18 Ways How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone (2024) + Ultimate Guide

“I’m in love with someone. I don’t know what to do! He’s all I think about day and night, and it’s driving me crazy.” This was a message I received from one of my clients looking for ways on how to stop obsessing over someone.

Since you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re in a similar situation.

Well, this article is for you. In today’s post, we’ll go over 18 different ways on how to stop obsessing over someone!

Key Takeaways

  • Obsession can occur as a result of trauma or more serious mental health conditions.
  • We can control obsessive thoughts by keeping a healthy distance from our obsession and focusing our minds on other things.
  • In extreme cases, it may be necessary to seek support from mental health experts to overcome this problem.

What Is Obsession?

The Collins dictionary defines obsession as a persistent impulse that continually preoccupies a person’s mind.

When we say someone has an obsession with another person, we mean that they can’t stop thinking about this other person.

Someone obsessed is likely to use terms such as “I can’t stop thinking about him” or “He’s on my mind 24/7”.

Other signs of obsession include:

  • Constantly thinking about how the other person feels about you based on what they’ve said to you recently.
  • Always questioning why he/she hasn’t called since last night;
  • Wanting them all the time

However, this is not healthy because it invades every aspect of your life and turns into an unhealthy obsession and behavior such as stalking.

In fact, when you’re obsessed with someone, you don’t pay attention to anything else but how he makes you feel good or bad.

What Causes Obsession with Someone?

Obsession is caused by several issues, with one of the most basic being a fear of abandonment.

If you’ve been previously left by a partner or lost a partner, you may have a fear of abandonment, which may result in you developing obsessive behavior.

Childhood trauma could also result in fear of abandonment.

Obsession could also result from a mental or personality disorder. One of the most common mental conditions likely to result in obsession is obsessive love disorder.

What is Obsessive Love Disorder?

Obsessive love disorder is a mental condition where an individual obsessively thinks about someone they’re deeply in love with. It’s usually associated with borderline personality disorder.

However, it’s not only thoughts that make one obsessive. Other signs of compulsive love disorder include:

  • Extreme jealousy when you see the object of your obsession with other people
  • A need to protect a loved one who has rejected you or does not reciprocate feelings for you.
  • Feeling possessive over a person
  • An inability to accept rejection from this particular person
  • Putting the object of your obsession on a pedestal
  • Reduced contact with family and friends.

Now that you know the symptoms and different levels of obsession, let’s look at how to stop obsessing over someone.

how to Stop Obsessing Over Someone

18 Ways on How to Stop Obsessing over Someone

#1. Acknowledge That You’re Obsessing

Obsessing over someone is similar to being addicted, which is why the first step to stopping your obsessive behavior is to acknowledge that you’re obsessed.

By acknowledging that your obsession isn’t healthy, you can now start working on how to stop it.

But, don’t be too hard on yourself.

We all obsess over the things we don’t have and can’t yet attain. Once you accept that you’re obsessed, you can now start working on the next step.

#2. Identify Why it’s Happening

It’s essential to understand the root of your obsession to find a solution for it. Ask yourself why you’re obsessing over someone and what triggers your obsession.

On most occasions, obsessive thoughts occur when you’re feeling lonely, depressed, or anxious. Your compulsive love disorder could also result from how your relationship with your primary caregiver as a child was set up.

Whatever the reason, it’s essential to know the root cause of your obsessive disorder; otherwise, you’ll never get over it.

#3. Find Ways to Control your Thoughts

If you want to stop obsessing over someone, you’ll need to find ways to control your thought patterns.

One of the most effective ways to do this is through mindfulness. With mindfulness, you’re able to raise your awareness of what’s happening around you, which can help you to control your thoughts better

When you’re mindful, you’ll be more aware of when obsessive thoughts come up and just let them go.

However, practicing mindfulness is easier said than done.

When you first try mindfulness meditation, you’ll be bombarded with different thoughts and may feel like giving up. But with constant practice, you’ll have better control over your thoughts, which will result in you finally getting a hold over your obsessive disorder triggers.

#4. Keep Busy

When you’re keeping busy, your mind will be too distracted to think about the person. So do something that you like and keep yourself occupied with it for a while.

If obsessive thoughts pop up, just push them aside and continue with what you were doing before. Do this until there are no more pesky obsessions in your head.

