existing belief system and our minds often go into overdrive trying to make sense of what happened. Often, we can’t. 

This leads our insecurities and habit of overthinking to bleed into future relationships.

“If my last partner caused me such pain out of nowhere, maybe this one will too,” we tell ourselves.

Of course, this is no way to enjoy your future romantic relationships. It will only lead to paranoia, unnecessary jealousy and conflict. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to stop overthinking about being cheated on. It’s the only way you can truly move on with your life.       

How To Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On

Below, you’ll find 21 ideas about how to stop overthinking after being cheated on. I’d recommend indulging as many as you can to help you move past your partner’s infidelity.

1. Have A Big Cry About It

It’s better to get your feelings out in the open, then bottling them up inside you.

Infidelity is a traumatic experience. You’re not weak for spending a day or two crying about it. It’s a normal and healthy thing to do.  

In fact, if you don’t take this time to let out your feelings, you could be a lot more prone to overthinking about it for weeks or months afterwards. 

2. Find Out Why You’re Overthinking

An important step to stopping overthinking is understanding what’s causing it. Investigate the answer at a deeper level than that you’re simply overthinking because you were cheated on. 

Is it a new-found lack of self-esteem that’s causing your overthinking? Is it a desire to understand what happened? Perhaps the infidelity has unlocked some deeper trauma?   

A deeper understanding of why you’re overthinking will make it easier for you to stop.

You may need to speak to a therapist or a certified life coach to get the bottom of where this overthinking stems from.  

3. Realize That They’re To Blame For Cheating

No matter what happened in your relationship, there’s no justifiable excuse for cheating and hurting your partner so badly.

It’s important you realize that, so that you don’t blame yourself for what happened.

When you stop blaming yourself, you’ll stop ruminating on what you could have done to prevent it from happening.

It’ll do a lot of good for your self-esteem as well.

4. Spend Time With Friends And Family

Even if they can’t help you get to the bottom of why you’re overthinking, it’s still a good idea to spend more time with friends and family after being cheated on.

Your loved ones will hopefully be able to build you up and stop you falling into a pit of low self-esteem.

If they’re a good friend, they’ll be happy enough to listen to your thoughts on the situation. Saying them out loud can help you process them.

There are official support groups available, but you may find that true friends provide the best support group you could ask for. 

It’s certainly a better idea than isolating yourself from the world. When you spend a lot of time alone with your thoughts, it’s pretty normal to fall into a pattern of overthinking about the tragedies in your life.

5. Keep Active

If you’re keen to keep yourself from ruminating on your partner’s behavior, it’s a good idea to occupy your mind with some other activity.

Whether you’re spending time with friends or not, this is one of the most productive ways to stop overthinking after being cheated on. 

How about you join a gym and commit to getting in good physical shape? Maybe now is the time to start a new side-hustle to make some extra cash? Or perhaps you could take up a new hobby that unleashes your creative side?

Allow the end of your relationship to create the birth of something new and awesome. 

6. Practice Self-Care

A lot of women find it particularly soothing to engage in self-care after a romantic relationship ends.

A spa day can put a stop to the chronic stress and anxiety you might be feeling. 

A new haircut or a shopping spree might help you feel more desirable and capable of finding a better relationship. If there’s a time for self-care, it’s now.

7. Commit To Some Self-Improvement

Revamping your appearance, building a stronger body or launching a new side-hustle are all ideas that count as self-improvement. But there are many more. 

Perhaps you can commit to improving on your communication skills at an improv class. Maybe you’ll decide to work with a therapist to fix unresolved issues with your mental health. 

Either way, it’s a great plan to keep your mind off the break-up, while boosting your confidence by making you a better person for someone else to date. 

8. Self-Love Exercises

The higher your self-esteem, the less you’ll blame yourself for your ex’s infidelity and the less you’ll worry about finding a new partner. If you’re doing either of these things, it’s worth engaging in some self-love exercises for a quick mental health boost.

See my list of hacks to love yourself enough for some ideas.

9. Accept Your Overthinking, Don’t Resist It

If you catch yourself overthinking and desperately try to make yourself stop, it often persists. If you accept that it’s happening, it can be easier to curb it. The same is true of anxiety and other negative thoughts. 

What you resist persists, what you embrace dissolves.

