“I’m in love with someone. I don’t know what to do! He’s all I think about day and night, and it’s driving me crazy.” This was a message I received from one of my clients looking for ways on how to stop obsessing over someone.
Since you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re in a similar situation.
Well, this article is for you. In today’s post, we’ll go over 13 different ways on how to stop obsessing over someone!
Here’s what you’ll learn:
Let’s get right into it!
What Is Obsession?
The Collins dictionary defines obsession as a persistent impulse that continually preoccupies a person’s mind.
When we say someone has an obsession with another person, we mean that they can’t stop thinking about this other person.
Someone obsessed is likely to use terms such as “I can’t stop thinking about him” or “He’s on my mind 24/7”.
Other signs of obsession include:
- Constantly thinking about how the other person feels about you based on what they’ve said to you recently.
- Always questioning why he/she hasn’t called since last night;
- Wanting them all the time
However, this is not healthy because it invades every aspect of your life and turns into an unhealthy behavior such as stalking.
In fact, when you’re obsessed with someone, you don’t pay attention to anything else but how he makes you feel good or bad.
What Causes Obsession with Someone?
Obsession is caused by several issues, with one of the most basic being a fear of abandonment.
If you’ve been previously left by a partner or lost a partner, you may have a fear of abandonment, which may result in you developing obsessive behavior.
Childhood trauma could also result in fear of abandonment.
Obsession could also result from a mental or personality disorder. One of the most common mental conditions likely to result in obsession is obsessive love disorder.
What is Obsessive Love Disorder?
Obsessive love disorder is a mental condition where an individual obsessively thinks about someone they’re deeply in love with.
However, it’s not only thoughts that make one obsessive. Other signs of compulsive love disorder include:
- Extreme jealousy when you see the object of your obsession with other people
- A need to protect a loved one who has rejected you or does not reciprocate feelings for you.
- Feeling possessive over a person
- An inability to accept rejection from this particular person
- Putting the object of your obsession on a pedestal
- Reduced contact with family and friends.
Now that you know the symptoms and different levels of obsession, let’s look at how to stop obsessing over someone.
13 Ways on How to Stop Obsessing over Someone
#1. Acknowledge That You’re Obsessing
Sounds like something you’d hear at the start of a rehab session, right?
However, obsessing over someone is similar to being addicted, which is why the first step to stopping your obsessive behavior is by first acknowledging that you’re obsessed.
Rather than pushing these feelings of obsession away, recognize that your obsession is unhealthy and has started taking over your life
By acknowledging that your obsession isn’t healthy, you can now start working on how to stop.
But, don’t be too hard on yourself.
We all do it. We obsess over the things we don’t have and can’t yet attain. Once you accept that you’re obsessed, you can now start working on the next step.
#2. Identify Why it’s Happening
It’s essential to understand the root of your obsession to find a solution for it. Ask yourself why you’re obsessing over someone and what triggers your obsession.
On most occasions, obsessive thoughts occur when you’re feeling lonely, depressed, or anxious. Your compulsive love disorder could also result from how your relationship with your primary caregiver as a child was set up.
Whatever the reason, it’s essential to know the root cause of your obsessive disorder; otherwise, you’ll never get over it.
However, don’t be too hard on yourself.
Once you understand what triggers your obsessive disorder, use this next step to help you deal with it.
#3. Find Ways to Control your Thoughts
If you want to stop obsessing over someone, you’ll need to find ways to control your thought patterns.
Look for techniques to help you stop thinking about this person.
One of the most effective ways to do this is through mindfulness. With mindfulness, you’re able to raise your awareness of what’s happening around you, which can help you to control your thoughts better
When you’re mindful, you’ll be more aware of when obsessive thoughts come up and just let them go.
However, practicing mindfulness is easier said than done.
When you first try mindfulness meditation, you’ll be bombarded with different thoughts and may feel like giving up. But with constant practice, you’ll have better control over your thoughts, which will result in you finally getting a hold over your obsessive disorder triggers.
#4. Keep Busy
Another strategy you can use to stop obsessing over someone is by working on distracting yourself from these thoughts.
And the easiest way to distract yourself is by keeping busy.
When you’re keeping busy, your mind will be too distracted to think about the person. So do something that you like and keep yourself occupied with it for a while.
If obsessive thoughts pop up, just push them aside and continue with what you were doing before. Do this until there are no more pesky obsessions in your head.
This is how I always get over my thoughts that have been bothering me lately!
#5. Keep off Social Media
One of the main reasons these obsessive thoughts linger in your head is because you’re constantly stalking your crush or ex on social media.
So, if you’re looking to get rid of obsessive thoughts, consider taking a break from social media.
If you have a Facebook account, take a break from it for a while or delete your account entirely. And don’t look at any other social networks on the internet as well!
It’s not easy, but it will make you feel a lot better in the long run.
And here’s the best part! Going off social media gives you a better chance to forget about the said person.