#5. Keep off Social Media

One of the main reasons these obsessive thoughts linger in your head is because you’re constantly stalking your crush or ex on social media.

So, if you’re looking to get rid of obsessive thoughts, consider taking a break from social media.

If you have a Facebook account, take a break from it for a while or delete your account entirely. And don’t look at any other social networks on the internet as well!

It’s not easy, but it will make you feel a lot better in the long run.

#6. Create Physical Distance

Just like social media, staying away from the object of your obsession will help get rid of obsessive thoughts.

You could start trying to avoid them in public places where you’re likely to see the person, even if it means going out of your way so that they don’t have the opportunity to cross paths with you.

Even if it means temporarily relocating to a new neighborhood or avoiding places, you’re likely to meet the person, just create physical distance.

This isn’t always possible, but do the best you can.

#7. Take Them Off the Pedestal

When obsessing over someone, it’s easy to create misconceptions about their personality. We see everything through rose-colored glasses, which makes us less objective when judging them.

In extreme instances, you end up elevating the person to god-like status.

But to get rid of obsessive thoughts, you need to remember they’re not perfect. No one is.

Don’t demonize them. Just stop looking at them with rose-colored glasses. Try to understand they are not the only person in this world, and you’ll feel much better.

#8. Keep a Journal

One of the best ways to take your crush off the pedestal is by writing down their positive and negative traits.

By writing about their positive characteristics, you acknowledge that other people are out there with the same features, minus the negative ones.

Writing down your thoughts and feelings could also help you gain better insight into your obsessive habits. With a journal, it also becomes easier to track what triggers your obsession.

To learn more about journaling and how to get over someone, check out this video.

#9. Focus on Yourself

As mentioned above, you’ll need to keep busy to avoid thinking about your crush or ex.

When not at work, you can start working on improving yourself. You can read a book, sign up for an online class, or join social clubs to meet new people.

Other than self-improvement, you can also revisit old hobbies or get into new pursuits. While it may sound like generic advice, exploring hobbies is an excellent way to stop thinking about someone.

#10. Socialize More

Rather than sulking and wallowing deep in thought, start socializing.

Spend time with your friends and family, as well as other people who are not in your life for any romantic reason whatsoever.

You can also start going out more often so long as there’s no one specific goal in mind, like seducing someone or picking up a date. Going out allows us to meet new people and interact

When you make an effort to spend more time away from that person, it will be easier for you to focus on yourself and other people.

How to stop obsessing over someone
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

#11. Realize Your Better Off Without Them

Think about this.

This person hasn’t appreciated what you’ve been doing. Why would you want such a person in your life?

You’re great, and you know it. If a person doesn’t acknowledge and cherish you, they have no business in your life.

Acknowledge that you deserve so much more from your next relationship or friendship with someone else!

It will be hard at first, but with constant effort, you’ll be able to see how better your life is without such people.

#12. Talk to a Friend

Talking to a friend about obsessive feelings can help take some weight off your shoulders.

Your friend may have also experienced something similar and may offer insight on how they overcame being obsessed over by others in their past relationships/friendships.

Be open with them because it will make you feel better too! And if nothing else, at least they are there for you as an ear that listens without judgment.

If possible, try talking to somebody who knows the person since it makes more sense why you are feeling so strongly towards them. They might offer insight on how best to stop obsessing as well as advice from a different perspective.

#13. Seek Professional Help

If you’ve tried all the above steps and failed, you should consider seeking professional help.

You may enroll with the help of a break-up coach or decide to seek therapy.

A break-up coach will give you some insight into handling any difficult emotions and thoughts that come up when it’s time for a clean break.

Therapy is another option, but make sure to do your research because there are many types of therapy with varying degrees of effectiveness.

If you notice that you get angry and jealous every time you think about your crush, then these are signs of obsessive love disorder. For such instances, seek help from someone who specializes in treating compulsive behaviors.

#14. Talk to Your Friends and Family Members

Your loved ones are your best support system. There’s nobody in this world that loves you more than your family. And it’s the same way with your closest friends.

So, accept their help during these tough times. Don’t be ashamed to ask for their help and support.

You’re going to go through this rough patch more easily with the support of your loved ones.

#15. Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can be another effective way to put a stop to your obsessive feelings. It helps you be more conscious of your thought process so that you can put a stop to toxic thoughts in time.

