10 Therapist Hacks How To Save A Relationship That’s Falling Apart

7 min read

In this guide, you’ll learn 10 proven techniques for how to save a relationship that’s falling apart.

These are techniques that therapists use to read their clients’ psychological blueprint and help them change their behaviour.

So, you can expect them to be a bit more complex than classic tips such as ‘communicate more’ or ‘try new things together’. 

Still, if you can learn and understand them, you’ll have a fantastic chance at fixing your relationship. 

Let’s dive right into it.

How To Save A Relationship That’s Falling Apart
Photo by Alex Green from Pexels

How Do You Stop A Relationship From Falling Apart? 10 Proven Ideas 

Before you give up on one another, make sure you both read, understand and try to implement all of these ideas within your relationship.

Of course, if your relationship is falling apart, it will need co-operation from both halves of the couple to fix it.

But if you are able to successfully follow these tips, it will usually inspire your partner to do all they can to make the relationship work too. 

And when two partners are trying their hardest to fix a relationship, the odds stack in their favour.    

Plus, even if you’re unable to get back on track, these ideas will also help you to make things work with someone else. 

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1. Spot The Signs Of A Relationship Falling Apart

Don’t take your partner’s words at face value. Their actions, their body language and the way they say things can communicate so much more about their feelings. Sometimes, you are going to feel something is ‘off’ with them. 

If it feels like something is up, talk about it. Mention the changes you’ve noticed in them and ask if there is anything they need from you. This can go a long way to fixing the issues in a relationship before they become unbearable.

A lot of people won’t make their relationship dissatisfaction clear by verbalising them, at least not initially.

That’s why it’s important to note their subcommunications and changes in their behaviour. Those who don’t do this often end up being dumped ‘out of nowhere’, even though there were clear signs of things going downhill.    

2. Understand What Causes A Relationship To Fall Apart 

You may not be surprised that you can save your relationship through ‘better communication’. This is perhaps the most common relationship advice that unhappy couples are going to hear.

The problem is: most couples don’t know how to communicate their feelings in a manner that’ll successfully solve the problem.  

Here are some ideas for how you can do that

  • Address the behaviour, not the person. If you phrase your complaint as a personal attack, such as “you’re so selfish”, that’ll usually only serve to hurt your partner. Instead of addressing your complaint logically, they’ll usually become defensive and argue back. 
  • Explain how the behaviour makes you feel. When you do this, it becomes clearer why your complaint is a problem. Also, this shifts the problem onto you, which is a good idea to prevent your partner feeling attacked and going on the defensive. If they love you, they’ll still want to stop you from feeling upset. 
  • Control your emotions. Nothing good comes from aggressive or overly emotional communication. We’ll explore some ways to keep your emotions under control in later tips.  

These three steps will encourage your partner to remain calm and open-minded when you present them with problems.   

If they fail to follow these steps when communicating their greivances, resist the urge to become defensive and lose your temper. Perhaps they don’t know about these steps, or they forgot to use them. Ask them to follow these steps and make it clear you won’t entertain any disagreements until they do so. 

3. Focus On Your Own Flaws

 

There are nearly always two people making mistakes in a failing relationship. Nobody is perfect, after all.

Still, addressing your own imperfections within a relationship may prove to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. 

Our egos hate when we acknowledge our own personal issues. It’s much easier to blame your partner when your relationship is falling apart. The thing is: you’re far more likely to fix it by looking internally for problems. 

When you can be vulnerable enough to admit the things you need to improve in a relationship (and how you plan to work on them), your partner will hopefully feel inspired to do the same. 

Yes, you can help them do that by explaining your needs in an empathetic manner.

When both partners focus on what they can improve – rather than playing the blame game – it becomes so much easier to fix your relationship. 

4. Recognise The Power Of Compromise

 

When your relationship is falling apart, it becomes easy to forget you (hopefully) both have the same goal. That’s for both of you to be happy.

When one person is getting more than the other from the relationship, neither end up happy. Because the neglected partner will end up creating conflict or leaving.  