Even a day off internet stalking is enough to help start getting rid of those obsessive thoughts.
By keeping busy, it also becomes easier to stay away from social media.
#6. Create Physical Distance
Just like social media, staying away from the object of your obsession will help get rid of obsessive thoughts.
By creating physical distance, you’re able to focus more on yourself.
You could start trying to avoid them in public places where you’re likely to see the person, and even if it means going out of your way so that they don’t have the opportunity to cross paths with you.
Even if it means temporarily relocating to a new neighborhood or avoiding places, you’re likely to meet the person, just create physical distance.
However, creating physical distance could be tricky if you go to the same school or work in the same place.
However, it’s still not impossible to create that physical distance.
One of the ways to do this is by trying to avoid walking by their office or desk.
You could also come up with a new route to prevent passing the person’s area on your way around campus, for example.
If the person you’re obsessed with is someone at your work, try switching to a different project. If it means trying to find another job just for the sake of avoiding one person, then do it! You owe it to yourself.
#7. Take Them Off the Pedestal
When obsessing over someone, it’s easy to create misconceptions about their personality. We see everything through rose-colored glasses, which makes us less objective when judging them.
In extreme instances, you end up elevating the person to god-like status.
But to get rid of obsessive thoughts, you need to remember they’re not perfect. No one is.
Consciously realizing this will help put the person back into their place as a mere mortal, making it easier for you to get over them.
To make it easier to take them off the pedestal, think about the times they’ve stressed you out. Think about everything they do that you don’t like.
However, don’t demonize them. Just stop looking at them with rose-colored glasses.
#8. Keep a Journal
One of the best ways to take your crush off the pedestal is by writing down their positive and negative traits.
By writing about their positive characteristics, you acknowledge that other people are out there with the same features, minus the negative ones.
Writing down your thoughts and feelings could also help you gain better insight into your obsessive habits. With a journal, it also becomes easier to track what triggers your obsession.
To learn more about journaling and how to get over someone, check out this video.
#9. Focus on Yourself
As mentioned above, you’ll need to keep busy to avoid thinking about your crush or ex.
When not at work, you can start working on improving yourself. You can read a book, sign up for an online class, or join social clubs to meet new people.
Other than self-improvement, you can also revisit old hobbies or get into new pursuits. While it may sound like generic advice, exploring hobbies is an excellent way to stop thinking about someone.
Just avoid mutual hobbies that you both have, as they might remind you of them
Remember, when you put yourself first, you’re second to no one else.
#10. Socialize More
Rather than sulking and wallowing deep in thought, start socializing.
However, don’t rely on social media.
Look for ways to make real connections.
Spend time with your friends and family, as well as other people who are not in your life for any romantic reason whatsoever.
You can also start going out more often so long as there’s no one specific goal in mind, like seducing someone or picking up a date. Going out allows us to meet new people and interact
When you make an effort to spend more time away from that person, it will be easier for you to focus on yourself and other people.
#11. Realize Your Better Off Without Them
Think about this.
This person hasn’t appreciated what you’ve been doing. Why would you want such a person in your life?
Your great, and you know it. If a person doesn’t acknowledge and cherish you, they have no business in your life.
However, this is easier said than done.
It will be hard at first, but with constant effort, you’ll be able to see how better your life is without such people.
To make it easier, avoid using the phrase “I need them.” This will make it harder for you to want to move on because it implies they have power over how much happiness or success in life you can achieve.
Acknowledge that you deserve so much more from your next relationship or friendship with someone else!
Your time is valuable too, and it’s not worth wasting on somebody who doesn’t appreciate you as you deserve.
#12. Talk to a Friend
Talking to a friend about obsessive feelings can help take some weight off your shoulders.
Your friend may have also experienced something similar and may offer insight on how they overcame being obsessed over by others in their past relationships/friendships.
Be open with them because it will make you feel better too! And if nothing else, at least they are there for you as an ear that listens without judgment.
If possible, try talking to somebody who knows the person since it makes more sense why you are feeling so strongly towards them. They might offer insight on how best to stop obsessing as well as advice from a different perspective.
#13. Seek Professional Help
If you’ve tried all the above steps and failed, you should consider seeking professional help.
You may enroll the help of a break-up coach or decide to seek therapy.
A break-up coach will give you some insight into handling any difficult emotions and thoughts that come up when it’s time for a clean break.
Therapy is another option, but make sure to do your research because there are many types of therapy with varying degrees of effectiveness.
If you notice that you get angry and jealous every time you think about your crush, then these are signs of obsessive love disorder. For such instances, seek help from someone who specializes in treating compulsive behaviors.
Any Further Questions?
It is possible to stop obsessing over someone, but it will take time.
These 13 steps should help you on your journey towards a healthier mental state and allow you to start moving forward with your life.
If you know of any other strategies to help our audience stop obsessing, please tell us in the comment section.
And if you have any questions, please ask them in the comment section.
I’ll be glad to answer all questions asked.