Would you like to learn how to not catch feelings fast? This guide reveals a host of quick tips to stop you getting carried away with strong feelings for another person you’ve just met.
Catching feelings too quickly isn’t ideal, because this opens us up to be hurt by someone who never really cared so much about us anyway.
Indeed, it’s common for certain people to consistently catch feelings so fast for one person after the other, and this can leave them in an emotional wreck if they get their heart broken again and again.
Below, we’ll explore why certain people catch feelings so fast, plus how to stop this happening.
At the same time, it can be even more of a problem if you guard your heart too closely to avoid catching feelings for anyone. So, it’s only right that we also explore that issue in this guide, then make some conclusions on how to find a healthy emotional balance in your love life.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients understand their emotions on a deeper level. That’s why I’m keen to share this guide with you.
So, let’s dive in.
What Does It Mean When You Catch Feelings Fast?
When you catch feelings so fast, you’re essentially telling yourself that you’ve never met someone so amazing before.
Or, more accurately, you’ve never met someone so amazing who was this nice to you.
A couple of questions to ask yourself, then…
- How well do you really know them? How do you know they’re so amazing?
- Are they really so unique and amazing? Or is it just that this person likes you back?
When you fall in love easily, it’s usually due to a scarcity of love or joy elsewhere in your life.Indeed, that’s why accelerated affection often comes off as desperation.
And, as you may well know, desperation is one of the personality traits most likely to send a potential lover running for the hills.
With that in mind, let’s explore some ideas to help you stop catching feelings so quickly.
How Do I Stop Catching Feelings So Fast?
This first set of tips will help you prevent yourself from falling in love with someone you just met.
1. Logically Consider What’s So Great About Them
Write down all the reasons this person is so great and unique.
If your list isn’t much longer than:
- they look great;
- they like me;
…this might bring you back down to earth.
2. Raise Your Very Poor Standards
If you’re happy to date anyone who looks OK and is nice to you, it’s little wonder you catch feelings so fast. It’s time to find some self-respect and up your standards.
Write down a list of 5-10 qualities your ideal partner would have and start looking for partners who have most of them. This is supposed to be the love of your life, after all.
This is usually the first thing a relationship coach will ask their clients to do and rightly so.
3. Stop Being Mesmerized By Beauty
You’re smarter than that. Beauty is all around. Physical appearance also has no bearing on whether you’ll be happy in a relationship with this person. So, stop letting beauty turn you into a lovedrunk fool.
4. Realize What’s Really Important In A Relationship
Is this person good-looking? Are they tall? Are they rich? Do they have massive boobs? These are the types of qualities we quickly notice about a love interest, but they do nothing to predict whether you’ll be happy in a long-term relationship.
Perhaps you’d prefer to focus on traits like kindness, intelligence, a growth mindset, psychological stability, their goals for the future. These traits take longer to fall in love with but are far better indicators of happiness in a relationship.
5. Improve Yourself
Level up your body, fashion, wealth, charisma, intelligence, your social skills, your mental health, your ambition. When doing so, you’ll not only feel better about yourself, you’ll also notice that more attractive people show interest in you.
In time, it won’t seem like a big deal when this happens and you won’t fall for any one individual so quickly.
6. Get Out There And Be More Social
It’s the anti-social basement dwellers who are the most likely to fall in love with the first person who shows interest in them. The more people you meet, the more you’ll understand what makes people truly great, the higher your standards will be when it comes to catching feelings.
Socialising and making new friends will also help to build your self-esteem, so you’re not as desperate to derive self-worth from a partner.
7. Build A Life You Enjoy Regardless Of Whether You’re In A Relationship
Focus on enjoying some cool hobbies. Build a great social life with a brilliant circle of friends. Find a job you love. These important foundations of a good life will stave off the desperation for a relationship that makes people fall in love too quickly.
8. Don’t Be Ted Moseby
Ever seen the show ‘How I Met Your Mother’? It’s a fun show, but the protagonist Ted Moseby is only ever talking about finding true love. Don’t be like Ted. Have more interests outside of romance.
9. Find A Life Mission That Excites You
When you find a mission that’s more important than finding a new relationship, your romantic desperation will dip to healthy levels. Ironically, this will also make you more attractive to other people. Passion, drive and ambition are attractive traits, after all.