So, remember you’re working as a team. If you both work towards an equal relationship, you’ll both be happier. The easiest way to do that is focusing on what you can give to a relationship. It’s so important that you both recognise that.   

Often, when one partner feels like they’re not receiving enough, they also stop giving to compensate. That’s a horrible idea. Now you’re no longer teammates. You’re opponents battling each other. 

It’s a better strategy to keep communicating about how you can compromise better.

5. Realise What Triggers Your Behaviours

One of the best ways to stop harmful behaviours in your relationship is to recognise what triggers them.

Look at the last few times you engaged in destructive behaviour, and identify what happened to make you behave like that. Often, you’ll notice a pattern. 

Now, go back another step and explore why this situation triggered the bad behavior. Often, you’ll find the answer in a traumatic event or something your parents may have taught you. 

This retrospection isn’t easy, so you may want to get assistance from a life coach or a therapist. 

Once you identify your triggers, these professionals will be able to show you a different perspective so you can start reacting differently. 

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6. Realise What Triggers Your Partner’s Behaviours

When you and your partner can also take the time to learn their triggers, it could also fix their harmful behaviors.

Hopefully it will make you more understanding of why they behave the way they do. This compassion could be vital to staying together when you feel like your relationship is on the brink.  

If you both commit to couples counselling, part of your time together with the counsellor will usually be dedicated to identifying triggers.

Even if there isn’t a third party helping you, it’s always good to ask yourself why a partner is behaving in such a manner. 

Instead of getting angry every time your partner doesn’t clean up or put you first, explore why that’s happening, then try to address that issue together.

7. Validate Before You Problem-Solve

 

A lot of men (in particular) complain that their female partners remain unhappy, even when they take the time to solve their problems.

More often than not, it’s because a woman needs to feel loved, heard and supported before she’s ready to hear solutions to a problem. This love and support from you is often more important to her than the problem itself.

This might sound crazy to you as a man (who tends to adopt a more logical approach to problems), but try it.

Next time she comes to you with a relationship problem (or any problem), validate her emotions first. Let her know she has every right to feel this way. Show her love. Then, see if she’s ready to discuss ways to solve the problem. 

8. Let Go Of The Past. Focus On The Present

When you’re fighting with anyone, it’s tempting to bring up bad things that happened in the past to support your argument.

This does nothing to solve your present predicament. It’ll only make you both angrier. Focus on what you can do to solve the problem that’s occurring right now. 

Of course, if you’ve been following the previous tips, there’ll be no need to get in fights like this in the first place.

Forgive your partner’s past mistakes. Let go of resentment. You feel lighter and happier, both in your relationships and in life.   

9. Observe, Then React

It’s very rarely useful to instantly react to something that upsets you. You may want to get angry, but this rarely improves things.

Of course, it’s easier said than done to forego emotions such as anger or sadness.

Therapists manage to do this by practicing mindfulness, and they’ll often suggest ways for their clients to do the same.

Meditation is one of the most popular activities for this. This practice allows you to start observing your thoughts as separate entities to you. When you’re aware of this, you can choose to react to them or not. 

Meditation is a great practice for overall wellbeing, which I’d recommend to anyone who is trying to be calmer and more clear-headed throughout their day-to-day life.  

10. Choose To Love Your Partner Every Day

 

A lot of people see love as an emotion that happens to you.

I’d argue it’s more helpful to see it as an action you can choose to take part in every day you’re together with your partner.

Even if you don’t feel like it, you can choose to compliment, support and be physically affectionate with your partner. You can choose to treat them like a new partner you’re trying to win over.  

That’s your method of giving towards the relationship, and inspiring your partner to do the same. 

You can choose to take the first step to fix a relationship that’s falling apart. 

Do You Have Any More Questions About How To Fix A Relationship?

I hope this guide helps you to patch things up with your special person.

If you work together as a couple, you can get your relationship back on the right track.   

If you want to ask me a question on this topic, you can do so in the comments section below.

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