If you are wondering how to be ‘good enough’, this is the article for you.
As an experienced life coach, I am used to working with clients who don’t feel good enough in one way or another.
Below is a list of actions I recommend to help them transform the way they feel about themselves.
Let’s dive right into it.
1. Realise That Only One Person Can Decide Whether You Feel ‘Good Enough’
‘Good enough’ is subjective. Only you can decide whether you meet the standard.
Most probably, the reason you don’t feel good enough Is because someone else made you feel that way.
As children, we are very impressionable to the opinions of our parents, teachers and friends.
If these people made you feel inadequate enough as a child, it’s likely you’re still carrying a bit of that in adulthood.
It’s important to acknowledge if this happened to you. It’s even more important to realise you now have the strength to decide for yourself whether you are indeed ‘enough’.
The remainder of this guide will help you to do that.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People
You can never win the comparison game. No matter how high you climb, there will always be someone superior ready to make you feel like a loser.
- There are millionaires who feel desperately inadequate compared to their billionaires who live on their street.
- There are thousands of intelligent and gorgeous Instagram influencers, who make themselves miserable comparing themselves to catwalk models.
- There are world-famous celebrities suffering from depression.
These are just three examples of how the comparison trap contributes to the misery of incredibly priviliged people.
Meanwhile, there are millions of third-world civilians living in relative poverty, who are perfectly content with their simple everyday existence.
Perhaps they also follow people on Instagram who have a lot more than them.
But they have also decided that their lives are ‘good enough’, potentially making them far happier than a lot of the influencers they are following.
For sure, social media plays a huge role in facilitating the comparison trap and can wreak havoc on one’s mental health.
It’s important to remember that the typical social media user only posts their highlight reel. These posts are curated and edited to make them look as happy and perfect as possible. It’s rarely a true reflection of their life. Don’t believe everything you see.
I’d urge you to complete an audit of the accounts you follow, what they post and how they actually make you feel. Do they inspire you or make you feel worthless? Perhaps it’s worth unfollowing a few accounts? If it’s affecting your self-esteem, maybe you’d like to try and stop using social media for a while.
After all, the only person worth comparing yourself with is your past self. Why let anyone else steal your joy?
3. Do Your Best
I’ve seen it argued that feeling ‘good enough’ leads to laziness and a lack of ambition to improve one’s life.
But it doesn’t have to.
You should absolutely go out, set goals and make your mark on the world. Live your best life. But don’t do it from a place of needing to succeed to feel ‘good enough’.
Instead, tell yourself: “I’m already good enough, and here’s what I’m doing today to enjoy my life and make the world a better place.”
That’s an example of a far healthier mindset.
The fact you did your best to hit your goals should be enough to make you feel amazing. After all, how are you meant to do any better?
Even if you didn’t reach your peak performance on this day, hopefully you at least learned how to do better in future.
4. Realise What Actually Makes People Happy
These material items we buy to appear ‘good enough’ to others. The fast car, the fancy suits, the big house. Do they really make us happy?
The new widescreen TV might spike our happiness level temporarily, but it falls back to its baseline pretty quickly.
Our expectations tend to rise as our standard of living does. Once we’re in that beachside mansion, that becomes the ‘new normal’ for a 7/10 day.
Indeed, many studies suggest money that doesn’t increase happiness, once you’ve reached a certain threshold.
So, what does?
I’d argue that relationships with other people have the biggest impact on our joy. People can make us laugh. They can make us feel important. They can make us feel loved. Or, they could completely ruin our self-worth (if we let them).
If you’re able to spend a lot of time with loved ones who care about you, that should be ‘good enough’. In fact, you’ll probably find this makes you happier than trying to fill a void with sports cars and Spanish villas.
5. How To Be ‘Good Enough’ For Someone Else
Here’s a rule of life I want you to remember: If you can make other people feel positive emotions, they’ll want you around more.
It’s that simple.
A great foundation for doing that is to be happy in your own skin. This allows you to truly ‘be yourself’. You’ll be able to make jokes effortlessly, communicate without filtering yourself and give off a positive energy that others want to be around.
People will sense that you’re comfortable in their presence and don’t need their approval. In fact, you don’t need anything from them at all. That’s incredibly attractive – and for high-status people in particular – it’s also incredibly hard to find.
You’ll notice that most high-status people don’t really care how much money their friends have, nor how good-looking or successful they are.
They just want people who feel comfortable in their presence that make them feel good. When you notice this, being comfortable in your own skin becomes easier than ever
Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. The world does have snobs who make arbitrary rules about who can hang out with them. You may read tweets or Tinder profiles packed with ridiculous standards for who that person wants to date. (Funnily enough, the people who do this tend to be the most insecure about their own status).
But, even then, if you can somehow introduce yourself to that person and show them a good time, they’ll tend to throw these rules out of the window.
6. Celebrate The Small Wins
The average person finds it easy to ignore the ‘small wins’ that make their day more pleasant.
The fancy coffee they buy to focus in the morning. The kind human who let them jump the queue to buy their lunch first. The feeling of soaking in a hot bath after a productive day.
These small moments can mean a lot. After all, there are millions of people who don’t have these luxuries.
By making an effort to bring them to your attention, it becomes easier to see your life as ‘good enough’.
I’d suggest writing a daily gratitude list – containing 10-20 of the things you’re grateful for – before you go to bed.
7. Change The Way You Talk To Yourself
Our thoughts affect our feelings. Our feelings affect our actions. Our actions affect the quality of our lives.
But it all starts with our inner dialogue.
The average person speaks to themselves with a level of judgment and disdain they would never put on someone else.
This negative self-talk stops us from feeling good enough for other people. Even when it occurs in our mind, it’s horrible for our mental health.
So, when you catch yourself doing this, I’m asking you to stop and correct yourself, even if you don’t feel like it.
Put an end to your negative self-talk today. When you change your inner dialogue, you’ll soon change how you feel about yourself.
8. Practice Mindfulness
When practicing mindfulness, we get out of our heads and start actually experiencing the world around us.
At this point, there is no self. There is just the present moment.
In the present moment, you are ‘good enough’ by default.
I appreciate this concept might sound a bit woo-woo, especially if you’ve never practiced emptying your mind.
But it explains why so many people enjoy their meditation practice. In these moments, there are no negative thoughts weighing them down. They become present and experience the bliss of ‘nothing’, which is far more pleasant than having their mind constantly plagued by fears and insecurities.
Honestly, I’d recommend meditation to everyone, as it has so many mental health benefits.
9. Embrace Your Imperfections
Nobody cares about your tiny imperfections.
Here’s an exercise to prove my point. Next time you’re around someone you really love, focus deeply on their face and look for imperfections. First off, realise how weird this is – and how no-one probably ever does it. Secondly, see if you spot anything you’ve never noticed before. Thirdly, notice how you don’t care because it’s how this person makes you feel that matters.
Now, guess what? That’s how people think about you. It’s how you make them feel that makes you ‘good enough’ for them.
It’s no use trying to be perfect, because no-one is. If you have an unmissable physical imperfection, the best thing to do is choose to EMBRACE IT. Show people you don’t care what they’re thinking about you.
When they see that you still feel good enough to be around them, they’ll feel that way too.
In this sense, feeling ‘good enough’ can quickly become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Any More Questions About How To Feel Good Enough?
I hope this article helps you to choose self-love today. There is no reason not to. Could you perhaps be feeling better already?
If you think asking me a question will help you reach your goal of self-love, post one in the comments section below.
I love to read every comment posted on my blog and always try to respond when necessary, so it would be great to hear what you have to say.