10. Practice Self-Love
If you have low self-esteem and see a relationship as a door to finally loving yourself, you’re going to place too much importance on finding a partner.
In this situation, of course you’ll get too excited at the mere scent of someone who likes you.
It’s far healthier to learn how to love yourself whether you’re in a relationship or not.
11. Vow To Stay Single For A Few Months
During this self-improvement period, don’t fall in love with the first half-decent person who throws themselves at you. Date around for a while. Learn what type of people you like to date. Realize there is an abundance of great people out there. This will help you discover what you really want and stop you falling in love with unremarkable people so quickly.
12. Stop Worrying What Other People Think
Here are some horrible mindsets.
“If I can sleep with this woman, all my friends will think I’m cool.”
“If I update my relationship status on Facebook, all my school bullies will be jealous.”
While these mindsets have no bearing on whether you’ll be happy in a relationship with this person, they’re powerful enough to make someone start catching feelings too quickly.
13. Remember Your Previous False Alarms
Ever had all those butterflies dancing in your stomach before, only for that person to be competely wrong for you? Maybe this will be the case again. You need to learn more about this person first.
14. Consider Your Previous Romantic Experience
It’s difficult to say this without sounding patronising, but if you’re a teenager who has not had even one relationship before, there’s every chance this person isn’t going to be your happy ending. Very few people choose the right person the first time around – and that’s fine. The idea is to learn from your previous mistakes.
15. Remember They’re Only Human
No matter how perfect they seem now, remember they’re just a silly human who farts, burps and uses the toilet just like you. No-one is perfect. Probably, they pick their nose when no-one is looking too.
16. Confide In A Level-Headed Friend
Got a brutally honest friend? Tell them all about this amazing new person. Hopefully, they’ll be able to offer you a perspective that isn’t clouded by emotion.
Meditation is a great practice to help you get better at separating yourself from your emotions. This will help you make logical decisions, instead of doing reckless things based on emotional outbursts. You can learn more about that in my guide on emptying your mind effectively.
18. Address Your Trauma
People who fall in love too quickly usually have unaddressed trauma. They either cling to a partner as a way of hiding from their traumas, or they do so as a habit because they didn’t receive the childhood love they needed from parental figures..
Either way, you’re not a child anymore. The healthy thing to do is address your trauma. You can do this with the help of a life coach, therapist or highly-trained relationship coaches.
How To Not Catch Feelings When You Start Dating
You’ve been on a few dates with someone and you’re already beginning to fall head over heels in love? These tips will stop you falling in love so quickly in a new relationship.
19. Spend Time Apart
Maybe you tend to create a whirlwind romance in new relationships, where you’re spending every waking moment together. Perhaps this feels great! But this might also make you fall in love far too quickly, intimidate your partner and harm the relationship in the long run.
So, make sure to spend time apart from your love interest too. Use this time to work on building a life that excites you without them. Often, your absence will make their heart grow fonder.
20. Go On Sober Dates
Alcohol heightens the emotions. If you’re always drinking on dates, this can play a role in making you fall in love too quickly. Go on sober dates too, so you can tell whether you’re experiencing honest feelings.
21. Admit That You Tend To Catch Feelings Easily
This shows a level of maturity, self-awareness and vulnerability that a good person will appreciate. Plus, they’ll be more understanding when you want to take your relationship slowly.
22. Talk About Trust
Trust is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Everyone knows that. Explain to your beau that you’ve been hurt before and it takes time for you to trust people, if that’s the case. Indeed, it’s fine to spell it out that you want to take things slowly.
23. Don’t Jump Into Bed With Them Too Quickly
Sex floods your brain with Oxytocin, also known as the ‘bonding hormone’. This is why you feel so much closer to someone after sleeping with them. That’s great when it’s the right person, but it also leads to broken hearts when you accidently sleep with a player who dumps you the next day.
If you’re trying to stop catching feelings too quickly, it might therefore be best to delay sex until you’re sure about the other person’s values and intentions. That might be difficult but it’s for your own well-being – and the first time is usually way better when you realize you actually care about someone.
24. Don’t Let Them Sleep Over
It’s nice finding a lover who’ll stay the night, but the physical contact from cuddling in bed also releases an ocean of oxytocin that makes you develop feelings faster. So, consider saving the sleepovers until you’re sure how the other person feels about you.