10. Positive Self-Talk

Once you catch yourself in a spiral of overthinking, accept that it’s happening and counter it with some positive affirmations.

“This was meant to happen.”

“Everything happens for a reason.” 

“You’re a strong, powerful person.”

“You’re sad right now and that’s OK.”

“This too shall pass.” 

You’ll notice that most overthinking about infidelity is negative and that’s why positive affirmations like these are the perfect antidote.  

11. Let Go Of ‘What Ifs’ And ‘Whys’

Wondering why an infidelity happened or what would have happened if you did something differently is an infinite rabbit-hole.

In most cases, you’ll never know the answers so it’s pointless ruminating on these topics. It only makes you feel worse.  

If you catch yourself spiralling on these thoughts, remind yourself that the answer is impossible to find. Make peace with that.  

12. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of focusing on the present moment, rather than being stuck in your thoughts.

Practice Mindfulness
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It’s a great practice to boost your emotional wellness and the perfect medicine for an overthinker. 

Meditation is one of the most popular mindfulness exercises. There are many ways to meditate, but the simplest is to sit in a quiet room and focus on your breathing for 10-20 minutes. Whenever a thought pops up, accept that then shift your focus back to your breath.

Frequent meditators become skilled at remaining in the present moment, providing themselves a simple cure to any spells of overthinking they may encounter.

Here is a list of more mindfulness exercises which may help you.    

13. Journal Your Thoughts

A common reason that people overthink is because they can’t make sense of the thoughts they’re having. That’s why the same ideas spin in their head over and over.

Journaling is a great way to make sense of your thoughts. Once they’re written down inside your journal, it becomes easier to understand why certain thoughts keep popping up and you should  be able to reach a conclusion.

This frees your mind of destructive thought patterns and hopefully will allow you to focus on brighter more positive topics.

14. Put Yourself In A New Environment

If it’s possible to take an extended vacation or put yourself in a new environment, that’s highly recommended.

When you’re in the same familiar environment and engaging in the same routines every day, your brain is able to go on autopilot and that creates space for you to ruminate on your fears and anxieties. 

In a new unfamiliar environment, you have to use more brain power to travel from A to B and complete everyday tasks. This gives you less time to overthink about your failed relationship or your hurt feelings.

15. Mix Up Your Daily Routine

If you’re unable to migrate to a new town for a few days, you can at least figure out a way to change your daily routine.

Take a different route to work. Eat lunch somewhere new. Engage in a new hobby after work. 

New routines help to get you out of auto-pilot and create less room for overthinking.  

16. Remind Yourself That Not Everyone’s The Same

The fear of being cheated on again is a huge cause of overthinking.

Victims of cheating become so keen to avoid that pain again that they become overly guarded. Their brain works overtime to protect them from that deep hurt.

This is despite the fact that there are usually no warning signs of potential infidelity in their new relationships.

In most cases, you’ll choose a great person to date, but your paranoid brain will start doubting everything they do. You’ll become a master at finding fault in your new partners. 

These trust issues will prevent you from enjoying healthy romantic relationships, so it’s good to remind yourself that not everyone’s the same.

This is a different person you’re dating, so they shouldn’t be judged using the same standards of the person that hurt you. My list of strategies for letting your guard down could help here.  

17. Forgive Your Partner

Even if your partner’s actions were completely selfish and destroyed your confidence, make the decision to forgive them anyway.

This doesn’t mean you need to take them back! It doesn’t mean you were in the wrong. 

You should forgive them because it’s the best thing to do for your mental health.

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill the other person. It fills you with bad energy and makes you feel awful.    

So instead of planning revenge, forgive them, move on and focus on finding the right person. It’s a key step in the healing process and will do a lot to help you stop overthinking about what happened.  

18. Resolve Your Trust Issues (If You’re Staying Together)

If you decide to give your cheating partner, you need to find a way to rebuild trust in your relationship. That’s the only way to prevent yourself from overthinking in your current relationship.

Couples therapy can help you in this situation, as could my guide on how to trust again.

19. Improve Your Sleep

Frustratingly, a lot of stressed and anxious people suffer from overthinking when they’re trying to sleep.

Improve Your Sleep
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Indeed, when you’re alone with your thoughts and nothing to do but try and nod off, that’s when your darkest thoughts decide to strike.