Practice mindful thinking to realize that you’re giving into an obsessive thought process. Only then can you learn to control them.

#16. Try Daily Affirmations

Start every day by repeating affirmations such as ‘You’re worthy of love,’ ‘You will find someone who will love you just the way you are,’ etc.

These daily affirmations will help you improve your low self-esteem and realize that the right partner for you is still out there. The fact that you’re obsessing over your ex doesn’t define you.

You can (and you will!) find true happiness with someone else. But first, you have to let go of your ex and stop obsessing.

#17. Find a New Hobby

Finding a new hobby may be a great way to stop obsessing over your ex. This will get you busy, so you will have less time for your obsessive feelings and more time for self-healing.

#18. Accept Rejection

Rejection is a normal part of a person’s life. The sooner you learn to accept rejection, the better for you.

Some people are simply not meant to be. So stop spending your precious time on someone who’s not worthy of it. Take control of your own life.

With time, you will have a healthy relationship with someone who will love you and accept you just the way you are.

How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone: Frequently Asked Questions

how to stop obsessing over something

It’s possible to obsess over items or situations as well as people. In such cases, the same advice applies as given above. Acknowledge your obsession, figure out why you’re obsessing, keep your distance, and focus your mind on other things.

how to stop obsessing over a crush

Romantic obsession is one of the most common types of obsession. We often obsess over a crush because we think our lives would be so much better if they accepted us. That’s rarely true, and it’s no way to live your life.

As well as committing to the tips above, focus on building a life that’s amazing whether or not you have a romantic partner. This is likely to involve being more social and coming into contact with more potential lovers. That will do a lot to stop you from obsessing over one particular crush.

how to stop obsessing over a guy

It’s important to understand that obsessing over a guy is unlikely to make him like you more. As such, you’re better off building a life that’s great with or without him. If he decides to try and become part of it, that’s great. If not, you need to know you’ll be fine either way.

how to not obsess over A girl

Women can find it particularly uncomfortable if someone is obsessing over them. They don’t find it attractive at all. Understand that it’s in your best interests to not obsess over any one particular woman. The tips mentioned above should help. It would be particularly useful to create a life where you’re interacting with lots of women on a daily basis.

obsessing over someone you barely know

You might think it would be easier to stop obsessing over someone you barely know, but that’s not always the case. The key is to understand why this obsession has formed. What feelings do you associate with this stranger? Once you know this, you can seek to fulfil these feelings elsewhere and get over your obsession.

how to stop obsessing over someone who doesn’t want you

An obsession with someone who doesn’t want you can be harder to shake off. This is because some people find rejection hard to stomach – and their obsession stems from trying to understand why someone doesn’t want them or attempting to change their opinion. If you can build your self-esteem and accept that not everyone is going to like you, it becomes much easier to avoid this type of obsession.

how to stop obsessing over someone who hurt you

An obsession with someone who hurt you can form when the pain takes a while to disappear. Rather than processing what happened in a healthy way, some people choose to continue ruminating on the situation, how it could have been avoided or how to get revenge. To avoid these obsessions, understand that the best revenge is living a happy life without the person that hurt you. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

how to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have

An obsession with someone you can’t have is easier to cure once you realize you can live an amazing life with or without them. So, keep busy, work on your self-esteem, and live an active social life. These steps will all be tremendously helpful.

how to stop obsessing over someone not texting back

The best way to stop obsessing over a text conversation is to put down your phone and start living life in the real world. Make your life so busy that you wouldn’t even notice for hours if this person did text you back.

how to stop obsessing over someone you hate

An obsession over someone you hate can feel good in a weird way. It’s like a dirty high. However, you must understand that this low-vibration energy will drag you down with time. It’ll deplete you of energy and make you less fun to hang out with. Once you realize this, it will be easier to engage in the steps recommended in this guide to end your obsession.

how to stop obsessing over someone on social media

The easiest way to stop obsessing over someone on social media is to block your access to their account. Block them. Deactivate your account for a while. Do whatever it takes to get their posts away from your eyeballs.

how long does it take to stop obsessing over someone?

There is no defined time period where an obsession will end. Just know that it will fade slowly with time when you take the steps mentioned in this guide. You got this!

Be Patient. You Can Do This

It is possible to stop obsessing over someone, but it will take time.

These 18 steps should help you on your journey toward a healthier mental state and allow you to start moving forward with your life.

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About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.