25. Are You On The Rebound?
If you’re still broken-hearted from your last relationship, you might be more prone to diving into your next one too quickly. This is another way to avoid processing the negative emotions from the break-up. It’s usually better to wait until you’ve processed this pain before you start dating again.
If you already ignored this advice, that’s not to say you should break up with your beau – but you should let them know where you’re at on an emotional level and that you’d prefer to take things slowly with them.
26. Don’t Drop ‘The L Bomb’
This is millennial slang for saying ‘I Love You’. Don’t get carried away by saying this too quickly. Tell your partner off if they let it slip too early.
27. Relax On Making Plans With Them Too Far In The Future
For now, it’s better to focus on how well you get on in the present.
How To Not Catch Feelings For A Friend
You started off as friends, but now you’re feeling a romantic connection? Here’s how to cool off and slow things down.
28. Remind Yourself How Important The Friendship Is
Make yourself aware of how important the friendship is to you – and be aware that it might be ruined forever if you dive into love too fast. Effective communication is key here. It might be worth telling your friend that you’re developing feelings, but that you don’t want this because you treasure the friendship so much.
In this situation, they’ll either agree that they don’t want this to happen, which will end the romance on friendly terms. Or, they’ll admit they’ll have feelings too, in which case you plan your very first date and progress slowly.
29. How To Not Catch Feelings For Friends With Benefits
More millennial slang here. This is essentially a friend who you agreed to sleep with just for physical pleasure and no emotions. The thing is: one person usually catches feelings in the end. Oxytocin is one hell of a drug!
Once again, good communication is key. You should tell your friend how you feel so you can decide together how to proceed with this arrangement of yours.
30. How To Not Catch Feelings In A Casual Relationship
A casual relationship is where you treat each other like partners, but without the exclusivity. You might not be the only person they’re sleeping with.
It’s not necesssarily a bad idea if you’re trying to avoid falling in love too fast. Once again though, the problem is: one person eventually does. All of the tips above should help you stop falling in love, but if it does happen, it’s important to talk to your casual partner about it.
31. How To Not Catch Feelings For Someone You’re Sleeping With
Honestly, it’s hard! It’s called ‘making love’ for a reason. The best way is to avoid casual sex altogether. If that’s not a realistic option for you, the other tips in this guide will give you the best possible odds of keeping your emotions intact.
WARNING: Don’t Be An Avoidant
This guide is about how to prevent falling in love so quickly, but it’s arguably even more damaging to close off your heart too much.
If someone is too afraid of being hurt by a possible heartbreak, they might push away the love of their life by acting too disinterested. This is known as the ‘anxious’ attachment style.
The key to finding true love is to open your heart at a comfortable pace based on how the relationship develops. It’s easier said than done.
This guide on the signs of a love avoidant will help you realize if you’re being too closed off.
Frequently Asked Questions
Let’s round off this guide with the answers to some frequently asked questions about catching feelings.
How Not To Catch Feelings Fast For A Girl
The advice is the same whether you’re falling in love with a man or a woman. Focus on your own life. Up your standards. Don’t be that guy who catches feelings for just anyone. Build a life that’s fun without a partner. Cultivate more self-love. Don’t spend too much time with any one woman until you’re sure about their intentions.
How Do You Slow Down Your Feelings For Someone?
The easiest way is to stop hanging out with them as often. This will slow your emotions to a manageable pace. Date multiple people at a time, if you can. Stay active on dating apps and keep attending social events. This will help you get some perspective on this one person who you’re so infatuated with.
Is Love At First Sight Real?
It depends on your definition of ‘love’. Pure infatuation at first sight is definitely real among emotionally immature people. Real love should be based on various aspects of someone’s personality that aren’t possible to know at first sight.
How Do You Get Rid Of Caught Feelings?
A great strategy is to focus on logic instead of emotions. Write down the logical reasons why this person is so much better than anyone else. This is rarely a simple task. Usually, it’ll make you realize that your emotions are getting you a bit carried away.
Thanks for reading my blog post. I hope you’re now more clued up on the most common reasons why people fall in love so fast and how to stop it happening to you.
If you have any questions about why people fall in love so quickly, you can step forward and write them in the comments section below.
I’d love to continue the conversation – and it would be great to hear from you.