The best way to counteract this problem is to focus on ways to improve your sleep. 

A great start would be to avoid stimulating yourself in the hours before you go to bed. That means no caffeine. No digital devices. Nothing that can give you an adrenaline rush. A hot bath and a chapter of your favorite book will be far more relaxing.

For my ideas, see my list of hacks for the best night routine ever.    

20. Resist Alcohol

A shot (or five) of tequila might seem like the easiest way to forget all your problems, but it’s only a temporary fix. They’ll still be waiting for you once you sober up.

So, unless you plan on becoming a high-functioning alcoholic (not recommended), it’s better to address your insecurities head-on, rather than turning to the bottle. 

21. Resist Rebound Relationships

A rebound relationship is one that you indulge in just to forget about your ex. Most people who get into them end up regretting it.

Just like a bottle of Jack Daniels, a rebound relationship is only a temporary fix to your problems.

In most cases, you still bring your self-doubt to the new relationship and that causes problems for both of you.

Casual relationships are mostly a bad idea until you feel more comfortable with yourself. 

Frequently Asked Questions About Moving From A Cheating Partner

Let’s round off this guide with the answers to some frequently asked questions about cheating and moving on from a lost partner. 

Why Do People Cheat?

People cheat because they lack self-control, self-worth or respect for their partner. There is no reasonable excuse for cheating. You should never feel to blame when this happens.  

What Should You Not Do After Being Cheated On?

Don’t seek revenge on your partner. This causes more problems than it solves.

Don’t beg your partner to stay in the relationship either. They should be one trying to fix things if that’s what they want.

If you’re making the moves to fix a relationship when they cheated, you come across as a doormat and will most likely be mistreated by your partner again if they do stay.   

How To Stop Worrying After Being Cheated On

After being cheated on, your worried feelings will usually surround not finding another partner or being cheated on again.

This is a natural reaction to a break-up caused by infidelity, but the strategies in this guide will help to curb your anxiety about this.  

Feeling Worthless After Being Cheated On

Feeling worthless after being cheated on stems from blaming yourself. It’s important to understand that there are no good excuses to cheat on someone. The blame lies solely on the cheater.

Beyonce was cheated on. Rihanna was (allegedly) cheated on. They probably felt worthless for a while, but they aren’t and neither are you.  

Depression After Being Cheated On

Depression can stem from feeling worthless after being cheated on. That’s another reason why it’s important to absolve yourself of blame.

It can also occur as a result of staying indoors, not doing anything and ruminating on your negative feelings. 

It’s not always easy, but you need to find the strength to go outside and make something of your life after a break-up, even if it doesn’t involve dating.   

If you stay indoors and continue to dwell on the past, you’re only going to feel worse.   

How Do You Thrive After Being Cheated On?

With a great attitude, you can use infidelity as a catalyst to live an incredible life.

If you do feel the need to seek revenge, do so by living an amazing successful life without them.

Use the pain of being cheated on to inspire you to work hard to achieve your goals. 

Sometimes, people need a rock bottom moment to inspire them to live their dreams. Perhaps this infidelity could be yours. 

How To Find Peace After Being Cheated On

It’s incredibly powerful to forgive the people who wronged you, even if you still feel hurt by what they did. This is a highly recommended way to create peace in your life.

Indulging in mindfulness and self-love exercises can do you a lot of good as well.   

Triggers After Being Cheated On

Sometimes, after suffering a traumatic experience such as being cheated on, seemingly unrelated experience can trigger a pain body attack.

The key to avoid suffering is to understand what these triggers are and find a way to cope with them. 

Sometimes, noting the illogicality of a trigger is enough to be able to handle it. Other times, you may need to find a way to avoid these triggers for a while. 

How To Stop Overthinking After A Breakup

A break-up can cause pain, anxiety and overthinking whether you were cheated on or not. Either way, these tips will help you to move past these sensations to get to the next point in your life.

How To Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On: Any More Questions?

Thanks for reading my guide on how to stop overthinking after being cheated on. I hope these ideas help you to quit living in the past and to focus on a brighter future.

I have a guide to help cheaters curb their overthinking problem too. It’s a list of the best ways to deal with guilt of cheating.

If you have any questions about overthinking after being cheated on, leave a comment in the box at the bottom of this article. 

It would be great to hear from you.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.